


Causal Nexus

by KitCat992



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: And Girlfriend, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Barry Allen Needs a Hug, Barry Whump, Cisco learning his powers, F/M, Hurt Barry, Hurt/Comfort, I should have been a doctor, Iris West Is An Awesome Sister, Medical Experimentation, Protective Joe West, Takes place after season 2, Time Travel, Wally is Kid Flash though, Whump, no Flashpoint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2018-12-17 03:21:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 113,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11842908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitCat992/pseuds/KitCat992
Summary: Wally learns the hard way that good intentions don't off set the consequence of time travel. When he accidentally travels back in time, Team Flash have to race against the clock to keep Barry alive, unaware that Wally's actions have already set off a chain of events that can't be stopped. Shameless Barry whump.





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This story is NOT BETA'D. I do my very best to come across any spelling and grammar issues, even after posting chapters. However, I still need to apologize for the mistakes I miss.

 

**Causal Nexus**

**Prologue**

 

"Alright guys, I just ate  _way_  too much big belly." Joe groaned, his keys dropping to the end table as he made his way inside their home.

Barry followed suit, chuckling lightly as he patted him on the shoulder. "I don't think that's possible. Certainly not for me."

The lights in the house switched on as Joe, Barry, and Iris found their way inside the quiet and familiar house, dragging their feet from a long but eventful and uplifting night. At Joe's persistence, both found themselves dragged away to eat dinner as a family. After everything that had taken place recently, between Wells-not-wells-Reserve Flash, Zoom, Barry losing his father – it all came to be too much, and Joe had decided they were spending too much time away from each other.

It took a couple phone calls, a handful of very snippy responses from both kids, but the impromptu gathering was worth it.

"Hey," Iris spoke up, "no one told you that you needed to big-it-up with your order, dad. I think you were getting a bit green towards the end with that large fry."

He glanced over at his daughter as she made her way inside, thinking kindly of how much effort it took to get Barry out of his lab, and how much he appreciated her going through that for him. He knew Barry could be stubborn, hell most days it was the question of when he wasn't stubborn. But he also knew when the kid needed to take a breather and relax. And so did Iris.

"Not just large," Barry smiled, "big 'em size large. You almost gave me a run for my money there, Joe."

It was good to see him happy, even if it was just him being a little light on his feet.

Joe collapsed on the sofa and shook his head,"Oh hell no, Bar. Four burgers and five fries? That's the last time I offer to pay for your dinner."

Iris couldn't hold back her laugh, smiling sheepishly as Barry threw her an insulted expression. Both knew that she meant no harm, but she apologized regardless.

"It's all good Barry. Besides, Wally was getting pretty close there with his appetite as well." Iris recalled, looking around the room with a new found confusion. "Speaking of Wally, where'd he run off to?"

"Hopefully to burn off his three burgers and five fries." Joe groaned, "You boys need to pay your own way from now on, I ain't going broke from no speedst-"

Before Joe could even finish his sentence, before even Barry could register what had happened, a bright yellow light came flooding into the living room.

The gush of wind practically knocked Iris to the floor, if not for the end table she grabbed hold of.

"Wally?"

Barry's words hung in the air, leaving a deafening silence behind, no one daring to speak up.

Wally was practically frozen in place, not quite standing upright but not ready to run away either. His eyes were doing all the movements for him, darting back between Iris, Joe, and finally landing on Barry with an indescribable look washing over him.

Joe was the first to break the tension. "Wally….what's up?"

"Yeah," Iris said, "you look like you've seen a ghost."

"What time is it?" Wally practically snapped, his voice tense and strained.

"It's 8:15." Joe replied, confusion lacing his answer. "Did you go smoke something on your way back here, Wally?"

Joe tried to make a joke, but the humor fell flat. The air suddenly held a thick tension that everyone could feel, and Iris began to exchange glances between her father and Barry with a clear look of concern.

"Wally, what's going-"

He didn't let her answer. "What  _day_  is it?"

"Wally," Barry moved forward, "what did you do?"

Joe looked at his two sons and back at Iris, worry sinking deep into his stomach.

"What day is it, man?" Wally didn't hold back the snap in his voice, and if he listened closely, Barry could have sworn that he heard a bit of fear.

Something had happened between the time Wally left in his car from big-belly burger, to now. Barry couldn't pin down an answer to what that was though.

"June 23rd." Iris answered.

"June 23rd?"

"This isn't funny, Wally."

He ignored his sister, looking over to his dad instead.

"June 23rd?" he asked yet again.

"Wally," Barry said louder this time, "what did you do?"

It was something only the two of them could understand. Iris and Joe could sense something between the speedsters that they assumed couldn't easily, if at all, be understood by anyone else.

Wally suddenly slumped, his shoulders losing tension and his eyes losing the fear that lit inside of him. It was as if relief poured over him all at once.

He looked up at Barry, "I saved you, man."

Barry didn't get a chance to register what was said before Wally grabbed him into a bear hug, head on his shoulder as a weak sob escaped his chest. "I saved you, Barry."

Joe was staring at him, as was Iris. Barry could hardly hold onto Wally as he tried to wrap his head around the situation.

All he could do was sigh.

"Wally…what did you do."


	2. Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He took a step back, his hands running through his hair with irritation, not necessarily at the elder man but more at the problem that needed dealt with.
> 
> "Joe...I need to find this guy. We need to find him." Barry argued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Woot woot! Here we go. Thank you for joining me on this crazy trip we call fanfiction. Please leave your thoughts and feelings in the reviews, and note that I take ALL suggestions and criticism very seriously. It's the food for the story, and without food it won't survive. I like to think anyone reading this has a say in how things play out - once I hand it over for reading, it becomes more than just my work - it becomes a part of everyone.
> 
> Now, a few notes to make.
> 
> 1: The timetable for this story is kindasortanonexistantbutexisantandohmygodtimelinesaresoconfusing. You won't be able to pin it between a direct episode of the show, but you will be able to pin events that have happened. Barry's father has died, Zoom has been defeated, Wally is Kidflash, and Iris and Barry are together. However, flashpoint has not taken place and Savitar is not in the mix. Which really fudges up the whole Kidflash thing. I hope you can go into this without the intent to nit-pick these details. It's based around the show, but it won't detail everything that's taken place in the show. If you want, consider it to be it's own alternate timeline.
> 
> 2: There will be Barry whump.
> 
> 3: This will get dark.

 

**Beginning**

**June 24th**

**Original Timeline**

"I want your ugly, I want your disease..."

"Ramon..."

"I want your everything as long as it's free..."

"Ramon!"

"I want your love-love-love-lo-"

"RAMON!"

Wells threw his book across the room, a loud 'thud' echoing the cortex when it made its impact against a wall.

"Hey!" Cisco shouted, "There is  _no_ violence allowed in here." he mockingly said, his pointer finger wagging along with his words.

Frustrated, Wells growled in response and chose to look the other way, not even bothering to get up and retrieve his book. In his head, he counted patiently to ten, possibly even twenty seconds in an attempt to calm down.

With a sigh, he finally looked over at the engineer. "You know...it'd be a whole lot easier to work around here if it wasn't for your obnoxious and ridiculous behavior."

"And it'd be a whole lot easier to work around here if it weren't for your ugly face. Oh!" Cisco said.

"Alright boys, that's enough." Caitlin entered the cortex from the med lab, "Has anyone even started to process the samples that Barry asked us to work on?"

"No." Wells snapped, "Because that is not my priority."

"What is your priority, dude?" Cisco asked.

"Right now, keeping my sanity in check as every word that comes out of your mouth slowly but surely eats away at my brain cells."

Caitlin rolled her eyes, carefully setting down the tray of test tubes she had carried out. Listening to the two men arguing was starting to wear her down, if not frustrate and distract her. She insisted on keeping her cool though.

"Maybe we should try working in different rooms?"

Before anyone could respond, a flash of lightning and wind came bursting into the cortex.

Every paper that Wells had set out came flying down from the air, and while it was predictable and expected at this point, he couldn't help but ask.

"Why aren't their paperweights in this damn place?"

All attention landed on Barry as he flung his backpack to the ground, adjusting his sample kit that strapped around his neck and rested on his hip.

"Anything, you guys?" he asked with urgency in his voice.

"Dude, you  _just_ gave us these samples like, five hours ago. Does your boss rush you like this?" Cisco responded.

"Actually," Barry groaned, "he does. But that doesn't matter. There was another missing person report this morning."

"You think it's linked to the meta catcher?" Caitlin asked.

Barry nodded his head grimly. "I do. It's a seventeen-year-old female, Sarah Kinsey, who was caught at her school using her powers the other month."

Cisco winced with pity, and he got up from his chair to collect the few test tubes that Wells was obviously not working on.

"So that makes six in two weeks. I mean, Captain Singh is definitely onto something. This is a bit too much to be a coincidence." he said.

"Yeah, I agree. But I couldn't latch onto anything from the last two crime scenes. No hair, fingerprints, saliva - whoever it is, they know what they're doing." Barry was frustrated, and his tone showed it.

Rarely, if ever, did he get Team Flash involved in cases that the CCPD handed him. Even cases that involved meta humans could usually be handled, assuming said meta didn't go absolutely crazy and try to kill the entire city.

This case hit Barry to the core though. It wasn't until a couple days ago that the department brought it to his attention, and only last night was he involved. The crime scenes, the coroner reports, the lack of trails - everything about this case was eating him alive.

Even the homicide unit was becoming perplexed by the increasing victim count. Talks of a serial killer in Central City were starting to make their way around the precinct, and by lunchtime Barry couldn't stand to hear the whispers any longer.

It led him here, where he grabbed a couple samples and went over to where Caitlin was examining a t-shirt for any blood splatters that could be tested.

Wells didn't look up from his computer screen as he spoke, "What does Detective West think of all this?"

"He's thinking the same thing. He and a few others from the department are working on the case together." Barry absently answered, joining Caitlin as they both examined the material under individual microscopes.

"And what does he think of  _you_ working on the case?" Again, Wells didn't even divert his from the screen.

Barry, however, did look up, and he didn't hide his confusion. He scrunched his eyebrows together with intrigue at the question.

A beat passed before he responded. "He doesn't know I'm working on it."

"And why wouldn't he know that, Barry?"

"Because he doesn't want me to, okay?" With Barry's frustration taking a toll on him, his answer came out harsher than intended.

Wells snapped his fingers, finally looking Barry in the eyes. "Bingo."

Cisco huffed, "What does that matter, Harry?"

Caitlin was surprised, and she looked over at Barry to better study his features.

"Why doesn't Joe want you figuring this out?" she gently asked.

Barry sighed, "He's just worried. With the link in meta's being attacked, he doesn't want the Flash getting involved."

"So if he doesn't want you getting involved," Wells started. "Don't you think he might have evidence that we don't?"

Barry didn't immediately answer. He didn't want to acknowledge the possibility of Joe keeping information from him, but he also couldn't deny it either.

The case was one that had already made its way around the news channels and articles, and the city was falling into the sensationalism of fear and panic. It wasn't that everything was being kept secret from him, hell even the Captain of the force had requested his forensic science skills come into the picture to better help them.

With all this laid out in front of him, it perplexed Barry as to why any information would be kept from him. The nagging feeling in his gut didn't seem to go away though.

For the time being, he chose to keep working on what he had at hand.

 

* * *

 

"Ohhhh that's right!" Wally shouted, "I am the Mario Kart king!"

Iris rolled her eyes while Joe laughed, both setting their video game controllers on the coffee table with defeat.

"Come on now, bow down to me. Bow down to the king!"

"Wally, you are so cocky." Iris responded, arms crossed over her chest.

"I may be cocky, but I am the king of Mario Kart. Oh and it feels good to be king!"

He started dancing with moves that Iris couldn't even describe, and a look of shock came over her face.

"Dad!" she exclaimed.

Joe laughed louder, "I'm sorry, baby girl."

"Oh my god, you guys both suck." she threw her hands in the air and got off the couch.

With impeccable timing, Barry came walking in the house, and Iris didn't hesitate to immediately make her way over to greet him.

"Hey." he smiled, pecking her on the lips with a kiss.

"Hey," she said, "save me from the king, will you?"

Barry chuckled, though he was confused at her request he couldn't hide his amusement. "How bad is he today?"

Iris didn't need to answer, because Barry walked into the living room to see Wally doing the dance move of the worm on their hard woodfloors.

Joe, still laughing, turned around to look at Barry. "He won five rounds of Mario Kart - all in a row."

"Well, that's certainly worthy of such a celebration." Barry didn't hide his laughter, and Iris didn't hide her frustration.

"Barry!" she gently slapped him on the shoulder. "It's tortuous enough living with these two right now, do you have to make it any worse?"

Grabbing her hand and pulling her closer, Barry simply grinned. "Hey, I want to take you out for dinner tomorrow tonight." he said, changing the subject.

Iris was surprised. "What's the occasion?"

Barry didn't tell her that he was researching apartments to live. He'd save that for later tonight. He liked to think he was good at keeping secrets, after all. Even Joe wasn't aware of his plan to move out with Iris, and he surely wasn't aware that it'd be any day now.

"Nothing special," he shrugged, "Just think we should have some quality time together."

"About time, Mr. Allen." she joked, "Yeah, that sounds great."

She leaned him to kiss him, but Barry was distracted by the two family members that sat off to his right. With Wally off the ground - and subsequently brushing the dirt off his clothes, and Joe switching the TV to put on the sports game, he decided now was the time he needed to speak up.

He wanted to enjoy his time with Iris, which meant he needed to clear his head of the things bothering him. It didn't take a genius to see that Iris wanted the same from him.

"Hey," he whispered to her, "I need to talk to Joe alone. I'll meet you at Jitter's later on?"

Iris, though confused, nodded her head. She squeezed his hand gently for reassurance and went on her way.

"Joe, can I talk to you in the kitchen?"

Looking up from the TV, Joe creased his forehead. "Sure, Bar."

The two left the living room, both not oblivious to Wally's new found confusion. Though left out of the conversation, he found his own way to entertain himself.

Turning to Joe, the speedster sighed. "The meta catcher case - what are you guys hiding from me?"

"What? We're not hiding anything-"

"Joe, come on..." Barry strained, "I've lived with you for sixteen years. I've worked at the CCPD with you for five years. And I know there's more to this case that I can figure out besides dusting for fingerprints."

"Bar..."

"Joe, I want to catch this guy just as much as everyone else - if not more!"

"That's the thing, Barry!" he hissed, his words sharp but his voice low in volume as to not cause a scene. "You're in just as much danger as every other meta out there. You  _and_ Wally."

Barry didn't miss the lace of fear and concern in his Joe's voice. His hand had pointed across the room at his son sitting in the living room playing on his smartphone, but Barry could figure things out without the signals.

He knew that Joe was worried about them both - especially Wally having been new to the speedster-meta life.

It didn't change the fact that there are hundreds of people in danger, though. He couldn't ignore that.

"How is that different from every other case though? Mardon, Snart, Zoom, Grodd-"

Joe shot a finger his way, "Oh hell no, don't mention that dame ape around me, Barry."

Barry continued on, "These guys were all after the Flash, Joe. Specifically the Flash. I was in just as much danger then as I am now."

"Barry, you don't know the half of it." Joe insisted.

Barry raised his voice, "Because you're hiding it from me!"

"And for a damn good reason!" Joe's voice cut like a knife, and it left an echo in its wake.

With a deep sigh, Barry broke eye contact. It wasn't his intent to upset anyone. The last thing he wanted to be doing was worry Joe, but the importance of the case was overwhelming him.

He took a step back, his hands running through his hair with irritation, not necessarily at Joe but more at the problem that needed dealt with.

"Joe...I need to find this guy.  _We_ need to find him." Barry argued.

Joe's lips pressed into a thin line, and Barry could always tell he was holding back a lash of anger from the vein that popped out on his forehead. The older he got, the larger the vein got. Iris joked it was from his thinning hairline, but Barry knew better. He knew when he had pushed too far, and the vein was usually the first indicator.

When Joe turned around to face him, his eyes showed seriousness that he'd only seen a handful of times before.

"Barry, one of the victim's coroner reports reads that they were water-boarded. His kneecaps were shattered, the soles of his feet were burnt off - he was  _tortured,_ Barry." Joe somberly said.

His stomach had dropped and twisted, though Barry didn't know which upset him more - the reports he didn't receive, or the actions of this horrible person that inflicted so much pain and death on others. Caught up in his own thoughts, he didn't have a response to give.

Joe stepped closer to him, "I get that the Flash has encountered and fought a lot of bad guys out there. And son, you've gone through a hell of hurt doing this job."

Barry looked up, hating to see the despair that was looking back at him.

"Spare yourself  _and_ me from this one, will you?"

There was a moment of silence, followed by a heavy sigh.

"I can't do that, Joe."

A loud groan of frustration was his response, and Barry was quick to follow up with an explanation.

"I save people. You know that - I can't  _not_ use these ability's to help people. And these people need my help!"

Looking up at his son, Joe could feel the desperation radiating off his body. Some days, if not most days, he hated how much this kid wanted to play savior. The amount of good in his heart that made him take on the mantle of the Flash, and the amount of hurt he wanted to rid from the world...it was amazing how proud he could be of him, all while incredibly distraught over his choices.

He knew how stubborn Barry was. There was no winning this one.

"The meta human task force has collected swab samples from the recent victim. I'll give you what you're missing on one condition."

Joe looked back into the living room for a moment before finding his way back to Barry.

"You leave Wally out of this."

The request was almost unneeded for Barry, but he nodded his head regardless.

"Yeah, of course." he answered.

"Barry?" Joe was stern, as if he could tell that his son's answer wasn't fully from the heart.

They both knew that when it came to his family, protecting them was his number one priority. Losing the ability and even choice to protect Barry just made him more anxious to protect those he could.

Moving forward, Barry looked Joe straight in the eyes.

"Wally won't get involved, Joe. I promise."


	3. Discovery

 

**Discovery**

**June 25th**

**Original Timeline**

 

Joe made his way down the stairs from the CSI lab at CCPD, checking his watch along the way. It was now 6 pm, and even though he had just provided Barry new trace evidence from the meta catcher's most recent crime scene, he knew that the boy would be leaving any moment now, having made plans for dinner with Iris.

That is if he didn't get so caught up in the new samples that he forgot about his daughter. Joe internally swore to himself, suddenly regretting letting him get so involved in the case.

"Detective West." Captain Singh's voice took his attention, his sudden appearance making him slightly nervous.

"Captain." Joe greeted, "What can I do for you?"

"You finally letting Allen in on this case?" he asked, walking side by side with the detective.

"I am not, no," Joe stated, pointing a finger over at his boss, "and you're going to continue to keep him at arm's length like we discussed."

"Joe," Captain Singh practically whined, "you're keeping my best CSI from me."

"Anderson is doing just fine on the DNA testing." Joe answered, keeping his pace as they walked back to his desk.

"Anderson hasn't come close to getting an ounce of DNA from those swaps." Singh argued, "Whatever magic Allen has, we need it. I'd like to stop this menace at six victims, thank you very much. I wanted Allen back when it was two."

Biting his tongue had become second nature to him. Joe resisted the urge to rat himself out, knowing full well that while they spoke, the swaps were upstairs and running through Barry's DNA extraction machine. As easy as it was to give in to his boss's request, he decided it was best to play innocent.

After all, it was important to him that he keep up the front. The fewer people who knew of Barry's involvement in the case, the less he'd be asked to do more work. And if he let the Captain know that Barry was more involved now then he was before, then he'd only go further and further into things. There would be no pulling him out, and it was a risk Joe wasn't willing to take.

"Listen," Joe sighed, "Barry's up there now running the fingerprint analysis-"

"We don't have fingerprints, Detective West! We've had six crime scenes and no prints! We need that DNA extracted and right now, Anderson is scratching his head on where to start."

 _'Yeah, I'm sure he is.'_ Joe thought, collapsing in the chair at his desk. He really didn't feel like arguing with his boss, and he certainly didn't feel like lying to him either. It seemed like he didn't have an option either way though.

"David…" Joe strained, the sincerity in his voice making itself known as he used the Captain's first name.

He knew he was digging himself into a hole, a very large one at that. Singh was kind enough to grant him the request of leaving Barry off the case when it had first started, but the past two weeks had shown to be too much. The victim count grew higher, Central City was falling into panic, and the forensic scientist that was hired to take charge of the evidence testings failed to procedure any results.

Even now, with the few findings that Barry was given to process in his lab, they weren't getting any answers. Between the department's frustration with dead ends, Barry's eagerness to have the Flash step in, and Joe's stubbornness on keeping him out, the entire situation had them looped in circles.

"Twenty-four hours, Joe." The Captain responded, following suit with a personal touch to his words. "If Anderson exhausts his search and the homicide department can't get any more clues, we need a different CSI on the case."

"You know I hate Barry being on these types of cases." Joe stressed.

"You also didn't want the kid to have a job here." Captain Singh reminded him. "But he's good. Damn good. I wouldn't have held his job for nine months otherwise."

Joe really didn't have a response, primarily because he knew his boss was right. And he knew that if he were at any other precinct, there would be no arguing. The Captain would have who he wanted on the case regardless of his input. Even worse, Barry wouldn't have had a job after being in a coma for nine months. The lasting relationship he had with the Captain, going on decades, was something he couldn't replicate anywhere else.

He didn't want to abuse what time had provided them both, but he also knew that someone needed to keep Barry from running head first into trouble. As much as he loved him, the boy got so wrapped up in helping people that he failed to remember he was just as human as everyone else.

"Joe…" The Captain broke through his thoughts, "I've held off this long. I know you worry about Barry – I get that. There's nothing to worry about here, though. The kid's not a meta, this guy has no reason to go after any of the staff here. He'll be fine."

Biting his tongue came back into play. Joe held back the sullen response in his head, knowing any argument he had was futile without his boss knowing the full details - which wasn't happening. The last thing he needed to know was that the Flash was in just as much danger as every other meta out there right now, leaving the city helpless to whoever this meta-catcher was.

"Yeah…he'll be fine," Joe muttered, "thanks anyways, David."

With that, the Captain retreated into his office, and Joe bitterly pushed back the stack of papers on his desk. Why was it that lying had to be so complicated?

 

* * *

 

"No no, I think it'd be good for you, Wally." Bally said, phone pressed to his ear. "You've never run that far, right? See what it's like. Coast City is beautiful this time of year and I have a friend staying there who said she'll be happy to get you a place to crash for the weekend.."

_"Dude, you for real? Joe will flip his lid if he knew I ran 900 miles away from home. I mean, I appreciate the offer and I'll never pass down the spending money, but…"_

Gathering his files and laptop, Barry made his way out of the lab. "No, Joe will be fine with it. He wants you to have some time away. Consider it a mini vacation."

_"You sure?"_

"Absolutely," Barry answered, rushing down the stairs and out of the CCPD, "I left the money on the end table in your room. Just call me if you run into any problems."

_"Is that a pun? Run into any problems?"_

"Unintentional pun." he joked, "But seriously Wally, get some time away."

_"Alright man…whatever you say."_

A sudden beep came through his phone, and Barry juggled his belongings against his hip as he went to see what the notification was for.

"Hey Wally, I gotta go – S.T.A.R Labs is calling. Don't forget the money before you leave, nothing is worse than backtracking." he said.

_"Isn't 900 miles like…10 minutes for speedsters?"_

Barry chuckled. "See you later, Wally."

_"Adios man."_

Barry let out a sigh of relief, a weight off his shoulders as he ended the phone call. With Wally out of town, he didn't need to worry about him getting involved in the case. He had already been showing interest the past couple days, and the last thing he needed right now was Joe's angry vein threatening his life.

One thing down, a million more to go.

Switching calls, Barry answered. "What's up Cisco?"

_"Yo man, get your crimson butt over here. I think we got something!"_

Without wasting a second, Barry flashed off.

 

* * *

 

Carefully putting on her make-up, Iris watched in the mirror as her little brother passed by in the hallway, practically skipping away.

"Where are you going in such a hurry?" she called out, still applying her lipstick.

Wally jogged backward, his reflection coming back in the bathroom mirror where Iris could see him.

"The city of lanterns." he excitedly answered.

Iris turned around, surprised. "Coast City?"

Wally eagerly nodded his head, flashing the envelope of money he held in his hands as he bounced on his feet.

"Apparently dad and Barry want me out of here - like whoa. I not only get to finally test my long distance speed, but this guy going to make it rain!"

Iris huffed, barely containing herself as she rolled her eyes. "Wally-"

"I'm kidding, sis." Wally interrupted. "It's for food and stuff. I just plan to get some time away. I'll be a good boy, I promise."

Though Iris couldn't quite believe that, she knew that she had to trust his word. The idea of both her father and Barry sending him away had a thousand alarms off in her head, but at the same time she knew it would be for a good reason. Their latest serial killer case had them both pulling their hair out – which was a feat for her dad. Her gut told her that this was somehow involved.

Deciding it'd be best to keep her mouth shut, she went back to putting on her makeup.

"Where are _you_ going?" Wally teased.

"Barry and I have reservations at Benvenuto's." she adjusted her hair with a sigh. " _If_ he gets here on time, anyway."

"Really?" Wally asked, puzzled. "I just spoke to him a few minutes ago, I think he was heading to S.T.A.R labs."

Iris didn't hide her frustration, a loud growl escaping her throat as she tossed her lipstick into her purse. A few curse words may have left her lips, but she made sure they weren't intelligible to anyone's ears but her own.

Wally chuckled, throwing his fists in the air with a fake-boxing movement. "I can go beat him up a little, if you want. You know, brother protecting sister and whatnot."

Iris smiled, "Thanks, Wally. But I don't need you beating up my boyfriend just because he's going to be late."

 _'He'd have a constant black eye if that were to happen.'_ Iris thought, gathering her purse as they both headed out of the house.

"I'll just meet him at S.T.A.R Labs." She shut the door behind her and looked her brother straight in the eyes as she spoke. "Please be safe, Wally. Don't do anything stupid."

In her heart, Iris wasn't just speaking of the trip. She hated that everyone was being so secretive to her and Wally right now, but she was also a journalist, and she knew the wide-spread panic that was making its way through Central City. If meta's were being targeted, she didn't want Wally to be one of them.

It wasn't that she didn't have faith in his ability's. He could run just as fast, if not faster than Barry. It was his brashness that concerned her; how he could be so impulsive that he never thought of what his actions might do. She knew he had everyone's best interest at heart, but he was still young.

"Promise, sis!" Wally said, the lightning beneath his feet already sparking with eagerness to run.

Iris watched him jog away, a sad smile on her face as he did. He still had so much left to learn, and she only wished he didn't learn things the hard way.

He waved behind him, "Good luck with your reservation!"

It was the last thing she heard from him before he flashed away, leaving a gush of wind in his wake as her hair blew back and her purse swung around to her backside.

She paused, barely collecting herself before sighing. "Why do I bother fixing my hair…"

 

* * *

 

Cisco tapped his pen on the computer screen in triumph. "His name is Zayne Nagle. 46 years old, Caucasian, never married with a full background in the marines and law enforcement."

"Anything that could give a motive?" Barry asked, hovering behind the computers.

With a shake of his head, Cisco answered, "Nothing in black and write, no. On paper, he's a pretty typical standard citizen."

"And we're positive he's our guy?'

Cisco patted the computer with pride. "She hasn't let me down yet. The traces of alloying elements you found in that swap-"

"The molybdenum and vanadium?"

"Yeah, dude, I can't say those words." Cisco was quick to snap. "The traces of _metal_ that you found in his DNA can be linked back to a discontinued hammer sold during 2011-2012. With the blood that Caitlin extracted from that t-shirt-"

"There was enough to get the blood type, and then compare the blood type to those who purchased the hammers during that year." Barry finished, his words lingering off with amazement.

"Bingo. Narrow it down to every purchaser with Type A negative, and this is our lead."

"Alright Cisco, great job." Barry practically hopped away from the computer with a new-found energy. "I need to go tell Joe so the task force can set up a plan."

Suddenly, the same computers that had provided him his answers started blaring alarms, and Cisco scrambled to enter the right codes for access.

Barry paced back over, "Meta attack?"

"No...it's a distress call." Cisco stated, "911 dispatch has received a call that traces back to the abandoned steel mill."

"You mean the steel mill that is literally right across from us?"

"None other."

Barry paused in contemplation, hating to admit that he considered leaving the distress call to the police, but also dreading the idea of Nagle getting to anyone else. He could hardly hold back his groan before flashing over to the end of the cortex, where he sped into his familiar red suit, adjusting his cowl so that his coms could fit in.

"I'm going to go check it out. Call Joe and get him over here though, he needs to know about Zayne Nagle asap." Barry instructed, "We'll need to show him the analysis before he takes it to Captain Singh."

Cisco immediately picked up his cell phone, "I'm on it!"

Before he could even dial out, Barry had flashed out of the room, leaving nothing but scattered papers behind him.


	4. Complication

  **Complication**

**June 25th**

**Original Timeline**

 

Flashing over to the steel mill, Barry slowly and quietly made his way inside. The only lights that were provided for him came from S.T.A.R Labs across the way, illuminating the building just enough so that Barry could see the outline of the interior.

Though there were no signs of any immediate threat; no yelling or screaming or fire and gunshots that were to be of concern, Barry did notice that the atmosphere was thick. Call it intuition or just paranoia, but something led him further inside for investigation.

 _"Barry?"_ Cisco's voice crackled through the coms.

"Yeah?" he answered.

_"Joe's on his way, I've got the analysis ready for him in case you don't make it back in time."_

Barry's next words were on the tip of his tongue, but before he had the chance to respond, the creaking of floors caught his attention. A man near the corner of the steel mill could be seen, and he was holding another person captivate, dragging them along with their tied hands.

It was clear now what the distress call was about.

"Hey!" Barry shouted, hesitating on flashing in and grabbing the victim before any further damage could be done.

While his feet shook with anticipation to move, he knew that it was too dark to see if there was a gun or knife. Impulsion never won the fight, so he settled for a quick walk instead.

"Whoever you are, you need to back off."

He didn't receive an answer.

"I'm serious," Barry warned, "You need to let them go."

There was a beat, and Barry swore for a second that he was going to need to use force to defuse the situation. To his surprise, after a moment of silence, a male voice spoke up.

"Okay."

Barry gawked. "Okay?"

 _"Okay?"_ Cisco's asked through the coms.

 _"Did he just say okay?"_ Caitlin's voice broke through, _"They never say okay."_

He followed through on his words. The woman he was holding onto was set free, though her hands still tied and bond. Luckily for her sake and Barry's, she didn't hesitate to rush out of the steel mill. Watching her, Barry hoped that she wouldn't get too far before the police showed up to get a report.

Which led him to his next question. "What did she do to you? What do you want?"

Something about this didn't seem like a simple attempt at assault. During his time as the Flash, Barry had encountered a lot of robbers, muggers, and ally way assaults that more often than not followed the same pattern.

The way this guy just let her go had him stumped.

"You know," The man spoke up, "They say if you're patient enough, you get what you've waited for." He was calm, and he spoke his words with confidence.

In his coms, Barry could hear Cisco mention something about villains with their eerie dialogue, but he paid no mind. He walked faster until the two of them were mere feet apart. While he knew that he had the upper hand with his speed, he followed his gut and paced himself. At the moment, there was no need to rush.

Knowing that, he stood with a persona of assertiveness. And now being so close, it wasn't hard to get a good look at the man's face. No mask, no wig, no cover up...he was out in the open.

"And boy Flash, have I waited a _while_ for you."

Barry didn't have a chance to respond. He barely missed the first kick that came his way, quickly swinging his body left to miss the punch as lightning flickered around him. He twisted his body around at super-speed, intending to grab a hold of the man before he could get away.

"I'm sorry!?" he shouted, landing a punch on the man's shoulder. "I know I have fans out there, but I don't think this is the way to greet me!"

The joke was met with another punch, though only brushing against Barry's face. Even with the speed force on his side, Barry found himself struggling to keep up with the blows. He launched his knee in the man's stomach before he could make a second move, leaving him grunting as he doubled over.

"You don't understand..." he swept his foot under Barry's, knocking him off balance. The mere act of not catching the move before it happened startled him, and he stumbled back in confusion.

"I've been catching a lot of people like you, and you've been on the top of my list."

Barry froze in place, his breath caught in his throat.

"Zayne Nagle?"

_"Oh shit."_

He smiled. "The one and only."

Two punches from Nagle with a front kick and Barry dodged each one, returning the gesture with a grab of his arm and a twist of his body, keeping him held tight in front of him.

"You're not hurting any more people, Nagle." Barry threatened, his hold on Zayne's arm getting tighter.

His warning went unheard, and Nagle let out a bought of chuckles. Barry squeezed his arm tighter, his anger seeping through just at the thought of what the man had been doing to innocent people.

"Seriously man, the CCPD knows who the meta catcher is now. Give it up." His voice was stern and strong, and Barry kept the man in a locked position with each tug on his arm.

It wasn't completely true. Only him and Cisco currently knew his identity. But with Joe on the way, it would be no time before the man was behind bars. He just needed to stall, which meant he couldn't let him go; especially not after finding him so easily. Determination flooded his veins as he fought to guide the man out of the building.

"I can't give it up yet, Flash." Zayne calmly stated. "After all, you're going to help keep me alive."

If Cisco made a witty retort in the coms, Barry certainly didn't hear it.

Instead, a sudden pain radiated his body and shut down his thoughts. He gritted his teeth and bit back the cry that threatened to escape his lips. It wasn't even the sharp needles that stabbed their way past his suit and into his chest, it was the injection that followed in its way, leaving a burning and raw sensation that felt like fire slowly and painfully entering every inch of his veins.

He couldn't get away fast enough, struggling to keep a hold of Nagle as what felt like poison swarmed into his body.

"Gah- _ah!_ " Barry grunted, doubling over.

 _"Barry!"_ Caitlin's voice rang through, _"You need to get out of there, your vitals are spiking!"_

Barry wanted to say 'Yeah, I know, thanks for the info!'. However, the foreign liquid entering his bloodstream was distracting his very sense needed to focus. He did everything he could to keep his grasp on Nagle, choosing to ignore the chuckles of amusement that echoed the steel mill.

 

 

* * *

 

Back at S.T.A.R Labs, Caitlin entered the scene only to be greeted by screeching monitors within the cortex. She was the only one who truly knew what she was looking at when it came to Barry's vitals via the suit, and when Cisco heard her panic, he knew things were going south.

Having the urge to take some sort of action, he scrambled to dial his cell phone, feeling like his fingers weren't working fast enough for him.

 _"Yeah?"_ Joe answered.

"Change of plans," Cisco's tone was serious. "Get to 9th Emery street like, now."

"The old steel mill factory? What's there-"

"Zayne Nagle is there and-"

"Wait, Zayne who?"

Cisco huffed, "The meta catcher! Barry and I did a comparison search with the swap samples from the last crime scene and found a match of this guy named Zayne Nagle who currently has an advantage over Barry and he needs backup like, now!" He didn't take a breath between his words.

_"Shit. I'm on it."_

The phone call ended abruptly.

"Come on Barry, get out..." Caitlin whispered, dreadfully staring at the stats on the screen.

 

 

* * *

 

Joe was the last person to approve of being on your phone and driving, but he sure as hell didn't have time to pull over. Once he ended the phone call with Cisco, he immediately speed-dialed another contact number.

"Wally, it's me." he didn't' even try to hide his panic. "Kid Flash needs to get down to 9th Emery Street, it's the steel mill factory across from Star Labs and near the harbor."

_"Huh? Dad, why-"_

"It's Barry, he's in danger. He needs backup, Wally. I'm on my way but-"

_"I'm in Coast City, dad."_

The words hit him like a pile of bricks. Why the hell was the kid states away? Why did he pick now to just up and leave? Crap, was this something to do with his conversation with Barry? He couldn't find the time to process the questions, not even caring about the fact as he did his very best to push back the fear fluttering in his gut.

He swung his car left, tires screeching along the way, hiding a curse under his breath.

"Wally, just hurry!"

No response was needed. Joe knew by the dial tone that Wally was already halfway there – if they were lucky.

With his focus on driving, he used all his strength to not think about the case files he had been studying regarding the victims of this meta-catcher. He knew that if he dared think of it, the result of this would be the same. His heart started beating hard in his chest, and his sweaty palms struggled to keep a hold of the wheel.

Seeing the steel mill less than a mile away, he pushed down on the gas pedal.

 

 

* * *

 

Barry wheezed, his breath caught in his throat and struggling to make way out of his lungs. His burning, searing and crushing lungs.

His grip on Zayne weakened as he looked down at his chest where three syringes, each at least 30mm each, stuck out of his chest. Leftover from the injection was a faint tint of a mudish yellow goo, something Barry could say without question could not be a good thing entering his body.

Grabbing and pulling out all three syringes by the barrel's, noting the spurt of blood and yellow goo coming with it, Barry stumbled back with an attempt to keep a hold of Zayne's arm. With anger, he threw the needles off to the side.

 _"Dude, you need to retreat!"_ Cisco urged yet again, the blaring of alarms from the cortex echoing through this coms.

Zayne had yet to speak up, still held in the Flash's grip though he was sure that he could have escaped by now. Looking down at him, he was sickened by the toothy grin that was staring back.

"What did you do!?" Barry shouted, in that moment losing his strength to keep his hold on the man any longer.

His eyesight was going blurry and black around the edges, and though he didn't feel drugged - it surely was nothing like when a tranquilizer dart hit him - he didn't feel like himself. His energy was drained, his legs became too heavy for his body and it took all his effort just to keep his head up.

There was one time he vaguely remembered feeling this way. It didn't end well.

"I evened the playing field, 'lil scarlet." Zayne answered.

No longer being held, Nagle spun around and sent a forceful kick into Barry's chest, straight where the lighting emblem was placed. While not strong enough to send him flying, he stumbled back and into multiple canisters until he landed straight on his back end.

_"Barry, run!"_

Any other day it would be a simple demand of him. Just run. It was the one thing he was good - no, excellent at. It had become second nature.

Run, Barry, just run.

But as Barry fumbled forward, knocking the canisters away from him as he tried to regain his balance, one thing became clear.

"Guys, I don't think I have my speed."

His statement was left with silence, neither Cisco or Caitlin responding. Fingers pressed to his com inside his ear, and he desperately waited for an answer while Zayne slowly approached.

With every footstep he made, Barry tried to run. The back-end of his feet kicked at the canisters as he used all his energy to propel himself forward, alas with no luck. His ankles wobbled every time he stood upright, his body drained of the spark that the speed force provided.

Finger still pressed to the coms, Barry panicked. "What do I do-"

The sudden and violent explosion behind him interrupted his question. The canisters knocked around, some still rolling at his feet, collided with the loose and hanging wires off to his right.

If Barry had known a few seconds beforehand that the canisters had flammable gas, he would have found a way to move much faster. If he had known there were live wires sparking near them, he certainly would have run away – even at normal speed.

This being in hindsight, he was now propelled by the explosion across the room, the force coming from his left side and sending him to the right.

_"Barry!"_

_"Barry!"_

Their voices burst through the coms, but he couldn't hear them over the deafening sound of the explosion. Any other day, he'd be flashing away from the flames before they could ignite. Right now, he barely recognized what had happened until long after it had happened.

There was no memory of impact or landing, and he couldn't tell you the exact moment he came too, but when he did it was to the high pitch ringing that resonated his hearing.

 _"Oh my god, his vitals are crashing."_ Caitlin panicked.

 _"Wally's on the monitor, he's almost there!"_ Cisco announced.

 _"Detective West just pulled into the building, someone tell him he that needs to get Barry here now."_ Came the raspy voice of Wells, his words not directly speaking into the coms as he walked about the cortex.

Barry could hear these things, but his mind wasn't comprehending them. It was a cacophony of distortion that he couldn't figure out. The ringing in his ears slowly dissipated, leaving behind what felt like cotton balls stuffed inside. He vaguely heard his heavy and rasping breaths, each coming thicker than the last.

Focus was a distant friend to him, his eyes open but his surroundings blurry. The hot flames nearby were bright enough to illuminate the building, but to him, they were nothing but blobs of orange and yellow. If Nagle had run away, he wouldn't have been able to see it begin with. His ears felt so full of cotton that there would be no way to hear him.

He had let him get away.

Deciding he needed to get up and move; do anything that would mean finding the man again, Barry grunted as he looked down at himself. He tried to connect his mind with his body again and find a way back on his feet. It wasn't until the pain came flooding to his senses that he realized there was a very good reason for not moving.

"BARRY!" came Joe's shout, his voice booming through the steel mill and over the sizzling flames.

Dazed and confused, he looked at Joe with scrunched eyebrows, absentmindedly thinking _'When did you get here?'_

He never saw the man come running into the building, and he never saw when he collapsed next to his stagnate body. His face, however, was the first thing to come into focus for him. The worry written across his features was enough to cause concern.

Thoughts not formulating into words, Barry continued to stare at Joe with a dumbfounded expression. The man hastily ran his hands over nearly every inch of his body, almost as if he was searching for something. Barry wanted to joke _'whatever it is, I don't have it'_ but his mind was trapped in a heavy fog that kept him from speaking.

"Oh no no no no, Barry no…" he heard Joe say, the cotton slowly easing its way out of his ears.

Barry was confused, looking at Joe as lines formed between his eyebrows. He frowned, his mind trying to process what action needed to be taken. Inside he screamed 'get up, get out, catch him' but the multiple voices overtook his thoughts, between his coms leaking the voices of Cisco, Caitlin and even Harry into his ears, and then there was Joe's frantic talking in front of him.

Deciding to follow Joe's eyesight, he managed to rest his chin on his chest to see what had happened and what the commotion was all about. The flames across from them still sizzled, his eardrums were still ringing, but in that moment, he could only fixate on the metal pipe protruding from his stomach, blood spurting out around him in quick and thick releases.

"Oh." He groaned, his head falling back so he could stare at the ceiling.

 _'This isn't good.'_ was his last coherent thought before the world came crashing back down on him, all his senses turning on at once.

Shock set in quicker then Joe could stuff his CCPD uniform jacket around the wound. The noises suddenly became too loud, the flames too hot, and the pain too merciless.

"Ar- _gh_..." his moan hitched in his throat, the cry weak under his straining breaths.

"No no no no..." Joe stammered, his movements fast and sloppy. "Stay with me, Barry!"

Adrenalin kicked in hard and fast, and before Joe had the time to process Barry's panicked gasps, he had his arm slung over his shoulder and the boy on his feet, though his legs uselessly dragged beneath him.

Barry howled. "GAH-AH!"

If there was ever a time that Joe wished he had Barry's speed, it was now.


	5. End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I imagine that if you're reading this, you're like me and enjoy whump, but just in case - there is a warning to this chapter for detailed injury.

 

  **End**

**June 25th**

**Original Timeline**

 

Wally flashed into the cortex of S.T.A.R Labs, finding that the entire room was in pandemonium, and not one single person sat or stood still. He tried to gather his bearings, watching as Caitlin rushed around the med bay and Cisco type frantically on the computers, switching from one monitor to the next. When he spun around and looked behind him, he could see Wells quickly walking to Caitlin with multiple syringes in his hands.

"What's going on?" Wally asked, confused.

No one answered, but rather continued talking to each other or staying focused on their work. The panic in the room was thick, and the lack of knowledge as to why left him frustrated.

"I just went by the Steel Mill, no one's there! What's going on, where's Barry and my dad?"

His question was answered almost immediately, the echo of a cry coming through the corridor.

"SOMEONE HELP ME!" Joe's voice shouted through the halls.

Harry and Wally didn't hesitate to run into action. Cisco had jumped from his seat at the computers and Caitlin had jogged out of the med-bay, but neither interfered when they saw Joe half-dragging Barry into the cortex, gripping the arm that was slung over his shoulder for dear life as Barry's feet dragged beneath him.

Joe grunted under the weight, "He's not conscious, I need help!"

Wally had fully intended to speed in and assist his father, knowing he could easily flash Barry across the room in the blink of an eye. But as he followed Harry out of the cortex, the sight of red coating the floors of the hallway froze him in place.

He wasn't the only one shocked.

"Ohhh lordy lord…" Cisco muttered under his breath, watching Joe and Harry try to gather Barry for transport.

Immediately taking action, Wells had latched onto his right side, Barry's other arm swinging over his shoulder as he grabbed under his thigh, locking onto Joe's wrist he did.

"We've got him, come on, let's go!" Harry rasped, both using a two-handed seat lift to carry Barry over to the med bay as fast as they could.

No one was immune to the thick blanket of horror that washed over the room, a sudden silence so deafening that you could hear each step pounding against the tile floor while they carried him in.

"Oh god." Caitlin felt a welt in her chest grow as she bit back the panic. "Get him on the bed, quick!"

Wally stood back, not understanding what was happening. The simple part of his brain understood – someone was hurt, bad, and they needed to fix it. But everything else wasn't registering. He went to the steel mill, and he ran as fast as he could, so what happened? Why did his dad get there faster? What did he do wrong? Why was there so much blood?

The last question lingered as he looked down, his eyes locked on the trail of liquid that had been brought in with Barry. It lined the floors in thick, bright red puddles. Footprints smeared into it, all the way into the med-bay. If there was one thing he remembered from anatomy class, it was that bright red blood was a bad thing.

 _'Artery blood..'_ He briefly thought, forcing down the panic that threatened to make its way out his throat – or was that bile?

"wha…whe…ah…ahh…" Barry slurred, head lolling to the side and his breath hitching with pain.

Caitlin was already unzipping his top jacket as low as she could, monitor pads being stuck to his chest before the two men had even laid him down on the gurney. The silence that had enveloped the room was quickly replaced with panicked hustle and flurry, and screeches of alarms came echoing through.

"wha- _ga_ -haRGH!" Barry's scream reached over the noise of the monitors and alarms, Wells and Joe setting him down as carefully as they could with no luck in not causing further pain.

"Hang in there Barry, hang in there..." Joe panicked, cursing at his son's sudden awareness. His hands hastily made their way back to the bleeding wound, his police jacket stuffed around the pipe, though it was already drenched and soaked in blood, surely not soaking up anything further.

Harry stood across from him, his own hands overlapping Joe's as they both put pressure on his stomach.

"Ple-ARGH-ple-lease-Arggh!" Barry begged, his voice straining through the pain. His neck was locked to its side as he tried to dig his face further into the pillow behind his neck. "G-get—ge-get it-it-out."

"You're going to be fine, man. We got this, you'll be fine!" Cisco's words came out a mile per minute, panic setting in faster than he could get the trays ready for Caitlin.

Caitlin barely had time to take a breath in before she went full-on doctor. "Cisco, get the shears for his suit! I need access to the wound."

"Here!" Cisco handed them over, already prepared. While on a normal occasion he'd crack a joke about yet another suit being ruined, he couldn't have handed over the scissors fast enough. He'd have ripped the material off himself if he could – suit be damned, it was replaceable.

"Easy, easy...breathe Barry, just breathe," Joe instructed, his fingers barely moving out of the way as Caitlin cut the fabric around his top jacket. He was impressed at how she could tell skin and suit apart, both being so red and blending in with each other.

It disturbed him how fast the blood was pouring out like it was a never-ending stream.

With every motion made, Barry's breath hitched and gasped. His screams had faded into yelps, and the yelps had become gasps of air as his body began to fail him.

Harry shot a look at the monitors, studying them intently when each number on the multiple screens changed. While he was no doctor, he at least had the skills of basic pre-med to back him up.

"He's in shock, Snow. Heart rate 160 and climbing."

With the suit cut away and peeled back where needed, Caitlin began to pack gauze around the protruding pipe, though it made little to no difference as each roll was immediately soaked up.

She fought to stay calm. "Hypovolemic shock. I need to stop the bleeding and-"

"He's tachycardiac, Snow!" Harry cut in.

The machines beeped and whined like a broken computer, but Caitlin knew when a new sound popped up, and she knew exactly what it meant.

"Cisco, his O2 stats are dropping and he's going into respiratory failure - get him on oxygen," she instructed, starting the IV line in the crook of Barry's arm.

"Got it!" Cisco said, strapping the mask to Barry's face and whirring the oxygen tank to life.

"Gaa….ahhh." Barry whimpered with a large exhale that wheezed out of his lungs, his unfocused eyes slowly wandering around the room.

"I got you, Bar." Joe choked, "I got you, we're going to fix this."

Though four hands pressed down on the wound with extraordinary strength, the damage done to his body more than transparent. Both men were surprised when a stream of blood found a way to spurt between whatever space was possible, the pressure so strong it splattered on Well's shirt.

"He's hemorrhaging, Snow!" Wells shouted, his hands still overlapping Joe's as they fought to keep the pressure on the bleeding wound.

 _"BARRY!?"_ Iris screeched, the sound of her heels stomping against the floors when she ran into the room.

Her sister's cry brought Wally back to reality, suddenly registering her presence just in time to grab her from going any further.

Joe shouted over the screeches of machines and medical orders, "Wally, keep her away!"

Iris had tried pushing past Wally but with no success. His hands were strong on her shoulders to keep her in place. "Barry – what happened!?"

"I…I don't know." Wally choked out. "Just…just stay back, sis. Don't go in there."

"What happened!?" she asked again, his voice shouting in anguish.

No one had time to answer her. A few feet away in the med lab, voices shouted over each other in urgency.

"Cisco! Go to the storage unit and grab the supply of Barry's blood – _all_ of it!" Caitlin ordered.

"I'm on it!" He turned and darted out of the room, skidding across the puddles of blood in his way, barely grabbing the door frame in time to keep himself from face-planting to the ground.

Caitlin snapped on a pair of latex gloves, "We have to get this thing out, he won't self heal with it in."

"Snow, his stats read toxicity in his bloodstream. If he doesn't have his speed-" Wells tried to explain.

"What toxicity? What toxin!" Joe panicked.

"His vitals dropped the same way a speed dampening serum would affect him and he wasn't able to use his speed to get away." Caitlin rushed through her words, "It doesn't matter though because even if his speed has been dampened he still has a small percentage of his healing factor and we need to control the bleeding immediately. Ability's or not, I need to stabilize him."

"What do you need?" Joe didn't hesitate to ask.

Cisco came running back into the room carrying a tray of intravia delivery bags full of blood. From Joe's quick count it was roughly six bags, maybe each being 500 ml's. As blood – Barry's blood – forced its way out from his hold and through his fingers, he worried that there wasn't going to be enough.

"Keep pressure until I start a line," Caitlin said. Her feet didn't run fast enough for her when she collected supplies across from the room, barely holding what she needed in her hands.

Joe looked down and at Barry, "We got you, son. Stay with us, we got you."

His eyes were glassy and staring at the ceiling, and Joe could have sworn he didn't hear anything that was said. Within seconds he watched as Barry's eyes rolled back into his head, lids closing upon them and his tense body suddenly going slack with surrender.

The machines got angrier.

"Dad!?" Iris shouted, and Joe looked back to see Wally doing everything he could to keep her away.

"It's okay baby, stay with Wally." his voice cracked under pressure, his attempt at comfort nothing but mere words. If he didn't believe it, there was no way he was going to have Iris believe it either.

He looked ahead with desperation. "Caitlin?"

"The pipe damaged his abdominal aorta. I need it removed so that I can clamp off the artery."

She looked Joe directly in the eyes. "You need to remove it for me because when you do, I need to immediately have access to the wound so I can-"

"I got it." he interrupted, hands moving away as they scrambled to remove his jacket from around the pipe. Across from him, Wells pushed down on each opposite side of the intruding pipe and Joe gripped the base with both hands.

It was nothing but pure adrenaline keeping him in motion at this point. While he had seen many things in his life as a detective – gruesome murders and dead bodies – nothing compared to the sight in front of him now. It was his kid; the same one he took in and raised fifteen years ago.

Barry didn't make a sound, and it'd be a lie if he said he wouldn't have preferred screams.

Cisco stood back with his hands wrapped around the nape of his neck, noting how they shook with fright. He could barely feel how hard he tugged at his hair, the heavy beat of his heart overtaking his senses.

"Alright…one." Joe counted. He locked his sight on Barry's supine figure below him, noting how white his skin had become.

"Two…" With a large tug, Joe grunted. "Three!"

The force of the pull sent Joe tumbling back, not realizing how deep the foreign object had impaled itself until it was yanked out. He didn't even have a chance to examine the pipe, dropping it immediately as bright red blood came pouring over Barry and onto the floor.

"Shit!" he exclaimed, instinctively moving forward to stop it.

"Move move move!" Caitlin shouted, her hands going to work.

"BP 60/90 and dropping," Wells stated.

"Caitlin, his O2 levels are too low."

"I've almost got it…I've almost…"

"BP 40/50. He's going into cardiac arrest."

"Caitlin, he's not breathing."

"Got it!" Caitlin shouted, "Get me the paddles!"

The flatline from the heart monitor was enough to take the whole room into silence. Iris stood back in cortex, hand over her mouth and too shocked to utter another cry. Joe and Wells had stepped far back from the gurney, as had Cisco once Caitlin had the defibrillators in her hands.

"Charging 350." Caitlin didn't miss a beat. "Clear!"

His body jerked upright, the force of electricity coursing through him and sending him crashing back onto the gurney with no change.

"Charging 400." she held the paddles to his chest. "Clear!"

"Oh fuck..." Cisco whispered.

"Charging 400!" she shouted, paddles back to his chest as she pressed the buttons.

Wally watched from the cortex, though it felt as if everything was happening far away. He could hear Caitlin shout, over and over "clear" as she kept trying to get a heartbeat out of Barry. He felt his sister next to him, but everything went numb. Disassociated with the scene playing out, he simply stared ahead.

Suddenly, Wells sighed. "Snow..."

"CLEAR!" Her voice yelled, an emotional shriek as another attempt at restarting his heart failed.

"Caitlin." Wells tried again, reaching out to grab her arm.

"Get off." Caitlin hissed. "I'm not giving up."

"Snow, he doesn't have a pulse. There's nothing you can..." Wells couldn't finish, the look on Caitlin's face and the father standing behind her too much to bear.

"No..." Joe stammered, the need to be sick cascading over him. "Oh god, no..."

Caitlin swore in that moment, she lost it. She could hear Iris in the next room break down sobbing – not just sobbing, full on screeching - and Joe gag an empty stomach into the sink across from them.

She shook her head, "I'm not stopping. Charging 400-"

"SNOW!" Wells shouted, grabbing her arms in desperation before the paddles could reach Barry's body yet again.

Her head whipped over to him, venom coursing through her eyes, but she dared not utter a word.

"His family is here, Snow. Don't do this to them." Wells rasped. "Don't put them through this."

Everything about her screamed to be professional. The instinct in her, trained since practically birth on how to be a doctor, told her what to do next. There was a procedure on these things, manuals, protocol to follow, and she knew exactly how to proceed.

It was the body of her best friend below her that tore her from those instincts. The paddles were still in her hands, she could still do something, she could still save him. The flatline had been going for three minutes, though she wouldn't have been able to tell you that. She knew it had been too long, and she knew that she couldn't restore a heartbeat to a flatline in the first place.

She knew all of this, but below her was her friend.

The Flash.

Barry Allen.

"Oh god…" Joe croaked, shaking as he leaned over the sink.

Caitlin was thankful when Harry gently and carefully took the paddles from her. Maybe it was the shaking of her hands that gave it away, making it obvious that she was close to dropping them any second. She didn't know, she didn't know anything in that moment. She didn't know how to proceed.

"Snow." Harry quietly said, "You need to announce it."

Thought he was soft-spoken, his words didn't go unheard. Cisco found his hands unwrapping from the back of his head, a fist colliding with the nearby wall in response.

"Fuck!" he screamed, the anger he felt surging over the room when his powers practically blasted open the drywall.

Wally couldn't hold onto Iris anymore. Either her emotions gave her the extra strength it took to push past him, or he had lost his ability to keep her in place. His guess was the latter. He stood in silence as she ran forward, and she tripped over wires and almost slipped on the floor when she made her way to the gurney.

"Barry, NO!" Iris cried, grabbing a hold of his face in her hands, and she cupped his cheeks. Her gasp was audible, wet with tears when she felt how cold his skin was.

"No no Barry, you don't get to do this to me. You promised you wouldn't...you...Barry, no!" The sobs wracked her body, a flood of tears falling onto his face below her with no response or reaction from him.

Joe stood back, unable to say anything further. The monitor continued to screech, and for a moment he swore it was his own heart that wasn't beating.

Caitlin stared numbly ahead as she declared.

"Time of death...June 25th, 9:43 pm."


	6. Restart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Snow…" Harry whispered, hesitantly laying a hand on her shoulder. "You did all you could."
> 
> She didn't respond, her sight still locked on the body of her friend below her. She had yet to let herself cry, though her eyes glistened with wetness and she swallowed heavily against the lump in her throat.
> 
> "We both know that injury was fatal." he continued, "There was no way you could…"

**Restart**

**June 25th**

**Original Timeline**

 

In that moment, time froze, almost as if the speed-force itself had cried out for its loss. Wally could have sworn that he had frozen along with it.

The only sound he could hear was the frantic beating of his heart, each thud threatening to burst out of his chest, pounding like drums to a sad song. His heart, pounding away while Barry's had come to a halt. The situation hadn't caught up to his brain yet, shock refusing to let him understand what had happened.

Iris sobbed, her cries so heart-wrenching they sounded that of a dying animal. He watched her hold Barry's face in the palms of her hands, desperately begging him to wake up, at one point almost slapping his cheeks like it would make a difference. Each cry she made was louder than the last.

"Barry, please! Please please pl-please don't…please!" Iris was hysterical, her words barely intelligible between each wail of anguish.

Joe's fingers dug into her arm, his strength nonexistent when he tried to bring her back.

"Baby, come on…" he choked, "You don't need to see this."

Her father tried pulling her away, but the grief kept her in place. "No! I'm not leaving, I-I can't….I'm not…."

"Baby," Joe couldn't keep the tears in any longer, his chin quivering with the emotion he tried to hold back.

"Baby, he wouldn't want you to see him like this."

It was true. Though he was sure Iris wasn't concentrating on anything but Barry's face – pale, cold and lips turning blue – his condition was far from dignified. The top of his suit had been ripped open, leaving his bare chest for view, and the gauze that had been packed around his stomach now soaked in red. Joe couldn't tear his eyes away, and his hands shook violently while he gripped his daughter's arm.

He recalled watching Barry for nine months while the boy recovered in a coma. Each breath that filled his lungs, mechanical or not, was never taken for granted. Now, as he stared below him, Joe noted that there was no movement made. Not a single twitch from him.

His chest stayed still.

Her wails broke his heart, each one shattering his resilience and leaving him just as broken as he felt inside. Nonetheless, he kept pulling her away, noting how she refused to let go of the hold she had to his face. Her hands slipped with the tears that dropped one by one on his cheeks, but she needed the touch.

"No, dad! No…he…h-he can't….dad, _no!_ " her knees gave out, and if not for Joe she would have fallen straight to the floor. He quickly caught her, smothering her into him like when she was a little girl. He remembered all the times she was upset, and the times he was angry that his baby girl was suffering. A broken bone, a bully at school, a lost friend –

A lost love.

Her cries were stifled in his chest, her hands gripping his shirt for dear life as if she could lose him at any moment too.

"Cisco," Caitlin barely whispered, "Get them out of here."

She hadn't moved since Harry had taken the defibrillator from her hands. Her demeanor poured a coldness that flooded the room, her emotion swallowed back beneath the need to be professional and continue forward.

Cisco's eyes were red and wet, and he spoke softly. "Caitlin, wha…"

"Get them out, Cisco." she said, harshly.

Wally watched from the cortex, hearing the words but still not understanding. He saw as his dad guided Iris out, and Cisco followed behind them one step at a time. Caitlin and Harry exchanged a few words, yet he couldn't hear anything over the pounding of his heart.

His heart, while Barry's stayed still.

The monitor was disconnected, and the shrill of the flatline had come to a stop; the angry noise no longer making known what was obvious. The room had suddenly become too quiet.

"What happened?" Wally croaked, his gaze swiveling around for anyone who could provide an answer.

"Barry's not…" he trailed off, staring ahead in the med lab with shock. "He can't..."

Cisco had collapsed into a chair, hunched over with his head in his hands. Wally could tell that his body shook quietly with grief, losing his ability to hold back any cries that came his way.

His father was holding onto Iris, tighter then he had ever seen him hold another person before. He had watched his mother cry multiple times before her passing but never had he seen Joe shed a tear. It was obvious that he was trying to stay strong; not completely break down, but even for him it was too much.

"Snow…" Harry whispered, hesitantly laying a hand on her shoulder. "You did all you could."

She didn't respond, her sight still locked on the body of her friend below her. She had yet to let herself cry, though her eyes glistened with wetness and she swallowed heavily against the lump in her throat.

"We both know that injury was fatal." he continued, "There was no way you could…"

Suddenly, Caitlin brushed past him and quickly began to shut down the machines. Each exhale she took rattled with distress, and each monitor she shut off was done so with such force that could break the switches.

"I need to start postmortem before rigor mortis sets in." she coldly stated. "Unless you plan to help me-"

Caitlin wasn't expecting the answer she received.

"Tell me what you need."

She didn't want to talk. She didn't want to explain the process of what needed to be done to her friend's body, the friend that had saved her life so many times - saved the city so many times. Intellectually she knew what to do at this point. Emotionally she couldn't decipher the difference between her friend and a corpse.

Silently, she was grateful for Harry's help.

Across the way, Wally stiffened. "What's going on, dad?"

Joe looked up at him, sadly shaking his head as if to say _'not now Wally, please.'_ He couldn't respond; not with the threat of wretched cries lingering in his throat; not with his daughter breaking down in his hold.

"Cisco," Wally snapped. "What happened!?"

His muscles ached, his stomach turned, his mouth dry, and Cisco wanted to do nothing more than avoid the events happening around him. If he spoke, then it would be real. If he recapped, then it would have happened.

He looked up at Wally, the kid drowning in confusion. It _had_ happened, and they needed to know.

"The….the meta-catcher." Cisco croaked, a hard sniff pushing back his tears.

"He, uh…Barry went after a distress call. It was…it was the meta-catcher."

Wally wanted more answers, though he knew they wouldn't be coming anytime soon. What had happened to Barry? Why did he go off alone? Why did they send him 900 miles away from this? Why didn't he survive? The questions flooded his head faster than he could process them. A sudden onset of anger and frustration engulfed him.

"I gotta get him." It was all Wally could say, the sensation of finality tugging away at the shock that so harshly coursed through him. He needed to find the guy, get the guy, _kill_ the guy –

"Wally, no." Joe stormed forward, grabbing the front of Wally's shirt with desperation.

Wally flinched with surprise, though not his father's sudden actions but rather at the despair and worry that filled his eyes.

"You do not leave this building! You are _not_ going after him!"

"Dad, he-"

"I just lost one son, Wally! I can't…I…"

He couldn't hold it back anymore, a primal sob echoing the cortex. Joe forced himself to walk away, leaning his forehead against the empty glass case where the suit – his son's suit – would normally be. His body heaved with the cries he had tried so hard to restrain.

Wally stood back, unsure of what to do next. He watched as Caitlin and Harry pulled a white sheet over Barry, covering him from view. Desperation told him to run in and rip it off, insisting that there was no way Barry could be dead.

There was no way, right?

 

* * *

 

Time continued in a strange way afterward. Things went by quickly but slowly, no one really able to grasp the concept of the clock anymore.

Caitlin had done everything she could to keep moving forward. Once Barry's body was handled, she made sure that Iris was taken care of, providing her a light sedative to reduce her anxiety. She had offered everyone else something to calm their nerves, but they had refused. Joe insisted he needed a clear head to push on, though he didn't quite know what to do next. So, he stayed and comforted his daughter.

Cisco was the one to clean, riding the redness from the cortex the moment he could. He later found Caitlin in their janitor supply closet when he was returning the mop, a broken mess releasing her sorrow alone. He didn't hesitate in joining her, leaning against each other for support. It wouldn't be until the early hours of the morning that they had returned.

Wally sat down in the pipeline, visible to the cameras that watched him. Joe kept his eye on the monitors, scared to the core that he would take off in a fit of anger. He had watched it happen with Barry so many times, anger and passion consuming him to the point that no one could talk him down. Fear cascaded him at the thought of Wally acting the same way. Every time he glanced over though, the kid hadn't moved.

It was roughly two am when they regrouped.

"Blunt abdominal aortic injury," Caitlin explained. "The pipe perforated through his abdomen and ruptured his abdominal aorta. It's the largest artery in the abdominal cavity that provides blood to the organs and tissues of the abdomen."

The room was silent, no one daring to utter a response.

Joe sat next to Iris, his arm over her shoulder as she laid her head on his chest. Cisco sat in front of his monitors, but of course, paid no mind as the S.T.A.R Labs screen saver bounced around. Harry hung back near the med lab, and Wally had refused to leave the pipeline, even when promised the explanation of events.

Caitlin sighed. "It's…it's very fatal. He hemorrhaged within minutes; bleed out before I could…"

Her emotion cracked through, and Iris shot up from her father's grasp at the sound.

"No Caitlin," she insisted, "You did everything you could. You _did_."

Her words were heard, but Caitlin couldn't find it in her heart to believe it. She didn't look at any of them while she spoke, almost as if shame riddled her over the event that took place.

"Felicity's going to pull some strings for us. For him." Caitlin said, "The documents will be forged, but everything will be legal. The death certificate will be…"

"How?" Joe asked, "How will it have happened?"

"Your best bet is to stick with the truth," Wells spoke up, not moving from his stance near the door frame of the med-bay.

Joe angrily shook his head. "No. This is not how they find out Barry….this is not how the Flash is revealed. With everything he did for this city...Barry deserved better than that."

"No one needs to know he was the Flash, Detective West. Just a meta. One who fell into the victim count." Wells explained.

"That's not right," Iris choked, "Barry wouldn't want that. He's not just another damn number in a serial killer case."

"It'll be an S.T.A.R Labs accident." Cisco's rough voice broke through. "The wrong chemicals mixed…an explosion…it's the easiest way to cover our tracks."

The room sat in silence as they considered the idea. It was plausible and believable, yet made them all uneasy. While no one certainly imagined what Barry's death would be like, they knew without a doubt that this wasn't it.

It angered Cisco that it was unexpected, that they had no idea what they were rushing into with the distress call. Caitlin was consumed by guilt that all her education and experience as a doctor had failed her, and him in the process. And it broke Iris to know that her worse fear had come true and that her one true love was gone after trying to protect yet another person's life.

It wasn't right. Barry was a hero, not a statistic.

"I can't-I can't listen to this." Joe got up from his seat, "I need some air. I need to...to talk with Wally."

On his way out, Joe made sure not to even glance into the med lab. He was on the verge of throwing up at the mere thought of doing so. The blood had been cleaned up, the room was cleared out, but laying on the gurney covered by sheets was the corpse of his son.

He stormed down the hallways of S.T.A.R labs, thinking bitterly of how a parent was never supposed to outlive their child.

 

* * *

 

In the pipeline, Wally sat on the ground and stared blankly ahead at the large circle door that covered one of the many cells S.T.A.R labs had used to prevent metahumans from escaping. He didn't know how long he had been down here, or if the rest of the group was still even in the building with him. Knees to his chest, he simply stared ahead and let his thoughts consume him.

He was angry. Through the mess of emotions that consumed him, it was clear as day that anger was one of the stronger feelings that came forth. Angry that no one included him on who and what the meta-catcher was, angry that Barry had run off by himself, and angry that they hadn't saved him.

The last part stuck with him. In his mind, he still saw his dad carrying Barry into the cortex, and though gravely injured, he was alive. Yet within minutes that was taken from them. If Barry had survived a lightning bolt, why couldn't he survive this? Since the day he had received his powers, Wally never felt like it was gifted to him the way Barry was given his. He almost felt like a shadow in the Flash's place, someone to just tag along.

Now it was up to him to protect the city, no shadow or help for him, no one to guide him and teach him what to do.

His legs were numb and his back stiff, but Wally didn't care. Finally overwhelmed by the surge of thoughts and feelings and emotions, he jumped to his feet and sped forward into the nearest wall, his punch shattering metal and tile while the sound echoed throughout the room.

"Keep that up and not even Caitlin will be able to fix you," Joe said, slowly walking forward with his hands stuffed deep in his pockets.

"Yeah? Like she fixed Barry?" he spat, his voice breaking with grief.

Joe sighed, pausing for a moment to collect his thoughts. His head throbbed with a migraine, his stomach tossed with anxiety, and he wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep away the night like it was a bad dream. But it was up to him to be the support for his children to lean on, and he knew that. He took a deep breath and motioned forward.

"Take a seat, Wally," Joe instructed.

The two of them wearily sat down on the large pipe near the outer wall of the room. Wally kept his head down low and he stared at his hands, knowing it was better than looking at his father, the blood-shot eyes and tear-stricken face too much to handle right now.

Meanwhile, Joe fought for the right words to say, struggling to ignore the fact that he and Barry had so many conversations at the very spot they sat in now. His presence still filled the room - hell it still filled the building. It made it so much harder to ignore the pain they felt.

For a moment, they simply embraced the silence.

"What the fuck, dad…"

Joe's head shot up, "Hey!"

Seemingly ignorant of his father's disapproval of his outburst, Wally continued.

"He was here. He gave me money to go to Coast City, I saw him just a couple hours ago. He can't be gone!"

"Wally…" Joe murmured, sympathy riddling his tone, and he gingerly laid a hand on the boy's shoulder.

"He's gone?" Wally whispered, eyes locked straight ahead at the wall in front of him. It didn't make sense to him why he couldn't accept what had happened. None of it felt real yet, not the corpse of his adoptive brother that laid upstairs, not the grief and mourning that everyone was experiencing; it was like he was in a dense fog that he couldn't escape.

"Caitlin said that…the uh, the pipe that impaled him…it hit a large artery." It hurt Joe to say the words out loud, "He bled out too quickly."

Wally didn't have a quick response, instead, he sat and deliberated on the knowledge provided. Deep down inside, he wished that there had been different news. He already knew the moment Barry was brought in that he was injured in a bad way. Somehow though, death wasn't an outcome he expected.

"I…I don't understand. He's a speedster. We're speedsters. We heal fast, man!" Wally argued.

"You can't heal if you're dead, Wally." Joe simply stated.

His words must have hit him hard, because, with his arm around him, Joe noticed that Wally began to quiver. He gripped the boy's shoulder and adjusted himself so that he could look at his face. The pain he felt for his son didn't differ from the pain he felt for his daughter, a loss for them all that would change their lives.

"Listen son…you're human. He's…was…human. Even Jesse – she's _human_. Just because you all run fast and heal fast doesn't mean your invincible." Joe said.

Oddly enough, it was never a conversation he felt he needed to have with Barry. While some days he certainly worried about how overly confident he was becoming, Joe had faith that he understood his skin was just as breakable as any other mans. It was Wally who was new to the lifestyle, and that worried him.

Suddenly, there was a spark in his eyes that screamed trouble. The same kind of spark that he had seen in Barry so many times before. The same spark that said impulse and abandon.

"But you're right…" Wally said, "I do run fast."

"Wally…" Joe warned, his tone speaking more than his words could. He knew where this was going, and he wanted to put a stop to it before it could take off – before he could take off.

Wally jumped up, "Barry's done it before, and that means I have the ability too! I'll run back, I-I'll stop this guy or-or something!"

"Wally!" Joe shouted, practically chasing him down as he sprinted out of the pipeline. He immediately grabbed his shirt and turned him around.

"Wally, look at me," Joe demanded.

His eyes bounced around and his feet were eager to run, but Wally found focus on his father's face.

"You are not God." Joe stated. "And if Barry were here, he'd tell you in a _heartbeat_ not to do that. Time travel comes with consequences, something Barry was all too familiar with."

There was a pause, both men looking at each other with importunity.

"I can save him, dad." Wally insisted.

Joe's heart leaped in his chest, and he fought back the oncoming surge of emotions that the words brought forward. The very idea of having Barry back was too much to process, and he wouldn't let himself feel a single ounce of hope or joy at the possibility.

"At what cost, Wally?" Joe asked.

Like a child being told they couldn't have candy, or a teenager being told they were grounded, Wally reacted with irrefutable resentment. Joe let him act out, the shattering of another wall filling his ears before he continued.

"I know losing your mother was hard on you. I do, Wally, I understand. You spent so many years with her while she was sick. You had time to process what was going to happen. Years to process it. When death happens suddenly like this…" Joe trailed off, knowing he had hit a sensitive nerve by bringing up Francine.

"I know it's hard to believe. I'm struggling too. Death isn't always slow, though. This line of work…what Barry chose to do…it's a risk he knew he was taking." Joe said, hesitantly putting his hand on Wally's shoulder with empathy, silently saying _'it's a risk I don't want you to take.'_

"This guy…this fucking meta-catcher…he's still out there." Wally seethed.

Joe shook his head, "Not for long."

It wouldn't be at the hands of Team Flash. It surely wouldn't be at the hands of Kid Flash, or Wally West. Joe would be letting the police deal with the disgusting excuse of a man from this point forward. He'd make sure that he was on the task force that found him, arrested him, and he'd ensure that he got the death penalty. He wanted him dead just as much as everyone else did.

Deep down inside though, he worried that he'd be losing himself in finding vengeance for his son. He couldn't promise himself that if they found him, he wouldn't use his own hands to snap the man's neck.

It was something he'd worry about later.

"They, uhm…they're coming to get Barry. He's being taken to…" Joe cleared his throat, his lips trying repeatedly to form the word 'morgue' with no result.

Luckily, Wally understood. His body couldn't stay upstairs forever. There'd be a funeral to have, papers to file, mourning to be done; everything he had just processed with his mother would repeat itself. It left him feeling numb, unable to cope with the thought.

"We're going to say our goodbyes," Joe said, urging him to come back upstairs and be with his family.

Wally simply nodded his head, "I'll be there shortly."

As much as he wanted his son at his side, Joe accepted his need for space. He got halfway out of the pipeline before stopping, turning around with concern.

"Wally?"

Joe let out an exasperated sigh when Wally barely acknowledged him, stuck in his own thoughts.

"Promise me you won't try to run from this." he said, "You won't…travel back."

As a detective, Joe knew that receiving no answer was an answer within itself. He could still feel the impulse and reckless abandon radiating off Wally, but like with Barry, he knew that there was no stopping what he had already decided to do.

With a mixture of exhaustion and terror for the unknown, he did the only thing he could do.

"Please, Wally. Don't do it." Joe begged.

 

* * *

 

The room stunk of antiseptic, and the lights were kept low and dim. The adrenaline had long since worn off for everyone, leaving them empty and shaken.

Caitlin had warned them. "He's going to be in a different…condition."

Joe didn't need to hear her explanation. His job had him spending every day going to crime scenes that involved murders and corpses. He just never thought that one day, he'd be looking at his son like he looked at one of the many helpless victims in Central City.

When Harry pulled back the sheet covering his face, Iris almost broke again. For a moment, she thought that she wouldn't be able to cry anymore, having shed all the tears she could for the time being. She was proven wrong when his face came into view, skin grey and lips blue.

She wanted so badly to say that he looked peaceful, happy and at rest. But she failed to see it.

Iris brushed her lips gently against him, shuddering at the cold and lifelessness that met her.

"I love you, Barry," she whispered, choking back her cry of loss.

Downstairs in the pipeline, Wally fidgeted. His body vibrated with anxiety, drive, incentive, and motive. He started with pacing, shaking his arms to rid himself of the speed that so desperately fought to get out.

He knew he needed to move on, go upstairs and be with his father and sister as they all spoke their final farewells. He knew he needed to say goodbye. His fidgeting got worse, his pacing turning into a jog.

Cisco hesitantly placed his hand on Barry's shoulder, though covered by sheets he could still feel the cold that emitted. Barry was never cold, not since the day he was brought to S.T.A.R labs after the lightning struck him. The speed force was a powerful thing, radiating heat off him with an explainable energy.

"It was a wild ride, man." Cisco said, "Thank you."

Caitlin had her arms open for him before he had even turned around, and she held him with compassion as he silently cried on her shoulder.

Wally needed to run. The energy overwhelmed him, threatening to break him at the seams. His jog quickly became a full speed run, circling around the large and vast pipeline like a blur.

He ran to forget. With each step pounding against the ground, he pushed back his emotions and fear, hoping that the speed would rid him of everything that weighed him down. The air rushed past him, the walls around him becoming unfocused as his sight blurred with tears.

"Mr. West…" Caitlin barely whispered, her hand outstretched to the detective. "I figured you'd want this back."

Joe looked up from his son's body, no longer trying to formulate his final words as he saw what the doctor was handing him. He took the watch from her, his hands shaking with grief. Though it had been cleaned, the blood still stained the glass.

His other hand gingerly brushed through Barry's hair, savoring the moment for as long as he could.

Wally ran faster than he ever thought possible. He ran until his legs felt foreign to his body, two limbs burning and searing off with the effort. He didn't acknowledge the pain or the time that passed by.

Leaning down, Joe kissed the top of Barry's forehead.

"Give Nora and Henry my love, Bar."

The pipeline shook with vibration, a force that the walls couldn't handle. Wally let out an earsplitting scream of pure, unrestrained agony, desperately wishing for release.

He never thought about stopping. He ran so fast, he didn't think it was possible to stop anymore. Around him, a force soaked into his bones, a power that seeped deep into his veins. He no longer heard sound, his screams an echo only for others to hear.

It was a bright pool of colors, some he felt he had never seen before. He released himself into the speed force, feeling as if he had ascended from his body.

And then, in a blink, he was there.

Wally was practically frozen in place, not quite standing upright but not ready to run away either. His eyes were doing all the movements for him, darting back between Iris, Joe, and finally landing on Barry with an indescribable look washing over him.

Barry. Alive.

Joe was the first to break the silence. "Wally….what's up?"

Wally stared ahead at Barry – the Deja vu dizzying him and making the room spin. His eyes blinked rapidly in reflex, making sure that he wasn't hallucinating.

"Yeah," Iris said, "you look like you've seen a ghost."

The scenery never changed, not in the slightest. They kept speaking, asking him questions that he couldn't answer as his hearing fought to catch up with his body, and his mind struggled to pick up where it had left off.

"Wally," Barry said louder this time, "What did you do?"

Wally choked back his sob, finally letting himself feel.

"I saved you, man."


	7. Beginning, Round 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yo dude, this is beyond frustrating. You keep messin’ with our lives and memories and - man, I hope you had a good reason for this one.”
> 
> "He does." Barry insisted.
> 
> "And what could that possibly be?" Wells asked, standing furthest away with his arms crossed over his chest.
> 
> Barry answered, "I died."

  **Beginning, Round 2**

**June 23rd  
New Timeline**

 

“Are you for _real!?_ ” Cisco exclaimed.

“Cisco...” Barry warned.

Cisco huffed, “No, for real!? Can you guys just not time-travel for like, three months?”

“Cisco!” he snapped, his annoyance evident within his tone.

“Yo dude, this is beyond frustrating. You keep messin’ with our lives and memories and - man, I hope you had a good reason for this one.”

"He does." Barry insisted.

"And what could that possibly be?" Wells asked, standing furthest away with his arms crossed over his chest.

It was late at night when Barry had called everyone to S.T.A.R labs. He had claimed it was an emergency and that they all needed to talk asap, practically threatening Caitlin that if she didn't arrive he'd speed run her in no matter what pajamas she was wearing.

Now they all stood scattered around the cortex, exhausted, confused and nervous.

Everyone in the room looked over at Wally, each one holding an expression of curiosity. While his lips moved to form a response, the young man couldn't manage to speak the words.

Barry answered, "I died."

Caitlin's jaw fell slack, for a moment almost not believing the statement had it not been for Iris's tense and anxious demeanor. While she had assumed something was amiss, this had definitely not fallen into her list of assumptions.

"Oh." Cisco squeaked, "Well...that's a good reason."

"What happened, Wally?" Caitlin softly asked, concern riddling her voice. "Why did you travel back here, to _this_ time?"

"I don't know," he answered, shamefully looking down at his feet.

"I don't get it," Iris said, confused. "I don't understand; how do you not know?"

"I didn't plan it," Wally said. "I-I didn't expect.…I didn't think.…"

"He wasn't trying to travel back," Barry said, directly looking at Wally. "I know, because that's what happened when I first time-traveled."

"Say what, now?" Joe netted his brows in confusion. Science wasn't his forte, and he was still trying to wrap his head around the entire situation the best that he could.

"When Mardon created that tsunami, and I ran back for the first time...I wasn't trying to travel. I had no idea how it had even happened." Barry explained, "But I remember thinking that I needed to do something to stop him, and to save everyone - no matter what it took."

He looked over at Wally, seeing in him the same disbelief and fear that he had once felt.

"So I ran, as fast as I could. Having such purpose and desperation...it's what allows you to tap into that part of the speed force."

Wally finally looked up, a glisten of hope and understanding reflecting in his eyes when he heard Barry. Since they had arrived in the building, he became irrationally fearful that no one would believe him. He couldn't explain how he got back here, to this time and this very moment, because he honestly had no idea himself.

It scared him that he had done something so extreme without even trying.

"So you're saying that if one of you is angry enough, you can just..." Joe waved his hand around in the air, "Time-travel willy-nilly, even if you aren't trying to?"

Barry quickly shook his head, and Harry stepped forward with the intent to correct.

"No. The science and practicality behind their ability to run fast - the speed force as you've been known to call it, won't just become unstable at their whim." Wells said.

He directed his eyesight to Wally, his glare shooting daggers. "This is the work of inexperience; someone who can't control their ability."

"Hey!" Wally snapped, "I'm just as good as-"

"You managed to create a whole new timeline out of an emotional break-"

"Stop!" Joe shouted, rubbing his temples. "If Barry says that he wasn't trying the first time that he time-traveled, then we have every right to believe the same thing has happened with Wally."

The two broke off, and though their anger was still sizzling in the room, it had begun to slowly dissipate. A brief moment of silence followed while everyone tried to process the new information.

"Okay, so..." Cisco leaned forward in his chair, "What happened? Or 'happens', if you will."

Again, Wally struggled to find the strength to explain. While none of them were oblivious to his startled state, they couldn't let go of their curiosity. He stammered, tripping over his words before finally shrugging.

"I...don't really know."

Iris furrowed her eyebrows, "Wally?"

"It happened...really _fast._ I don't know..." he trailed off, a frustrating sigh heaving his shoulders when he spoke the realization out loud.

"Hold up a moment," Harry scolded, "are you trying to say that you time-traveled without knowing what had occurred; in this case, why Allen dies and what causes it?"

Wally could feel everyone's worry and stress bouncing off the walls in the room, practically wrapping around his neck and choking the air out of his lungs. He tried not to panic, but the realization of the situation and his actions began to sink in.

"No-no no, it's not like-I mean, I was _right_ there, I saw you die, Barry! It just happened really _fast_." Wally said, shaking with frustration.

"How, Wally? What happened?" Joe asked.

The memory of the 'other timeline' was still very present in his head. He could still hear his father explaining everything to him, as much as he could have handled at the time. And yet it was now that he realized just how little he knew, trying to explain to the group to no avail.

Him and his father weren't in the pipeline discussing the disposal of Barry's body, they were standing across from each other in the cortex; Joe leaning against the glass case that held the Flash's suit and Wally propped up against the computer desks. Iris wasn't mourning the death of Barry, she was standing next to him gripping his hand for dear life. Everything he had experienced was erased from history in a blink of an eye, and yet it all still felt like a bad dream.

Caitlin must have noticed something was off because she moved forward and gently laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Wally..." she gingerly said, "all this just happened to you, didn't it?"

She was a doctor, and she knew the signs of emotional shock when they were right in front of her. His inability to respond was all the answer that she needed.

Wally's silence had left their nerves tense at the sudden impending doom that hovered over them. Iris didn't think that her father could have seemed anymore stressed from the moment he had driven her over, but in that moment she realized how wrong she was. Even Cisco fought the urge to bite his nails, trying to preoccupy himself with whatever newest gadget he had at the table.

Iris decided to be the one and ask, "When does it happen?"

Wally paused. "It's June 23rd, right?"

"Yeah...June 23rd, 9:32pm." Caitlin answered.

"Then..." Wally trailed off in thought, "two days...a day and a half. June 25th, around the same time."

After having remained silent for most of the conversation, Barry finally spoke up.

"How?" he asked, his voice quiet and hoarse. When Iris's grip on his hand increased, he squeezed back in a silent way of comforting her. A part of him wished that she hadn't been included in the news, knowing how much stress and worry it would put on her.

"Uhm...it-it was something with, uh..it was an accident," Wally said, the fresh memories building a lump in his throat.

"An accident?" Caitlin questioned, seeming doubtful to the fact.

Wally nodded his head. "Barry went after some 911 call that.…it was a trick or something I-I don't know the exact details or how it happened, I wasn't...I wasn't there; I couldn't get there in time."

The room held their breath as he continued.

"You ended up squaring off against this meta-catcher dude."

The color vanished from Joe's face, and he shot Barry a look that no one in the room could accurately describe, just that it was a mixture of anger, fear, concern, and hatred all at once. Barry refused to acknowledge him, focusing his attention on Wally instead.

"The meta-catcher? You mean the guy that's been behind the mysterious deaths of metahumans in Central City?" Iris asked.

"That's what you guys told me." Wally answered, "I-…I wasn't there. Barry, you had told me to go spend the weekend in Coast City...I'm starting to think this guy had a part in that. I wasn't even there for a couple of hours before you had called me, dad. You told me..."

To him, they weren't memories, but rather events that had just happened. A knot tied in his stomach as he spoke about it.

"You said Barry was in trouble and I needed to go help him. I ran, but by the time I got there..."

To Wally, he could still feel the hysteria that had flooded the room when he first arrived. It had gotten worse once his dad brought Barry in. It was overwhelming when Barry had died. There was a different type of panic now, one that spread across them for fear of the imminent.

"You die - here; bled out and...and Caitlin couldn't bring you back."

For someone who was just told about his death, Barry seemed oddly calm. He listened diligently and watched Wally talk, not giving attention to anyone else and their reactions while he took in the news.

"I don't.…it wasn't long after that I started running. I'm angry-…I was.…angry. I ended up back here when we all came back from big belly burger." He paused. "I...I don't know much else. It happened so fast."

"You couldn't have traveled back a little further, huh?" Wells grumbled.

"Harry, dude!" Cisco snapped, "For once will you knock it off?"

"Pardon me for being a _tad_ bit upset that the timeline we all knew is now corrupted, Ramon!" Harry retorted.

"No- this is good, right?" Iris spoke up, "We can change what happens, we can prevent it."

Harry bitterly responded, "No, you can't."

"What do you mean?" Wally asked, frightened that he'd be reliving the same experience again.

"Yeah, what he said." Joe defended, "Barry's done this before and he completely changed the outcome. We should be able to do it again."

"When Barry changed the outcome of his original time, it resulted in an unstable break in the time force that needed to balance the differences that had been made. He stopped something bad from happening, which meant another bad thing needed to happen. It's a tit for tat." Wells explained.

"It doesn't have to be that way, we can-" Cisco said.

"No, he's right." Barry quietly spoke up. "Anytime I've used my speed to change the past, it results in something else happening in its place. Harry's right, there needs to be a balance to the changes."

"Uh-uh, I'm with Cisco. We can stop this, take from Wally's experience and make sure we don't let anything happen." Joe said.

Harry pinched the bridge of his nose, "Wally doesn't _know_ what happens, Detective West! We can't make a new path if we don't know which path to avoid."

"We have more information than we had two hours ago. We'll make it work." Joe's voice was dark and threatening, his temper coming forth.

"You don't understand," Harry huffed, and he grabbed a dry-erase pen to begin scribbling on the clear dry erase board in the cortex. "the moment Wally came back to _this_ time, he created a causal nexus. The outcome of Barry, i.e the effect will be linked to Wally having created a disruption within time, i.e the cause."

They watched as he drew lines upon lines crossing each other, resulting in Harry finally writing the words 'cause and effect' across the mismatched drawings.

He snapped the lid back on the pen, "Physics, the speed force, whatever you want to call it - it _will_ find a way to balance the ripple that is now coursing through the time-space continuum. There's no stopping what's already taking effect."

"Bullshit." Joe sneered. "If this were Jesse, you'd be doing everything you possibly could to save her. You _have_. If you're not going to help us save Barry, then-"

"Joe." Barry interrupted, exhaling a loud sigh. "I've messed with time-travel more than I care to admit. I can't...there are consequences. I can't let one of you guys get hurt trying to prevent something from happening to me."

"Barry, no." Iris said, "Wally gave us a second chance here. We have the opportunity to trace our steps, prevent anything bad from happening to anyone. No one gets another shot at things like this.…we'd be crazy to turn it down."

"Iris, if it means my life to save any one of yours, I'd let it happen in a heartbeat." Barry's voice was quiet and echoed with a deep sadness.

"Dude..." Cisco shook his head.

"Barry, don't think like that." Caitlin insisted, "Iris is right, we can backtrack; be more cautious. We've achieved the impossible before, there's no reason we can't do it again."

Barry looked on sullenly, objection written on his face to their idea and optimism.

"Guys, we can't..."

"I'm sorry." Wally barely whispered, shaking his head. "I didn't mean to.…this is exactly what dad told me. That time-travel has consequences. That you wouldn't have wanted me to do this."

"Wally, it's okay," Caitlin said.

He continued, almost as if he hadn't heard her. "It's just...it happened so fast. And it was so sudden and I got upset-"

"Take a breath, son." Joe walked over, laying a hand on his back.

"Okay, ignoring what downer Wells has to say," Cisco hopped up from his seat, jogging over to the clear dry-erase board and staring down Wells with a frustrated glare. "The only way we can prevent what originally happens is to stop the events leading up to it, right?"

He practically shooed Harry out of the way while he erased everything that was already written, giving them a blank slate.

"Wally, the floor is yours."

"Cisco, maybe we should give him some time." Caitlin quietly said, "This all just happened to him, he's in shock."

"No, Cisco has the right idea," Barry said. "It's freshest in his memory right now. The longer he stays in this timeline, it's possible he'll begin to forget."

All eyes landed on Wally, everyone eager to hear him speak and deliver whatever hope they could attach to. Though Barry didn't push him, he was at least anxious to hear about Wally's experience.

With a deep breath and a crack of his knuckles, Wally spoke.

"Alright then.…well..."

 

* * *

 

Barry rocked himself slightly in the chair at his desk, staring absentminded at the notes scribbled below him.

They had all returned back to the West house a couple hours ago, entering the hours of early morning and deciding they were no use to the situation exhausted and distracted. Wells had been the first to call it a night, though that hadn't bothered the group too much with his pessimism being out the picture.

It was when Cisco started dozing off and Caitlin couldn't remember her medical terminology that Joe had insisted on returning later. It was getting Barry to leave that was the hardest part.

For the most part, he had reacted in an oddly calm and rational way. Even Cisco had joked that he was acting pretty chill for someone who was told about his upcoming death. It wasn't until they started digging through CCPD file reports of the meta-catcher that he started to let his emotions slip. Joe knew that if he didn't drag him out when he did, he'd be pulling an all-nighter and they'd find him asleep at the computers the next day.

Barry wouldn't have denied it. Reviewing the case files and evidence that forensic scientist Josh Anderson of the CCPD had analyzed, he realized just how little he knew of the case. While he wasn't ignorant - he knew that Joe was keeping him out of the loop - he hadn't known to what extent until tonight.

He had copied down their make-shift timeline from the board, his handwriting sloppy and rushed but as detailed as he could get things. Unfortunately, Wally wasn't kidding when he said that he didn't have much information. Written below were things like 'steel mill factory', 'metal pipe', 'bled out', but nothing of great use.

The entire situation haunted his mind, specifically the meta-catcher's identity. No one had any idea who was terrorizing the city, none of the CCPD case files led them anywhere and Wally was just as clueless.

He sighed, scrubbing eyes with the knuckles of his hands. A light tap rattled him from his thoughts and looked up to see Iris in the doorway of his bedroom.

"Hey." Barry greeted, "I thought you were asleep?"

Iris plopped herself down on the edge of his bed, "Would you believe me if I said it's hard to fall asleep knowing your boyfriend dies in a couple days?" she joked, though her voice held a hint of sadness that couldn't be hidden from him.

"Iris..." Barry started, "That's not going to happen. I don't want you to worry about this."

She took notice of the multiple papers scattered across his desk, some official CCPD files and some of the notes he brought home with him.

"How are you doing?" she asked. "Handling all this information, Wally having come back for you.…that's got to be a lot to process."

Barry nodded. "How's he doing?"

"Wally? He's shaken up. Whatever happened really affected him." Iris said, knowing that sleep wasn't coming easy for him either. When she had passed by his room, she could hear the shuffle of feet across the wooden floors, and while she wanted to offer whatever help she could, he had made it known that he wanted some time alone for the night.

She personally couldn't imagine what it was like, experiencing such an awful tragedy and then returning before it had ever even happened. For the most part she had thought it'd be full of happiness and relief, but seeing Wally as upset as he was, she realized that the feelings of grief wouldn't just magically disappear. To him, they had all just experienced Barry's demise, and it was obvious he struggled with that.

"He thinks that you and my dad are mad at him," Iris told him.

Barry shook his head, lightly chuckling. "No, I'm not. I mean, I kind of was at first. It's weird..."

She tilted her head, interested in his explanation.

"I'm actually a little proud of him," he admitted.

"Oh really?" Iris asked.

"Yeah...coming back here, using his speed to travel and save me; its...incredibly selfless of him. It shows a lot of maturity." Barry explained. "Whenever I've thought about using my ability's to change something, like my mom's murder...it's always been for a selfish reason. It's always been to take away the pain I've had to deal with."

"Barry, you don't think that Wally doesn't want to feel that pain either?" Iris sighed, trying not to show her frustration.

Barry had become so wrapped up in the responsibility of his powers, the need to be a martyr, that he was beginning to forget how important he was to everyone else.

"Him coming back here is as selfish as when you've wanted to save your mom. You're not just a pair of legs to us Barry, losing you would be just as hard."

Barry didn't answer, instead shuffling through the papers and files he had in front of him.

If there was one thing Iris was good at, it was noticing when he was carrying more weight on his shoulders than he could handle. Having grown up with him, she knew when he was truly himself and when he put on a facade to protect others.

Ever since Wally had revealed the original timeline and his untimely death, Barry had put on that facade.

"How are you doing with this?" Iris asked yet again. "You haven't really spoken about it."

Barry shrugged, "It's strange. It's not that I've thought of myself as invincible...but I guess I got to the point where I stopped thinking of my mortality. With everything that's happened the past couple years, I've become so wrapped up in making sure I've helped everyone I could that...I never really stopped to think about something happening to me that I can't easily heal from."

It was disturbing to them all when they heard Wally explain his experience, the 'accident' from his timeline. Barry could tell that he was holding back, but the details he provided were plenty, with all the other information they needed to process.

"I think somewhere along the way, after Zoom and the speed force...I forgot that my abilities have limits."

When Joe had asked him if he had noticed Wally's white sneakers were smudged and smeared with dirt red, Barry, unfortunately, couldn't stay ignorant anymore. Something was going to happen that his speed metabolism couldn't keep up with, and it'd be so fast he wouldn't be able to even utter a goodbye.

Iris leaned forward and grabbed Barry's hand in her own, "You're just as human as the rest of us, Barry."

"I know. I just..." he groaned, rubbing his temples. "I can't let something happen to you or the others because of me. If this needs to happen for you guys to stay safe-"

"Barry Allen, you need to stop right there. Your life is just as important to us. You can't play savior for us, you can't be a hero all the time. And if you need help, you better damn well expect me to be there."

Iris didn't break her stare, squeezing his hand when he tried to look away.

"Let us help you, Barry."

"Iris..." He sighed, looking up at her as he put his notes aside. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared."

She couldn't respond; there was nothing she could say that would make things better. If she was scared than he had to be petrified. Exhaustion cracked through his facade, and he quickly ran his hands over his face to prevent his eyes from showing the emotions he harbored.

'Hey..." she gently said, "why don't we lay down and try to get some sleep?"

Barry chuckled through the lump in his chest. "Are you trying to get me killed a day earlier?"

She didn't hesitate in slapping his shoulder, glaring at him with exasperation.

"Not funny."

"Neither is Joe's temper! And last time I checked, he had a very strict _'just because you're dating doesn't mean you're sharing the same bed under my roof'_ rule."

Iris shook her head, "We really need to find our own place."

"Yeah..." Barry said, "About that...I may have been planning a surprise for you."

Iris couldn't hide her curiosity, her brows shooting up with surprise.

"Oh yeah?"

Barry broke into a smile, his first since the evening had taken a turn for the worse.

"Yeah. But we'll have time to discuss it later."

He leaned forward, gently placing a kiss on Iris's lips. "We _will_ have a later. I promise you, Iris."

 

* * *

  

Joe's alarm was set at exactly seven am Monday through Friday. On a good day, he'd be awake one to three minutes earlier than its scheduled time to wake him up.

Today, he was awake an hour and a half early.

Exhaustion was the only thing that provided him the little bit of sleep he managed to get. For the most part, he tossed and turned all night staring at the clock like the enemy it was. Each minute that went by was a minute they needed to savor and use to their advantage. The very idea of sleep was almost comical to him as the clock counted down the inevitable.

Though he had brought his family home and insisted they all get some rest, it was common sense that sleep would only happen in a perfect world. It was roughly two am when they all came back from S.T.A.R labs, and he'd be out of bed and getting his morning coffee by six.

Walking down the hallway, he made sure to stop at Wally's room first. Both himself and Iris tried to talk with him, make sure that he was okay, but he had insisted he be left alone. They figured it was the least they could do for him after both of his rough nights.

The door was cracked open just enough that he could peer inside without intrusion. It was a relief to see Wally face down on his bed, snoring lightly. The kid needed whatever sleep he could get after the hell he had been through.

Iris's room was next, though the door remained closed. She had been notorious for that behavior ever since she turned thirteen - the dreaded thirteen as Joe would refer to it as. A couple light taps and he'd be opening the door, only to see an empty bed and an empty room.

He sighed. If he didn't know better, she'd be downstairs in the kitchen running through their notes of last night while cooking everyone breakfast to start the day. Sometimes he wondered if she carried the same burden as Barry, both trying so hard to lift everyone up while being weighed down themselves.

Barry's room was where he hesitated. Joe strolled down the hallways clad in socks, fully expecting him to still be awake working on the case files that he so regretfully handed over last night. There was no parenting guide on 'how to comfort your child on their impending death', and if one thing disturbed him more than Wally's shock last night, it was Barry's reaction to the other timeline.

He put on a show, almost fooling everyone with his acting. But Joe had spent a good part of his life raising the boy, and he wasn't falling for it. Barry would keep his composure, insist they do everything possible to keep everyone safe, and then when he was alone he'd break in the stress of the situation. He saw it so many times in his life - his mother's death and his father being framed, having trusted Thawne, and then his father's death. Joe saw it as the calm before the storm.

He was surprised when he walked by and the door was halfway open, revealing in plain-sight Barry laying upright on his bed and Iris under his arm, snuggled into his chest. They both slept soundly.

"Oh hell, no.…" Joe whispered, shaking his head. "Those two are getting their own place when this is over with."

He was a moment away from waking them both when his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. While he was tempted to ignore it, being too early in the morning for his liking, the caller I.D was nonother than Captain Singh himself. He waited until he was downstairs in the kitchen to answer.

"Yes, boss?"

The Captain's voice rang through, _"Joe, we've got a pin on another missing meta. 17-year-old Sarah Kinsey."_

"Crap. Any leads?"

_"That's where you come in, Detective. We're up to six in two weeks - I need you to dig into this. Detective Johnson says he might have word from her family on where she was taken."_

"Alright...tell Johnson I'll be there shortly."

_"You know once you find a location I'll need CSI on this, right?"_

"David..." Joe sighed, knowing where the conversation was going.

_"You letting me have my best CSI yet, West?"_

Joe didn't have an immediate response, lost in tangled thoughts that involved last nights discussion and his previous ones with Singh. He sat down at the kitchen table, phone pressed tightly to his ear.

_"I have new evidence from the latest crime scene, Joe. I'm either handing it over to Anderson or getting Allen on the case. You know who I'm pushing for."_

"Yeah, yeah, I know..." Joe was distrait, staring ahead at the family photos lining the walls in front of him. His eyes managed to land on the framed photo of Barry's high-school graduation.

The kid never had it easy, and yet he always found a way to radiate a happiness and joy for others. A part of Joe was bitter over how unfair life was treating Barry. It was one of the reasons why he had been trying so hard to keep him off this case. If he could save him from one less heartache, he'd count it as a win.

Apparently though, no matter how hard he'd try, Barry would still fall into the victim count. His efforts would be useless.

"I'll tell Barry he's on the case."

The words were painful to say, going against every instinct in his body that screamed 'don't do this'. Last night, as they broke down the stream of events from Wally's experience, Cisco mentioned it was vital to differ from the original timeline, to go left if they had initially gone right.

_"It's about time."_

Joe found his response ironic because time wasn't something that was on their side. While they had the opportunity for a second chance, they also lacked the tools they needed to achieve it, and the little bit of knowledge they had needed to be treasured. If Joe's original decision was to keep Barry and Wally excluded from the case; a decision that would result in a catastrophe, then he'd need to switch it up this time around.

He just really hoped that this wouldn't be a mistake.

 

 


	8. Discovery, Round 2

**Discovery, Round 2**

**June 24th**

**New Timeline**

 

"Knock knock."

Barry looked up from his computer, visibly annoyed when he saw Joe enter his lab. While his door was normally always kept open and welcome to any visitors, today the distraction made him frustrated.

"What's up?" he asked, returning to his work.

"Just coming to see if you wanted to take a break…you've been up here all morning," Joe answered, casually leaning against the shelf of chemicals.

Barry shook his head, "No thanks, I don't have time."

His attention was focused strictly on computer monitors in front of him, his disregard for Joe's presence a clear sign of how he felt.

Since last night, they hadn't spoken more than a few words to each other, the tension between them becoming thicker as the day lingered on. He had flashed to work the moment Joe announced that he was officially put on the meta-catcher case, and while Iris tried to defend his strange behavior as being stressed, Joe knew better.

"Bar…" Joe said, "you're proving my point."

Barry huffed, "What point would that be, Joe?"

"You're wearing your emotions on your sleeve with this case." Joe wasn't surprised when Barry kept his attention on his work. "Your judgment will be clouded if you keep taking it personally."

"Taking it personally?" Barry let out an incredulous laugh. "Joe, the guy has captured and killed five innocent people just because they were affected by the particle accelerator explosion. And now there's a seventeen-year-old girl currently missing, presumed to be in his hands, and her family is downstairs asking where she is."

He finally looked up from his computer and over at Joe, "Do _you_ want to tell them her body will be found by the harbor in twenty-four hours? Or should I? Because we both know that's what's going to happen."

"Bar…"

"They don't even last one day, and she's been missing for half of that. How many days has it taken the CCPD to find them? How many other victims has he taken that we don't know about? I could have stopped this guy two weeks ago if you hadn't kept me off the case!"

"He kills you, Barry!" Joe shouted, his patience having worn thin. "You don't think that the _moment_ we figured out he was hunting meta's, I wanted you far away from this case to protect you?"

"You can't protect me from this, Joe!" Barry snapped, his voice to rattling in his throat.

Joe went quiet, and his shoulders slumped down as his tension was replaced with despair. He nodded his head with asperity.

"Yeah, you're right…" he barely whispered, "I can't. I couldn't."

"Joe, don't…" Barry sighed, his words muffled when he ran his hands down his face.

"It was wrong of me to leave you out of this the first time around. And I don't say that just because he…you…" Joe waved his hand around in the air, struggling to find the right words to say. It left a bitter taste in his mouth to even think of the words 'killed' and 'Barry' in the same sentence, so he purposefully skipped over them.

"You're a grown man and you can take care of yourself. At the time though, I felt I needed to do what a father does for their boy, and that was to protect you from this."

Barry groaned, leaning back in his chair.

"But whether you're on this case or not, I will not let this man touch you - or Wally. You will have to deal with that, Barry." Joe stubbornly said.

"Thank you." Barry's tone was short, "I can handle this, though."

Joe scoffed, "Cut the crap, Bar."

"What? What do you want from me?" he snapped.

"To be honest with yourself, kid." Joe said, "You've spent two years doing this hero thing for everyone in the city, and now that _you_ need protection, you're too proud to take it."

Barry shook his head, "This is not about pride."

"Then what is it?"

"It's…" Barry paused, taking a moment to think before brushing him off.

"It's nothing. Never mind."

"Barry…" Joe's voice threatened.

"You don't think I'm scared, Joe?"

"Oh I know you're scared, you just won't show it." Joe answered.

"Of course I won't show it!" Barry yelled, shooting up from his chair and practically sending it skidding across the lab. "Do you think I want to worry Iris? Caitlin or Cisco? Do you think I want Wally to feel worse than he already does? I'm terrified Joe! But if show that, then we might have well have lost."

Joe didn't blink, he barely let out a breath at the sudden outburst. He stared at Barry, almost studying his features like there was a hidden clue behind them. Barry knew this, and he turned away with an exhausted sigh.

"I need to get back this analysis." he rolled his chair back over to his desk and plopped down, rubbing at the nape of his neck, but not yet going back to his work.

Joe could feel the stress radiating off his body, something more then what he normally dealt with. Typically, the boy tried to carry the weight of the world on his back. After last night, it seemed like he had crumbled under the pressure.

"Barry…" Joe walked over, gently laying a hand on his shoulder, "It's okay to feel that way…and it's okay to show it."

The words stung, not because they were new but rather they were familiar. Barry couldn't help but be reminded of when he was a young child, still coming to terms with the loss of his parents and his new life at the West household. For weeks, he had stuffed his feelings instead, refusing to do nothing more than go through the motions. It was Joe who had got through to him then, becoming the pillar of support that he'd need going through life.

He couldn't be angry at him, in fact, he wasn't angry at all. It was the feeling of helplessness coursing through him that made him agitated, the anxiety gnawing at his bones.

"Do you think-"

He was interrupted by the loud ring of his cell phone, both looking down at the desk where the phone danced around with vibration. His caller ID screen showed a photo of Caitlin smiling back at them.

Swiping the screen open, he answered.

"Hey."

Joe took a step back as Barry handled the phone call. He fidgeted around the lab, trying to occupy himself with the multiple flasks and beakers that were filled with a rainbow of colors and the different reports scattered around his work table.

"Yeah, I'll be there shortly. See you then."

Barry pocketed his phone and grabbed his backpack. "Caitlin needs me over at S.T.A.R labs. I'm going to take this analysis with me; I think there's something in it Cisco may be able to help with."

Joe looked up, finger pointing to his chest.

"Want me to come with?"

"No, stay here." Barry said, "Keep working on what you can. I'll call you with any updates."

Joe didn't get the chance to utter a _'be safe'_ before a flash of yellow blinded his eyes and a gust of wind blew through his suit jacket. On a normal day, he would care less about the scattered papers that blew across the room, creating a mess in the once organized lab.

As a cascade of notebook paper flew to the floor though, the scribbled handwriting caught his attention. He squatted down to gather a few in his hands, shuffling through them with curiosity. They certainly weren't anything work-related, because anything Barry had to hand write for the CCPD was tip-top penmanship. These had been crumpled up and tossed aside, and Joe had to take a moment to understand what exactly it was he was looking at.

They were scribbled, crossed out, erased and smudged notes, but it didn't take a forensic scientist to figure out what they were. Barry had written goodbye letters to them all, or at least tried to.

"Oh Bar…" he sighed, the words heavy against his chest.

 

* * *

 

"Why so much cherry?"

"Because cherry is the best flavor in existence."

"I don't know, I prefer the blue kind. The light blue though, the frost flavor."

Cisco paused, "I don't even know you anymore."

Barry flashed into the cortex, the gust of wind that came with him nearly knocking Cisco over. He threw his backpack to the side and looked in the med lab with confusion.

"Are we planning a triathlon?" he asked, pointing towards the long workbench filled with bottles of Gatorade.

Caitlin shook her head, "Nope. Now lay down and roll up your sleeves."

Barry raised an eyebrow, "I'm sorry?"

"Drink up, my friend! We can't rely on your speed metabolism for everything; I've got enough here to replenish and refuel you." Cisco said.

"From what…exactly?" he was afraid to ask, forcing the words out as he slowly approached the med bay.

"After listening to everything Wally had to say last night, I decided it would be best if we increased the amount of your blood that we have in the reserves," Caitlin answered.

Barry approached the gurney, "By how much? I thought we had plenty."

"So did I. But you can't be too cautious." Caitlin gathered her supplies and began to tie a tourniquet around Barry's bicep, encouraging him to get on the gurney.

"How much are we planning to take?"

Caitlin stalled, gently inserting the needle in his arm. "Just, you know…a couple liters."

" _Liters!?_ "

"Chilax, dude." Cisco said, "Your body won't even know it's gone. It's best we take it now when we have the chance."

"No no, Cisco…" Barry tried to get up, only to have Caitlin push him back down. "I can't do this right now. There was a BPA at the meta-catcher's last crime scene I need to run through the gel electrophoresis. I don't have time-"

"Sit," Caitlin demanded, her tone serious.

"Cait…"

"I'll run it through the machine. You stay here." she insisted, turning on the drawing machine and watching as the catheter filled with blood.

His wince caught her attention.

"What?"

"I…kind of need Cisco for this one."

Cisco, who was across the room fiddling with the Flash's red suit, looked up with surprise and confusion.

"Yeah?"

Barry nodded, "The bloodstain analysis is too small to come back with any structured DNA results, but I was able to strip it down to a blood type. It also has foreign chemicals in it, a small trace of alloying elements which I think could be molybdenum and vanadium."

"Moly what now?" Cisco quipped.

"Metal. You've been able to cross analyze and reference before. Once it's spun, can you…?"

"Work magic? We'll see." Cisco muttered, turning around to head out of the med lab and gather the evidence from Barry's bag.

Unbeknownst to him, Wells was standing at the entrance, leaning against the door frame.

"I've got a better idea," he announced.

"Holy-!" Cisco grabbed his chest, "Dude…not cool."

Harry ignored him, "You're not going to get anywhere with that speck of dust."

Cisco rolled his eyes, walking into the cortex to locate Barry's sample case. With exaggeration, he mocked Well's as he spoke, resisting the urge to do it vocally.

"You don't know that." Barry insisted.

"I do." Harry argued, "I can guarantee there's nothing Cisco will be able to trace down with that sample."

"Harry, we're doing everything we can here," Caitlin said, his pessimism increasing her stress.

"No, you're not."

Before any of them could retort, his attitude beyond frustrating them, Wells had turned and pointed across the cortex where Cisco stood.

"You're not doing everything because you're forgetting about the one person who can give us all the answers we need."

Cisco, a bottle of Gatorade to his mouth, froze in place.

"Why ya'll looking at me?"


	9. Complication, Round 2

  **Complication, Round 2**

**June 25th  
New Timeline**

 

“Alright, ya’ll _really_ need to stop looking at me.”

Wells sighed. “Ramon…”

“No, seriously. There is such a thing called performance pressure, and right now I have five sets of eyes burning a hole in my skull.” Cisco rubbed his temples, the stress of the situation coming forth.

Approaching the cortex, Iris carefully set down the carrier of hot coffee from Jitters next to where Barry stood, both himself and Caitlin having no hesitation in taking a cup for themselves.

“Have they really been here all night?” she quietly asked.

Caitlin nodded her head. “I tried to get them to leave, but Wally is just as stubborn as Cisco right now.”

She looked ahead where both Wally and Cisco sat in chairs planted across from each other, Cisco’s hand on Wally’s knee as he concentrated on using his abilities.Their exhaustion engulfed the room, both men still dressed in the same clothes as yesterday with dark bags forming under their eyes.

“Has he vibed anything?” Barry asked, sipping his coffee.

This time, Caitlin shook her head.

“Alright, well this is getting us nowhere.” Harry declared, making his way to the opposite end of the cortex where, scattered alongside the workbench with empty bottles of Gatorade, were multiple projects of unfinished weapons. He picked up a screwdriver and went to work.

“Dude!” Cisco snapped, “A little confidence would be appreciated.”

“No Cisco, he’s right.” Barry walked forward and laid a hand on his shoulder. “You’ve been at this all night. It’s time to try something else.”

“Maybe you’re just tired?” Wally suggested. “I have a hard time studying when I haven’t slept…”

“He’s got a good point,” Iris stated.

Cisco shook his head, determination written on his face as he ignored all of them.

“This isn’t about being tired. I should have had something by now… _something_. I don’t understand…” he began to rub his temples again, the approaching headache throbbing behind his eyes.

“There are other things we can do. You can’t work yourself up over this.” Barry insisted.

Cisco looked up, his eyes bleak and discouraged.

“You die tonight, Barry.” he darkly said, “That’s a pretty good reason to get worked up.”

Barry couldn’t find a response in him, his usual optimism crushed behind his own lack of sleep and the stress he found radiating off his friends. As much as he wanted to offer them false words of encouragement, the hopelessness sank too far into his bones.

Cisco heaved a sigh, “At this point, we have under twelve hours to stop the meta-catcher and I can’t vibe anything from the other timeline.”

“Then we try something else.” Barry countered, “We still have that blood splatter analysis. You can cross reference the traces of metal in it.”

Cisco stretched his arms over his head, cracking his neck in the process.

“Maybe later. I’m going to keep trying this. I _have_ to vibe something.”

“I need a coffee break then,” Wally mumbled, halfway up from his chair before Iris handed him a cup from the tray.

He forced a smile, not even attempting to make it look sincere. “Oh yay, coffee. I guess I should have also mentioned I need to stretch my legs…”

Cisco clapped his hands together, scooting his chair forward.

“Come on amigo, let’s focus.”

“Man, my ass is numb…”

Off to the side, Caitlin sat down in front of the computer monitors while directing her attention to Iris and Barry.

“Cisco _is_ right…we don’t have a lot of time left.” Caitlin knew that she was mentioning the obvious, but the feeling of standing stagnant in the situation bothered her too much.

Aside from drawing blood from Barry and calling in favors from former colleagues for more medical supplies, there wasn’t much she felt that she could do. Plus, anything she had done was in preparation for the previous timeline reoccurring, and the mere thought of that sickened her.

Iris thought for a moment, chewing on her bottom lip before looking over at Barry.

“Has my dad found anything?”

He shook his head, “No. he hasn’t. Whoever this guy is, he’s good. He covers his tracks like he wasn’t even there.”

Wells looked up from the tranquilizer gun beneath him, dropping the screwdriver from his mouth. “Have we considered that the meta catcher is a meta himself?”

There was a pause in the room, the question lingering in the air as everyone deliberated on the possibility.

Iris was the first to speak up.

“What?”

“That-that doesn’t make any sense.” Barry said, “Why would a meta be capturing and killing other innocent meta’s?”

“Why does anything happen on your Earth?” Harry muttered, his words muffled by the end of the screwdriver hanging from his mouth.

“Oh cause Earth-2 is so innocent.” Cisco retorted, never once opening his eyes or looking up from the ground in fear of losing his focus.

“Serial killers are an anomaly for us, remember?” Harry reminded him.

Cisco scoffed. “Right, an anomaly. It just happens that the serial killer you had gone to other earths for his killings.”

“It could make sense.” Caitlin ignored them, returning to the original topic. “If every crime scene looks like he was never there, maybe he has an ability for that.”

Wally shrugged, “Maybe…he wants to rid all meta humans?”

Barry folded his arms over his chest, shaking his head. “It doesn’t an add up. What he’s doing to these people…it’s beyond genocide.”

Confusion set over Iris, and she turned to look at him.

“What do you mean, Barry?” she asked.

Barry cringed when he realized he had slipped, having tried so hard to keep the details of the case hidden from Iris. She had been stressed and concerned since the other night, and rightfully so, but it didn’t keep him from feeling the guilt that he did for putting her through the situation.

Rubbing the nape of his neck, he hesitantly answered. “Whoever it is, they’re…disturbed. They don’t quickly kill the victims, but every murder is so drastically different that there’s no clear motive behind them.”

“You think they kill for fun?” Caitlin asked.

“Wait, wait wait,” Cisco became distracted, looking up at the group. “Wally says you died suddenly. Right?”

Wally nodded. “He went to investigate the 911 call and my dad brought him back here. He wasn’t missing or anything.”

“I think that they’re trying to get rid of me. The Flash, anyway.” Barry explained, “Maybe they know I’m what will stop them. If I’m out of the picture, they can continue with…whatever they want to keep doing.”

Caitlin furrowed her eyebrows, “But we don’t think they were affected by the particle accelerator explosion?”

“No…they know how to cover their tracks, but if they could just disappear from crime scenes, we wouldn’t have the blood splatter,” Barry said.

“You think the blood belongs to them then?” Caitlin asked.

Barry nodded. “I do. And I think the traces of metal are from whatever weapon he’s been using.”

“What makes you think that?” Iris curiously asked.

“The victim from this crime scene had their head bashed in.” Barry was quiet, his voice hushed but still audible.

There was a beat, even Wells pausing on his work after hearing the information.

“Oh.” Iris rasped.

Realizing that he had divulged too much, Barry grabbed her shoulders and brought her closer to him, relishing her touch and the smell of her perfume.

“Iris, please don’t worry.”

“That’s an insane thing to ask from me right now, Barry.” She didn’t hide her frustration from him, having straightened her posture with the head-strong determination that he would normally love about her if it weren’t for this current predicament.

He sighed, resisting the urge to pull her into a strong embrace and stay there forever. He was torn between his concern for her, the city, and himself, so much that his head began to swim with the pressure.

He needed one of them out of the picture, if only for the sake of his composure.

“Is there any way you can go to CCPN and find out if these six victims have been linked in any way? Maybe his motive is personal…I think you’re the best to figure that out.” he explained to her.

She wasn’t dumb, and she knew there was an agenda behind his request. Nonetheless, she complied.

“I’ll see what I can find out.”

With a peck on the lips and a squeeze of his hand, she begrudgingly left the cortex. While it left a hole in his heart to see her walk away, it also took one thing off his plate and the stress diminished, if only a tad bit.

He turned back to the middle of the room, facing the two men sitting across from each other.

“Cisco?”

“Give me like, three more hours dude. Then I’ll run the cross-reference.” Cisco said, his forehead creasing with concentration.

Barry groaned, hands running through his hair as he collapsed into a chair near the monitors and next to Caitlin. Not being oblivious to his surroundings, Cisco decided to look up and over at his friend.

“I promise, Barry. We got this.”

Barry tried to comfort himself with the assurance offered, but it felt wrong – like eating sour fruit. He rested his head against the palm of his hand, closing his eyes only for a moment to steady himself and regain his composure.

The silence felt relaxing, up until the moment that Cisco’s mumbling became vocal.

“I want your ugly, I want your disease…”

“ _Concentrate_ , Ramon!”

 

* * *

 

Joe was starting to understand the concept of Deja vu.

Technically, it would be Dejaa vecu, something Francine corrected him on all the time. She was the one who was into spirits, mediums and the world behind them, having gone so far as to spending Iris’s newly begun college fund on visits to a psychic. It was one of their many downfalls to their marriage.

Tonight though, as he walked the halls of the CCPD, he began to understand her ramblings and rants about deja vecu. ‘The feeling of having already lived through something.’ He had been trying to shake it off all day, chalking it up to his paranoia, but it only got stronger with time.

He looked down at his watch, bitterly scoffing at the time.

 _‘6:30pm.’_ Joe shook his head, _‘I sure as hell hope they’ve been able to find out more than me.’_

“Detective West.”

The sudden presence of Captain Singh caught him off guard, and while on a normal day he’d be apprehensive about an impromptu discussion with his boss, today he was too tired to work up the emotion.

“Captain,” Joe greeted, “What can I do for you?”

“I wanted to thank you for letting Allen in on this case.” he stated, walking side by side with the detective. “He’s making leaps ahead of what Anderson was pulling together.”

“Yeah, well…we’re crunching time now, so there wasn’t much of an option.” Joe grumbled, knowing he wasn’t just talking about the case anymore.

“Joe…” Captain Singh grabbed his forearm, halting their walk. “You know I respected your request to keep him out. You’re one of my few detectives that have been here since the beginning, I don’t take that lightly.”

“I know, David. I appreciate it.” Joe answered.

“Good!” he picked back up their brisk walk across the precinct. “Because I’m glad you made the decision on your own. I was about to pull the bad guy card and put Barry on regardless.”

“I’m sure you were.” Joe mumbled, falling into his chair with exhaustion.

“And to think you didn’t even want the kid working here. I’ve gotten more results from him in the past twenty-four hours then Anderson could pull out of his ass in two weeks. You know-”

The ring of a cell phone interrupted him, and Singh dug into his pocket to retrieve the device while excusing himself from Joe.

He answered, “Captain David Singh speaking.”

Looking down at his desk, Joe absentmindedly shuffled through the multitude of papers in front of him, none of great importance and all leading to further confusion. He was running solely on coffee and quick naps, having dived deep into the case since Wally’s time travel incident.

There were no leads, no clues and nothing to go off. While he’d normally be proud of the Captain’s praise towards Barry, he couldn’t help but be bitter of it today. Sure, Barry was making leaps over another forensic scientist, but it still got them nowhere. Forty-eight hours had quickly turned into four, the burden and heaviness becoming overwhelming.

Suddenly, he was distracted by the phone call taking place a few steps away.

“How’d you get this number?”

Joe slowly sat up, eavesdropping the best he could.

“Who is this? What’s your name?”

Singh waved him over with urgency, the cell phone pressed tightly to his ear. Joe didn’t hesitate on rushing over.

“What do you mean-hey! Hello!?”

“David?” Joe pressed.

He looked up with shock.

“I just got our location on Sarah Kinsey.”

“From who?”

Looking down at his cell phone, Singh shook his head with disbelief.

“I’m pretty damn sure that was our meta-catcher.”

 

* * *

 

Barry tapped his fingers impatiently on the computer desk, his foot bouncing on the floor with haste.

“Anything yet?”

“Dude, she’s working!” Cisco exclaimed, pointing towards the computer. “I just started the cross reference a couple hours ago, it could take a couple more hours before it narrows it down.”

Caitlin came rushing into the room, her heels clicking against the tiled floor as Wally followed behind her.

“Alright, I’ve got all the doors locked for security. If we keep you here and everyone else out, we can buy a little more time.”

Barry nodded his head, raising from his seat. “I need to let Iris know to stay away. She-”

The loud shrill of a telephone interrupted him, the sound echoing the cortex. While everyone reached for their cell phones, Caitlin was the one to dart across the room.

“When have we had a landline here?” Wally questioned.

“It’s for emergency calls, in case there’s a lab accident. It’s…never rung before.” She hesitated to pick up, her nerves getting the best of her. It was Barry who flashed over, the phone to his ear before she could blink.

“Hello…” he answered, shrugging back at her.

She watched as his face fell faster than his skin began to lose color, the shock quickly being replaced by an onset of hot anger.

“Hey! Don’t hang up on me, where-damn it!” He slammed the phone down, his frustration getting the better of him.

“Barry?” Caitlin asked with concern.

“Sarah Kinsey, she...she’s alive, she’s being held at the abandoned delta clothes factory across town.”

Cisco shook his head, “No, dude. You’re staying here.”

“Guys, that was-”

Wally stepped forward, “Barry, you went after a call last time and-”

“That was _him_ , you guys! That was the meta-catcher. I need to…”

Shock filled the room, and Barry grabbed a chunk of his hair with force. Just as he began to lose his composure, he realized that his cell phone had been vibrating in the pocket of his pants. Quickly retrieving it, he noted it was a photo of Joe filling the screen, not hesitating to answer the call and place it on speaker phone.

“Joe, we just-”

_“The Captain just received a phone call from the meta-catcher, Barry.”_

“What!? No, no we just…what did he say?”

_“That him and Sarah Kinsey will be at the steel mill factory across from S.T.A.R Labs.”_

“Joe, he just called S.T.A.R labs. He said that him and Sarah are at the abandoned delta clothes factory near Keystone.”

_“What!? Why….?”_

Wally gaped. “That’s…that’s where this all went down. The steel mill! Barry, you can’t go there, it’s a trick.”

Barry inwardly cursed, pacing the room for a moment before coming up with an idea.

“Joe, you need to get a team there – to the steel mill. If this is even remotely close to how it originally went down, he’ll be there and the CCPD needs to get him while they can.”

_Barry, you are not leaving that damn building!”_

“Yes, I am, Joe.” Barry stubbornly stated. “Wally and myself are going to the factory near Keystone. Both locations need to be covered in case he’s leading us the wrong way.”

_“Hell no. I’m sending two different teams to both-”_

“We don’t have time for that! They won’t get there in time; Wally and I will.”

There was a moment of silence, Joe’s distraught sigh the only sound over the phone. Caitlin and Cisco looked at each other with anxiety, the latter checking back at the computer for any results from his cross reference.

Joe’s voice crackled through, barely a whisper. _“I can’t lose both my sons, damnit….”_

“You won’t, Joe. I promise.”

Barry hung up the phone and looked over at Wally, both exchanging a nod before they flashed into their suits, the combination of lightening flickering in the air.

“Hold on hold on hold on!” Cisco ran across the room, knocking over his computer chair in the process. “I made some adjustments to your suit, Barry. It just needs one final touch…”

He grabbed the emblem from behind the far-left work bench, brushing off any debris or dust that may have fallen off it.

“What adjustments?” Barry asked, adjusting his cowl.

Cisco approached and tapped at his chest, “You have reinforced steel lining the locations of your main arteries, so nothing should penetrate in a damaging way. I’ve also reinstalled the defibrillator, and thanks to our lovely Dr. Snow, there’s an emergency dose of norepinephrine for any dangerous blood loss.”

Barry forced a smile, resting his gloved hand on Cisco’s shoulder.

“Thank you, Cisco. But I won’t need it.” he insisted, “Wally’s given us a second chance tonight. We’re going to take it.”

He nodded over at Caitlin, wordlessly thanking her for all the help she had provided as well. They both chose to ignore the shine in her eyes, tears threatening to fall against her control.

It was barely a second after Cisco had latched on the emblem to his suit that they both flashed away, his hand still in the air when they were gone. If Caitlin hadn’t known better, he was simply in shock from the sudden disappearance of them both.

When she looked closer though, she realized that his eyes were threatening to roll back into his head, and his mouth gaped with unrestraint.

His world had gone blue.

* * *

 

_“Ohhh lordy lord…” Cisco muttered under his breath, watching Joe and Harry try to gather Barry for transport._

_**‘That’s me…’**_ _Cisco’s voice echoed, his vision tunneled and unfocused as he looked around the room. If he were any less experienced, he’d say he never left, standing in the same location of the cortex as he was before._

_Only now it was different. It was louder, more chaotic, and bodies rushed around everywhere. All but one, who stood back in shock._

_**‘Wally?’**_ h _e moved closer, waving his hand in front of Wally’s face._

 _ **‘What are you staring at….oh.’**_ _Cisco watched from the same spot Wally stood as the med lab in front of them fell into disarray, blood splattering the walls and floor quicker than his tunneled vision could keep up with._

_“wha-ga-haRGH!” Barry’s scream reached over the noise of the monitors and alarms, Wells and Joe setting him down as carefully as they could with no luck in not causing further pain._

_“Hang in there Barry, hang in there...” Joe panicked, cursing at his son’s suddenly awareness. His hands hastily made their way back to the bleeding wound, his police jacket stuffed around the pipe though it was already drenched and soaked in blood, surely not soaking up anything further._

_**‘Oh this is it…’**_ Cisco mumbled, _**‘This is how it all happened.’**_

_“Ple-ARGH-ple-lease-Arggh!” Barry begged, his voice straining through the pain. His neck was locked to its side as he tried to dig his face further into the pillow behind his neck. “G-get—ge-get it-it-out.”_

_“You’re going to be fine, man. We got this, you’ll be fine!” Cisco’s words came out a mile per minute, panic setting in faster than he could get the trays ready for Caitlin._

_**‘Sorry dude, but you are not going to be fine.’**_ _Cisco broke away from Wally, stumbling over to the computers with force. The tunnel vision got smaller and thicker and his body swayed with vertigo as his vibe threatened to come to an end._

 _ **‘There has to be something here, there has to…’**_ _his eyes scanned everywhere, from the papers scattered across the desk to the files left up on the computer monitors. It was then he noticed the results of the same search he had been performing all afternoon, clear as day on the computer._

_This Cisco had finished the cross reference, while he was still awaiting the results._

_“Hypovolemic shock. I need to stop the bleeding and-”_

_“He’s tachycardiac, Snow!”_

_“Cisco, his O2 stats are dropping and he’s going into respiratory failure - get him on oxygen._ **_Cisco? Cisco! Cis-”_**

 

* * *

 

“Cisco!”

He gasped, stumbling forward and almost falling on his knees had Caitlin not supported him.

“Ohhhh boy.” Cisco muttered, rubbing away the throbbing headache that pounded beneath his forehead. He didn’t realize that his nose was bleeding until Caitlin had pressed a tissue to his face, catching the droplets for him.

“What did you vibe?”

“Oh you know…just everything I was trying to vibe all night.” his sarcasm didn’t go unnoticed, and she guided him down to a chair with ease.

She couldn’t help but ask, “Why now?”

“I have no idea…” he shook his head, wincing at the movement. “But we need to figure out who Zayne Nagle is, and what he has to do with all of this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Gotta give a shout of to RedQ and her story "The Others" The mention of Francine and psychics come from that wonderful piece of work! Link below.  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/9303875/chapters/21088148


	10. Failure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those wondering, Zayne Nagle: Z-ane Nay-gul

  **Failure**

**June 25th  
New Timeline**

 

The Delta clothes factory near the border of Keystone and Central City was shut down in 1998 due to a combination of poor production and increase in oversea shipment from other manufacturers. When entering the old and abandoned building, Barry couldn’t help but think of how hard the working conditions were for the employees during its time in business.

Very few windows, tables placed so close together that you’d feel catastrophic sitting at one, and the large fans scattered across the room told a story of hot and humid conditions. Even now, his lungs felt scratchy at the dust that coated the items and floated in the air.

“Ugh, it smells like a rotten shoe in here,” Wally commented, a gloved hand covering his nose.

“Try not to focus on it,” Barry said, “keep your eyes open for any movement.”

“Should we clear the area? This place is big, he could be anywhere...it’ll take a few seconds for us both to-”

“No. We stay together. Let him come to us if he wants...if he’s even here.” Barry’s eyes scanned the building, from the floor to the high vaulted ceilings, looking for anything that might grab his attention.

“He can’t be here...this isn’t how it happened before.” Wally scratched the back of his head, his confusion apparent.

Barry bit his tongue, daring not to speak his inner thoughts and theories on the now changing timeline. He needed Wally to concentrate, and explaining the obvious but ignored butterfly effect wasn’t going to help him with that.

He pressed a finger to his ear, activating his com.

“Guys?”

 _“CCPD has an entire squad at the steel mill right now, Barry. Both places are covered.”_ Caitlin answered on the other end.

Barry nodded his head, not vocally answering as he continued to stay alert. He paid attention to any noise or movement, ready to jump into action at any second.

The building remained silent, only the sound of his and Wally’s breathing taking place.

 

* * *

 

“CCPD! Come out with your hands in the air!”

Joe’s voice boomed through the steel mill, leaving an echo that faded away in the distance. His and the team’s flashlights illuminated the walls of the cold and empty building, reflecting off the multitude of machines once used for the production of metal and steel. It had been shut down for decades, and the machinery was left to rust from lack of care and exposure to the elements.

The only sound that came in response was the drip of water from above, starting slow and picking up the pace as the time went on.

“Damn it,” one of the officers cursed, “the forecast wasn’t calling for rain. I didn’t bring my jacket.”

“Shh!” Joe hissed, gun raised in one hand with his flashlight tucked tightly under.

“Did we get a time-frame, West?” A different voice asked, the officer standing ground further away to his left.

Looking down at his watch, Joe caught sight as the large hand hit the number nine. While it was further downtown and away from them, the city’s clock-tower rung its bell at the strike of the hour.

“No,” he answered, “but it could be any moment.”

He hadn’t remembered being this nervous since he had first joined the force decades ago, his stomach flipping and turning with every breath he took.

His heart almost jumped out of his chest when he heard the clang of metal from across the building.

 

* * *

 

Wally turned around, his attention focused on the shattered and broken windows surrounding the walls of the factory.

“It’s raining?”

“Pay attention, Wally.”

He shook his head, perplexed. “It wasn’t raining the first time.”

Barry turned towards him, noting the confusion and possibly even fear that washed over Wally. Outside, the rain came down harder, hitting the ceiling with force and making its way through the exposed windows.

_“Barry!”_

“Yeah, I’m here,” he answered.

 _“Sarah Kinsey was just rescued. They found her tied up at the steel mill; they’re taking her in for questioning now.”_ Cisco explained.

“And the meta-catcher?”

_“They’re still looking for him. Listen, Barry, I think I found a lead on him-”_

The sudden gust of wind caught him off guard, forcing him to stumble back and hit one of the work tables. The familiar smell of ozone filled his nostrils, and the flicker of yellow lightening still flowed in the air.

“Wally!” he shouted, “We need to stay together, Wally!”

There was no response, only the pitter-patter from rain on the ceiling.

He cursed, looking around for a clue to where the boy could have gone. With a defeated sigh, he pressed a finger to his ear.

“Guys, I lost Wally.”

Nothing.

“Guys? Track his suit down, he can’t...” Barry trailed off, the silence almost deafening him. He stripped his cowl with haste, his hands digging into his ear with panic.

His com was missing.

“Let me introduce myself, Flash.” A voice spoke up, and he spun around to see a figure approaching him, hidden in the shadows.

“Or more accurately, re-introduce myself.”

 

* * *

 

Wally had barely blinked, the movement happening before his eyelids even finished closing. He hadn’t run or even moved, but suddenly he was outside in the very rain he had been staring at.

“Barry?” he called out, the heavy downpour blocking his vision.

He turned around, taking in his surroundings with an unsettling sense of fear. He wasn’t anywhere near the delta clothes factory anymore, or even S.T.A.R labs and the steel mill. Even more disturbing, he hadn’t run here himself.

Deciding it was better to figure things out at another time, Wally sprinted forward with the intent of making his way back to the factory. The idea of having Barry be alone right now was disturbing enough, and his feet took off in a rush.

They splattered against the mud on the ground, but never lifted fast enough for him to flash away. He jogged through the rain, but the lightning never crackled around him.

“What the hell...” he muttered, stopping to examine his legs and arms as if they belonged to someone else.

Finger to his ear, he panicked. “Cisco, Caitlin - it’s Wally. I don’t have my speed, I-I don’t know where I’m at.”

The mud splashed below him as the rain picked up, but no one responded.

“Guys!?” he shouted, stripping his cowl and digging his finger into his ear to retrieve his com. It was with shock that he realized both ears were empty.

Looking up at his surroundings, he was even more shocked to see in front of him was the giant sign reading ‘Welcome to Keystone city’, the words almost taunting him.

 

* * *

 

“Wally? Barry? Guys, can you hear us?” Cisco typed frantically on the computer, his keyboard surrounded by used bloody tissues that he hadn’t found the time to trash.

“Cisco, the com’s just went offline.” Caitlin darkly said, “both of them.”

“Shit.” He muttered, pushing away from the computer and wheeling back in his chair. “This is not good. This is not good at all...”

Just then, his cell phone rang, vibrating across the desk with force. He didn’t even check to see who the caller was before answering it.

 _“Cisco!”_ Joe’s voice boomed through, _“They’ve taken Sarah Kisney back to the CCPD, but we have no sign of the meta-catcher here. It seems he dropped her and left.”_

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” Cisco groaned, rubbing the knuckles of his hand against his eyes.

_“What have Barry and Wally found?”_

“About them...”

 _“What about them?”_   Joe’s voice was threatening, the anger and worry he felt barely contained by the urgency of the situation. _“Cisco!?”_

“Both of their coms just went offline. We don’t know what’s going on.”

 _“Where are they?”_   The heavy rain picked up most of the sound, his words muffled behind the weather.

Caitlin clicked away at her own computer, turning her monitor towards Cisco the moment she could.

“The suit trackers are still online. Barry is still at the delta clothes factory. Wally’s...on the outskirts of Keystone.” Her answer followed nothing but silence in the cortex, though Cisco’s cell phone leaked the sound of the rainstorm Joe stood in.

“Did you catch that, Mr. West?” Cisco asked.

 _“I’m going to delta now.”_   he didn’t wait for a response, rather he hung up the call once his words were finished.

Cisco lowered his cell phone, looking over at Caitlin with fear.

 

* * *

 

“Forget the formalities,” Barry scoffed, “I know who you are. And I’m not letting you get away.”

His threats went unheard. The man kept his pace, walking forward and further out of the darkness that the enclosed factory provided him.

“I actually have a feeling that you know less now, than what you did before.” He said, his hands stuffed in his pockets with nonchalance.

Barry didn’t respond, his brows furrowed in confusion.

“I’d be happy to explain, Flash.”

“You can explain once I take you in to the police. A murderer like you needs to be behind bars.” He planted his heels on the ground with daring strength, and he rushed forward to restrain the man; already prepared to flash him into a cell at the CCPD with ease.

Only his feet stumbled across the concrete surface of the floor, never once picking up and dashing away with his speed.

“Don’t bother,” The man insisted, “You see, I strive to learn from my mistakes. I know what to do this time around.”

Barry withheld his expression of shock, slowly stepping backward one foot after the other as he hid in the same darkness that the man walked out from. Suddenly, his courage was drowned out by the fear of the unknown.

“Whoever you are, you’ve taken the lives of innocent people. That’s not something you’re going to get away with.”

“All accidents.” he brushed him off, hand waving at the air. “They didn’t have what I needed. Of course, I couldn’t let them ruin my plans, so they…unfortunately…needed disposed of.”

“And what’s your plan?” The statement had provoked a spiteful hate within him, and Barry clenched his fist tightly, his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands.

“Same as last time, ‘lil scarlet.”

The man crossed his arms over his chest and leaned casually against a metal post, his persona radiating a sense of composure and assertiveness. As lightning struck outside, Barry took notice that the stranger wore nothing to hide his identity; no mask, no wig, no cover-up. He was completely out in the open.

Barry shook his head, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Now, who are you?”

The chuckle that echoed through the building sent a shiver down his spine, though not because it was menacingly but rather, it was completely ordinary. The man was just that, a typical average citizen wearing street clothes. After having defeated the monster that Zoom was, Barry didn’t quite understand why this man – so average as he was, made him feel such frantic intimidation.

“You do. You’re a good liar, but you do - and so do I.” The man tapped at his forehead, “Your friend Cisco has an amazing ability. I’ve enjoyed using it. Even more so, I’ve really enjoyed fixing the errors I made before.”

He stepped forward, “My name is Zayne Nagle. You knew that before, it’s unfortunate that you didn’t discover it this time around. But that’s okay, I have nothing to hide from you.”

“You know about the other timeline.” Barry dryly stated.

“I do. And that…” he let out a long whistle, “that was not how I planned for things to go. Whatever time warping travel nonsense that took place, I am grateful – you can count on that.”

Barry took relief in the fact that Nagle didn’t know about Wally’s time travel, comforted that he remained out of immediate danger from the situation. Unfortunately, the relief was short-lived at the other knowledge that was now exposed.

Before they had the upper hand, a roadmap that they could alter how they wanted. But now he realized they had been on leveled playing fields with the bad guy all along.

“How do you know? What did you do to Cisco to find out?” Barry demanded.

“Calm down, ‘lil scarlet.” Nagle insisted, “It doesn’t work like that. Your friend is safe – both of them. In fact, I would have had no way of finding out if I didn’t need a carton of milk yesterday, and Cisco ten cases of Gatorade – which, by the way, is a lot of sugar to consume at once.”

“What can you do? And why are you killing other meta’s?” Barry was angry and impatient, resisting the urge to start beating the man to a bloody pulp with or without his speed.

They remained where they were though, standing across from each other and only illuminated by the lightning that would strike down from the sky. Part of Barry told himself that he needed answers before lashing out, but he knew that Wally’s story remained forefront in his mind. The part of him that wasn’t seeking answers was paralyzed by the tale of another Barry Allen, one who acted so rashly that he never got to see another day.

For now, he’d keep his distance, daring not to repeat the same mistake.

“Well, I use to be a doctor. Navy physician to be accurate. I had the power of healing touch back then. Now, I just have the power of touch.” he wiggled his fingers around in the air, a large smirk on his face. “That fancy explosion a couple years ago? I found out shortly after that I could take the abilities of others. At first, I thought I could just see through things, an x-ray vision of sorts.”

He continued, “But then other things started happening. I could see through things, teleport, become invisible…I realized I was taking from others, like a leech. I didn’t have one ability myself, not like you, Cisco or that wannabe sidekick you got. I became a living sponge, absorbing all sorts of special powers.”

Barry clenched his jaw, “And the people you take from?”

“I consider it more of a loan. I don’t steal because they always get their ability’s back – at some point. I’ve watched people go for days, some for hours. What that explosion did, it’s too difficult to completely strip us of these powers. It’s embedded in our DNA. Once the metabolism readjusts, they’re back to normal.”

It dawned on Barry. “You took Cisco’s. You saw the other timeline by taking his.”

“Bingo.” he smiled. “He should be more aware of his surroundings. You never know who you’ll bump into.”

The words hit Barry hard, and his stomach dropped while his heart fluttered.

“You just took mine.”

Zayne didn’t answer, but his smile didn’t flatter either. He raised his hand out of his pocket, and the vibration shaking off him left a buzz that resonated their ears.

“Not only yours, Flash. Having that kid here was unexpected, but certainly not unwelcome.”

Barry laughed, though the humor was absent. He turned to look at the door, the very one that he had thought Wally ran out of. Now realizing it was just the two of them in the building and no backup on the way, he bitterly shook his head.

“So now you’re going to kill me? Get rid of me and keep doing whatever the hell you want to do?”

“Oh no no no.” Zayne disagreed. “I do not want to kill you. That was an unfortunate accident that I am happy to be able to fix.”

Before Barry could react, Zayne had flashed over in a second, the acceleration he had obtained from two speedsters catching him by surprise. He had him gripped in a choke hold and forced down on his knees before his eyelids had even opened from a mere blink.

“I need you, Flash. You’re going to help me stay alive.”

He was in the midst of trying to escape Nagle’s grip when a sudden pain radiated his body, shutting down his thoughts and any attempt to get away. He bit his tongue to keep his cry in his throat, waiting for the burning sensation that flooded through his veins to pass.

It only grew stronger, stealing his breath and crushing his lungs. When he couldn’t contain the yelp that came through gritted teeth, he looked up and over at his shoulder where three syringes, each at least 30mm each, pushed a vial yellow goo into his body.

“What did you do!?” Barry’s voice struggled through the fire that burned him inside, the anger apparent but not reaching over the volume of the rain outside.

It was then they could hear the screeching of tires approaching, bringing with it red and blue lights that came flooding into the building. Barry’s attempt to keep his exposed face hidden was ruined by the emergency lights that eliminated the darkness, their presence followed by the loud slam of a car door.

He looked up to see a flashlight coursing through the building, his instincts to scream ‘get away!’ buried beneath his diminishing strength not to express his physical pain.

“CCPD! Put your hands in the air!”

When the flashlight shined on Barry, his face exposed with his cowl down, Joe’s heart stopped. Down and his knees with the stranger’s arm wrapped around his throat, there was a glisten of emotion in his son’s eyes that couldn’t be hidden. A part of him conveyed his implore for him to leave, get out of danger and warn everyone else. The other part screamed for help.

His grip tightened around his gun, finger trembling on the trigger.

“Let him go or I’ll shoot!” he shouted, his voice booming through the factory, only to be followed by the roar of thunder.

Barry didn’t move, not even a twitch. With force, Nagle ripped the syringes from his body, and they listened to them as they clattered and rolled around on the floor.

It happened before Joe could react. The man waved to him as if to say ‘goodbye’ with the smart-ass smirk on his face. His finger pulled the trigger one, two and then three times. When his eyes opened back up, barely closed for a second from a blink, they were both gone, having only left a trace of sparks in the air.

“No!” Joe’s voice was hoarse as he screamed, running forward to the empty space.

“Goddamnit, NO!” he collapsed to his knees, staring at the bullets on the cement ground.

He had dropped his gun to switch to his cell phone, though the shaking in his hands made the action take longer than needed.

 _“Where are they? Did you get the meta-catcher?”_ Cisco’s voice answered.

“I-I don’t…” Joe stumbled, disbelief coursing through him as he brushed his hand against the ground, the cement hot with gunpowder. “He’s a meta. The guy’s a metahuman.”

There was no response on the other end, only the silence that the devastating news brought.

Joe cursed, slamming his fist down. “He took Barry.”

The rain continued outside, the storm getting heavier and the rumbling thunder speaking the words that he couldn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many kudos, so little reviews....I hope to hear back from you guys if you enjoy it!


	11. Resume

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I have to admit, I was not expecting my prized possession to be so young.” His tone was calm, almost clinical.
> 
> “Sorry to disappoint.” Barry dryly responded, his words lacking actual sympathy.
> 
> “No need for an apology.” Zayne leaned back, crossing one leg over the other. “How do you feel?”

**Resume**

 

Joe stormed the halls of S.T.A.R labs, taking a turn into the cortex sharper than an angry panther hunting for its prey.

“What the hell happened!?”

Caitlin jumped from her seat, “Mr. West...-”

“I want answers.” he interrupted her, his voice low. “Now.”

“Why aren’t we asking him?” Harry spoke up, pointing to the doorway of the cortex.

Wally’s wet and slippery feet came rushing in, leaving a trail of puddles in his tracks.

“I don’t have my speed. Why don’t I have my speed!?” he panicked, throwing his gloves down on the desk near Cisco, the water that soaked them splashing up on his face.

“Okay, everyone chillax for like, two seconds.” Cisco urged, wiping his face dry.

“I don’t have my speed!” Wally repeated.

“Barry’s _gone._ ” Joe’s voice spoke over Wally’s.

“And in the realm of _all_ possibility s, no one expected this?” Harry’s bitter and condescending words caught the room’s attention, their eyes darting to where he stood with a screwdriver in one hand and weapon in the other. “Come on! I know not everyone in this room is a genius, but-”

Joe charged at him, feet stomping heavily on the tiled floor and his finger pointing at Harry’s chest with a vicious and hot anger.

“If the next thing that comes out of your mouth isn’t how we’re going to save my son, I will throw you downstairs and leave you locked in a cell until he’s found.”

Wells stood his ground, “If you had listened to me in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened. You wouldn’t have had drive Wally back from Keystone, and Barry would still be here.”

“No. No!” Wally’s eyes squeezed shut with frustration. “This isn’t how it went the first time. What did we do wrong!?”

“For crying out loud, I told you! It’s a _causal nexus_. If there’s a causal relationship between two things, one is responsible for causing the other. You, Wally, became the cause of a different timeline which subsequently became the cause of the new outcome. You are the cause of this effect!” Wells replied.

“Well, I didn’t think the effect would be Barry getting kidnapped!”

Joe’s primal roar filled the room, his cry speaking volumes over the others bickering, and his shout followed by his clenched fist meeting with the nearby drywall.

They grew quiet, though his heavy breathing kept everyone’s ears from ringing in the silence.

Harry cautiously put his hands in the air, “I know you don’t want to hear it-”

“Shut up.”

“...but the chances of encountering the same incident after Wally time traveled-”

“Shut up!”

“...were slim to none. The universe needed to balance out what we took away.”

“ _Shut up!_ ”’ Joe shouted.

Cisco rubbed his temples, “Yelling is not going to help us!”

“Cisco’s right, everyone just take a deep breath and-” Caitlin lost track of what she was saying, suddenly distracted by the ‘ding’ that the building’s elevator delivered.

The sound of high heels clicking against tile floor interrupted them, Iris rushing into the cortex as fast as she could.

“What happened? Where’s Barry?”

Joe spun around, staring at his daughter with a fear-stricken face. Wally shook his head, his stress leading him to pace the room. It was Harry who took pity on her, slightly shrugging his shoulders.

“He was taken.”

“What!?” she exclaimed, rushing over to the computers where Caitlin and Cisco were. “Find him!”

“We can’t.” Caitlin tried to explain.

“You’re telling me that you have all this technology and you can’t figure out where he is? Not by his suit, his cell phone, the-the-whachamacallit face recognition thing you use all the time?”

“Tried, tried, and tried.” Cisco answered, “His suit and cell phone are offline and I’ve run the facial recognition three times over - nothing.”

The horror sank in.

“Oh my god.” Iris breathed, gripping the desk for support.

“Sis, we’re going to find him...” Wally tried to comfort her.

“And how do you suppose we’ll be doing that?” Harry bitterly asked.

Cisco raised his one hand, while the other pointed at the monitor. “If ya’ll are done bickering, I have some leads.”

“What!?” Joe stormed over to the computers, “why didn’t you say so earlier!?”

“For real, dude?” Cisco was deadpanned, the annoyance evident.

“Who is this?” Iris asked, directing her question to the multiple files Cisco had pulled up.

“The name is Zayne Nagle. I have very good reasons to believe he’s our meta-catcher and culprit of our missing Barry.” Cisco explained.

“And why’s that?” Joe asked.

Cisco spun around in his chair to face the detective. “Because I vibed it.”

“Vibed _what?_ ” Harry asked, intrigued.

“The other timeline.” Caitlin answered.

Cisco nodded. “I don’t know why it took me so long, but I got a vibe. This is our dude. We knew about him before - in the other timeline. Barry had a small, like microscopic small, sample of blood that I - me from the other timeline - traced back through five hundred million different things to come up with this result.”

“Why did you have these results before? What changed that you didn’t do it now - today - whatever.” Wally asked.

Cisco hesitated, the words struggling to leave his mouth. “I was too busy trying to vibe. I had spent all day in the other timeline finding these results. I... only started right before Barry and Mr. West got the phone calls from Zayne-the-meta-catcher-Nagle this evening.”

Joe was persistent. “What else did you see?”

“That’s it. I mean, I saw Barry dying and everyone freaking out but...” Cisco shook the thought from his head, “this is our guy. It has to be.”

“So, what have you found on him?” Joe asked.

“We’re still looking into it-”

“What have you found, Cisco?”

Cisco suddenly felt pity for any criminal that fell under the wrath of interrogation from detective Joe West, the pressure crushing him like a million bricks.

“He’s ex-military; he was in the marines. Late forty’s, never married, pretty average civilian honestly. No apparent motive for the meta murders.” Cisco answered, rubbing at the back of his head.

Joe looked over at Wells, pointing to the computer monitor. “Does the name ring a bell from your earth?”

Harry shook his head. “Nope.”

“No records of him being a meta?”

Caitlin shrugged, “Nothing in the database.”

“Where can he be traced?” Joe asked Cisco.

“That’s the thing...he’s completely disappeared off the map. He did a short stint in law enforcement, but left right after the singularity last year he went ‘poof’. I can’t find anything.”

Joe heaved a sigh. “You won’t. If there’s anyone that knows how to hide, it’s someone with a police background.”

“And if there’s anyone that can find them,” Iris spoke up. “it’s you, dad.”

Joe absentmindedly nodded his head, too caught up in his troubling thoughts to appreciate his daughter’s encouragement. A name was great, fantastic even. It was one hundred percent more then what they had a couple hours ago. Still, it didn’t make up for the fact that Barry was missing, his attempts at keeping his son safe proving to be useless.

It was then a muted, but high pitch beeping caught his attention.

“What’s that?” he asked. “Is that a meta-alert alarm of yours, Cisco?”

Cisco shook his head.

“That’s me,” Harry announced, bringing up his wristwatch to show everyone.

“Okay...what’s that?” Iris repeated the question.

“It’s an alarm. I programmed it to go off at 9:43 pm.”

“The time Barry originally died.” Wally mumbled.

Cisco huffed in disbelief. “ _Why_ , in God's name, would you set an alarm for that?”

“Because now, we’re in a solidified timeline,” Harry explained. “everything from this point forward is unknown territory.”

The realization sunk in, no one knowing what to say next.

Wells had made a valid point, up until this moment they had a guide to follow, a map to go off. Now, they felt lost, stranded in the middle of nowhere. For weeks, the police were trying to find this man, only able to find his victims when he chose to give them up, dumping their bodies somewhere to be discovered. How were they supposed to find Barry when he was in the same hands of the man no one else could locate?

“Wally,” Caitlin spoke quietly, “I’d like to do a quick exam on you...see if I can find a reason that you don’t have your speed.”

“Yeah...that’d be great if we could figure that out.” Wally muttered, walking with Caitlin over to the med facility across the cortex.

Joe immediately turned to face Cisco, finger pointing at him. “You need to find me a lead – the sooner the better.”

“I’m already on it.” Cisco replied, fingers tapping rapidly at the keyboard below him.

“Dad…” Iris moved forward, only to be halted by her father’s finger changing directions and flicking towards her.

“You’re going home.” he demanded. “You’re staying far away from this.”

“Like hell I am!” Iris protested.

“His mask was _off_ , Iris.” Joe stressed. “Barry’s mask was off…there’s no telling how long it’ll be before this Nagle guy figures out two and two.”

“You can’t expect me to just sit at home while Barry’s missing! I’m just as much a part of this as-”

Joe furiously shook his head. “You are _not_ a part of this. I didn’t even want Barry or Wally to be a part of this! I will _not_ even entertain the possibility of you two…”

His shoulders shook with anxiety, the stress washing over him like pouring rain. Collecting his thoughts and controlling his anger, Joe let out a heavy sigh, the exhale leaving his body with a hard shudder. He focused on the beeping of the computers, the clicking metal from Wells tinkering on weapons, even Cisco’s typing on the computer’s keyboard. Letting his surroundings distract him, he focused on everything and anything besides the one thought that threatened to break him – the thought that he had failed Barry.

“I need to get to the CCPD.” he mumbled, “Figure out something-”

Wells dropped his screwdriver, “What are you going to find there, Detective? What in this case will suddenly pop up-”

“Something!” he shouted, the muscles in his jaw tense. “I will make sure to find something, and if anything, it’ll get me away from your cynical ass for a couple hours!”

While on a normal day Cisco would have loved to hear Wells get chewed out, the pain that came behind Joe’s words was too much for him to quip a joke at. He looked to Iris for direction, as if to say, _‘you grew up with him, what do we do?’_

Iris didn’t have an answer for either of them, taken aback at her father’s sudden outburst of emotion.

Joe scoffed, “You know, Barry bent over backwards to ensure Jesse’s return. As a father who’s had his own child kidnapped, I expected you to be a little more understanding.”

Not waiting for a response, Joe left the cortex just as fast as he had arrived. The conflict dissipated, the sudden silence that engulfed them strange to their ears after the round of arguing that had taken place.

Cisco looked up at Iris, “so…. you’re not going home, are you?”

“It won’t be the first time I disobeyed my dad.” Iris answered, pulling a chair forward. “Besides, I’ve got some powers of my own at Central City Picture News. If you can get me some records to research…”

“You got it, sista. Looks like we’ve all got our parts in this….” Cisco didn’t divert his attention from the computers, “Harry, you going to make yourself useful?”

Before Cisco had even finished his sentence, Wells had grabbed the two weapons he had been working on and made his way out of the cortex.

“I’ll be back.” he muttered, turning the opposite way of direction that Joe had taken on his way out.

Cisco nodded his head in satisfaction. “Well, that’s making himself useful to me.”

 

* * *

 

Barry woke with a gasp.

His body attempted to move before his eyes had fully opened, the sharp intake of air rattling as it left his lungs. He tried to recall his last thought, his forehead creasing with confusion. At the time, the blinding pain that had been radiating his body was the only memory he could think of. Vaguely he remembered Joe, needles, very large needle barrels, then nothing but darkness.

Having no idea where he was, his first instinct was to get up and find safety.

His struggles at movement were met with resistance, and a loud pop emerged from his shoulder at the realization that his hands were bound behind his back, his body sitting propped up against a support beam.

He frantically looked around and dug the heels of his feet into the ground to lift himself upright. The cold ceramic that touched his toes sent a shiver through his body, and it was then he realized he was barefoot. More than that, he was stripped of his crimson Flash suit, clad only in his black undershirt and shorts. Staring at his feet as if they were alien to him, he struggled against the multitude of zip ties holding his limbs together, bound from the knees down.

It was serval minutes that he tried to vibrate free of his restraints, his efforts leaving him worn and sweating. No matter how hard he concentrated, his muscles remained still.

“I would advise against moving too much.” A voice spoke up, “The wounds from your incisions have healed, but it’s better to play things safe rather than sorry.”

Barry squinted his eyes, the dim lighting in the room hard to adjust to. He looked around, left and right to find the source. His eyes landed on a figure behind him, barely in view even with his neck craned as far as it would go.

He wasn’t surprised to see that it was Zayne Nagle, his conversation with the man dubbed ‘meta-catcher’ suddenly replaying in his head. With a sense of repulsion, he sunk back against the support beam.

“What’d you do, clear out Home Depot from their supply of zip ties?” he bitterly muttered, continuing to fight against the restraints that kept his hands tied behind his back, ignoring the stinging pain that emitted from his skin at the irritation.

“It’s a precaution.”

“Seems excessive.”

“Relax, ‘lil scarlet. I’ll be there in a moment.”

Barry rolled his eyes, “Alright if you’re going to keep me here, we need to think of a new nickname. Even ‘the streak’ was better than that.”

He looked around at his surroundings, taking in the environment like a thirsty fish. Maybe it was a bit conventional, but he had been expecting to be somewhere dark, dirty and dusty. No one had been able to figure out where the meta-catcher kept and killed his victims, and where he was now certainly wasn’t what Barry had expected.

Though dimly lit, he could still make out every object in the room and the paint on the walls. It was cold, but only from the low temperature of the air conditioning that circulated the room, and of course his lack of clothing. It wasn’t even dirty, smelling as sterile as Caitlin’s medical lab did back in S.T.A.R labs.

Nagle didn’t have a verbal response, rather he came into Barry’s line of vision carrying a wooden chair with him. Gently setting it down across from where he sat, Nagle took a seat himself, allowing him to be a more eye-level with Barry.

“I have to admit, I was not expecting my prized possession to be so young.” His tone was calm, almost clinical.

“Sorry to disappoint.” Barry dryly responded, his words lacking actual sympathy.

“No need for an apology.” Zayne leaned back, crossing one leg over the other. “How do you feel?”

“Like I’ve been a test dummy for breaking the world’s record of most zip ties ever used to kidnap someone.” The cold air conditioning sent goosebumps up his arm. “Oh, and a little chilly.”

“Your suit had a GPS tracker in it. I’m sure you understand why I needed it gone.”

A part of Barry felt remorse for Cisco when he’d find out the news of another destroyed suit. He was a second away from responding when suddenly, something had dawned on him.

“You mentioned incisions.” his lips thinned with anger, “…what did you do to me?”

“There come the questions.” Zayne smirked, “I knew it wouldn’t take long. A forensic scientist like you always goes deep into the mysteries they’re presented with.”

“How do you…”

Zayne held up a finger, “One question at a time.”

Barry let himself lean against the post, his sides and lower back sore from the discomfort the position had him tied up in. He would do anything to adjust his legs, at the very most separate them a few inches away from each other.

“I want to make something clear – I have nothing to hide from you, Barry. But you’re going to need to be cooperative with me, because I don’t have the luxury of disposing of you as easily as the others.”

“They _will_ find you.” Barry’s words were filled with venom. “You won’t get away with this.”

“That’s…not being cooperative.” He let a moment pass, the silence in the room only overtaken by the air conditioning that flowed through the duct vents. “Want to try again?”

Barry had no response, at least nothing he let slip through his lips.

“You remember how I took your abilities? You and the little…wannabe whatever you had with you.”

Though it was barely a twitch of his head, Barry acknowledged him.

“I brought you back here after that. We’re still in Central City, this is one of my property's near Englewood. Your sidekick was dropped off in Keystone, I don’t need him – for right now. But you should know, and be aware, that he’s my plan B.”

“In case of what? I get out of here once my powers come back?” Barry spat, “You said a couple days or even a couple hours before that happens…how much you willing to bet I’ll be gone before you can chase me?”

“I’d bet little to none.” Nagle tilted his head, “You’re a smart guy, Barry. I’ve been reading up on your case files and the work you’ve done for the CCPD. Let’s not make a fool of yourself because you’re angry. Just cooperate.”

Barry forced down his reply, the need to have the upper hand overtaken by the ties bounding him to the floor.

“I injected you with something called Compound MB-2. It’s a chemical fusion of substrate level phosphorylation mixed with flavin adenine dinucleotide and…” he chuckled, waving a hand in the air. “It’s a whole bunch of nonsense that even I don’t understand. I had a good friend of mine at Mercury labs mix it up for me. It’s essentially a dampening serum that overtakes your body’s normal functions for the use of any ‘special’ ability that has been emended in the DNA from the particle accelerator explosion. Consider it the ‘mute’ button on your remote.”

“Why?” Barry asked, “You’re able to take my abilities, why the serum?”

“When I take abilities – when I leech them if you will, the person whom I’ve taken from has temporarily been stripped of use. My testing has concluded that the speed of their metabolism dictates when that ‘mute’ button is turned off. You remember that I said the timeframe depends on the person? Your abilities come with a very fast metabolism. It was approximately three and a half hours before your powers came to resurface. This serum holds it off for another two.”

Barry’s face dropped. “Exactly how long have I been here?”

Nagle looked down at his wrist, reading the time on his watch. “Roughly six hours.”

Barry’s wrists jerked behind his back, the realization hitting him hard. He had no idea that he was unconscious for so long, the missing time suddenly graver and the lack of his rescue more solemn.

If Wally had been whisked away, that meant he didn’t know where he was, which meant Joe and the others were just as clueless. He tried to block out the knowledge of case reports from the other victims that had been caught, continuing to fight against his restraints in hopes of loosening just one tie.

“So, as I was saying, the serum keeps your powers at bay. That’s important for me, so you don’t _get_ away. You see, I’ve run into a little predicament with my own abilities. They're killing me.”

Barry couldn’t chalk up the emotion to care, his head shaking with disdain.

“That doesn’t justify why you’ve killed five other people.” he argued.

“Trial and error. I’ve been trying to locate a metahuman who has a metabolism that can rapidly recover cell damage. It seems the more abilities I’ve taken, the more havoc I’ve wrecked on my own body. The ever-changing cell structure I’ve put myself through has caused my organs to shut down and my brain to begin to fail. There’s no reversing the damage, but abilities like yours can halt the disease.” Zayne explained.

“What about the serum?”

“Why do you think I had it created?” Zayne remarked. “Compound MB-2 worked for a little while. I had it tweaked, modified, but my contact could only do so much. Even with the serum, my abilities push forward. The only solution is to take another power that counters it.”

Barry scoffed. “So you’ve been capturing metas in hopes that one will have what you need. Why kill them if they don’t? Why not let them go?”

Zayne hesitated, his foot twitching over his knee in deep thought. A couple moments passed before he uncrossed his legs and leaned forward, hands clasped in his lap.

“I served in the marines; a navy physician. I was dishonorably discharged shortly after the particle explosion when it was discovered I was performing unnecessary procedures on the corps. By the time I entered law enforcement, my mind had begun to slip further away from me, and my fascination with medical science led me into dark places. The decomposing of my molecular structure has taken my restraint with it.”

Barry took a moment to let the knowledge and information sink in, and though he had a million different questions, he knew none would be productive to his current situation.

“I’ve told you, Barry, I have nothing to hide. The cell damage to my brain is making me clinically insane. The longer I wait to cure it, the more my molecular structure decomposes and with it, my sanity. I don’t let them go because I don’t want to. I’ve used them for testing, studying, practice-”

“You’ve always been insane. This is just making you worse. You’ve killed those people for your own sick enjoyment.”

Nagle sighed, shaking his head with what could only be described as disappointment. He got up from his chair, gently moving it out of the way.

“After I brought you here, and gave you another hefty dose of the Compound MB-2, I was able to put you under general anesthesia so I could perform an intrathecal pump implant surgery. I wanted to make sure there was no chance of you receiving your abilities back, and continuing to do subcutaneous injections was too time-consuming.”

He squatted down, pointing towards Barry’s abdomen. “I made an incision here, where the pump is currently implanted. You could feel it if, well…I let you - but no need for that. I then made an incision near your lower back and ran the tubing from the device into your spine.”

Barry didn’t dare let out a breath of air, the abrupt pang of fear that washed over him suffocating his lungs. He didn’t recall any of what he was told, not a single moment. If there was ever a time that terror took over his senses, it was now.

“It’s a device used for pain medication, for those who have been unable to control their chronic pain through typical methods. Only for you, there’s no pain medication in there. There’s a highly concentrated supply of the Compound MB-2. It’s set to go off every three hours once your abilities start to resurface, injecting into your spine. It’ll give me just enough time to leech from you while keeping you indisposed of your abilities.”

A part of Barry felt anger over the violation of his body, unable to look away at where Zayne’s fingers pointed, to where his skin had healed scars he never knew existed. Yet he couldn’t stop the mantra from repeating in his head - this wasn’t supposed to happen; he shouldn’t have been caught. He shouldn’t be a lab rat for some maniac that needed a cure.

The irony of the situation was bitter, and he finally looked away with disgust.

“So that’s your plan, huh? Keep me here and leech off me for the rest of your life?”

Nagle took a deep breath. “Yes and no. I _am_ going to keep you here, Barry. But I plan to find a way to use your metabolism without needing you at all. And once I figure that out, I’ll be disposing of you like the others.”

The two of them were locked in a stare, Nagle so close to Barry’s face that he could feel the heat of his breath on his skin. Barry was stricken, his courage having diminished behind his vulnerability.

“And if I can’t figure it out, and you run away or god forbid, die on me? That’s where my plan B comes in.”

Barry never had the chance to fight back, though his fear for Wally’s safety stood right on the tip of his tongue. Without warning, his body had erupted in hot, burning pain, happening so fast he couldn’t pinpoint the original location. He tried to hide it behind his anger, threatening to hurt, kill, do whatever it took to keep Wally and the others safe - but it would be only a few seconds before he couldn’t bite his tongue any longer.

The grunt was raw as it left his throat, his eyes wide and watering with tears. He stared at the ground for what felt like an eternity, thinking _‘don’t show him weakness, don’t show him weakness’_

Alas, his body betrayed him.

“Ahhgah-ah!” Barry slumped forward, the furthest that his bound body would allow him, his chest heaving with his restricted cries.

It was an agony that he wouldn’t wish on his worst enemy, the poison coursing through his veins like boiling water. Every nerve in his body lit on fire, and each cry that escaped his lips felt as if his esophagus was being crushed. He could barely make out Zayne in front of him, his eyesight having blurred, dark around the edges. The man studied the watch on his wrist, a small smirk pulling at his lips.

“Just on time. The first dose of MB-2 was released into your spinal cord.” he clapped Barry on the shoulder, “I’ll be back shortly to keep a close eye on you.”

He hadn’t even noticed when the flash of lighting sparked in the room, the rush of wind blowing his hair back. He sat still, struggling to catch his breath, each gasp sending sensations of pain throughout his body. He didn’t want to move, didn’t want to breathe, not even think. The pressure of his heartbeat thumped in his ears, so loud it overtook the sound of the freezing air conditioning that circulated the room.

His body shook violently, the zip ties digging further into his skin with each tremor. Alone in the room, Barry succumbed to the pain that wracked his body, holding out for the moment it would pass, unaware that time would never come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes:
> 
> First, an intrathecal pain pump is a real device used for patients who can no longer receive pain relief through other means of modern medicine. It injects painkillers into the spine where, because the liver is bypassed and it’s going straight through the cerebrospinal fluid that protects the brain, the person receives immediate and better relief. Putting a toxin in place of medicine would kill someone quickly, which is where this becomes fiction. Of course, I do plan on touching those consequences in the future of the story. It’s a little bit of realism, but you’ll still need to suspend your belief. 
> 
> Secondly, I respect the US forces - every branch. I hope no one takes offense to the use of the story’s bad guy having a background in the marines or sees it as being an insult, because it’s not. 
> 
> Third, thank you all for the kind reviews! It keeps my creativity going, and I'd love to keep hearing what everyone thinks!


	12. Struggle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris shot up from her chair, the frustration she had for him, the CCPD and the situation as a whole reaching it’s peak.
> 
> “I can’t be here right now.” Iris suddenly declared, shutting down her laptop with haste. “It doesn’t feel...it feels wrong. I can’t stay at home while Barry’s god-knows where.”

**Struggle**

Morning came quickly, and yet not fast enough.

Iris yawned into her coffee cup, taking a gulp of the now cold liquid that had been sitting inside. Sleep wasn’t going to happen, that much she knew, and she fought past the early hours of the morning with as much caffeine as she could consume.

At one point in the middle of the night, she heard her father enter the house, and after he came by to ensure she was safe and sound, they both parted ways. His bedroom door closed shut, though she knew he wasn’t resting himself. Alas, it was easier to focus on her work if she didn’t press him for questions on what he was doing for a solution to their problem.

The old house creaked and groaned, the noise unsettling to her ears as if it was a reminder of the presence that it lacked. Sitting in Barry’s room, at his computer desk with his CCPD files in front of her, Iris had pushed past her limits of journalism. She had taken what Cisco was able to offer her back to CCPN, grateful for the keys to the building that gave her access to database searches others didn’t have. But by four am, she was back home to continue the research on her own.

Looking behind her at the neatly made bed, Iris frowned. It was only a couple nights ago that she shared the space with Barry, the warmth that had filled the room now gone.

_‘We will have a later. I promise you, Iris.’_

His words echoed her ears, fear of an empty promise making her stomach turn. After all, Eddie had promised to love her for a lifetime. She kept telling herself that he had never lied and that he kept his promise. It was only that his lifetime was cut short. What were the chances of that happening again?

The question unnerved her.

“Iris!” Joe’s voice called from the hallway.

She considered tossing the files and closing her laptop to hide the research from her father, momentarily feeling like a teenager caught looking at something she wasn’t supposed to. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep, but the apathy that buried beneath her kept her from moving into action.

“I’m heading back to S.T.A.R labs before going to the precinct, do you want a ride to...”

She hadn’t even realized he was awake, the typical signs of him being up and about missing - the shower running and his electric razor were never heard. She didn’t even have time to face him before he had entered the room, stopping dead in his tracks at the doorway.

“Iris...” he quietly spoke, “what are you doing?”

Iris wasn’t stupid, and she had stopped feigning innocence back in the fourth grade when she realized her father would always outsmart her. Unfortunately, that was the downside of having a detective for a parent.

“I’ve been trying to figure out what we’re up against,” she answered, “trying to find a lead on Barry...anything that might tell us where he was taken.”

“I told you last night Iris, you are not ‘up against’ anything. You are not involved in this.”

“You can stop trying to protect me, dad.” Iris coldly responded. “I’m not six anymore. I understand the concept of torture and homicide.”

Joe stared at her, looking at the desk that had her laptop and papers scattered about the surface. He shook his head in anger, his exhaustion putting his emotions on his sleeves.

“Iris, those are classified files that Barry shouldn’t have left here-”

“Cut the crap, dad!” Iris spun around in the chair, facing him. “Barry was trying to hide this from me too, but it’s too late for secrets. He’s been taken by this freak, and I will do everything I can to find him before he ends up dead like the others.”

Iris tossed the folders onto Barry’s bed, the crime scene and autopsy photos slipping out and overlapping each other.

Joe stepped forward and into the room. “We’re on this, Iris. We’re going to find him... but I don’t want you getting hurt, or worse, in the process.”

She shook her head. “It’s too late for that, dad.”

Joe sighed, rubbing his hands over his eyes before reluctantly sitting on the edge of the mattress, collapsing with little grace. He couldn’t say that he was surprised, because Iris’s stubbornness came directly from him. He raised her to be the strong and courageous woman she was today.

The papers laid scattered next to him on the comforter of the bed, and he collected them with one large swoop, hiding the gruesome photos beneath the folders.

“Iris...nothing hurt me more than seeing you deal with the loss of Eddie.”

Her head snapped up, the mention of her late boyfriend catching her by surprise.

“The pain that you went through losing him...” Joe paused, struggling to find the right words. “My family will always come first. And I will do anything to protect you, Wally or Barry from any harm. We did everything we could in anticipation for this, and we _still_  managed to lose Barry. I don’t know if it’s some universal nonsense or just bad luck, but I refuse to let you fall into that as well.”

“You realize that you’ve always done this?” Iris asked. “Ever since Barry got his powers, you’ve done nothing but try to keep me out. Even with Zoom, and when Barry broke his back, you made sure to keep me at arm’s length with him.”

“Because this is what happens, Iris!” Joe groaned. “You get involved, you get in trouble.”

“Eddie was the same way. Eddie was a detective who risked his life every time he went out on the field - you’re the one that reminded me of that! And you’re the one that didn’t want me to get involved with me _because_ of that! So why is Barry any different?”

“Because you didn’t love Eddie the same way you love Barry.”

Joe’s words lingered in the air, a moment of silence falling between them. Any response she had fell flat, trapped in her throat without a way to escape. Ultimately, she hung her head low, returning to her laptop.

“I’ve been with you both since the beginning. Since Nora started scheduling those play dates after school...you two always had something special, Iris.” Joe said. “Even when we took Barry in, he became family...he became my son, but that love you had for him - whether you knew it or not, you never saw him the same way.”

Iris tapped her fingernails on the desk with pent-up emotion, stiffly looking out the window at the rising sun that peaked over the clouds.

Joe chuckled lightly. “Remember what you would always say when people tried to call you two brother and sister?”

“It was like having a sleepover with your best friend, seven days a week,” Iris recalled, her voice quiet and soft.

A smile tugged at her lips. She remembered her youth fondly, and having Barry to support her through the awkward teenage years was something she’d never take for granted.

Joe’s heavy sigh caught her attention, and she looked over to see him shaking his head, his body language full of doubt.

“Iris, I’m struggling with this one. Barry’s missing, Wally could be next...I can’t have you...”

“Dad, we’re not in this alone. I have people to watch my back, and I need to watch theirs too.” Iris told him, referring to ‘Team Flash’ back at S.T.A.R labs.

Joe didn’t respond, deep in thought. He wouldn’t deny her statement, because Caitlin, Cisco, and hell, even Harry played a huge part in the daily life of Barry and The Flash. Still, his detective instincts had trouble putting his trust in them to find Barry, feeling like he was wearing a blindfold in a maze.

“Why did you hide the fact that these victims were tortured?” Iris suddenly asked.

Joe looked up, his bloodshot eyes visible.

“Each victim has been found without either their gallbladder, spleen or liver. They’ve had drastically low blood volume with no real injury to link it back to. He’s not just capturing metahumans, and he’s not just murdering them...there’s a time in-between when someone is missing and found that he’s...it’s borderline human experiments dad.”

Joe nodded. “We didn’t link it at first. It wasn’t until the fourth body that we realized there was a pattern. He kills them all with different methods, but whatever he’s doing before that...we just haven’t been able to pin down a motive.”

Iris shot up from her chair, the frustration she had for him, the CCPD and the situation as a whole reaching its peak.

“I can’t be here right now.” Iris suddenly declared, shutting down her laptop with haste. “It doesn’t feel...it feels wrong. I can’t stay at home while Barry’s god-knows-where.”

“Iris…” Joe stood up, trying to reach for her arm with no luck. “Iris, let me at least drive you there!”

She had jogged down the stairs and out the house before he could finish his sentence. The front door slamming shut was his answer, and he winced at the sound. He couldn’t be mad at Iris, after all she was feeling the same thing he was.

And he didn’t have time to kill, every second he wasted here was a second he needed to spend finding his son.

Bitterly shaking his head, Joe rose from the bed and ignored the crack of his knees as he did. Aside from the rising sun outside that declared morning, he noticed the old, wooden picture frame sitting on the corner of Barry’s desk. It was the same photo he had at the precinct, Barry, and Iris on the front steps of his house, arms hooked together with grins as large as their hearts.

For once, the photo didn’t bring him happiness or make him smile. Joe left the room with a sense of dread that he couldn’t shake.

 

* * *

 

Barry had gotten used to being fast. The world rushing around him like a roller coaster, breaking through the wind at speeds faster than mankind could achieve; he had adjusted to his speed as normalcy. He used his speed to fight Thawne and Hunter, both speedsters teetering on the same level of ability that he had.

_“Don’t touch me.”_

_“Don’t make this harder than it has to-”_

_“Get OFF me!”_

His speed was his life, it was what kept him alive against the worse of foes.

_“Barry, don’t think I won’t use force on you.”_

_“I’d like to see you try.”_

He came too with throbbing pain, the pressure in his head traveling all the way down to his neck. Barry tried opening his eyes, but the lights were too bright, much brighter then he remembered them being.

His chest hurt, and it was worse than just from the zip ties strapping him to the post. Each breath stung, inhaling taking his strength away, his own ribs poking at the soft tissue of his lungs.

_“Barry, you can’t fight me.”_

_“You can’t stop me from trying.”_

The memories came back in a haze, fragments of a moment he barely recalled. A part of him insisted that it was a bad dream, that he was hungover or sore from a different fight. It had to be a dream, because it all seemed too surreal to actually be real.

Yet the ache in his bones said otherwise, his injuries stripping him from the false reality he desperately wanted to believe in. He stopped trying to remember his last thought, moments of time coming and going like the wind he used to run through.

Only now, it was someone else running in his place. Someone else with his speed. Trapped and bound to the floor in a strange, unknown area at the hands of a maniac, Barry felt once again the end of a bad joke that life found so funny. Given amazing, incredible speed that he used to help save people, keep his city safe, and yet once again they were stripped from him.

_“Let me GO!”_

_“Barry, I know ways to hurt you that you would never think of.”_

It hurt. Just sitting still hurt, each breath that rose in his chest setting off a fire of agony that he couldn’t control. Each twitch from his toes felt like needles piercing through his nerves. He was a prisoner in his own body.

_“Keep this up, Barry. You’ve already broken one wrist trying to get away. What else will you do to yourself?”_

The room was silent, aside from his labored breathing. The air conditioning sent shivers through his body, wishing for nothing more than a blanket to cling onto.

Barry had caught on quickly, noting that each time Zayne had lowered the temperature in the room, it wasn’t long after that he’d be cut loose of his ties, forced a few feet away to an area that was kept out of his sight.

It had happened three times now, and each time he insisted on trying to break free. His wrist swollen and aching, his head throbbing with what he guaranteed had to be a concussion; Barry didn’t know if he’d be able to fight again this time. A part of him was sickened at the idea of willingly rising to his feet, brought to a sterile table to be experimented on.

That’s what it was. He swallowed what little moisture he had in his mouth, fighting past the lump in his throat. This was a damn experimentation, and he was the guinea pig.

The timing was always perfect, almost sickening how well Zayne had it narrowed down. The air conditioning would crank down low, followed shortly by the sensation of liquid pouring into his body. His back would arch, his limbs would tremble, and he’d bite his tongue with restraint for as long as he could before ultimately the cries were released. By then, another presence would have entered the room, a door shutting gently behind them.

It was an interesting feeling, when the serum released in him. He was lucky enough to have never encountered being shot in his lifetime - so far, anyway, but he knew immediately when the injections set off. It was like a bullet hitting his spine, the pain radiating from one space to his entire body.

It was poison, plain and simple. Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad if it was injected any other way - he couldn’t tell you without examining the material the serum was made of. But the poison entered his body from inside of him, and there was no fighting it.

The pain never truly went away, rather it had been constant from the very first dose. It just came in waves, some stronger than the others. Even the less extreme waves were still too bad to get through, the agony keeping him awake all night. He was beginning to lose track of time, unsure if it was morning, afternoon, three days from his capture or ten. Between the initial surgery that he’d never gain memory of, his mind slipped in and out.

The stitches below him stung, tugging at his skin to encourage healing. Some of the incisions had healed, others were still raw and open.

_“What, only had enough anesthesia for one?”_

_“You don’t need anesthesia for a biopsy.”_

_“The scalpel in your hand would say otherwise.”_

Barry wasn’t surprised when he felt his ties cut loose, the scissors cutting his restraints like they were rubber bands. He was too weak to keep himself upright, his body slumping to the side and onto the cold, tiled floor.

He barely let out a grunt of pain at the impact, his throat too sore to release anything else.

Zayne squatted down low, lifting Barry’s black t-shirt in the process. Barry refused to look at him, the touch of his fingers against his skin fueling his anger. Yet the struggle was useless, bound or not.

He had gotten used to looking away, the curse words hanging on his lips. It was his body, his skin, and his abilities, and yet he had control over none of them. Though the violation didn’t upset him nearly as much as the helplessness did.

“Hmm...” Nagle mumbled, lowering the shirt with disappointment.

Barry watched as he got up, making his way across the room to the slab table out of view.

“Your incisions from the liver biopsy haven’t healed yet.”

Barry rolled his eyes. “So?”

“I need you alive, Barry.” Zayne remarked. “Multiple procedures in a short amount of time could put your body into a state of shock. I need to be able to gather my samples without giving you a stroke.”

“Mhmm...” Barry murmured, “…sorry ‘bout that.”

It was strange, how Zayne’s touch felt no different than any others. Barry never knew exactly when his powers would be stripped, though he would base his estimates on when his body erupted into hot agony, a telltale sign that another dose of the serum had been released into him.

He gathered Barry from under his arms, lifting him upright and letting him lean back against the support beam.

“We’re going to take a breather before I start the next procedure. I need to make sure I’m on the right track here. Ironically enough, sometimes that means slowing things down.”

The wink that followed stirred something in Barry, adrenalin that fueled his rage. With what little strength he had, and what little moisture he had in his mouth, he forcefully spat at Zayne.

Nagle barely blinked, rather he carefully wiped the saliva away from his cheek and cleaned his hand with the bottom of Barry’s shirt.

“I really wish you would cooperate.”

Quicker then Barry could register, two fingers came slamming into the bottom of his chin, the force sending his head back with whiplash. He was out cold before he could take another breath.

 

* * *

 

Caitlin wasn’t even near the entrance of the cortex when she noticed Cisco sitting at the computer monitors, typing ferociously on the keyboards.

“Did you even sleep last night?” she asked, setting down her coffee and pulling up a chair.

Cisco shook his head. “No. You?”

“Fair enough…” Caitlin mumbled.

She looked onwards at the computers, the multiple monitors that stretched across the desk all buzzing with activity.

“What have you managed to find out?”

“Not enough.” Cisco remarked, his words short and his eyelids struggling to stay open. He pulled away from the screens with a loud sigh, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands.

“Whoever this dude is, he’s got some powerful friends in serious places. It’s as if certain events of his life were just …erased from history. The latest I’ve been able to trace him back to is 2012. I found a record of his purchase from this dinky ma and pa shop for a hammer that was later recalled from stores due to poor manufacturing. That’s it.” he explained.

Caitlin frowned. “No trace of Barry then?”

He looked up, his remorseful expression resounding the stress they both felt.

“He’s off the maps. Nothing can find him, and I…” Cisco trailed off, his words dissipating in the air.

“Cisco?” Caitlin asked, “what’s wrong?”

She leaned forward to lay a hand on his forearm, her concern evident at his sudden behavior. She hadn’t noticed that his eyes had begun to twitch and roll back into his head, not until her palm landed on his bare skin.

* * *

_“Charging 350.” Caitlin didn’t miss a beat. “Clear!”_

_Barry’s body jerked upright, the force of electricity coursing through him and sending him crashing back onto the gurney with no change._

_“Charging 400.” she held the paddles to his chest. “Clear!”_

_“Oh fuck...” Cisco whispered._

_“Charging 400!” she shouted, paddles back to his chest as she pressed the buttons._

* * *

 

“Holy…!” Caitlin gasped, jerking back in shock.

Cisco groaned, rubbing his temples with his hands. “Ohhhh, come on now.”

“Did you see that?” Caitlin asked, incredulity lacing her tone.

“Sorry…” Cisco said, “didn’t mean to do that.”

She noted his exhaustion, the way his shoulders slumped and the strain behind his eyes. While cautious to touch him again, Caitlin moved forward in her chair.

“Cisco,” Caitlin started, “have you been…seeing that a lot? The other timeline?”

He nodded, forehead creasing with tension.

“It’s like every time I close my eyes, I’m there again. Ever since I vibed Barry last night...it’s like I’m on overdrive.”

If there was ever a time that Cisco wished he had more control over his powers, now would be it. A major distraction throughout the night was the constant, yet random vibes that flickered on and off in his head, putting him in a place that no longer existed. It only added to the pressure of the situation, reminding him of an outcome they wanted to avoid.

Before Caitlin could utter a response, the sudden rush of wind came flooding into the room, the papers they laying around flying into the air.

Wally grabbed a hold of the desk they sat at, his chest heaving with exertion.

“Wally!” Caitlin shot up from her chair. “Your powers are back!”

“Last night.” he gasped between words. “Sometime last night…they came back. I’ve been trying to find Barry since. I’ve searched the entire city; I ran all night. I…” he grabbed the desk harder, and Cisco wheeled back in his chair at the vibration that shook the computer monitors, the sound of their rattling overtaking the room.

“Dude. Expensive equipment here.” Cisco said.

“Wally, are you okay?” Caitlin asked.

Wally shook his head, removing his hands and stuffing them in his pockets, doing his best to keep his vibrations to himself.

“I’m sorry. I’m…jittery. I can’t stay still.”

He took a deep breath, though even that shook with tremors. It was the first time he had been back in the cortex since last night, and he paced the room anxiously, doing his best to avoid the empty glass case that once held Barry’s suit.

Caitlin’s eyes widened at the fact, and she looked over at Cisco.

“And you’re vibing a lot.”

“A whole lot.” Cisco muttered.

There was a beat in the room, a moment for Caitlin to ponder on the impossible, to try and make connections with no ties.

“Do you think that you were both, somehow, affected by Zayne Nagle?” she asked.

“That doesn’t make sense.” Cisco immediately answered. “I wasn’t near Barry or Wally last night.”

“But I wasn’t either,” Wally spoke up. “I wasn’t near the meta catcher - Zayne, or so I thought. One moment I was there, the next I was…gone. Then I couldn’t run. Maybe…”

Wally didn’t get a chance to finish his thought, the sudden presence of his sister striding into the cortex interrupting the conversation.

“You guys aren’t going to like what I found out.” Iris declared, setting down a stack of files on the desk.

Caitlin furrowed her eyebrows. “What?”

“This Zayne Nagle character…he was a _doctor_ when he was in the marines,” Iris explained, opening the folders to view the documents. “The night of the particle accelerator explosion, he was performing experimental reconstructive surgery with leeches.”

“Leeches?” Cisco asked. “Like…leeches. Little slimy bugs that suck blood?”

Iris nodded. “That’s right. It was his last known procedure or any appearance at all as a doctor. The patient he was experimenting with, as well as two other nurses who were there at the time, died in the explosion. He somehow walked away fine.”

“What about the police stuff? Cisco said he was in law enforcement, right?” Wally asked, peering over the desk at the information laid out for view.

“Yeah, but there’s no public record of it. I can’t even find out what department or city he worked in. It’s like-”

“It was erased.” Cisco interrupted. “That’s the exact roadblock I’ve encountered.”

“How does someone who served in the marines and federal law just...pick and choose what they want people to see about them?” Wally asked.

“It’s not completely uncommon. They have the easiest tools and best connections.” Iris explained, her father’s own words repeating themselves in her head like a broken record. It was almost as if he was trying to prepare her for the worst, a feeling that left her anxious and nervous over the unknown.

Cisco groaned, rubbing the back of his neck when his elbow suddenly connected with Caitlin’s arm behind him. Craning his neck around, he was on the verge of an apology when he realized that she had gone silent, staring off into space.

“Yo Cait, you all there?” Cisco asked, spinning around in the chair to face her.

She barely nodded, eyebrows furrowed in deep thought.

“Yeah...” Caitlin looked over at Iris, “Leeches, you said?”

Wally snapped his fingers, the vibration between them echoing in the air like cymbals to a drum,

“I know what she’s thinking!”

“Really?” Cisco looked back and forth between them. “Because I’m totally clueless.”

Caitlin pondered aloud. “Mr. West said that Nagle ran Barry out of the factory, and there was lightning similar to a speedster...and Wally went from being in the factory himself to the outskirts of Keystone...”

“So, are we dealing with another speedster...?” Iris questioned.

“No, I don’t believe so,” Caitlin said. “Wally lost his abilities immediately after his encounter, and Cisco unusually couldn’t vibe all day - now his vibes are coming in left and right. Not to mention Wally has his speed back and-”

“And it’s like he’s in overdrive too.” Cisco finished, seeing the pieces of the puzzle coming together.

“I was going to say like he’s on a serious caffeine fix, but yeah, it’s very similar,” Caitlin said plainly. “I think this guy took your abilities. It’s how he was able to speed Barry away. It’s why you couldn’t vibe, Cisco.”

“But I can vibe now.” Cisco reminded her.

Wally pointed to himself, “And I can run.”

“But you couldn’t,” Caitlin said matter of factly. ‘Hypothetically, what if his metahuman ability was to absorb other abilities from people? Whether a said person gets their powers back or not, what if he’s able to take them for a certain period of time, or indefinitely?”

No one in the room would deny her theory, the idea seeming too possible to argue with. And with the fact that they had no other facts or leads to ride off of, it was a jumping point that they could at least start from.

Cisco found himself chewing on his fingernails, shaking his head with worry.

“If this dude is a walking leech...than Barry is in more trouble then we thought.”

Iris sighed, shuffling through the files in front of them.

“That’s not everything,” she announced.

Wally scoffed. “Really? It can get worse?”

“Much worse,” Iris said, handing Cisco a stack of photos. “Look at these reports. The CCPD can’t find a motive behind his murders, yet every victim has been experimented on. Liver, spleen, kidney’s - all missing in the autopsy reports.”

“Dude’s harvesting organs?” Cisco asked incredulously.

Iris shook her head. “No. This is more than harvesting, or even genocide. He needs something from these people.”’

Caitlin pursed her lips, the shock at the revelation startling her. “But what?”

There was no answer to be heard, and the room fell quiet. Looking through the files in hand, Cisco fought through the confusion of what could possibly be behind the man’s kidnappings and murders. It seemed there were more questions than answers, and each time they took one step further into the case, it put them further into the darkness.


	13. Elusive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter, and a portion of the story going forward, contains fiction of chemistry. Meaning, real words and real terms are being used in a way that could not actually occur in real life.

**Elusive**

 

The CCPD flurried with activity, and between the clatter of typing done on keyboards, the ringing of phones and the chatter among staff, there wasn't one moment of silence to be heard.

Joe rested his head against his hand, massaging his temple with force. He focused on the sounds around him, listening as the secretary gossiped, his co-workers discuss cases, even the sipping of coffee from numerous employees. Each sound came and went, none holding the distraction he needed.

The world continued on, as it did every day. People went missing, people got hurt, people died. It was always a part of his job, something that wasn't necessarily ever easy to deal with, but certainly something he had become accustomed to. He never lost sympathy for the cases he took on, always feeling an ache in his heart for any victim that found trouble in the worst places.

The meta-catcher case was no different. Innocent people who had done nothing wrong to deserve death fell victim to the hands of a madman. The abilities that these people had didn't warrant homicide. It had pained him from the very start, having seen those affected by the accelerator explosion murdered, and for what? Was it vengeance? Was it repulsion? Was it genocide?

He couldn't risk having Barry involved. It's what he told himself from day one, from the moment they had figured out the killer was targeting metas. If Barry got involved, Barry would get in trouble, and there was no telling what it would take to get him out of it. The kid didn't deserve that after everything he had gone through.

Joe squeezed his eyes shut tight, the paperwork and images on his desk reminding him of his mistakes. He felt the pain of the other victims, their mother's and fathers and families that were dealing with the loss handed to them. But things had just gotten personal. He didn't know how he could continue in the case with such clouded judgment, yet at the same time, he couldn't imagine stepping down.

"Detective!"

He looked up, startled to see Captain Singh standing at his desk.

"Captain," Joe cleared his throat. "what can I do for you?"

"Mind explaining to me what the hell happened last night?" Singh demanded, his arms crossed over his chest.

There were a million different answers that Joe had, all on the tip of his tongue. If he told the truth now, possibly the entire CCPD would be on the case, desperate to find Barry as much as he was. But the truth came with more questions, and it wasn't his place to answer those questions.

It wasn't his secret to tell.

Joe shook his head. "I…have no idea."

"You don't know why you ran off before we even had Kinsey in a squad car?"

"I thought I had another lead on the guy," Joe mumbled, shuffling through the papers below him as if they would tell him something new.

Singh titled his head with curiosity. "And did you?" he asked.

Joe paused, fighting back his response like it was food poison. He had the truth, he had the answers, and the information he held was desperate to come out. He could tell the Captain the name they discovered, the history of the man, that Barry was in trouble…

"No sir."

It was like nails on a chalkboard, his own voice painful to hear. He knew that if he revealed anything, all the way down to the meta-catcher's real name, that Barry's identity would be in danger. Joe knew how desperate Barry was to keep that a secret, fearing too many people already knew and were in danger. He wouldn't deny it, sharing the same sentiments.

Though he couldn't help but think, ' _Is now really the time to be covering this up?'_

"Sarah Kinsey's statement was as useful as a sandbox in the desert. She doesn't know jackshit." The Captain explained. "We have her in protective custody for right now. After all, she's the only one to walk away from this guy."

"Good thinking, sir," Joe said, his mind on autopilot when he spoke.

Singh pointed to the papers on Joe's desk. "Get me something to go off of, West. Preferably before the next missing person's report comes in. We won't get as lucky with the next guy."

Joe couldn't hold back the sigh that escaped, letting his tension out as he rubbed his palms across his eyes. He didn't have a response for his boss, rather he pushed back the knowledge and fear that Barry  _was_ the next guy, and if he didn't act soon, he'd be another victim in the case.

Hell, he already was a victim. It was a matter of keeping him out of the death count.

"Hey." Singh was halfway to his own office when he turned back around. "How long is Allen planning to be out with the flu? Anderson's upstairs doing a shit job on the analysis from the steel mill factory."

"Hopefully not long." Joe answered.

It was a million-dollar question, one he hoped his answer would hold true too. If this killer had any pattern whatsoever, Barry didn't have long.

David shook his head and walked into his office, muttering along the way. "Just when I get the damn kid on the case too…"

Joe found himself yet again staring at the files below him, the pages of ink blurring into words of emptiness. He had studied them days before this, all last night, and deep down inside he knew they were useless. His decades of experience as a detective wasn't going to find the answer they needed.

Suddenly, it dawned on him. His shoulders fell back with realization, his eyes growing wide. With haste, he jumped from his chair, grabbing his jacket on the way and jogged out of the precinct.

* * *

"This is…fascinating."

Caitlin studied the papers intently, shuffling through each one with wonderment.

Wally's eyebrow shot up. "I wouldn't call it fascinating. More like…morbid."

"No, not what I mean," Caitlin interjected. "I mean, these autopsy reports all show that the victims received some sort of fundectomy or biopsy, if not having an entire organ removed. But the photos…the precision of each incision is too clean for an amateur."

"Yeah…that'd be  _Dr._  Nagle, wouldn't it?" Cisco remarked, his tone laced with sarcasm.

Iris peered over Caitlin's shoulder. "He  _is_ performing experiments then?"

"Definitely," Caitlin answered. "But get this, and you were right Iris – only on certain organs. Gallbladders, the thyroid, livers, kidneys, the pancreas, as well as bone marrow, muscles…even brain matter."

"He's being picky about what he wants to play with?" Wally asked.

"He's being  _smart_ about what he wants to play with," Caitlin explained, pointing at the reports. "These are all things that contribute to the fundamentals of basic anatomy. Which means he's performing the experiments for a reason. It could be a multitude of things…maybe he's seeking the differences in meta's vs non-meta's, or researching their different metabolisms, possibly even trying to take something from them for himself."

"So, there's a man, under the name Zayne Nagle, who used to be a doctor, who's been kidnapping, experimenting, torturing and then murdering only metahumans for…what? If this isn't random genocide or homicide, what's his motive? What's the purpose?" Iris let out an exasperated sigh, collapsing into a chair next to Caitlin. "Because I have nowhere else to look, nothing else to research, and this is starting to feel really hopeless."

"Hey, hey now…" Cisco scooted over, resting a hand on her shoulder. "Don't stress Iris, we're going to figure this out. We're doing our very best."

"Your best may not be good enough." Harry came striding into the room, carrying a toolbox and other equipment with him.

"Can you not be cynical for one moment?" Caitlin barked.

Harry shook his head, "Barry should have never gone out there. We didn't learn anything from Wally's timeline."

Wally was on the verge of a retort, jumping down from having sat on the top of the computer desk and letting his feet 'thud' on the ground. He barely let out a croak before he was interrupted.

"He did, though." Joe's voice took them by surprise, his presence suddenly entering the room.

"Barry went after him, and we need to deal with that," Joe said, turning to look directly at Wells. "Even more so, if this were Jesse, you'd be doing everything in your power to find her and the man who took her. And that's what I'm going to do too."

Harry had no response, in fact, he barely acknowledged the detective's presence since the moment he came into the cortex. Rather, he continued to work on his projects at hand, no one daring to question what they were or why he was so preoccupied with them.

Joe looked over at Cisco, pointing a finger his way. "You're coming with me."

Cisco's eyes widened, and he turned to look at Caitlin and Iris for an answer, only receiving shrugs from both women.

"Me? Why?"

Joe was already halfway out the door when he responded. "I'll explain on the way."

"Okay…" Cisco muttered, rising from his chair. "I guess I'll be back, then."

Caitlin watched as Cisco left the room, Joe already long gone. She couldn't ignore the flutter of anxiety that rose in the pit of her stomach, suddenly anxious over what she couldn't control.

Looking over at Iris, Caitlin asked. "You know anything about that?"

Iris scoffed, shaking her head in dismay.

"I'm lucky to know what I do know right now."

Caitlin gave a sad smile. "Beggars can't be choosers, right?"

She didn't return the gesture, rather keeping her head low and gripping her Styrofoam coffee cup with force. "I guess."

* * *

Where was he?

Barry's head hung low, his chin resting on his chest. The first sense that returned for him was his taste, the metallic copper that soaked his tongue sour against his dry mouth. He wanted to spit out the blood, but he couldn't feel his lips. At most, he was able to let the liquid dribble out, slowly trailing down the side of his chin. Even the bitter fluid rising from his throat wasn't relieving to the dryness that coated his mouth, the cotton feeling that kept him dry still present.

Where was he again?

His brain hurt. Was it his brain or his head? Definitely his brain. It felt like his brain had been tossed in a blender, shook and rattled around in his skull like a tennis ball. It hurt, little sparks of spasms throbbing against his temples, his muscles contracting beneath his skin. The confusion was heavy, thicker than fog. It set over him like a dark wool blanket.

Who was he? Kidnapped...that's what he was, taken against his will and held bound to the floor. That wasn't who he was, that was what had happened to him. He was a man, a son, a protector of his city.…

Barry inhaled deeply, the oxygen happily filling his starved lungs. He'd do it again, and once more, ensuring he was alive. His body's aches would follow suit, his limbs torn with agony. Muscles he didn't know existed, from his core to his feet; they ached with contractions.

He opened his eyes, but it would be a while before the darkness cleared away from his pupils, and he'd need to blink away the water that sat on top of his eyes and blurred his surroundings. He barely felt the tears as they dropped onto his skin, the sensation foreign.

"You had an epileptic seizure."

That wasn't his voice. He wasn't sure how he knew that, but he did. It was a bad voice. His subconscious spoke for him, his natural instincts and common sense long since lost.

It felt like he was lifting a truck with his neck, but Barry managed to bring his head up, the back of his skull hitting the support beam behind him. His eyes rolled around at the action, jerking with no control and momentarily losing track of the blurry figure in front of him.

He could only croak a groan, speaking too much for his throat. Even then, he was sure that the sound came solely from his chest, his mouth unable to move.

"Unfortunately, it wasn't benign; grand mal for nine minutes. You dislocated your shoulder in the process." The voice was clinical, rough. It didn't care.

The twinge of raw skin rubbing against plastic was the only reason he knew that his body had begun to shake, his wrists having dug so far into the zip ties that they were starting to meet bone. He couldn't control the shaking, his muscles too sore to keep still.

"You..." Barry breathed, the words twisting on his tongue. "so...casual."

Everything had become extremely loud, his ears sensitive to his surroundings. His breathing was rough and coarse, the air conditioning was booming and even the walls creaking was too loud.

"You're in a postictal state, you're going to be confused for a while. You might not make any sense or understand what I'm saying."

Barry groaned, "...understand. I...it...get."

A bright light shined in his eyes, piercing through his skull like fire. He squeezed his eyes shut, but the damage was already done. A migraine throbbed in his head, threatening to crush his head like a broken watermelon.

"You're sick." Zayne announced, "I'd say sepsis or meningitis, if not both. The bridge of time between the intrathecal pump doses and your estimated ability recovery was supposed to continuously heal you. Your hypermetabolism isn't effective long enough to stave off the effects of Compound MB-2 from poisoning you."

"Stop...leech."

Zayne shook his head, "I can't do that. My body has begun to adjust to the speed metabolism that your abilities bring. If I wait any longer between leeches, I'll get worse. On top of that, the other abilities I worked so hard to obtain are… dematerializing. My plan isn't going as.…well, planned."

There was a lot that Barry wanted to say, though he couldn't even formulate the words in his mind. His subconscious was angry, something he could feel even beneath the rattling confusion.

"...sucks." It was all he could choke out.

"It does. I was truly hoping to have more use of you. Unfortunately, the samples haven't proven any answers to obtaining your fast metabolism, and now that your body has begun a fast decline, I'm not going to have any use for you."

Zayne gently placed his penlight in his shirt pocket, leaving distance between himself and Barry as he begun to walk away.

"I'm going to have to resort to Plan B."

Though his mind was shaken and damaged, the adrenaline that flowed through him upon hearing those words was enough to break his confusion. He shook his head, though it was barely a twitch of movement.

"No." Barry croaked, "Don't touch.…leave….be..."

His words were left without a response, the emptiness of silence engulfing him. The panic fluttered in his stomach, his fear for Wally's safety - and those around him - left him feeling sick. It was hard to tell his emotions from his pain though, the migraine and nausea from the toxin overtaking his senses.

His head fell with force, his neck loose like a broken rope. He didn't know if he was alone or not, unaware if Nagle left or was simply ignoring him. He was too tired to care, the exhaustion heavy on his eyes. He wanted so badly to sleep, pass out, just for one moment fall into the nothingness that would bring him relief.

A shudder ran over him, a chill settling into his bones colder than the false air that kept the makeshift operating room sterile. Just when he had thought things couldn't get worse, and he couldn't be shown to be any weaker, he had been proven wrong.

* * *

The old Delta clothes factory, long abandoned since before Cisco was probably born, smelt like rotten shoes. He had noticed it since Joe parked the car outside the entrance, having immediately rolled up his window to save his nostrils from the offending odor.

"Dear God…" he muffled into the fabric of his t-shirt. "Barry couldn't have been taken in a perfume factory?"

Joe ignored him, walking straight forward to the middle of the room, past the numerous tables and chairs that still littered the building. He pointed to the floor below him, turning around to face Cisco.

"It was here," Joe announced. "This is where the meta-cat-…Zayne Nagle, had Barry."

Cisco stared, looking onwards at the spot with anticipation that something would jump up at him, revealing the answers they needed. After a few moments, he locked eyes with Joe, barely letting his shirt fall from the covering of his mouth.

"Okay?" he shrugged. "What are we looking for?"

"Zayne had Barry here, on his knees without his mask. He had him in a choke hold, and then just…ran off with him." Joe fought back the anger that threatened to engulf him, the images of last night still fresh in his mind. The panic in Barry's eyes and the fear he could feel radiating off him was a devastating horror that he couldn't shake.

It had been a little over twelve hours since that moment. He had been fighting back the mantra in his head, the voice saying, ' _you failed him.'_ over and over, so loud he was beginning to lose his strength in keeping it silent.

Realizing he had spaced out, Joe shot his head up, seeing Cisco standing in the same place with the same confused expression.

"If they were both here, that gives you a good chance of vibing them…" Joe paused. "right?"

Cisco winced. "Ohhhh man, Joe, I mean…I can try."

"It might be our only shot, Cisco. This man went off the grid. We need someone who can do the same thing." Joe moved forward, resting a hand on his shoulder. " _Anything_ is something, right now."

"Yeah…I'll see what I can come up with." Cisco hid his doubt and insecurity, unable to express the reality of his inability to control the powers he had. He had to admit, Joe was on the right track. He had spent all night trying to trace both men, and he wasn't alone. If they couldn't find him by standard means, it was time to try something new.

He let out a deep breath, slowly making his way to the ground and crossing one leg over the other, sitting cross-legged on the cement floor. It was then he noticed the glimmer of light coming from beneath one of the workbenches.

"Joe," he spoke up, pointing a finger in the direction. "Under there…"

Joe bent down, head tilted as he looked under the table. The reflection of light hit the glass at just the right angle that the objects became visible. It was barely a flicker, but enough for his eyes to see.

"What is it?" Cisco asked.

Joe grabbed an evidence bag and gloves from his pocket, the sound of latex snapping as he pulled the glove over his hand. He crawled on his knees to grab it.

"Syringes," Joe answered, staring at the glass barrel with curiosity.

"Lovely," Cisco scoffed, "so this is where Central City's finest come for their high."

Joe shook his head, zipping the bag closed and peering inside with curiosity.

"No. This isn't heroin," he explained. "this belonged to Nagle."

"How do you know?"

"He tossed these, right before he took Barry. I thought they went with him, I didn't think to check here…" Joe shot up, ignoring the cracking of his joints as he did. He rushed to put the three empty syringes in the evidence collection bag.

"I got to get this to S.T.A.R Labs. Figure out what the hell was in here." he pointed back to Cisco on his way out. "Stay here; try and vibe something. I'll be back!"

"I'll do my best…" he muttered, letting out a deep exhale and closing his eyes.

He heard the car door slam shut and the engine drive away, getting fainter until only the whistling wind brushed against his ears. Cisco didn't have much practice in using his abilities, the glasses he had stolen from Reverb being his only source of a foundation he had obtained over the year. Still, he had calmed himself enough, maybe he could find focus and control in his powers.

A deep breath in, and a deep breath out. He repeated the process until his breath was stolen from him, his eyes rolling back with force.

_Cisco hesitantly placed his hand on Barry's shoulder, though covered by sheets he could still feel the cold that emitted. Barry was never cold, not since the day he was brought to S.T.A.R labs after the lightning struck him. The speed force was a powerful thing, radiating heat off him with an explainable energy._

_"_ _It was a wild ride, man." Cisco said, "Thank you."_

_Caitlin had her arms open for him before he had even turned around, and she held him with compassion as he silently cried on her shoulder._

Reality snapped back like a firecracker. He shook his head violently, riding himself of the images from a memory that didn't exist.

"Okay…well, you're vibing. That's something." Cisco cracked his knuckles. "Now just vibe the right timeline…"

* * *

The silence in the room was deafening, each turn of a nozzle from the microscope sounding like a lion's roar.

Both Caitlin and Wells sat next to each other, leaned over and focused on the material underneath the instruments. They studied, wrote and scribbled on paper, and examined the material like the chemist they were. It had been hours, and the room had remained eerily silent.

That was, until, Wally's patience worn thin.

"So?" Wally spoke up.

"Wally!" Iris snapped.

Caitlin didn't look up from the scope, continuing to twist the nozzle on the side for a better view.

"It's…interesting," Caitlin said.

Joe's eyebrow shot up. "Interesting how?"

"It's poison." Harry calmly stated.

Caitlin sighed, Iris gasped, and Joe shot up from his chair with haste.

"What?" he exclaimed, almost slamming his hands down on the table with panic.

Caitlin leaned back from the microscope, shaking her head. "I wouldn't call it poison…"

"Then I will. It's poison." Harry reaffirmed, eyes still locked in the eyepiece of the microscope.

"Poison how?" Iris asked.

Joe put a hand in the air, "And for the love of god, English please."

Wells rolled his eyes. "It's a serum. It binds to the proteins in the blood to act as a suppressing agent. Think cough medicine."

"But it's not…cough medicine?" Wally asked.

"Far from it," Caitlin answered, chewing on her bottom lip. "Since it was in a syringe, we safely assumed it was used as an injection rather than anything oral. If it was used on Barry, it would need to have elements that would affect a speedster. When we combined it with Wally's blood to see what it would do to a speedster, it attacked the cells and broke them down. It then washed over the structure of platelets like a blanket…suppressing the other nature of the cells."

"That sounds like…all sorts of bad." Wally said.

Iris rubbed her temples, stressed. "So, is this the reason Wally and Cisco lost their powers?"

"No." Caitlin said. "Harry's right, in some sense. It's a poison. They both would have remembered being injected with it. The way it not only separates the cells from the white blood count but then lays on top of the thrombocytes to keep the cells from coagulating…it's a foreign material that would cause some form of pain."

"If Barry was… _poisoned_ by this, what does that mean?" Joe asked.

"It's hard to say without further testing, but…" Caitlin said. "this would appear to be a suppressant of molecular structure. I believe it hinders the use of special abilities like Wally's, Barry's, even Cisco's."

"He doesn't have his speed, then." Iris breathed, gently sitting down in a chair behind her. The revelation took the room by surprise, their situation only getting worse by the minute.

"Wait, Zayne's ability is to take abilities, right?" Wally asked. "So…if he can take abilities, why does he need a poison to do the same thing?"

Caitlin shrugged. "I don't…"

Suddenly, Joe's phone began to ring, and he stripped it out of his pocket faster than everyone could turn to look at him.

"Yeah?" he answered, pausing a moment to allow the person on the other end to answer.

"We're on our way."

Joe looked up at the group, "Cisco vibed something. Let's go."

* * *

The foul odor lingering in the abandoned clothes factory no longer bothered him. In fact, the headache that pounded sharply behind his eyes has become one of his only thoughts, the ache increasing over the morning and into the afternoon.

Cisco sat crossed legged on the ground, head in his hands as he rubbed his temples. Looking at his watch, he estimated another ten to fifteen minutes before Joe and possibly the others would arrive. Until then, he waited.

He still found it humorous that since Joe brought him here, he had vibed the other timeline at the minimum, six times. He lost count at one point. It was a miracle he could focus enough to grab the information he did, seeing in bright vivid blue colors, the clues that would lead them to Zayne Nagle.

A part of him felt sick to his stomach, unsure if it was his aching head and lack of sleep that was making him feel unwell, or the thought of Barry being held captive by such a thoughtless monster. Of everyone they had encountered in the past couple years, from Thawn to Zoom and all the insane meta's in-between, he had never felt the hopelessness he did now. Fear, panic, terror – sure, those were are a given. But with Barry's incredible abilities and strength, and not just speaking physically, he always had faith that they'd pull through.

There wasn't anything incredibly menacing or terrifying about this man besides his obvious insanity.

Cisco was about to check his cell phone again, having laid it next to him, when his hands brushed against cold cement. He looked down to his left, seeing the empty space where he could have sworn he put the device. With a quick glance to his right, he realized that the cell phone wasn't nearby.

He frowned. "What the…"

The building was quiet, which made the low and hoarse chuckle all the louder in his ears. Cisco practically spun around on the ground, directing himself to where the sound originated.

"You all are making this way too easy, you know."

Cisco didn't have time to respond, let alone take another breath before he was whisked away.


	14. Leecher

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I've had a couple questions regarding Barry's condition in the last chapter. To clarify, while this story is definitely my outlet of whumping glory, Barry did not suffer brain damage, but rather a seizure - just as he did in the flashback to episode 1x20 (god I love that scene) Seizure's can occur for various reasons, one being a dangerous rise in body temperature from infection.The reason we have fevers is that most things that invade the body and make us sick can only survive in a narrow range of temperatures. When you have a fever, your body is cooking the invaders out. However, if the fever gets too high, you start to cook too, and that's not good for you or electrical activity in your brain.
> 
>  
> 
> What Barry experienced in the last chapter is called a Postictal State. It's the period of time from after the seizure to when normal level of consciousness returns. This leads the person to feeling tired, having a headache, difficulty speaking, and abnormal behavior. It's not permanent, nor does it lead to permanent brain damage. 
> 
>  
> 
> Now, this will all be explained further into the story, but for any readers that want to know now and haven't found themselves tagging along, Barry's suffering some serious infections from the toxin. While Zayne Nagle is a well experienced doctor, he also doesn't give 2 F's about the meta's he's taking, and will perform anything on them even at risk of their life. A normal doctor would know that you can't pump a toxin through the spinal code of someone, but Nagle doesn't really have morals anymore. Sepsis - an infection of the blood - is a major one that'll be played with going forward. The body does a lot of crazy things to fight off infections. A fever over 106 cooks the brain. Let's hope that Barry's healing abilities kick in soon :)

**Leecher**

 

It wouldn't be the first time that Cisco was swept away by a speedster. He had adjusted to the rush of wind and adrenaline that accompanied the ride, knowing that it would take minutes for his eyes to stop burning from the dryness it caused, and even longer before his heartbeat would slow down.

Still, he never failed to be surprised upon landing. His feet staggered on the floor before he ultimately fell to his knees, the grip that had been keeping him upright throughout the journey riding themselves of their touch. His vision swarmed and his balance suffered, arms out in the air as if to keep himself steady from the earthquake that only he could feel.

"Ohhh, bad roller coaster, really bad roller coaster..." Cisco muttered, forcing the rising bile in his throat to remain where it was.

It was when two strong hands pulled him upright by the neck of his shirt that he remembered the trouble he was in. Forced to his feet, Cisco stumbled into the room, the hand that laid on his back the only reason he faltered onward.

"Hey, hey!" he shouted, "Easy on the merchandise, man. You break it, you buy.…"

Cisco's eyes suddenly widened, the stinging burn that was already present increasing when he found himself staring ahead and in front of him.

"Oh shit."

"Shut up." The voice was low, angry. It hissed at him with a deep fury, one thicker than the fear in his gut.

Yet the threat went unheard, the gravity of the situation becoming more real than ever at the sight no one could have prepared him to see.

"Barry?"

Cisco fell to his knees, ignoring the impact from the hard ceramic floor below him as he crawled over to where Barry was. His eyes didn't dare to blink, not even as the itchy and coarse rope tied his hands behind his back with a strength that led his muscles to scream with pain.

Barry sat unusually still on the ground, zip ties strapping him to the support beam that his back rested against. His head hung low, and his eyes remained closed. There was no color to his face, except for the light pink blush that tinted his cheeks. Even with his chin to his chest, Cisco could see how sunken in his eyes had become, the dark circles underneath casting a shadow on him that seemed frightening.

How long had it been? Not even a full twenty-four hours yet, and it seemed like Barry had been through weeks of hell.

Cisco swallowed heavily. He felt as the man tightened the rope that secured his arms behind his back, ensuring the restraints would hold, all before he squatted down to where both himself and Barry were.

"Zayne Nagle, right?" he asked, trying to keep his voice from cracking. "Central City's current infamous serial killer...dubbed the 'meta-catcher.' Am I on the right track here?"

Off to Barry's side, Zayne crouched low and grabbed his face with dominance, squeezing his chin tightly to force him to look up.

"Wake up, 'lil scarlet." he slapped his cheeks hard, the sound resonating throughout the room. "There ya go, wake up."

Barry's eyes fluttered open, dancing around the room with confusion. It wasn't long before they settled straight ahead, and though glossed with fever, they widened with shock.

"Cis...cisco." his voice was barely above a whisper, hoarse and dry.

Zayne released his chin as quickly as he had grabbed onto it, and Barry's head fell back down to his chest under the weight of gravity.

"Ah- _argh._ " Barry grunted, the simple movement from his neck sending a blast of agony through his body. He dared not try and lift his head again, rather stare below him at his chest and legs, Cisco's own knees barely in view.

He couldn't help but notice the ties that once bound his lanky legs together were gone. If he had the strength, he would have laughed. While he was still strapped tightly around his chest and his arms bound together behind him, the restraints used on him were becoming less and less as time went on.

No doubt Nagle knew he was too weak to even attempt anything further at this point. It was almost an insult to know the man wasn't worried about him fighting back anymore; it was surely humiliating to be so easily assailed.

"Yes, welcome Cisco." Zayne stood up, "and how right you are, young man. Though I can't say I ever found pleasure in the silly nickname…a mere product from the people in panic. I am the man you were looking for."

"Is that what this is? I knew too much, so you have to get rid of me type of deal?" Cisco chuckled, "Because let me tell you man, just because you have me doesn't mean other people won't find you. Your name's out there now, people are looking and-"

"Shut up." Zayne interrupted, "You're not here to talk."

Cisco furrowed his eyebrows with anger. "Yeah? Why am I here then? Another meta for you to cross off your list?"

"Cisco..." Barry warned, his voice quiet and barely audible.

"You're not nearly good enough for that." Zayne said, "You're a measly pawn."

"Let him go, Nagle." Barry murmured, his head falling back against the support beam with force, a 'thud' echoing at its doing. His chest heaved with his struggles to breathe, a few words leaving him gasping for air.

Zayne shook his head, "I warned you from the very beginning, Barry. If you couldn't get me what I needed, I'd have a Plan B ready to go."

"You're not going to find him," Barry said.

"You're right.  _I'm_ not going to find him." Zayne patted Cisco on the back, a large, toothy grin pulling at his lips. "He will. Just like he told me all about my mistakes the first time around. He'll show me where your little sidekick is, won't you Cisco?"

"I have...no clue what you're talking about." Cisco fumbled, "But whatever you need, I'm sure there are other ways I can help. I'm a bio-engineer, I know a lot of chemists and scientists and whatever you need-"

"I don't need your intelligence. I'm a smart and skilled man myself. What I need..." Zayne tapped at Cisco's forehead, "is that ability of yours."

"Huh? I don't-"

"Do  _not_ play dumb with me!" Zayne shouted, violently grabbing a lock of Cisco's hair in his hands, forcing him to look straight ahead at Barry.

"If you don't want to end up like your friend here, who so desperately needs to play a  _goddamn_ hero, then I suggest you fucking cooperate with me, Mr. Ramon."

Cisco held his breath, daring not to show the terror that boiled in the pit of his stomach. Barry couldn't even look at him, his eyes straight up and at the ceiling above them. If his friend's condition wasn't enough to realize this wouldn't be an easy escape, the fact that Nagle knew his name and about his powers were.

"Okay man, but you-you gotta know...it doesn't work that way. I can't control my powers. I-I can't just get them to work for you on the fly."

Zayne yanked at his hair harder, causing a whimper to escape his throat.

"You will do what I need you to do, and that's sitting here and wait while I.…" Zayne trailed off, squeezing his eyes shut while the grip he had begun to shake intensely. With his other hand, he reached over to Barry, grabbing his throat with force.

For a split moment, Cisco could have sworn he saw the skin surrounding Zayne's fingers and hand illuminate, a bright eerie glow radiating from him before diminishing like a setting sunset.

"Fucking hell!" he screamed, standing up and sending a kick at Barry, his foot colliding with the side of his chest.

Barry yelped, crawling into his body the best he could while still being restrained. He felt nauseous, blood rushing in his ears as his body tipped sideways.

Zayne panted and paced, his shoulders slouched with tension. It was a moment of irritably that they had yet to see, a loss of composure that showed the anger and weakness their captor had been controlling.

He turned and pointed to Cisco with a feral rage. "When I get back, I  _will_ be taking whatever mental voodoo you have going on."

Even if Cisco wanted to whip out a snarky response, he never had the time. Zayne left the room in a blink, and he truly couldn't decipher if it was speed or teleportation that he had just witnessed. Regardless of which, it left him shaken and confused.

"Alright...on creepy villain scale, that dude is a solid seven." Cisco frowned, turning back to Barry. "How does he know about me and vibe - Barry?"

His heart leaped in his chest, followed by a flow of panic. Barry's eyes were unfocused, and his body lifted with each intake of air that he struggled to receive.

"Can't.…" he gasped, "…breathe..."

"Okay, okay, just…" Cisco fumbled forward on his knees, "one breath at a time, dude. In and out, watch me – in and out…"

Though he tried to guide Barry through each inhale and exhale that left his body, it wasn't enough. His once pale face began to get hotter with color.

"Barry? No no no, stay with me." Cisco panicked, "Talk to me, tell me something...Barry, stay. with. me."

Cisco's words went unheard. He watched as Barry's eyes rolled back into his head, the whites of his eyes visible before his eyelids closed on them and his head dropped down.

With his hands bound behind his back, Cisco found himself remaining still. He spent what felt like an entirety simply watching his friend in front of him, helpless and worried for the longest time that he was staring at a dead man.

* * *

Joe was getting irritated.

"Cisco!"

Their voices echoed the factory, bouncing off the walls with no response. They had been there long enough to adjust to the rotting smell that lingered in the building, and the setting sun outside spoke of the time that had passed.

"Cisco, where are you!?" Joe was beyond irritated now, looking at the watch on his wrist with a frustrated growl.

Caitlin ran a hand through her long locks of hair, biting her lower lip with worry.

"This is not good," she stated, spinning around in a circle.

Iris shook her head, "He has to be here. Has anyone tried calling his cell phone?"

"Five times. It goes straight to voicemail." Joe informed them, stuffing his own cell phone in his pocket.

"This is  _not_ good," Caitlin repeated.

"Where would he go?" Iris pressed, still searching under the numerous tables like they were playing a bad game of hide-and-seek.

"Nowhere. There's no reason for him not to be answering his phone...someone had to have taken him." Caitlin explained.

Joe sighed with resolve. "Crap."

"Okay, everyone …take a breath..." Iris stressed, "he'll show up. We just need to wait-"

"We don't have time for that, Iris." Joe interrupted, "I need to call the Captain. The sooner we put in a 10-57, the sooner we-"

"Whoa, hold on dad!" Iris exclaimed. "Aren't you the one that said we need to protect Barry's identity? Putting in a missing person report on Cisco will only raise suspicion."

Caitlin shook her head. "I don't disagree, but...we're talking about the meta-catcher here."

"Caitlin's right. I can't risk Cisco's life to keep Barry's identity a secret." Joe said, ready to dial on his phone had it not been for Iris gently, yet with a concerning amount of strength, grab his wrist.

"Dad…" Iris looked straight into his eyes, and in that moment, she felt the stress and the worry that her father held stronger than her own.

"Cisco would put his life on the line in a heartbeat for Barry, Joe." Caitlin solemnly said.

Joe snapped his head over to her direction. "Cisco isn't here to make that decision."

"Okay, just..." Iris groaned. "Let's get back to S.T.A.R labs. We'll make a decision there."

On the anxious seat to leave the building, Iris barely took a moment to look back at where Joe stood, staring at the floor like it would reveal something. She was about to call to his attention when he spun on his heels, angrily stomping past her and forward to his squad car.

When she was seven, she learned that unlike her friend's parents, her father never swore – that was, unless he was extremely angry. She had broken one of his vintage jazz LP records, and it resulted in a sturdy lecture. When she tried sneaking out of the house for an underage house party in high school, he gave her the cold shoulder for a week. Yet when she tried to meet up with a stranger from an online chat room, he cursed every swear word she knew, plus some.

Sinking into the front seat of his car, it was hard to ignore the spew of curse words that he muttered on his way back to Central City.

* * *

The room was so quiet that Cisco could hear his heart beating in his ears. So, when a soft and muffled hiccup caught his attention, he was drawn to the noise like a frightened animal.

"Barry?" he asked, "Barry, you with me, man?"

A low groan responded, followed by a loud exhale. Cisco almost laughed – in fact, a light chuckle echoed the air at the relief that spread over him. A few moments passed as Barry fought consciousness, taking in the sterile air like a fish out of water.

Cisco sighed. "Dude, you scared the living jeepers out of me."

His eyes finally opened, flickering back and forth before settling on Cisco with resign.

"…sorry…" Barry breathed, his shoulders heaving with the exhaustion.

"Yeah, water under the bridge and whatnot." Cisco crawled forward, "I know it's a redundant question but…how you doing?"

Barry paused, almost as if he was considering how he should answer the question. It resulted in a small smirk that pulled at his lips.

"My toes are cold."

Cisco found himself doing a once-over on Barry, this time taking in his full state with no distractions. If it weren't for his short-sleeved cotton t-shirt and undershorts, he'd be stark naked without his flash suit.

Speaking of…

"Would it be inappropriate to ask what happened to my suit?"

"Dammnit, Cisco..." Barry squeezed his eyes shut, his face contorting with a mixture of frustration and pain. "How'd he...you..."

"I don't know." Cisco answered, "Dude obvious knows about me. I have no idea how..."

"He touched you. Days ago...he..." Barry groaned, "He...he can...he can take..." Struggling to speak, Barry's mouth opened and closed repeatedly, though sound didn't always escape.

"He can take abilities." Cisco finished his sentence. "We kind of theorized that.…knowing it's true though -...damn."

He stared at Barry, watching as he struggled to breathe, his chest moving with exertion. Cisco could say with honesty that of all the things he thought, expected and even panicked over, he never considered  _this_ to be a possibility. When Zoom had Barry beaten like a rag doll, to when Barry had tried to regain his powers and lost his body to the speed force, Cisco had witnessed each event with distress. None of them compared to this very moment, though.

"Barry, what's he done to you?" Cisco asked.

Barry's focus wasn't on answering his question, but rather fighting off the dark spots that clouded his vision.

"Hurts...to breathe..." he mumbled, gasping for air.

"Yeah man, I can tell. Just, uh...just try and stay with me this time." Cisco crawled further on his knees, though hands were still tied behind his back and useless to provide any help.

The closer he got to Barry, the more heat he felt radiating off him, burning into the air like an oven. His skin was damp with sweat, though his arms trembled with shivers. It wasn't the normal warmth that normally emitted from the speed force. No, Cisco didn't even know if the speed force was still present at this moment.

"I can't...I can't get us out of here..." Barry said.

"You don't need to," Cisco responded. "We've been looking for you, man. We found a whole bunch of information, and it's only been a day. Even if we're stuck here for a while...Nagle isn't as hidden as he thinks. I vibed his address before he took me, I...I think that's where we are now. Or it could be an old address we can track down...we got this though, we'll get out of here."

Cisco had hoped that his revelation would lead to some optimism in Barry, but he was starting to feel like most of his words weren't even heard. His head sagged low, his eyes unfocused.

"Come on, talk to me. Tell me something." Cisco begged.

"Wally." Barry breathed. "He needs...Wally."

His words were short, limited by the lack of energy that was stolen from him. Cisco would greedily take each word he could get. After all, while he surely didn't plan to land in the same room with the captive hero, he wouldn't let it go for not.

He'd get them out, one way or the other.

"Okay, but why? What does he want?" Cisco asked.

"Speed." Barry choked out. "Healing. He's...dying."

"But he's got you. If he's been taking your powers, why does he need Wally's too?"

Barry looked up at him, his expression grim. It spoke more than words ever could. Cisco found himself tugging at the rope keeping his hands restrained and useless behind his back.

"Shit Barry, what's he doing to you?"

"He's...he's losing his ability to...to take from us. His molecular structure...is decomposing. He's losing the other...abilities he's taken. He can't hold...the speed force won't stay... in him. He can't figure out...how it works."

Cisco nodded his head, suddenly making sense of the situation. "He's a walking sponge. But like a sponge, it can only absorb so much water. The more he takes, the more he loses. He's not catching meta's...he's leeching from them."

"Don't.…let him touch...you," Barry said. "He'll take...take your...vibe...and you.…days to get back. He'll...find Wally."

"Dude, Wally's safe with your dad right now. It's you that's freaking me out."

He looked around, crawling on his knees to find anything at all that would help aid him in the situation. "I'm going to find a way to get us out of here, I promise."

Barry wanted to argue, but even his pessimism wasn't strong enough to overcome his deteriorating health. He settled for a pathetic whimper, chin once more falling to his chest.

The room was empty, aside from a slab metal table on the opposite end of them, trays of surgical instruments littered on top. They flickered in the light, as if a sign for him to see.

"I got an idea." Cisco struggled to get up and off his knees, swaying to the side before finding his balance. As he stumbled to the other end of the room, he did a double take at his surroundings to ensure he was alone, aside from Barry of course.

The glimmer of scalpels and wires were just in eyesight, taunting him and the ropes that bound his hands. He turned his back to where his fingers could reach out for one of the instruments, cutting at the rope with a scalpel that was way too sharp for his liking.

Just when he felt the ropes breaking apart, the muscles in his shoulders aching at separation, a force hit the back of his head so quickly that he barely saw stars before falling to the ground, never experiencing the impact.

"Cisco?" Barry winced at the sound, the throbbing in his head increasing.

When he forced his eyes open again, he could see that Zayne had reemerged, tossing a limp and unconsciousness Cisco into the corner of the room and throwing the rusted metal hammer next to him.

"Cis-!" A sharp cry interrupted him, his hoarse voice cracking at the effort.

The pain was indescribable. Nerves screamed in agony at their abuse. Pain radiated from his back and chest, snaking down his torso, up into his shoulders, into his arms, and stole his breath away; the breath that was already so hard to come across. Barry felt the pounding beats of his heart, the palpitations out of synch and flip-flopping in distress. He shivered as he felt his life being drained out of him.

"I may not be able to leech your speed much longer," Zayne pointed his way, "but I will happily watch as the Compound MB-2 kills you from septic shock."

Being unable to bear it any longer, Barry did what he had tried not to do for so long - he screamed. He cried until his throat burnt and he had no breath left, leaving him spent, shuddering, and painting. He felt the salty tang of tears in his mouth, and he knew he should have been furious at his weakness; he should have been using his anger as strength to fight the man, to save not only himself but now his friend caught in the mix.

He couldn't move, he could barely breathe, and it felt like his insides were on fire. The pain never receded, and it never let up, not since the moment he had left the abandoned factory. That was only a day ago. With horror, he realized that if all this had gone down in such a short amount of time, there was a high probability that he wouldn't make it through the next day.

Barry shuddered, closing his eyes and listening to his rasping breathing with one thought in his head.

He just wanted to go home.

* * *

Every little sound was audible in the cortex of S.T.A.R labs, making Iris aware that more computers were used then she originally thought. Even when they weren't active, they emitted a beeping noise or the wind of fans that kept them cool. A part of her was relieved, knowing that pure silence would drive her insane.

Passing by her father, who sat by himself in deep thought near the glass case where the Flash's suit – Barry's suit – was normally kept, she made her way into the med lab, the shadow of a figure's outline catching her attention.

"Hey," Iris said, gently laying a hand on Caitlin's shoulder. "How are you doing?"

Caitlin looked up in surprise, "Huh? Oh, I'm fine."

Iris shot up an eyebrow, her disbelief clear as day for the answer she received.

"Okay, so I'm a little...frazzled," Caitlin admitted. "It's just...within a day, both my friends have gone missing."

"Hey," Iris took a seat next to her, "we're going to find them. Both Barry and Cisco..."

Caitlin barely nodded. "Yeah."

Iris wished she could have been more encouraging, suddenly wondering how and where Barry got the optimism he did to push forward in these circumstances. The situation was dark and bleak, and even she couldn't find where the hope laid on this one. Her words seemed empty, but at the same time, she felt the need to say them.

Maybe if she believed hard enough, something good would happen.

"You should probably go home and rest, you've been here all day." Caitlin spoke up, no doubt suddenly aware of the darkness that fell from the glass ceilings above them, the night stars peeking through the windows.

"I don't think I'll be going home tonight." Iris sighed, looking over her shoulder. "I don't think my dad will either."

Caitlin looked at the direction she stared at, seeing Joe slumped over in a chair with his chin resting on his palm.

"He's really upset, isn't here?" Caitlin asked.

Iris nodded. "He blames himself. For some…insane reason he feels that not only could he have stopped Barry from being taken, but Cisco too. I'm really shocked he hasn't reported him missing yet."

It was an argument, and a loud one. Ultimately, they came to a compromise – if Cisco didn't return or wasn't found by morning, the CCPD would be on the case. Caitlin felt sick at the thought, knowing full well that like the other five victims who were taken, he probably wouldn't be found alive.

"Hopefully he won't need to." Caitlin mumbled.

The situation just didn't feel real anymore.

Iris sighed. "It's weird...being home without Barry. Being home knowing he's somewhere...unsafe. I can't lay down in bed knowing he could be…"

"Yeah, I know." Caitlin responded. "It feels too quiet here without Cisco."

A gentle knock on the door frame caught their attention, interrupting their conversation. They turned their heads to see Wells approaching them.

"Snow..." Harry announced. "I need you to come see this."

Both exchanging a quick glance of concern, they hopped up from the gurney they had been sitting on and paced into the cortex.

"What's going on?" Iris anxiously asked, noting the sudden presence of Wally who stood side by side with Wells.

"While you guys were away, Harry did some more tests on my blood – a speedster's blood." Wally announced, arms crossed over his chest.

"And?" Joe asked, looking up with bloodshot eyes.

Harry had Caitlin looking down into the microscope set out on the desk, swapping out different sample slides for her.

Wells spoke up, "The poison that was in those syringes-"

"Can we not call it poison?" Joe interrupted.

"You want me to call it unicorn saliva?" Wells shot back.

"Guys!" Iris exclaimed, rubbing her temples. "What about it?"

"The  _compound,_ " Harry stated, "when mixed with Wally's blood, settled over his cells like a blanket. One example showed separation within a short time frame; less than an hour his cells regulated and returned to normal. Continued doses did the opposite."

He switched out a slide under the microscope. "That sample there, Snow? That's blood that's received multiple applications."

Joe shot up. "What is it? What are you seeing?"

"It's…" Caitlin looked up at him, "it's not separating."

"It's permanent?" Iris's voice was tight and full of concern.

Harry shrugged. "Think of it like colors. If you layer blue on yellow, it will only take so many layers before it turns green. It's no longer the color you started with." 

"So is it  _permanent_?" Joe snapped, his composure breaking at the seams.

"I don't know!" Harry exclaimed back. "But it's not good! It can't change the DNA structure or molecular structure of the cells, so no, I don't foresee it suppressing abilities forever. But if it's applied enough times, it sure as hell could be a mess to dichotomize."

Joe shook his head, his fist pounding down on the table with enough strength to make the microscope shake. He didn't announce where he was going, rather he left the cortex with heavy footsteps.

Iris collapsed into the nearest chair, unsure of what to say or how to proceed. After all, the night was just beginning, and she had already not slept from the evening before. At a loss, she sat still and quiet.

The S.T.A.R lab's logo bounced around on the monitors in front of her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hope you guys are enjoying the story. As always, please R/R! I'm hoping that my muse and motivation will push forward to see the end of this story, and feedback always helps with that. :)


	15. Protect

**Protect**

Sleep was a gift that he begged for.

 

Barry couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. His eyelids were closed shut and his head hung low despite the strain it put on his neck. The bright fluorescent lights that filled the room made his skull ache with tenderness and his stomach tighten with nausea. Each breath he took rattled with distress, shaking his body and rasping in the air, the sound foreign to his ears. He could feel his ribs pressing against the soft tissues of his lungs, daring to poke and deflate him like a balloon, and with fear that any further movement might do just that, he stayed still.

 

The sutures and staples tugged at his skin, a harsh reminder that his wounds weren’t healing and hadn’t been for quite some time now. From his stomach, sides, back, and hips, there wasn’t one incision that hurt more than another. They all throbbed with a raw, hot agony.

 

A part of Barry felt relieved, and yet deeply concerned, that Nagle hadn’t bothered to perform another test on him in the past handful of hours. His ability to leech was quickly diminishing, and no doubt was he becoming more preoccupied with his ailing health and inability to take his speed. His focus had become more on finding Wally and trying his methods again on another Flash, his thirst for life having left Barry neglected.

 

He had become useless. Zayne’s need to keep him inert by injecting his serum internally had ultimately eradicated his use for him in the first place. It was killing him. Barry could feel each breath become heavier than his last, his energy barely able to keep his heart beating. He would do anything to drift off, pass out; simply not be aware of his entire body screaming in pain for just one moment. It had been hours since he had woken up from unconsciousness, and he’d do anything for that once more.

 

With no relief to succumb to the darkness, he continued to breathe. His focus was on each inhale and exhale he took, letting his chest rise and fall with exertion.

 

A groan echoed in the room, but Barry couldn’t tell if the sound came from him or not. It felt as if his ears were stuffed with cotton, some noises seeming louder than a church bell, others barely audible like a whisper.

 

“Ow.”

 

His body was wracked with fever and his mind floated with delirium, but subconsciousness told Barry that the noise wasn’t from him. Pulling himself together with the best effort he could, he cracked open an eyelid.

 

Across the room, Cisco rubbed the back of his head, groaning as he felt the sticky liquid of blood matted into his hair. He fought to get on his knees, stumbling and swaying when he tried.

 

“Ohhh that…hurt. That really hurt.” he mumbled, his body tilting slightly to the side before he ultimately heaved the contents of his stomach on the floor, his eyes squeezed in pain at the movement.

 

It took a few moments for Cisco to register his surroundings, wiping at his mouth with the back of his sleeve as he did. When his eyes landed on Barry across the room, he didn’t hesitate to rush forward, not even noticing when his hands crawled on the ground with him, leaving a mixture of blood and bile to trail behind him.

 

“Shit…shit, Barry…” he looked at his friend with panic, “okay, we gotta…gotta get out of here, man. Help me out, tell me something, help me get you out.”

 

“…cis..co.” Barry’s voice was a murmur, barely sounding like himself. “…hands.”

 

Surely concussed, Cisco’s first thought was to check Barry’s hands. To do so, he needed to reach around the post he was tied to, and with the room spinning as much as it was, he struggled to get off his knees. With his hands planted on the floor to steady himself, he took a deep breath in.

 

“Okay…we got this. We’ll figure this-” Cisco furrowed his eyebrows, and he let a beat pass before saying, “well I’ll be damned.”

 

He looked down at his hands, the rope that once bound him hanging loosely around his left wrist, while his right remained free.

 

“I must have cut them enough before freakaziod came back.” he muttered, examining his shaking hands like they were shining gold. Immediately, he rushed forward and started pulling at the zip ties that bound Barry, barely flinching at the cries and yelps that came after.

 

“Argh- _ghh_ …”

 

“I’m sorry dude, I’m sorry I just…I gotta get these off. Hold on a second.” Cisco grabbed the post and hauled himself on his feet, tilting to the side before he stumbled forward and across the room where the metal slab table still was.

 

And it was empty.

 

“Damn it!” Cisco hissed, running his hand through his hair with panic. The convenient sharp objects that helped him were removed, and no doubt because Zayne had realized the mistake he made in the first place by leaving them there. The room was empty, practically like a cell, and if he didn’t find something to free Barry with, they’d both be stuck there.

 

Not wasting any time, he stumbled back over to Barry and collapsed to his knees, stripping off his own hoodie with haste.

 

Barry didn’t look up as he attempted to use the slider of his zipper to break apart the plastic zip ties that wrapped around him. He didn’t look up as Cisco brushed up against chest, causing him to gasp with pain.

 

As he sawed at the ties like the metal slider was a knife, a desperate last attempt for freedom, Barry wearily lifted his head and said, “Cisco…leave.”

 

Cisco crinkled his forehead, sweat dripping down into his eyes. “Yeah, I’m working on that.”

 

“No…” Barry inhaled sharply, the force sending his head back against the support beam. “Leave.”

 

It took a moment for Cisco to pause, his movements slowing down as he gawked at Barry with confusion. Whether it was the slight nod in his head, or the sudden burst of emotion behind his eyes, Cisco followed his intuition and looked over his shoulder.

 

His first thought was that he’d be met with another smack to his head, the idea sending his stomach into knots. His second thought was that Barry was hallucinating and saw an open door like a man in the desert would see a lake of water.

 

He _never_ thought he’d see the glowing and pulsating blue breach behind him.

 

Cisco stared at the breach in shock before turning back to Barry. “I couldn’t do that again if I tried.”

 

“When Zayne…comes back…” Barry gulped, fighting off the nausea that pushed forward, “…he’ll make sure…you can’t.”

 

Cisco could hear the rushing wind from behind him, the portal pulling at gravity and flickering with light. Yet he couldn’t tear his eyes way from Barry, locked intently at his friend with fear and panic.

 

“Leave.” Barry repeated, his words used in an exhale, followed by a cough and dry heave. He fought to keep his head upright, determined to look at Cisco.

 

“Not without you, Barry.” Cisco insisted, gripping his hoodie once more and futilely attempting to break the ties.

 

Barry let his head fall to the side and on his shoulder. “Go…Cisco.”

 

“Barry-!” Cisco snapped his head up, his lips tight. “I don’t even know where that leads. With my luck it’d take me right to wherever we sent Grodd!”

 

“Or…home.” Barry said, “you’re better…more useful…there…than here.”

 

“I’m not leaving you, Barry.” Cisco wasn’t up for the argument. He twisted and bent the ties that wrapped around Barry, his frustration leading him to further tighten them as opposed to loosening them, and Barry groaned.

 

“Shit.” he swore, his hands backing away as if they were shocked with electricity. He rubbed at his temples, the wound from his head injury dripping blood down into his ear.

 

“Barry, I…” he fought past the lump in his throat, “I can’t leave you here. You can’t ask me to do that!”

 

He could have sworn Barry smirked, his lips pulling upwards. “I’m not. I’m…asking you to…save Wally.”

 

 _‘That’s not fair.’_ Cisco thought. _‘That’s not fair at all.’_

He forced himself off his knees, pacing in a short circle with determination to figure something out. Nagle had emptied the room, the only signs of the object that hit him being the trail of blood that dripped on the floor. He tried to focus, to brainstorm and come up with any ideas, but his head ached and his thoughts were full of fog.

 

He should have gotten Barry free first, he should have hurried before he got his head smacked around, he should have…

 

“Cisco…” his voice was small, and Cisco barely heard it before he turned around to face him. “I’m sorry.”

 

Momentarily confused, Cisco didn’t have chance to react or question Barry’s words. The only part of his body not strapped down – his long, lanky legs, reached up and pushed against his own knees, sending him off balance.

 

His eyes went wide as he fell back into the breach.

 

“Cisco!”

 

A different voice broke through, feminine and loud.

 

Caitlin rushed forward, “Cisco…how…”

 

He felt himself gasping, but his ears hadn’t caught up yet. His eyes came into focus, and then out of focus just as quickly as he watched blurry figures slowly approaching him.

 

“Cisco!” Joe shot up from his chair, his voice booming through the cortex.

 

Looking around the room, Cisco blinked past the confusion and disorientation from the portal. Joe, Caitlin, Iris and even Harry stood near him, looking at him like he was an alien out of space. No doubt he had the same expression to share.

 

“Cisco…” Iris slowly walked forward, “what happened? Where were you?”

 

There was a beat, and Cisco felt a rush of wind brush up against his back as the portal fell in on itself.

 

He realized with horror that the breach closed, spinning around to watch it flicker away in the air. If his reaction time had been better, he would have reached out and grabbed onto it like it was an intimate object running away.

 

Caitlin took another step forward, “Cisco…”

 

“That son of a bitch kicked me.” he mumbled, his eyes rolling back into his head before he fell to the ground.

 

* * *

 

 

For the first time in what felt like days, Barry smiled. A grin pulled at his lips and the cold air brushed against his teeth, and his head dropped back to his chest.

 

He could accept death. It was a concept he had dealt with since his mother’s murder, a daily torment of how he’d live his life knowing it could be taken so quickly. Death never scared him, not since that night he watched police cover his mother’s body with a thick, black bag. It was the death of his friends and family that frightened him to the core.

 

Cisco was safe. Wherever he was, he’d be safe. He was away from the monster and menace that had taken so many innocent lives in Central City, and that was all that mattered.

 

The day he put on the crimson suit, he accepted that his life didn’t matter anymore. He accepted the risk he took every time he flashed out and into danger, to protect those without abilities from harm. It was never something he’d have second thoughts over, or hesitated with in fear. He’d do it again in a heartbeat, and again and again as long as he was breathing.

 

A part of him liked to think his mother and father would be proud of him for that.

 

“That’s adorable.”

 

Barry cracked his eyes open, and his brows furrowed in confusion at the dark, black boots that came into view. The legs of the figure squatted down, his knees bent before his face leered into view.

 

“You think that your mommy and daddy are proud of you?” The face blurred in and out of his sight, the colors of yellow and black swimming and melting together with disarray. “Proud of _what,_ Mr. Allen?”

 

Strong, callus fingers gripped at his throat and forced his head up, angry red eyes staring him down.

 

“Proud that you took on the mantle of The Flash, only…to let me kill your mother?” His eyes squinted, studying the face that stared at him – the penetrating gaze of Harrison Wells, and yet the voice that vibrated out of his throat was Eobard Thawne, clear as day.

 

The laughter sent his vision out of focus once more, darkness covering the edges of his sight. The glowing red eyes did not fade though.

 

“You aren’t a hero, Barry. Not in your time, and not in mine.” Thawne laid a hand on Barry’s shoulder, “you’re a pathetic nobody who trusts every person that comes into his life, only to be let down…time and time again. Just look at this…you trusted Wally with the same abilities you have, didn’t you? You were sure that he could be a noble hero.”

 

The laughter never stopped, not even as Eobard continued to speak. It echoed the room like a broken record.

 

“This is what happens when you trust so easily, Mr. Allen. You trusted Wally with these extraordinary powers, only to have him break the time-space continuum and place you…in a timeline worse than death.”

 

Barry wanted to fight, he wanted to argue and spit out every passionate word he had bottling up in his mind. The anger wasn’t nearly strong enough to counter the exhaustion and pain that agonized his body, though.

 

The fingers squeezed at his throat, tight enough so that he could feel his windpipe crushing with the strength. It brought him back to a time where he drowned in the same fear he felt from now, the panic having conquered his heroic abilities both mentally and physically.

 

He hung like a rag doll in the cortex of S.T.A.R Labs, his body paralyzed from the waist down, and his throat in the grips of a living monster. The lightning-sparked around them and the flicker of blue electricity illuminated the cortex and those who stood in it.

 

Zoom chuckled, “Are they proud that you let me shove my hand through your father’s heart?”

 

Barry could feel his hips swaying in the air, his feet lifted off the ground as he hung only by the crushing strength of Zoom’s hand wrapped around his throat. He blinked, reopening his eyes to see in front of him and beyond Zoom was his father, laying on his back with lifeless eyes staring at the ceiling. Another blink, and his mother’s body was being zipped into a black cadaver pouch.

 

One more, and he let his eyes remain shut.

 

Hunter laughed, a low chuckle that quickly turned into a cackle. The disturbing cackle became darker and deep, echoing with an ominous tone.

 

“Heroes die, Barry.” The laughter ricocheted off the walls, menacing, sinister laughter that never let up, never got quiet, and never went away.

 

In reality, Barry sat alone, tied to the post where Cisco had left him. The room was silent, and he remained still.

 

* * *

 

“I think…. waking up…”

 

Cisco groaned, his head lolling on the pillow resting behind him.

 

“…sco? Cisco? Can you hear me?”

 

“So. Loud.” he muttered, instinctively laying his forearm across his eyes to shield himself from the brightness of the outside world.

 

“Hey there,” the soft voice started, “rise and shine.”

 

Cisco could have easily slept ten or twenty more hours, the heavy weight of exhaustion threatening to pull him back down. Luck have it be, reality set in faster than he could open his eyes. With alarm, he shot up from the bed he rested on.

 

“Easy, easy!” Caitlin gently laid a hand on his chest.

 

“How long was I out?” Cisco asked.

 

On the other side of the room, Joe had come jogging into the med lab, followed by Wally at his side.

 

“He’s awake?”

 

Caitlin looked over at Joe, “He just woke up, give him a couple-”

 

“Cait!” Cisco snapped, “how long was I out?”  

 

“Three hours.” Caitlin answered, adjusting the IV that hooked into his arm.

 

“Oh not good, not good, not good.” Cisco mumbled, rubbing his temples.

 

“You have a serious concussion, Cisco. You need to take it easy.” Caitlin laid a hand on his shoulder with sympathy. “It looks like you were hit-”

 

“With a hammer.” Cisco interrupted her, and he continued to massage his temples and back of his head, the pounding ache that resonated making it hard to think.

 

Joe snapped his fingers, pointing at Cisco with realization. “You _were_ taken by him!”

 

“Dad!” Iris glared at him from the chair she sat at. “One thing at a – Cisco?”

 

Pulling at the wires and pads that attached to his chest and forehead, Cisco practically leaped off the bed and had his feet planted on the ground before Caitlin could stop him.

 

“Whoa, whoa!” Caitlin grabbed his shoulders, steadying him. “Did you not hear me say ‘serious concussion’? You need to be resting.”

 

“No, no…we don’t have time for that.” Cisco mumbled. “Zayne, he…he’s got Barry, we gotta-”

 

“He’s alive?” Wally asked.

 

“Is he okay?” Iris followed up with her own question.

 

Cisco paused, letting a beat pass by them before he shook his head and with all his strength, stood up from the gurney. “No.”

 

“No to which?” Joe asked, grabbing Cisco’s arm to help him out of the med lab, both ignoring Caitlin’s huffs of disapproval as they did.

 

“Yes alive, no he’s not okay.” Cisco answered, pacing around the computer monitors in the cortex where Harry sat, typing away at the keyboards. “I gotta get back there.”

 

“And how do you propose you’ll be doing that, Mr. Ramon?” Harry quipped, never looking up from the monitors.

 

“How did you even get back _here_ , Cisco? Where the hell were you to begin with?” Joe asked.

 

Cisco found himself slowly settling into his computer chair, the relief that the back support provided him more comforting then he imagined it would be. He rested his elbow on the desk and rubbed his forehead.

 

“I don’t know…one minute I’m at the factory, the next this Patrick Bateman wannabe has me and I’m in the same room with Barry.” Cisco looked up, the day’s events and sleepless nights showing in his eyes. “He’s in trouble. Joe.”

 

“What did you vibe?” Joe asked, “before he took you…what did you see?”

 

“I…” Cisco sighed and shook his head. “I don’t remember.”

 

Joe tried not to show his frustration, but he was tired and discouraged, and he may have shown more emotion then intended to. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he muttered under his breath while pacing away.

 

“Post-concussion symptoms can include temporary memory loss. You may remember later.” Caitlin explained, handing Cisco an open water bottle and pills to swallow.

 

“We don’t have time for that. Barry doesn’t have time for that.” Cisco took the items greedily, swigging down a gulp of water. “I need to get back there.”

 

Wally spoke up, “what did he want with you?”

 

“My powers.” Cisco simply answered with a sigh.

 

“So, Caitlin was right,” Iris walked closer to the group, “Zayne Nagle _can_ take meta-human’s abilities?”

 

Cisco nodded, followed by a wince at the movement. “He’s not catching meta-human’s. He’s leeching from them.”

 

“Leecher!” Wally snapped his fingers, though his excitement quickly diminished at the heavy tension that filled the room. He crossed his arms and muttered, “It’s a better name then meta-catcher…”

 

Cisco continued, “His own ability to take from others is killing him and he’s been capturing meta’s to try and save himself. It’s why he needs Barry and Wally, their speed metabolism-”

 

“Whoa whoa! Wally?” Joe shook his head as he stormed forward. “He only has Barry, now you’re telling me he’s after Wally too?”

 

“Dude, may I repeat ‘ _Barry is in trouble’_? He’s only after Wally because, and I’m pretty damn sure on this one, Barry’s dying.”

 

Iris covered her mouth with her hand, the gasp hidden underneath her palm as she sunk down into a chair near Cisco. “Oh my god…”

 

“Do you think it’s the poison?” Caitlin asked.

 

Cisco frowned, “Poison…?”

 

“The syringes you and Detective West found at the steel mill contained a dampening serum.” Wells answered, “the results are on monitor C, but to summarize, it’s a toxication of enzymes and proteins, of which I have found glycolaldehyde to be most perceptible, covering the thrombocytes in plasma to keep the cells from coagulating-”

 

“That ain’t summarizing!” Cisco retorted.

 

Joe turned back to Cisco, “Do you think he’s been using that on Barry?”

 

“I’m sorry!” Cisco exclaimed, “I should have asked that before my head was treated like a nail to some piece of wood. I didn’t get enough time to reacquaint myself with him to ask.”

 

The room fell quiet, something Cisco wasn’t opposed to. He could feel each thought and idea fade away with the pounding in his skull, and no matter how hard he tried to stay focus, he wasn’t strong enough. His outburst had clearly told the others that he was irritable, and he silently hoped the medicine he was treated with would kick in soon.

 

“You opened a breach to get here…” Wally quietly said, “maybe you can do it again? To get back there?”

 

Cisco shook his head, “Dude, I-I…I wasn’t even trying. I have _no_ idea how that happened.”

 

“But could you do it?” Joe pressed.

 

Cisco was new to his powers, still unable to harness his abilities like the others. Vibing was almost always out of his control, though with enough focus he could usually manage some sort of vision, no matter how small. Opening breaches was a whole other ball game, one that he hadn’t had the courage to practice since they had defeated Zoom.

 

“I…I really don’t know. I could try. I mean, I didn’t even have my glasses back there…”

 

Lost in his own thoughts, Cisco didn’t even notice that Wells had gone absent from his position at the computers until he was right in front of him, his own googles being shoved to his chest.

 

“You have them now.” Harry said, passing off the glasses.

 

“Please, Cisco…” With his brows knitted in a frown and his eyes swimming in despair, Joe begged, “try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the reviews!! The good stuff is coming up - please don't stop R/Ring now!


	16. Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris stepped forward, concern riddling her face. “Dad…”
> 
>  
> 
> Gently grabbing her arm, Joe frowned. “We’ll be back, baby girl. With Barry.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Bring him home.” she whispered, gently squeezing his hand with fear, love and concern. He returned it if only for a second before letting go, lifting his shoulders up and back with a confidence even he doubted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: WOW this chapter took a while to write. Sorry guys!! I didn’t have the time I needed to really dedicate to this one until earlier this week. Luckily, I have this entire story planned and mapped out, it’s just a matter of getting it all into words.
> 
> With that said, thank you SO much for your kind words and encouragement! It really keeps this thing going. This little daydream I’ve had churning in my head is technically already complete for me, I can fantasize the ending as many times as I want. But of course, writing it is a whole different story, and your feedback showing that you’re enjoying it truly encourages me to going trekking on.
> 
> So, before we head on onto the next chapter (hey guys, we’re a little pass the halfway point! Whoa-hoo!) I’d like to slap a big ‘ol GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING label on this puppy. If you’re squeamish and don’t like reading graphic descriptions, please please please skip the last scene in this chapter.
> 
> Again, last scene – graphic content warning.

**Rescue**

 

Wally cracked his red, gloved knuckles with agitation.

 

“This was all really dramatic and stuff when I first suited up, and dad got his gun and the dampening cuffs, and Harry got the bazooka, but it’s been…” he looked down at the computer monitors and rolled his eyes, “almost two hours, you guys.”

 

“Wally, you have to be patient.” Iris insisted.

 

“No, he’s right.” Cisco groaned, rubbing his forehead. “This is taking too long.”

 

They stood gathered in the cortex, ready to fight a battle that hadn’t begun yet. Joe, across from the others, adjusted the brown holster strapped to his shoulders and shook his head.

 

“Uh-uh,” Joe waved his pistol like a shaking finger before placing it within the holster’s slot, “you’re the key to getting us to Barry, Cisco. Don’t stop now.”

 

“Man, I am… _really_ not feeling too hot, okay?” Cisco mumbled with unwavering frustration. He fought the urge to collapse into the nearest chair, knowing that if he dared rest his feet now, he’d be asleep before he could blink.

 

“Using your abilities takes a large amount of both physical and mental energy,” Harry stated, intently focused the weapon in his hands, screwing in a few loose pieces with diligence. “Both of which you’re drastically lacking right now.”

 

Cisco rolled his eyes, sarcasm dripping in his tone. “Pardon me, I’m so sorry I let a crazed maniac smack my head around like a volleyball.”

 

“No, not my point,” Harry said. “It’s not a matter of why you’re distracted, it’s a matter of resolving the issue.”

 

“I can’t exactly lay down and take a nap right now, Harry.” Cisco retorted.

 

“You may not need to…” Caitlin hesitated, only realizing she had spoken out loud when the entire room turned and directed their attention to her. “We could…supplement the energy for you.”

 

Iris shot up an eyebrow, “Like coffee?”

 

“Not exactly.” Caitlin walked over to the medicine cabinets in the med lab across from them, pulling out a small bottle and sharp syringe with it.

 

“Ohhh snap, is that adrenaline?” Wally pointed at the contents with realization.

 

“Epinephrine.” Caitlin corrected, pulling the medicine into the syringe. “A small dose may be enough to jump-start any brain activity that’s dormant and prohibiting you from opening a breach.”

 

Cisco rubbed his hands together and cracked his neck. “Beam me up, Scotty.”

 

“Cisco, this is dangerous.” Caitlin’s tone was full of caution, and she held back the syringe with disinclination. “With your concussion, this could open a whole can of worms that – excuse me!”

 

She gaped in shock, jaw almost on the ground as Cisco ripped the syringe from her hands and stuck himself in his arm, barely wincing as he plunged the medicine into his skin. Within seconds, his eyes had gone wide and his pupils grew twice their size.

 

“Ohhhhh boy, that’s quick!”

 

Caitlin watched as Cisco jumped in a circle, his nostrils flared while he shook his arms to release the excess energy that the adrenaline had provided him with.

 

“You are  _lucky_ that’s a subcutaneous shot.” she hissed.

 

“Finished!” Harry dropped his screwdriver and practically jogged over to Joe, waving his fingers around with a ‘give to me’ motion.

 

“Hand me the dampening cuffs.”

 

Joe could have laughed. “Come again?”

 

“Dampening. Cuffs.” Harry repeated, enunciating each word with impatience.

 

“How are they supposed to catch a meta without suppressing their abilities, Harry?” Iris asked, her brows knitted in confusion.

 

“Uh, I don’t know, how are these things supposed to even dampen five hundred some abilities all at once?” Harry snapped back at her.

 

Cisco turned around to explain, “They emit nanites at a high frequency that cancels out the-”

 

“Focus on the breach, Ramon.” Harry interrupted, turning back to Joe. “The cuffs only emit a frequency high enough to cancel out a meta’s ability. Note that –  _meta._ This man has the ability of multiple people, multiple meta’s. The frequency won’t be high enough to work.”

 

“And your solution is?” Joe demanded.

 

Harry held up the gun for view, and the two stared at each other for a moment until finally, he resigned.

 

“Give it to me.” Joe snarled, angrily swapping weapons.

 

“Is that what you’ve been working on the past couple days, Harry?” Caitlin couldn’t refrain from asking, her curiosity peaking as she examined the scientific gun, long barrel and short handle in Joe’s grasp.

 

“Cisco said to make myself useful.” he drily stated.

 

Cisco mumbled, “it’s about time…”

 

“What is it? What does it do?” Wally asked.

 

“It’s a modification of the energy barrier that Cisco created last year,” Harry answered.

 

“You did  _not_ mess with my force field, dude!”

 

“ _Focus,_ Ramon!” Harry growled. “Inside that gun is a small vial of carbon, nitrogen, hydrogen, sulfur, silicon – your typical mix to create matter, to create  _skin._ Combined with an anti-vibrational force field, with an oscillating power grid, it’ll project a substance that bonds to whatever it comes in contact with.”

 

“And then what?” Iris asked.

 

“In this instance, it comes in contact with Zayne Nagle. It’ll stick to him like a suit, and with it embedded around his skin and cells, he-”

 

“Won’t be able to leech anymore.” Joe finished, a snap of his fingers showing his comprehension. 

 

“Better than that,” Harry corrected, “with what’s essentially a wearable force field, he not only won’t be able to leech, but his cells will be so tightly contained he won’t be able to exercise his leeched abilities.”

 

“For how long?” Wally asked.

 

Harry shrugged, “If my calculations are correct – which they always are – the minimal estimated time, and I mean the absolute  _minimal_ time this is expected to work…is two minutes.”

 

“Wait,” Caitlin shook her head, confused. “expected? You haven’t tested it yet?”

 

“No,” Harry said. “There’s only enough components in that vial for one shot. You miss…and there’s no trying again.”

 

There was an obvious need for further conversation, the room having questions that would only go unanswered as their unspoken words were stolen away by the bright, blue portal that emerged in the air. Flickering and pulling at gravity and the wind around them, eyes landed on Cisco, who stood intently focusing on the breach.

 

“I have no idea where this goes. I have no idea how long I can hold it…” Cisco grunted, looking up and over at Wally and Joe with determination. “Go!”

 

Wally had flashed forward and stood near the portal with his father, side by side.

 

“We ready?” his voice flattered in a pitch for the unknown, and he adjusted his yellow cowl while taking a deep, calming breath, though it would do little to help his rattled nerves.

 

Iris stepped forward, concern riddling her face. “Dad…”

 

Gently grabbing her arm, Joe frowned. “We’ll be back, baby girl. With Barry.”

 

“Bring him home,” she whispered, gently squeezing his hand with fear, love, and concern. He returned it if only for a second before letting go, lifting his shoulders up and back with a confidence even he doubted.

 

“Alright, stick to the plan.” Harry raised his voice over the rushing wind of the breach, adjusting the bazooka on his shoulder. “Joe, Wally – get in, get out with Barry. We’ll be back here in case anything comes through. Contain Nagle  _only_ if you see him. He’s the least of your and our worries right now.”

 

Looking over his shoulder, Harry said, “Cisco, keep that breach open at all cost.”

 

All but Cisco nodded their heads, the engineer straining his breath to keep the portal open, and Wally grabbed the back of his father’s jacket as he sped them through the breach, leaving Harry, Caitlin, Iris, and Cisco behind.

 

Iris bit her bottom lip and clenched her sweating palms into fists, no rhythm found to her erratic breathing and pounding heartbeat as she stared forward at the breach, the illuminating and wonderous lights only highlighting the profound terror that washed across her face.

 

She whispered, “please come back to me…”

 

* * *

 

Where they landed was quiet, more so then S.T.A.R Labs. Had it not been for the howling wind of the portal behind them, there wouldn’t be a sound to be heard.

 

Joe checked all corners, gun raised in the air for anyone that dare come close to them. His finger twitched on the trigger, and yet no one was in sight. It was a reminder that he needed to stay calm, still his movements and not risk letting out a shot that couldn’t be taken back.

 

The room echoed a stillness while they gathered their surroundings, a kind of silence that burned into your ears, humming with its presence. Their eyes adjusted to the bright fluorescent lights and clean, white walls, and only then did lightning crackle in a panicked manner.

 

“Dad. Here – now!” Wally hissed, already having used his speed to run across the room.

 

Joe spun around and nearly dropped his weapon at the sight he saw, rushing forward with haste, his boots stomping on the tiled ground with force.

 

“Barry!” he fell to his knees, the impact to his bones going unnoticed and the world around him blurring at the edges, a tunnel for his vision only allowing him to see straight ahead. He grabbed Barry’s face in his hands, letting Harry’s force field gun drop to the ground next to him.

 

He’d thank Cisco a thousand times over, hell he’d get the damn kid a real CCPD badge just to show his appreciation. Of all the places that the breach could have taken them, he felt blessed that it was right to where they needed to be.

 

Yet his stomach boiled with fear as he slapped Barry’s cheeks - his pale and cold yet burning hot cheeks - begging the kid to wake up.

 

“Bar, bar – Barry! Come on son…” Joe gulped his rising fear that sat tightly in his throat, holding the boy’s shoulders steady as Wally vibrated the zip ties to break them apart, each snapping free and falling to the ground. With his chest and arms no longer bound, his body slumped forward like a rag doll only held steady by the callous hands to his shoulders.

 

Just when Joe realized he needed to check for a pulse, Barry’s eyes opened. They rolled around in their sockets with no real direction, glazed and glossy and far from the eyes that normally held so much light within them. They didn’t even lock on Joe, or anything in particular, before rolling back into his head, his body sagging forward and into Joe’s chest.

 

“Help me get him up, Wally,” Joe grunted, swinging one of Barry’s arms over his shoulder while Wally grabbed the other.

 

A distinct ‘pop’ could be heard from Joe’s end, and as he held Barry’s arm around his neck, he could feel the dislocation in his shoulder. Watching as Wally did the same, he could see the limp and swollen wrist dangling off into the air.

 

He’d pray to whatever higher being that these would be the only injuries they’d have to worry about. And yet, with Barry only being held upright by their grasps, the heat that burned against their sides said otherwise. Like a cage closing in, Joe realized with vicious regret that their nightmare wasn’t close to being over.

 

“Alright, you got him?” Joe looked over at Wally, receiving a nod in return.

 

They walked to the other end of the room where the portal still was, Barry’s feet dragging the entire way. The sound of the breach roared over their grunts and Barry’s toenails scraping against the ground, and by the time they had reached the other end of the room, Joe could feel his own sweat dripping down into his eyes. There had been no sign of life from Barry, the deadweight they carried leaving them breathless.

 

“Don’t drop him…on the count of three…” Joe locked eyes with Wally, already halfway through the portal when a cloud of purple smoke took him aback.

 

He froze in place, unsure of what he saw across from Wally and out of the boy’s sight. It was hard to tell, with the past couple years bringing forth speedsters, teleporters, and a handful of abilities that were too supernatural for the average eye to see. And while he didn’t grasp  _how_ the man entered the room, the matter of fact was, he did. He stood across from them, and it was in that moment Joe knew who, and what, he was looking at.

 

Zayne Nagle never had a chance to utter a single curse word before Wally took a step into the portal, and with his grip on Barry, Joe went too.

 

* * *

 

The sound was the first of his senses to return, the blinding light taking seconds to clear away.

 

“Oh my god - Barry!” Iris’s voice screeched, a cry that would be the first of the erupted chaos that had begun.

 

She was vaguely aware of when all three men stumbled through the breach, cognizant thought lost behind the roaring in her ears and the bedlam that had exploded into existence.

 

“Wells – take him!” Joe shouted, Barry’s arm that had hung over his shoulder already in place for someone else to take over. “Cisco, don’t you dare close that portal!”

 

“What the-!” Cisco, already losing strength, refocused his ability to widen the portal that he had let shrink in size. 

 

Harry took the arm with grace, Barry’s body almost sinking to the ground with the lack of support. “I got him, I got him…”

 

Wally held up the other half with surprising strength and watched with horror as Joe released the safety on his pistol and ran back into the portal they had emerged from.

 

Iris gaped. “Dad!”

 

He shot his head over at Iris, her own face copying his expression of panic and fear. Thinking within a millisecond, he flashed himself and Barry over to the med bay, the slowed time that he experienced allowing him to lay him down on the gurney with ease. His chest tightened as he noted that Barry hadn’t even flinched, not even a grimace laid on his face at the movement.

 

The team never saw him flash away, but rather a streak of lightning entered the portal with blinding sparks.

 

* * *

 

Wally sped out of the breach with his breath held in his chest, quickly looking behind him with anticipation of seeing the blue gateway close up and leave him stranded. It was to his surprise that it continued sputtering on in the air, sucking in wind with desperation to stay open.

 

He didn’t have time to think about Cisco and the limitations on how long his abilities would stay functioning; it had only been a few seconds, not even long enough for him to count the time on his fingers, and yet he could hear the sound of bones breaking and angry curses replace the once quiet atmosphere. 

 

“You  _monster!_ ”

 

The voice shouted with agony, an emotional pain that charged the room. Snapping his head to its direction, Wally watched as Joe repeatedly smacked the butt of his gun on a fallen Zayne, pinned underneath his weight. His arm flung back for each hit with a force and strength he had never witnessed before, fueled only by a pain he had never felt.

 

“I will  _kill_ you!” Joe’s voice was deep and angry, a howl that he’d never heard the likes of.

 

Each punch received a laugh, a sickening cackle that even Zayne’s broken teeth and bleeding gums couldn’t stop.

 

Wally didn’t know what to say, and for a moment he was at a loss for action. He was memorized by the abuse, watching as the pistol came down with might over and over again. A part of him didn’t know if he should stop it, the same part of him that silently encouraged it.

 

It wasn’t until he saw a familiar spark of lightning, a mixture of red, yellow and blue that enveloped Nagle, that he himself dived into the waters of the speed force. The lightning barely struck around his body once, whereas Kid Flash meditated in the energy that created a lightning storm around him.

 

He flashed across the room where the force field gun still laid tangled around broken zip ties, running through what felt like molasses and mud to grab the weapon. When he spun around on his heels, his finger pulled the trigger with an accuracy he didn’t have, his anxiety and heedlessness his weakness.

 

It was a moment too late that he realized he blindly fired, the net of chemical webbing heading directly towards Joe.

 

* * *

 

Caitlin found herself running so fast to the med lab that she had accidentally kicked off her heels, her bare feet sliding across the cool tile with a sickening urgency to reach Barry, who laid disturbingly motionless on the gurney.

 

Harry wasn’t far behind her.

 

“Snow-” he started, an expression of troubled concern washing over him.

 

“I need the room, clear out!” she tried not to shriek, to remain calm and professional as she had so many times before this, but below her on the bed was a very pale Barry that sent her reeling with fright, her own pulse hammering under her skin.

 

She didn’t know where to start.

 

He tried again, “Snow, I-”

 

“Harry…” her lips were tight with anger, and her tone spoke a threat she didn’t yet utter as she hastily slipped on latex gloves to her hands.

 

Harry snapped. “I’m  _not_ your Harrison Wells, Caitlin. I don’t know what qualifications, Ph.D.’s, doctrines that he had – and aside from managing to purposeful malfunction a beautiful particular accelerator, I don’t care.”

 

He locked eyes with her and gripped the gurney below them, refusing to stand down and refusing to leave.

 

“Just trust me, I can help here.”

 

She paused, taking the moment to calm her nerves and steady her hands, willing them to cease their trembling. In the past couple months, she had lost her ability to trust most anyone, having opened her heart once more to be crushed by the darkness that brought in a monster to their lives. Trusting had become a danger to her, one that meant live or die.

 

There wasn’t time to fight the battle with herself or even toss a coin, rather she trusted her gut and the instincts that spoke so very much of Barry Allen – a voice telling her to give someone a chance.

 

“Get me scissors, stat.”

 

Back in the cortex, Cisco struggled to keep the breach open, his forehead creased with pain and sweat dripping from his brow.

 

Iris stood by him, unsure of how to help or that she even could. If she hadn’t been so paralyzed with fear, she’d be biting her fingernails until they were raw.

 

Behind her, medical jargon was being shouted over blaring alarms that only became louder as more machines were hooked up by the second. She hadn’t the least bit of courage to turn around and look at the damage being handled; the image of Barry being hauled through the breach still scarred in her mind.

 

“I could barely…open this thing…to begin with!” he grunted, falling to one knee with his arm stretched out, the blue energy seeping from him. “Can we…hurry this up!?”

 

* * *

 

His first thought was to grab Joe and speed him away, clearing a path for the silky net to grab a hold of Nagle. But he wouldn’t be able to move either one out of the way fast enough, knowing that by the time he sped there and grabbed his father, the netting would have already latched.

 

They couldn’t afford for the shot to miss. They couldn’t afford for it to touch him, taking his speedster abilities even for a second’s time. His mind began to clutter with the horrendous possibilities that would ensue, both him and Joe being held victim and not getting back home, trapped and away from family and friends.

 

Phasing was his only option.

 

He couldn’t phase yet, he had no idea how to and though he watched Barry do it countless times, he never worked up the courage to try. One training session after another and he’d always cower away from the idea of attempting the act, insisting he was nowhere near as good as Barry to bother trying.

 

Yet his legs ran forward before his mind had settled on the decision, knowing he needed to act fast, faster than he could move.

 

He grabbed Joe’s shoulders with haste, but never tried to move out of the way. He closed his eyes and ignored the world around him, ignored the force field heading their way and possibly attaching to him rather than Nagle, stripping him of his own abilities. He took a deep breath in and let his body vibrate, embracing the tingling sensation that coursed through his veins.

 

_“Who would have thought…” Barry chuckled. “You really found a way to join the family.”_

_“Come on, man.” Wally shook his head, “It’s not like I purposefully did it.”_

_“I don’t think anyone purposefully chooses to become a speedster, Wally.” Barry smiled. “But I’m glad the speed force chose you.”_

_“Chose me? Nah, we’re talking bad luck here. I just so happen to be in your lab, on a stormy night, and your chemicals spill all over me and lightning strikes? Don’t they say lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place?”_

_“That’s why I’m telling you…it chose you.” Barry insisted. “You’ll have a lot to learn, and surprisingly enough, slowing down is going to be one of them. You’re just a kid, after all, Wally.”_

_“Yeah…” he sighed, followed by a smile. “Kid Flash. It has a ring to it.”_

“Ohfrpm!” The shot took the wind out from underneath Nagle, and he rolled to his side to catch his breath, his hand clutching at his chest with his struggles to retrieve air.

 

Just when Wally thought they were safe, a sigh of relief teetering at the tip of his lips and astonishment bubbling within him over his new-found ability to phase - Joe repositioned his gun and pointed it straight ahead.

 

“Dad!” Wally sped between them, arms stretched out to keep them apart, though Nagle didn’t seem to be getting up anytime soon. “Don’t do this.”

 

“Move, Wally.”

 

“You’re a cop…you uphold the law. Don’t lose that over him.”

 

Joe shook his head, his eyes lit like fire with anger. “My family comes first, Wally. Now move.”

 

* * *

 

Cisco hadn’t realized that his nose was bleeding until the drops of blood touched his lips, the taste of metal lingering on his tongue.

 

“I can’t do…this much longer!” his voice was strained, and he fell to his other knee with exhaustion, suddenly using both hands to keep the portal open, his arms stretched forward with only pure willpower.

 

The world existing around him had slowly disappeared, the sound of the twirling breach muted while Caitlin and Harry’s orders fired with urgency were barely audible. It was as if all his other senses had turned themselves off so that his energy could focus on one thing and one thing only, his brain zapping and draining him faster by the second.

 

And while he could hear his heart thumping in his ears, he reminded himself like a mantra that as long as he had a beating heart, the breach would remain open. 

 

It had seemed like hours had passed with Iris just standing there, waiting for something to materialize out of the rich blue portal. She looked at him and the breach, frightened.

 

“Come on, guys…come on…” she muttered.

 

* * *

 

Wally stood between his father, the weapon he held, and the criminal monster that laid gasping for breath on the ground. His father had long since reached his breaking point, a rage so brutal that it radiated from him.

 

“If your family comes first, then you won’t do this,” Wally stressed. “What will this accomplish, dad? You’ll go to jail. Iris and Barry will lose you.  _I’ll_ lose you.”

 

His eyes never wavered from Nagle, his gun pointed for a headshot that would surely kill. Joe’s lips were thin and his jaw was locked tightly, and though he stood with a confidence that dominated the room, his doubt could be seen. He hadn’t pulled the trigger yet.

 

Wally stepped forward. “I spent so long without you, wanting a father…needing a dad. Now that I have you – everyone, the family I have…please don’t take that away from me over him. He’s not worth it. I know how you feel, dad.”

 

“No, you don’t, Wally.” Joe retorted.

 

“I went  _back in time_ to save my family, to save Barry. I will do anything for them too. But murdering?” Wally shook his head. “This isn’t you. This isn’t what Barry would want you to do.”

 

Nagle laughed, rolling onto his side with a sinister, yet crazed smile. “Better listen to the yellow banana.”

 

Wally frowned, barely glancing at Zayne with confusion.

 

“Look at him, dad. He’s not even in the right mindset.”

 

“He’s been in a good enough mindset to hurt my son.” Joe’s finger twitched on the trigger, and his arm began to tremble.

 

“You’re right.” Wally countered. “Barry’s hurt. He’s back at S.T.A.R Labs and he’s going to need his family now. You can’t do that from prison, can you?”

 

For a moment, his question went unanswered, possibly even unheard. Joe stood in his own world, one full of hurt and anger that washed over him like a tidal wave, his teeth grinding with a temper that couldn’t be calmed. Wally knew that while he could catch every bullet that came out of the barrel of Joe’s gun, his pain wouldn’t stop, and he’d still find other means to release it.

 

“Wally?”

 

His rage held all the power of a wildfire, so intense that you could practically see the flames dancing in his eyes, ready to ignite anything that he came in contact with. And yet with a snarl, Joe snapped the safety back on his pistol.

 

“Take him to the CCPD before I shoot him.”

 

He didn’t need a second word. He wouldn’t ask why he had a change of heart or what made him realize his error in ways, rather he grabbed Nagle by the arm and flashed away, breathing a sigh of relief as Joe walked back into the portal.

 

Flashing across town and to the CCPD, Wally hadn’t even realized it was morning until the whiff of coffee hit his nostrils, multiple mugs falling to the floor of the precinct at his arrival.

 

He looked around, unsure of how to present himself to the detectives and officers that stared at him with confusion. The atmosphere was calmer here, more still and unaware of the events that had just occurred. It was a far cry from the panicked tension he had been experiencing for days now.

 

Kid Flash cleared his throat.

 

“This is Zayne Nagle.” he announced, vibrating his vocal chords. “He’s the meta catcher that you’ve been looking for. Lock him up somewhere he can’t hurt anyone else.”

 

Wally wasn’t expecting the round of applause that came his way, cheering and clapping erupting in the precinct. Handcuffs locked Nagle’s arms in place as officers dragged him away, his Miranda rights being buried underneath the trumpet ‘yeah, Kid Flash!’ and ‘Thank you, Kid Flash!’ cries that echoed the room.

 

It was a hollow feeling. The praise never sunk in, rather it sent chills across his skin as Zayne was dragged out of sight and to the imprisonment he deserved. It was something they had set out to do days ago and finally achieved, a win that should have been met with smiles.

 

He nodded his head in acknowledgment to their thanks and flashed away.

 

Running with the speed force was an amazing feeling, sometimes seeming like a split second before he got to his location, other times dragging on like a marathon. As he ran the streets of Central City, he couldn’t shake the burden that hadn’t been released.

 

There was no conclusion for him to feel just yet.

 

* * *

 

“Vitals are unstable,” Harry called out, ripping open a bag of hypodermic needles and placing then next to the glass medicine bottles on the table.

 

“Respiratory levels are critical. Pneumothorax…hand me a thoracic catheter, I need to insert a chest tube.” Caitlin answered, her hands working fast and steady.

 

Barry laid still and shirtless on the gurney, an oxygen mask strapped to his face and pouring air into his lungs, monitor pads scattered across his bare chest as Caitlin inserted IV’s into the crook of his arm.

 

When Wally flashed into the cortex of S.T.A.R Labs, he found the entire room was in pandemonium. His heart sank and his stomach twisted, almost sure for a moment that time never reversed itself and he was back where the nightmare never ended.

 

In the med bay, Caitlin and Harry worked around each other with precision and speed, firing off orders and directions that filled the cortex. He looked on the ground expecting to see the same bright red blood that once drenched the floors. He could still see it clear as day, a moment in time that no longer existed, erased by the speed force but still lingering in his memory.

 

 _‘It’s not the same.’_ Wally reminded himself.  _‘That didn’t happen…why is this happening?’_

 

Looking away from inside the med bay, he found Joe leaning up against the glass that separated the room from the cortex, his gun disassembled and laying on the table near Iris, who sat with Cisco, head tilted forward and bloody tissues in his hands.

 

The monitors screamed and pitched above Harry and Caitlin’s voice.

 

Harry strung up an IV bag. “Heart rate increasing – shit!”

 

“He’s seizing, hold him still!” Caitlin dropped her instruments and pinned Barry down under her weight, leaning in across his chest. The rapid and panicked flutter of his breathing rolled beneath her like a riptide, and she jolted with each spasm that his body released, muscles contracting against their will.

 

Even as Iris cared for Cisco, her hand caressing his back with comfort, the sob that broke through her throat couldn’t be contained at the noises she heard. From Barry’s gasping chokes and muffled groans to Harry’s curses, they all struck her hard. She covered her mouth and let out a painful cry.

 

“Sis…” Wally walked forward, removing his cowl and gloves. “I…”

 

She shook her head violently. “No Wally. This isn’t your fault.”

 

He frowned, watching as the tears cascaded down her face without care. Her words meant nothing to him, none of the reassurance or faith that they were supposed to bring. If it wasn’t his fault, he wouldn’t be feeling the sinking guilt that swallowed him whole, engulfing his soul like venom.

 

How was it that Barry was alive, heart still beating, and yet his sister cried with the same anguish he heard that night accompanied with a flatline? They had a second chance to make things right, to change the outcome for the better…had they failed?

 

“It wasn’t supposed to happen this way,” he whispered

 

She looked up at him, nodding grimly. She understood, that they both know. Looking back in the med bay, Wally knew it didn’t make a difference. God himself could tell him it wasn’t his fault and it wouldn’t make a difference, not as long as Barry suffered.

 

Harry tossed a syringe in the trash. “I administered Tegretol.”

 

Caitlin was a second away from snapping, her vocal cords straining not to bark insults his way. She wanted to criticize him for wasting the medicine, even on the verge of insisting he leave the room, all when Barry’s seizure began to lessen. The jerks in his arms and legs became less severe as his body somewhat relaxed, only twitching every few seconds.

 

She looked up at him with a deadpan expression.

 

“The poison?” It wasn’t a question, but rather a statement, the answer already known.

 

He nodded. “Has to be. No way would that have affected him otherwise.”

 

“How much did you administer?” Caitlin asked, arm still pinned over Barry’s chest, her body still jolting with his movements.

 

“Two hundred milligrams.”

 

“I need to get this chest tube in – another two, and start a round of fentanyl.”

 

Caitlin reached over and grabbed the thoracic catheter from Wells, twisting behind her to reach the tray of surgical instruments and grabbing a scalpel, and lastly, a sponge dipped in iodine to spread across his side.

 

She worked with a smooth accuracy, smearing the brown antiseptic across his skin before making the incision needed to insert the tube. The hard and callus feeling of bone meeting the tips of her finger as she inserted the catheter was far from comforting, the sensation drastically different from the soft tissue she should have been met with.

 

His body was littered with stitched incisions, the black sutures going from his arms to his legs and the spaces between. She had chosen to ignore them for the time being – triage was the most important role she could play right now. However, a quick glance at Harry told her that he was thinking the same thing.

 

Iris couldn’t stand to sit still any longer. Even though she knew she would only be in the way, even though she knew there would be nothing at all that she could do to help, she jumped from her seat and jogged to the medical bay, the source of where the chaos came from.

 

She didn’t stop until an arm shot out to block her forward motion, and she found herself face to face with her father. Coiled like a snake about to strike, Joe shook his head, and she realized a panicked second too late that the emotion she saw in his face was not directed at her.

 

“You don’t need to see this, baby girl.” Joe insisted. “Barry wouldn’t want you to see this.”

 

Iris furrowed her brows, tears that dried on her skin only being replaced by fresh ones. Her father was a smart and wise man, and she’d never doubt his words, but the fear that sat in her gut overwhelmed her. She couldn’t wipe away the memory of a limp and pale Barry being carried – no, dragged, across the cortex. She needed to find relief of some sort, just the knowledge that he was alive to keep her calm.

 

She caught glimpses of Barry through the disarray and in the arms of those trying to keep him alive, frail and fragile like porcelain that lay shattered on the floor, broken pieces shimmering in the light. And while she tried not to lose it when her eyes found the sharp knives cutting into his skin and tubes being shoved into his body, it wasn’t until Cisco brushed past her that she finally turned away.

 

“What’s happening?” she cried, her question receiving no answer as she wrapped her arms tightly around her chest with despair.

 

“Chest tube in place, but I think a rib has perforated his lung. I need to intubate and…” Caitlin trailed off, in the midst of stitching and securing the tubing to Barry when her fingers began to graze against his skin.

 

“Snow?” Wells spoke up. “O2 levels dropping.”

 

She ignored him, her fingers dancing across his side as if she were looking for treasure. His skin was still surprisingly soft, though vastly hot and almost burning to the touch, even when distances between the inflamed wounds. It was one spot, in particular, she found herself focusing on.

 

Cisco stumbled into the room, snapping on a pair of latex gloves. “Cait, tell me how to help.”

 

“Oh god,” she mumbled, shaking her head. “No, no, no…”

 

“Cait?” Cisco repeated. “Talk to me.”

 

“Snow – intubate. Now.”

 

Caitlin worked at her own pace and on her own time, almost knocking over a tray of instruments as she reached across for the handled x-ray scanner. If there was a moment that she let her panic show, a swelling notion that ballooned in her gut, now was it.

 

When she flipped the machine on and held it above his body, her heart sank.

 

“Oh my god.”

 

Harry looked aboved her and at the monitor that showed the images in a larger format, his expression confused. “How…what?”

 

“That monster.” It was all she could say, staring at the images that reflected on the screen with horror. She barely even noticed with Cisco had approached her, looking at the photos himself.

 

“What the living hell is that?” he questioned, turning his nose up in disgust.

 

“If it’s what I think it is, I need to operate _immediately_.” she tossed the scanner and replaced it with a laryngoscope and oropharyngeal airway, tilting Barry’s head back and beginning intubation faster than Harry could speak.

 

“And what would  _that_  be exactly?” Harry asked.

 

“Intrathecal spinal pump.” she answered, all while gliding the tubing down Barry’s throat.

 

“Intra-whata-now?” Cisco repeated, unsure of his place in the room and what help he could provide, but staying nonetheless.

 

Caitlin taped the breathing tube down the side of Barry’s mouth and replaced the bag-valve with hookups to the respiratory machine.

 

“Intrathecal spinal pump. That hockey sized puck you saw is actually a device holding god knows what, injecting god knows what directly into his spinal cord.”

 

Harry frowned. “That’s medical technology on your earth?”

 

Caitlin shook her head, understanding his confusion. It wasn’t being used for the purposes it was created for, that much she knew. Why though, was a question that held an answer she wasn’t ready to hear yet.

 

“It’s used to deliver pain medication by injecting it directly into the space between the spinal cord.”

 

“Oh fuck, is that…” Cisco trailed off, hands gripping his hair with stress, his already piercing migraine tearing at his seams.

 

Caitlin nodded. “If that’s injecting the same serum we found-”

 

“Which it probably is.” Harry interrupted, already halfway across the room gathering supplies.

 

“-then we need to get it out before it does any more damage.” Caitlin finished.

 

“What do you need me to do?” Cisco asked, offering his help.

 

Caitlin didn’t have time to argue or the energy to bother. Any other day, she’d tell him to leave the room and not to come back until she was ready. Any other day, she wouldn’t have a thousand different tasks sitting in her lap, all screeching for help like the monitors Barry was hooked up to.

 

She brushed past him with haste.

 

“Just watch him while I scrub up.”

 

Cisco didn’t have anywhere else to go, making her orders easy to obey. He looked across the room and to the glass that separated them from the outside, barely noticing as Caitlin slammed the door shut, preventing either Wally, Joe or Iris from entering. Yet he locked eyes with them, unable to speak, mouth or even signal the problem occurring. Their panic and fear echoed his own.

 

The sink wasn’t nearly large enough to do the job she needed it for, but it would have to do. Caitlin leaned over and scrubbed furiously at her arms and hands, digging underneath her fingernails until she was sure they were clean. The soap was a bright, sickening yellow that stained her skin with promises of decontamination, and the room began to smell heavily of the antiseptic properties it contained.

 

She hadn’t noticed when Harry began washing up next to her, or when Cisco briefly left the room to speak to the others outside. She focused only on the beeping monitors behind her, intently listening to each sound for any difference they might make. It was surely passed seven minutes by the time she realized the soap bar was half its size, and when she turned around to dry her arms, Harry was already there with a sterile cloth.

 

“Snow?”

 

She ignored him as she took the cloth, though she noted that Cisco had returned and someone had the decency to place a surgical cap over Barry’s head of hair. She vaguely heard as Harry instructed Cisco on what to do with surprising accurateness – sterilize the room, gown up, tie his own hair back and cap it – knowledge that she’d surely ask him about later.

 

Later seemed like a million lifetimes from now. Each second passed by with a nauseating slowness that Caitlin wondered if the speed force was punishing them for Barry’s pain, damage done to a speedster that they only wanted to try and fix.

 

The moment had become incredibly surreal for her, a blur that made her feel dizzy. The lightweight, yellow isolation gown was put over her arms and Harry began snapping her surgical gloves over it.

 

“Snow…” his mouth was covered by the chamber-styled mask, making the tint of emotion in his eyes speak louder than his words. “Are you okay?”

 

Caitlin swallowed heavily as the second glove attached to her wrist, securing into place with the gown. She didn’t shake or nod her head, rather she stayed eerily still, an unintentional lapse in her normally cold composure seeping through.

 

“I’ve never operated on my friend before.”

 

It was a raw, honest truth that barely came out as a whisper. There wasn’t much Harry could say in response, and if there were he didn’t have the courage to speak it. Rather, he gave a slight nod of his head to show understanding.

 

A part of Caitlin didn’t want Harry or Cisco’s help, her independence screaming for them to leave with the inexperience they brought to the table. But by the time she reached the gurney, she realized that she would need the extra hands more than she anticipated.

 

For a split second, looking down at Barry with the concern only a close friend could feel, she was reminded of when Dr. Wells first brought him to S.T.A.R Labs – the Dr. Wells that wasn’t true to his name. Ailed by his abilities that coursed through his comatose body, he needed her help just as much then as he did now.

 

With a deep breath in, she returned to reality.

 

“Alright, Harry – I need Precedex in his IV port, and Cisco?”

 

His head shot up, eyes wide behind his own mask.

 

“Keep your eyes on the monitors. Tell me every change, no matter how small. Most importantly…”

 

Cisco held his breath, brows knitted with stress and anxiety as he watched Caitlin press a sharp metal scalpel to Barry’s skin, the intense and distinct smell of blood quickly filling the room.

 

“Don’t look down here.”

 

It was a mistake he’d later greatly regret. Cisco watched as the scalpel sliced through Barry’s skin like butter, blood seeping out in beads from layers of tissue underneath. He bit his tongue and looked away, finding comfort in the numbers on the monitors in front of him.

 

“Too late.” he mumbled.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that! I kinda threw in a tidbit on how Wally got his powers in this timeline…since Flashpoint didn’t happen here, but we’re still taking off after the end of season 2, I decided to go with the cannon way that Kid Flash got his powers. Also, this will be touched on later in the story, but to make mention of it here – my Earth 2 Harrison Wells has pre-med experience. It’s explained later on.)
> 
>  
> 
> This concludes act 3 of 5 in this story. Stay stunned if you’re a whump fan, the real fun is about to begin.
> 
>  


	17. Patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wally looked down on the ground, eyes locked on his shoes. “Did I do this?”
> 
> His voice was a whisper, one quiet and barely audible in the echoing chambers. Joe shook his head, once more squeezing his shoulder compassionately. 
> 
> “No, Wally, you didn’t.” Joe said matter-of-factly. “Zayne Nagle and his twisted desperation to stay alive did this.”
> 
> Wally shook his head. “If I hadn’t traveled back-”
> 
> “Then Barry would be dead.”

**Patience**

Time was a merciless thing.

 

“Can I get 4-0 prolene on a N RB-1.” Caitlin requested, wiping the sweat from her brow with her forearm. “We have a lot of panels to run after this…I need a septic workup, CBC, blood and urine cultures, chest x-ray, head MRI...”

 

She rattled off the procedures with a sharp tongue, each stitch she pulled with the forceps followed suit with a course of work for them to begin shortly after. They had been on their feet for hours, working tirelessly throughout the morning and only aware of their surroundings by the ticking clock on the wall.

 

Yet time dragged on like running molasses, and it seemed for every injury they repaired, another one would present itself. The stress was evident on Caitlin’s features, her brow wrinkled and darkness circling underneath her eyes. She had been anticipating the worst for days now, but nothing could have prepared her for this.

 

She pulled tightly on the suture, “alright Cisco, I think we’re able to wrap it up from here.”

 

Dazed, Cisco looked over. “Say again?”

 

Caitlin tied off the sutures, looking below her as she spoke. “I said we’re in the clear. You can take a seat now.”

 

“Oh, thank god.” Cisco breathed out a sigh of relief, immediately collapsing into the nearest chair. “I don’t think I could have lasted another minute.”

 

“You did good, Cisco.” Caitlin earnestly said. “I’m going to finish closing this incision and we’ll get some precautionary scans next.”

 

Harry looked up. “Are we extubating?”

 

“No.” Caitlin shook her head, tying another not. “The perforation in his right lung was too large. The chest tube and intubation are staying in place until I find out what his ABG is.”

 

Cisco rolled his shoulders. “Damn, my arm is killing me. You always feel like this after fixing us up, Caitlin?”

 

Caitlin peered over at him, but mainly focused on her work below, letting the question go without an answer.

 

“What about the sepsis?” Harry asked.

 

“I don’t need a full panel for that,” Caitlin answered. “That pump is practically empty. Let’s start him on a cocktail of antibiotics. If we don’t fight this off now it could turn into meningitis.”

 

“I seriously have to give you props, Cait. You too, Harry.” Cisco let out a large exhale, one that sounded more of a struggle to breathe. “That was seriously intense. My chest is tight like whoa.”

 

Something inside Caitlin gave way, and she paused mid-knot on the stitching below her to look up at Cisco, her eyes gleaming and wide.

 

“Harry?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“You know how to tie a bow, right?” she asked, happy to see him nod. “Do that, only without the bow part.”

 

“What?”

 

“Take over.” Caitlin insisted, handing him the needle and stitches as she made her way across the room, ripping off her bloody gloves in the process.

 

“Cisco, look at me.” She squatted down to his level, removing her surgical mask and pressing two fingers against his neck to check his pulse. “Just take deep breaths.”

 

“You have that look in your eye. I don’t like that look.”

 

Caitlin frowned. “You…you may be having a heart attack.”

 

“What!?” Cisco exclaimed, already halfway out of his seat had it not been for Caitlin pushing him back down.

 

“Okay, you’re _definitely_ having a heart attack.”

 

* * *

 

He was being punished.

 

It was as simple as that. Wally couldn’t come to any other conclusion, assumption or theory of why things were happening the way they were, but he decided that the speed force was set out to punish him. And it was doing a great job of that.

 

Sitting in the pipeline, he stared vacuously ahead at the large circle door that covered one of the many cells S.T.A.R labs had used to prevent metahumans from escaping. Bitterly he thought of how Zayne Nagle needed to be in one of those cells, starved until death. More bitterly, he wished the man was dead. But above everything else, he wrestled with the acceptance of everything that had occurred, from the moment he ran faster than the speed of light down in these very tunnels, to how he now sat uselessly wrapped up in his own emotions.

 

His intentions were good. He didn’t understand how someone – something – the entity that the speed force was, couldn’t realize that his intentions were good. He couldn’t have let Barry die, the very concept of such was absurd. So why was _this_ their outcome? What had he done wrong?

 

“Finally found ya.”

 

Head jerking up, Wally watched as his father slowly approached him, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets. The déjà vu was strong enough to send him reeling, dizzy from the memories that corrupted his mind.

 

“Yeah, well…I wasn’t exactly hiding.” Wally dryly stated.

 

With a loud grunt that showed the aches and pains in his knees, Joe sat down next to him on the ledge. He stayed silent, occasionally rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and the fatigue that threatened to overwhelm him.

 

Though they had been in the same proximity, everyone had been so wrapped up in their own thoughts and coping with the stress of it all that no one quite paid attention to the finer details of the others. Looking at Joe, Wally realized the situation wore heavily on his shoulders. Dark bags sat under his puffy eyes and his shoulders slumped with an exhaustion that carried the past day’s events.

 

“You know…this is the last place I was before traveling back,” Wally said. “After Barry died, I came down here and you tried to talk me out of the idea of time traveling.”

 

“Well, it’s good to know even in other timelines my kids don’t listen to me.” Joe quipped, his tone empty of any humor.

 

Wally shook his head. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean any of this.”

 

“Wally-”

 

“I-I don’t understand. I didn’t want to travel back. I mean, I did – I did want to save Barry. I was just _angry._ Goddamnit, I…” he rubbed his forehead, the tension shining through. “I wanted to make things right.”

 

“Kid…” Joe wrapped his arm around his shoulder, forcing him closer. “you're the only one beating yourself up about this right now.”

 

Wally scoffed. “That’s impossible.”

 

His words hung with resentment, his mind reflecting back on everything like a broken record. He couldn’t look his sister in the eyes, not without drowning in the guilt that would wash over him when he did. He watched his father pace the room with an energy and terror of which he had never seen the likes of before, and it made him sick. He was the one who disrupted the timeline, and as Harry had said, he was the cause to the effect. There was no way that the others weren’t blaming him, even if they did so silently.

 

“Two years ago, I would have said a man running two hundred thousand miles per second was impossible.” Joe squeezed Wally’s shoulder, “Last year I would have said it was impossible for my son to gain those same powers, in the same freak accident that occurred to Barry.”

 

Joe let out a sigh, one the released an air of heaviness that filled his heart. “We’ve had to redefine the word ‘impossible’ lately…and I can say - it’s not impossible that no one blames you here. Because we don’t.”

 

Wally wanted to believe him, with every fiber in his being did he want to take his words and discard his pent-up anger, shame, and remorse over everything that had happened. But each hour that had unfolded into the day revealed a cataclysm that couldn’t be ignored, and by late afternoon Wally couldn’t stand to be present in the makeshift waiting room that the cortex had become. Every time he looked into the med bay and saw the mess that Barry was, he felt crushed in guilt. It may have been paranoia, but every time he locked eyes with the others, he felt the same way.

 

Sitting down in the pipeline, alone with only his thoughts to occupy him, he felt like he could breathe a little easier, like he wasn’t the burden on his family that put them through this hell.

 

Wally looked down at the ground, eyes focused on his shoes. “Did I do this?”

 

His voice was a whisper, one quiet and barely audible in the echoing chambers. Joe shook his head, once more squeezing his shoulder compassionately.

 

“No, Wally, you didn’t,” Joe said matter-of-factly. “Zayne Nagle and his twisted desperation to stay alive did this.”

 

Wally shook his head. “If I hadn’t traveled back-”

 

“Then Barry would be dead.”

 

“How is this different?” Wally choked, his head snapping up and locking eyes with Joe. “Look at him, dad. How is this any different? How is this any better? Harry was right…I-I may have stopped one thing from happening, but something else a whole lot worse took its place. And it’s not fair to Barry that he’s suffering from _my_ mistake.”

 

Joe’s heart ached for Wally, almost as much as it did for Barry in his current state. He had raised the latter since before he was a teenager, traumatized and broken from a family that fell apart, and he could see the same type of pain wrapping around Wally now, embracing him in the dark energy that threatened to take over. It was times like these he wished he had the right words to say, but even as a father, he was at a loss.

 

“I'm not going to sit here and act like what you do doesn't have consequences, Wally. I'm sure I told you the same thing in that other timeline. Time travel comes with consequences. And we can't change what has happened here today.”

 

Wally’s mouth opened to speak, moving like a fish begging for water, but Joe held up his other hand to stop him.

 

“No, we _shouldn’t_ change it,” Joe explained. “We need to learn to live with the hand that life has dealt us.”

 

Something inside Wally struggled to come out, a verve that twisted around him and spoke louder than the words he could ever utter.

 

“I don’t think life has dealt us this hand, dad.” Wally despondently said. “I think I did.”

 

“We can never know that for sure,” Joe answered, patting him on the back before releasing his grip on his shoulder. “And that might very well be something you need to learn to live with. But this guilt that you're harboring? You can't let it eat you up. No one did those things to Barry besides Nagle. All we can do now is try to undo the damage.”

 

The words were easy to speak, sitting downstairs levels away from the trauma that still unfolded in the cortex. Joe did his best to trust in the others, not just strangers in a hospital but Barry’s actual friends and teammates, who worked hard and long to keep him alive. By the third hour he had walked away from the glass windows that gave him sight into the med bay where Caitlin and Harry diligently operated on him, and by the fifth she had exited the room with Cisco, uttering promises to explain everything shortly.

 

The updates were far and few in-between from that point forward, mostly harsh and callus ‘he’s alive’ retorts from Harry, who made it clear there was no time to rattle off explanations. Barry had been rescued early morning of that day, the sun shining through the skylights in the cortex, and when Joe had decided to scout for Wally’s whereabouts, the sunset was creeping through the ceiling.

 

The trust was hard, but the lack of knowledge was far worse.

 

“You were really going to kill him?” Wally spoke up, his voice breaking the silence. “Nagle…would you have gone through with it?”

 

Yes. The answer spoke loudly in his head, ringing a thousand times over without ever leaving his lips. Joe knew in his heart the answer, and with one glance at Wally, he knew that it needed to stay unspoken.

 

“We won't know that for sure either.”

 

He’d do it again in a heartbeat, whether it would be for Iris, Wally, or Barry. No matter what differences him and Barry had come across and would surely continue to encounter, and despite the fact they weren’t blood and Barry’s relationship with Iris had bloomed into a beautiful thing, the boy was still the same boy he had raised in his own home, in his own hands. Step-son, foster-son, son-in-law…Joe couldn’t care less what the title was, he was his son and he’d protect him at all costs.

 

Joe sighed, standing up from the ledge. “What we do know is Barry’s up there right now, and he’s going to need us. We have a long road ahead of us.”

 

He extended out his hand, offering to help Wally off the ledge he sat on. For a moment, Wally stared at it, his arms making no effort to move or reach out. With a slight jerk of his head, Joe pointed to the hallway that led upstairs.

 

“Come on, Caitlin said she’s ready to break the news. I’m not going to be able to relay all that medical doctor jargon, so if you want to hear it…”

 

Begrudgingly, Wally latched on his father’s hand, pulling himself off the ledge and on standing feet with ease.

 

“For what’s it’s worth…” Wally knitted his brows and hung his head low with regret, his eyes looking only at the floor below him. “I’m sorry.”

 

“You don’t need to be, Wally. You couldn’t have prevented this. You’re not a god.” Joe stated, looking ahead with tired and empty eyes.

 

“Yeah…I should have listened to you the first time you said that.”

 

* * *

 

When Cisco awoke, the first thing he noticed was his dry mouth. It was the kind of dryness that only came with a long period of sleep, his tongue scratchy like sandpaper and his lips chapped. He blinked away the fatigue and drowsiness that sat heavy on his eyelids, only to stare blankly at the ceiling above him, taking in the silence that wandered in the air.

 

His head ached with the lingering effects of a migraine, still present but pushed down by a clouded fog of drugs. It was a familiar feeling, one that he couldn’t ignore or take for granted. Bending his stiff fingers, he could feel the skin on his left-hand tug from the tape that held down the needles in his veins, injecting him with appreciated pain relievers.

 

“Ugghh,” he groaned, rolling his head to the side. “I am so over today.”

 

To his surprise, he saw Caitlin sitting next to him, elbows on her knees while bent over in the chair she sat in.

 

“Hey.” she greeted, her voice jaded and empty.

 

“Mmhmm…” he mumbled in response. “are we in the weapons room?”

 

“I’d figured you want to lay somewhere quiet for a while,” Caitlin answered.

 

Cisco barely nodded, only a small movement of his neck to show his acknowledgment. Taking in his surroundings, he noted that his head laid on a soft but itchy pillow, the type they had stored away in one of the many supply closets. The room was dim but still held backlight from an area he couldn’t quite see, his back laying down on a cot – yet another item they didn’t typically keep around. He humorously wondered how many random things would need to go back into storage once everything settled down.

 

“Good thinking. My head feels like an Acme anvil from Looney Toons fell and crushed me.” Cisco’s eyes widened in confusion, and he rolled his head back to look at Caitlin. “Shouldn’t you be upstairs with Barry?”

 

The events came crashing back down on him, like a long-lost memory he only now recalled. He felt like he had been sleeping for so long everything might have all been a dream. He’d rightfully assume as much if it hadn’t been for his friend’s exhausted and emotionally stricken disposition.

 

“Harry’s watching him for the moment while I came down to check on you.” Caitlin said, pointing to the IV stand that stood next to Cisco, saline, and medicine dripping into his arm.

 

He rubbed at his forehead to ease away the ache behind his eyes. “Well…as much fun as that was playing doctor, I think I’m going to stick to mechanical-engineering.”

 

“Good choice.” Caitlin’s lips tugged into a small smile. “Though for someone who has never assisted in an operation…or even _seen_ an operation, you handled yourself very well.”

 

“Yeah, well, we’ll chalk that one up to the adrenaline.”

 

“Cisco…” Caitlin let out a weighty sigh, her head falling into her hands, “I am so sorry.”

 

“Huh?” he scrunched his eyebrows, confused.

 

“This is my fault,” she answered. “I should have never given you the epinephrine, I knew there would be complications with your concussion and how unsafe it was, and-”

 

Cisco put a hand in the air, stopping her mid-sentence. “Cait…am I okay?”

 

Caitlin’s eyes went wide, shocked at the question.

 

“Yes! Of course. It was – it was a mild heart attack from stress, the epinephrine caused it - but they’ll be no lasting damage.”

 

“I’ll survive?” Cisco asked, a need to hear the words straight from her mouth.

 

Caitlin smiled, the warm grin on her lips showing compassion. “Yes Cisco, you’ll survive.”

 

“Good.” Cisco swung his legs over the cot he had laid on, sitting upright. “Now stop worrying about me. I knew the risks going into this, I knew the risk, taking that shot…it was my choice and I don’t regret it.”

 

His words were heavy, lingering in the room with tension. It had been a long night for them all, ever since Cisco emerged from the breach after being taken from Nagle. While they had all felt the stress and pressure of the situation, things had fallen harshly on his shoulders since that moment. Caitlin felt if anyone deserved a moment to rest and relax, it was him.

 

Yet he sat up with the same air to him as he had before – panicked, worried and stressed.

 

“How’d we do?” he asked, frowning. “Is Barry okay?”

 

It was a question she needed to find the strength to answer. She had been asked so many times, ‘how’s Barry’, and ‘how is Barry doing’, even ‘is he alive’ as she exited the med bay with blood covering her surgical gown. Not once did someone stop her and question how they did – how _she_ did. To be perfectly honest, it made her doubt her abilities and expertise. After all, she surely didn’t feel like she did well.

 

Caitlin had gone into full autopilot mode from the moment she had made the first incision on Barry, her mind blissfully blocking any emotion that may have disturbed her ability to perform the necessary tasks needed. It was too risky to feel, too dangerous to be distracted. Between the multiple scans, blood tests, and post-operative care treatments, she hadn’t found a moment to let the situation sink in, let alone nurse and dress Barry until hours into the late evening.

 

It was with a pang of sadness that she realized he was still wearing his disposable bouffant cap from the emergency operation. Something inside of her had clicked while changing one of his many wound drainage bags, noting that the cap was no longer needed. She gently removed it, holding it in her hands as she slowly sat down into the nearest chair.

 

Then and only then did she have the time to fully assess the carnage in front of her. She hadn’t left his side, delegating Harry to gather blood and fluid samples as he needed them to hopefully reverse the damage from the serum. And though she had spent countless hours operating and caring for him, she hadn’t let the situation truly sink in.

 

He hadn’t been dressed yet. It was a ridiculous thought, as she sat down in the chair, the itchy feel of the polypropylene cap rubbing against her fingertips. She hadn’t even been able to dress him in a gown, his upper body so littered with wounds – those from the Zayne Nagle and those she unfortunately had to inflict on him – that the amount of wiring, pads, and tubing surrounding him left little skin to be seen. She’d promise herself to fit him in a S.T.A.R labs t-shirt the moment she could, though it was an absurd concern to be bothered with. Maybe it was the doctor in her that promised her patients modesty, or perhaps the added feeling of seeing him so exposed and vulnerable.

 

There was a time where she had cared for him with similar fear, watching intently over the night as his body struggled to heal from the injuries Zoom had imposed on him. He had agonized over the time it took for him to recover, a mere week dragging on for what felt like ages. Would they be as lucky this time to only suffer seven days?

 

“He’s…not out of the woods yet.” Caitlin finally answered, her eyes staring intently at the ground below her, her mind lost in a place that swallowed her whole.

 

“How bad is it?” he asked, his voice hushed like a whisper.

 

“It’s…it’s bad.” she didn’t know what else to say, or how to describe the extent of the damage she struggled to repair.

 

“We talking hit by lightning bad, or Zoom broken back bad, or…?” he trailed off, unsure if he should continue to give examples or let her speak on her own terms.

 

When Caitlin’s shoulders heaved with an ample cry, he realized that there would never be an example to compare this catastrophe too. Her face falling into her hands to hide the tears that leaked out, she cried one sob after the other, her body shaking with emotion.

 

“Hey, hey…Caitlin…” Cisco moved forward, attempting to grab her hand in comfort, his brows knitted with a sadness at his friend’s pain.

 

She shook her head, brushing away the wetness on her face and straightening her shoulders as she sat up.

 

“I’m good. I’m sorry, I’m good. I-I need to get back upstairs and…”

 

“No, no, you need to take a moment. You said it yourself, Harry’s got this.” Cisco patted the cot where he sat, pulling her arm towards him. “Come here, sit down.”

 

Caitlin paused, sniffing heavily before releasing a deep sigh and moving from her uncomfortable metal chair over to the slightly less uncomfortable cot where Cisco sat. She wouldn’t deny that his arm wrapping around her shoulder sent a warmth through her, a comfort that she hadn’t realized she so desperately needed.

 

She stared down at her hands that sat idly in her lap, playing with the tips of her fingernails while Cisco caressed her back. It was the first moment since Barry had been brought back to them that she let her thoughts fade away, a silent echo that filled her mind. Maybe it had been the rush of the moment, the never-ending panic that fueled her with adrenaline, but she hadn’t stopped moving or thinking until now.

 

It actually felt nice, to escape her mind and the fear that had been suffocating her.

 

“Talk to me, Cait.”

 

Cisco’s voice interrupted her haze, and she looked over at him with fluttering lashes, an expression that told him he had missed so much during his time asleep.

 

“First, do no harm.” she was quiet as she spoke. “I keep thinking about that…about the oath I took. The oath _he_ took. The man was a doctor, he was supposed to help people.”

 

“I doubt Nagle was thinking much about the Hippocratic oath while doing his best Hannibal Lecter impression,” he responded.

 

“No, I know, it’s just…” she chewed on her bottom lip, distressed. “That procedure does so much good. I remember the day my mother performed it for the first time…she came home and couldn’t stop talking about it to my father. She was ecstatic. Someone who was living their life in tremendous pain finally felt relief, they could live their life again. He took something that was meant for good and turned it into such…evil.”

 

Cisco squeezed her shoulder. “He’s not going to hurt anyone else. Wally took him to the CCPD and he’s behind bars at Iron Heights.”

 

“Cisco, there was almost nothing left in the reservoir.” Caitlin shook her head, “Harry went to study it shortly after we brought you down here. The toxin he put in there, the poison…those pumps are set on a timer. He had it set every three hours. It wasn’t even a one-time thing, he had to continuously do it – continuously hurt Barry, and…”

 

She found her cheeks were wet, tears falling from her eyes without even blinking. She’d hate herself later for breaking so easily, for falling apart at the seams with no control, but for now, she basked in the release that she had held off for so long. The stress was making her shake, her hands trembling in the lukewarm basement.

 

“Caitlin…” Cisco said, “how bad is it?”

 

He repeated the question with a gravity that Caitlin couldn’t ignore. Once more wiping her face dry with the back of her sleeve, she took a deep breath in and exhaled with the might to control her nerves.

 

“Well, I know this isn’t the first time I’ve said this, but he should be dead.”

 

Cisco gave a small grin. “If a lightning strike won’t take Barry Allen out, this won’t either.”

 

She couldn’t return the gesture, sadness clouding her features and weighing her down.

 

“His ribs were broken and a piece of bone perforated his right lung. His oxygen levels aren’t where I’d like them to be, but I’m hoping to get him off the respirator in a couple days. There were a lot of small things we found after the surgery…a distal radial fracture of his right wrist, his left shoulder was dislocated, mild internal bleeding near the spleen…”

 

She trailed off, reviewing his medical chart with the type of memorization that only she could manage, and Cisco listened intently.

 

“We decided to leave the other incisions be. No cause to re-open them if all Nagle did was biopsies, and I can’t risk putting his heart through any more stress if it’s not required.”

 

“And the serum?” Cisco asked. “You said…that pump was pretty much empty.”

 

“He’s in septic shock. It’s sepsis…blood poisoning. We can’t break his fever – 106.7 and climbing. I’ve given him every antibiotic we have. The amount of that serum that went into him, and how it went into him… meningitis might be next, though I’m hoping since it hasn’t developed so far, we can rule it out. I’m doing spinal taps every hour just to be safe though.”

 

“I guess we can rule out his powers healing him too, huh?”

 

“Harry doesn’t know if he can reverse it. He’s thinking it’ll need to separate from his cells organically. He insists it _will_ separate, which is good, but for right now…yeah, he’s without his abilities.”

 

Cisco wasn’t sure how he could respond, and in the end, he found himself staying quiet, soaking in the information like a sponge. The anxiety of the situation had kept him as calm and collected as he felt he could possibly be, but now that the storm had begun to pass, he felt his stomach tightening in knots with fear of the unknown.

 

He would never admit it aloud, but a part of him believed this would all pass in a matter of hours, as it had every time before. Barry had found himself in countless rough situations since becoming the Flash, but his speed healing always saved the day – always saved him. In retrospect, he began to feel naïve for even assuming that they’d be back to watching _Wrath of Khan_ shortly after watching Caitlin slice him open like a fish.

 

“Speaking of,” Caitlin cleared her throat and broke the silence. “did you know this Harrison Wells did three years of pre-medical at his earth’s version of John Hopkins?”

 

Cisco frowned. “But…. why?”

 

“Something about wanting to learn all there is.” Caitlin shrugged. “We really haven’t had the chance to discuss it yet. He’s been doing all the lab work while I…”

 

The words went unheard, but they both knew what would have been spoken. She tried to tell herself that she was doing what she did best, that she was playing her role in the part of Team Flash, but the truth was that she was struggling to save his life and keep him alive. If she failed, she’d be the one haunted the most.

 

“Oh god, speaking of Harry…he’s never going to let me live this down.” Cisco groaned. “This means I’m an old man now. Only old men have heart attacks…”

 

“You’ll be fine, Cisco. It was so mild that with a couple days rests, you won’t notice a difference.”

 

Cisco reached his arms out and stretched, releasing a long and loud yawn with it.

 

“How long have I been down here?”

 

Caitlin looked at her watch. “We finished the surgery around eleven am. Once you started having symptoms of cardiomyopathy I gave you Apixaban and Valium…you’ve been out all day. It’s nine pm now.”

 

Something about her answer sent Cisco far off into thought, his eyes dancing around a thousand miles per minute. It was a look she was familiar with, one she saw every day that they sat in the cortex together.

 

“What is it? What are you thinking?” Caitlin asked.

 

“It hasn’t even been four days,” he answered, counting the fingers on his hands. “Wally time traveled back on the 23rd, Barry was taken on the 25th - instead of the original timeline happening where he died…and what’s today?”

 

She paused for a moment. “27th. It’ll be the 28th in three hours.”

 

“What was Barry gone for…like, thirty-three hours? Not even a full two days?”

 

“Cisco, why does this matter?” Caitlin asked. She was confused at his persistence for calculations and precision, her exhaustion threatening to take her patience from her.

 

Cisco could feel the knot growing in the back of his head, a reminder of an injury he received in the midst of chaos trying to rescue Barry. It pulsated and ached, and he rubbed his temples gingerly.

 

“Because…it feels like it’s been weeks.” Cisco dropped his shoulders, the memories fresh but distant in his mind, his injury reminding him that the harrowing events were only experienced a handful of hours ago.

 

“How did so much happen in such a short amount of time?”

 

Caitlin frowned, his statement holding a burden that she unpleasantly shared. It seemed time hadn’t been on their side since the moment Wally traveled, the changes to the timeline bringing forth consequences they could have never prepared for.

 

Ultimately, his question went unanswered.

 

* * *

 

Up until today, the worst condition that Iris had even seen Barry in was his coma, after the lightning strike.

 

She remembered the events with a clarity that she wished she didn’t have. The accelerator explosion had sent the entire city into a panic; cell phone signals were so congested that she couldn’t get ahold of anyone, no matter how many times she had dialed out. She was relieved when her father called, informing her that he was safe, having left for the outer skirts of the town to catch the Mardon brothers. Her heart dropped when he told her that his partner Fred Chyre had been shot and died at the scene.

 

Her heart shattered when he told her Barry had been taken to Central City Memorial Hospital, having been struck by lightning.

 

It was three weeks they sat by his bedside, every day hoping and praying that he would wake up. Plagued with seizures the doctors couldn’t stop, her dad ultimately made the decision to move him to S.T.A.R Labs. She trusted that he had faith in Dr. Wells because she had ultimately lost faith in everything. The seasons passed, the months went by, and thirty-six weeks later he woke up.

 

Staring at him now, Iris realized that his condition back then was a minor scrape in the long run of things to come.

 

She couldn’t get over how bad he looked, moments of time seeming like he wasn’t even there anymore, just a corpse of the Barry she once knew. The heart monitor gave her comfort, the persistent beeping reminding her that he was still alive, that he was still with them. It was the only herald that provided her hope because his skin was paler then she had ever seen it, and his wounded body had shown no signs of changing.

 

Her father had found seclusion somewhere else in the building, shortly after Caitlin had explained Barry’s diagnosis and prognosis, and while she had tried to do the same – knowing full well that there was nothing that she could do but sit and wait – her anxiety got worse the further away she was. S.T.A.R labs had become an inauspicious and intimidating building without his presence to keep her safe, so she went to the only room she found comfort in.

 

As long as it made her feel even a little better, she’d listen to the beeping and watch the monitor until her eyes went dry. It wasn’t even two days ago that they were unsure if they’d be able to find Barry, and an Iris West had existed where she lost him altogether. She wouldn’t take things for granted, no matter how awful the situation was turning out to be.

 

Every so often she’d reach out for his hand, only to withdraw it and keep it to herself. It pained her that there wasn’t a part of his body she felt safe touching. Lying on his left side, ‘lateral recumbent’ as Caitlin called it, he was surrounded by tubing, wires, bags and monitor pads that left little skin visible. Even his normally bright and hope-filled features were clouded by the intubation tube that ran down his throat.

 

He didn’t deserve this, not one bit of it. Iris couldn’t understand how someone who fought so hard to do so much good could be treated in such awful ways.

 

He was beyond drugged and practically as comatose as he was two years ago, though Caitlin insured them it was simply the medication keeping him out. They were working hard to bring him back to health, Caitlin nursing the life-threatening infection on top of his many other injuries, while Harry worked nonstop to create a reversion of the serum that caused the problem to begin with.

 

She could only sit and wait, finding comfort in the beeping from his heart monitor that she prayed would never stop.

 

_“I watched you die, Barry. You kept dying, your heart kept stopping.”_

_He grabbed her wrist, placing his hand gently on his chest._

_“It’s still beating.”_

 

Iris smiled at the memory, a small grin that barely pulled at the corners of her mouth. Her fingers fidgeted inside the oversized hoodie that she wore – his sweatshirt, Sun City University of course – before her hand locked onto something cylinder and smooth.

 

She didn’t need to examine the object to know what it was. Pulling it out from the hoodie’s pocket, she popped off the cap and leaned over her chair, as far as she could go without bumping or touching any of the machinery around her. Gently she applied the lip balm to the areas of Barry’s lips that she could, cautious and tender with her touch.

 

Even far off in another world within his mind, separated from consciousness as he let his body fight for the life that was rightfully his, Iris couldn’t help but notice he still looked as handsome as the first day she saw him, and every day after that.

 

“Oh snap, crackle, pop!”

 

The voice broke her out of her thoughts, and her head jolted over to the doorway of the med bay.

 

Cisco walked up the ramp and into the room. “I recognize that smell from anywhere.”

 

“Cisco?” she slowly sat back down in her chair. “Shouldn’t you be resting? What are you doing here?”

 

“Girl, what am I doing here?” he pointed to the clock on the wall. “I just took the nap of a lifetime, I don’t think I’ll be falling asleep anytime soon. What are _you_ doing here?

 

Iris didn’t answer, rather her tired and weary eyes stared below her at Barry. It was all the response that Cisco needed, and he pulled up a chair on the other side of the bed.

 

“It’s three a.m, we got this covered…you need to get some sleep.”

 

Iris shook her head. “I’m too worked up…my nerves are completely shot.”

 

It was an honest statement, and with a sigh, she placed the lip balm back inside the hoodie’s pocket. Though exhaustion wore her down to her very core, and she hadn’t had proper sleep since the night Wally told them about Barry’s impending future, she couldn’t find the strength in her to doze off now. Every time she closed her eyes, she was beleaguered by the intrusive thoughts of Barry’s condition.

 

Sitting at his bedside, listening to the sounds that others found obnoxious; this was where she was most at peace.

 

Seeing her stress and worry, Cisco decided to change the subject.

 

“What is that horrendous abomination called again?” he asked, pointing to the lip balm that she had within the hoodie’s pocket.

 

Iris rolled her eyes. “Cinna-coco.”

 

“That’s right…cinnamon and coconut. The oddest, most repulsive combination in flavors I have ever witnessed – and may I add, have never seen outside of your hands.” Cisco fidgeted with the tubing that hung from Barry’s IV stand. “Where in god’s name are you getting these disgusting chapsticks?”

 

“This…is actually the same one,” Iris answered, a light chuckle coming with her words.

 

“The same one?” Cisco’s eyes went wide. “The same one that you would bring with you _every_ time you visited Barry while he was in a coma? Sister – praise. You are the only being on this earth, and possibly the multiverse, who has kept the same tube of chapstick for longer than a month.”

 

“It’s not mine, it’s Barry’s,” Iris explained, leaning back in her chair and bringing her legs up with her, one arm hugging her knees. “It’s a funny story…when Barry and I were teenagers, he was terrified of having his first kiss with his then-girlfriend Becky Cooper.”

 

Cisco frowned. “Did you just say Bec-key Coo-per?”

 

“Becky Cooper.” Iris nodded, repeating herself.

 

“No no,” Cisco shook his head. “You’re saying it differently. You’re saying Bec _-key Coo-per._ ”

 

“Okay, whatever.” she chuckled, shaking him off. “Anyway, he would go to my dad for advice on kissing. He felt like there was a science behind it, that he needed to do something _just_ right to get the perfect kiss. My dad kept telling him the same thing – keep it simple and keep it smooth. Lips, of course, that smooth lips made the kiss.”

 

Cisco hummed in response. “I do not disagree with that advice.”

 

“So, he started a stockpile of Chapsticks and lip balms. He lost those things as much as I lost my hair ties – they were everywhere and of course, never on him when he needed it.”

 

“Good ‘ol forgetful Allen.” Cisco quipped.

 

“We were on a school field trip one day, I think it was the George Washington Carver Monument, I can’t remember for sure…but the bus stopped for bathroom breaks at this gas station. I went inside with my friends, ending up catching eye of this, and bought it for him. He hasn’t lost it since. It’s…actually not that great of a story, I don’t know why I thought of it.”

 

Iris furrowed her brows in thought. “Come to think of it, he doesn’t even like coconut, so it’s unusual he used it so often.”

 

Cisco shook his head, a smile wrapping around his lips larger than she had seen in days.

 

“Man, I wish you had told me this back when Barry was in a coma.” he said, his laughs soft and light-hearted.

 

“Why?” Iris asked, head titled with confusion.

 

“Because you both could have been spared a lot of wasted time pinning after each other.” Cisco stated.

 

Iris blinked. “I don’t understand.”

 

“Iris, he never kept the chapstick because he liked the flavor.” Cisco sat forward, a quick glance at Barry causing his grin to fade away. “He kept it because it was from you. It reminded him of you.”

 

Iris should have been happy with the statement, and while she could feel butterflies churning in her stomach, the anxiety that poured over her overtook any feelings of joy. She wouldn’t tell him, but the realization made her sad. Sad to know that his feelings were so out in and the open that everyone could see it but her. She was sad to know that she could have taken away so much of the pain he suffered from had she not been unwilling to see his potential as something more. She ached at his patience, spending so long willingly waiting for the day she’d come around to him.

 

The past couple months, though hard on everyone, had been a change in her life that she’d never take for granted. Though Zoom’s defeat had come with the ultimate price of Henry Allen’s death, it opened doors for Iris and Barry to embrace life as what it was – short and never guaranteed.

 

Barry was honest with her that night, explaining that his heart was broken beyond what he could repair and that he needed to heal. But he was also willing to heal with her, have her heal a heart he couldn’t fix. They didn’t want to waste any more time without each other, so many years that went by in denial.

 

She reached forward and grasped his finger, his hand too bundled in wires and tubing to hold, and she caressed it gently. After everything they had gone through, she couldn’t imagine losing him now.

 

“Hang in there, Barry. You’re strong, you can do this.” Iris whispered with a downcast gaze. “We’re patient. We’ll be here for you.”

 

She looked up at Cisco, and with profound sadness, they shared a small, warm, but sorrowful smile. Her eyes were red and swollen, puffed with evidence of the crying she couldn’t control throughout the day, whereas his were glossed with residual pain that ached in his temples and clouded his thoughts. Yet looking at each other gave them a strength they needed to push forward, a reminder that they weren’t in this alone.

 

Time didn’t have a meaning for them anymore, the clock on the wall showing numbers that didn’t matter. Sleep would come in the occasional, quick ten-minute nap for Caitlin and Harry. The two would, for the most part, spend their time across the cortex and in the med lab pouring chemicals into beakers, measuring vials and filling the dry-erase board with numbers and equations she would never understand.

 

Wally had dozed off near the computer stations, one chair propping his feet up and the other allowing him to lean back and tilt slightly towards the desk. Joe would only be seen pacing the hallways, cortex and through the monitors, they’d see him in other areas of the building. It was a technique that Iris was all too familiar with, his own way of releasing pent-up emotion that he dared not show to others.

 

And Iris and Cisco, they’d sit together until the sun rose, the rising yellow light peeking through the skylights telling them that another day had begun.

 


	18. Interference

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one’s for you guys – wouldn’t be going forward without your lovely, awesome feedback!

**Interference**

It was with overwhelming disappointment that Iris realized ‘Team Flash’ had never actually spent this amount of time together before. Granted, little of what they were doing was truly productive, outside of Harry’s research for a cure and Caitlin’s efforts to rehabilitate Barry. Still, their time together was usually limited to catching and fighting meta’s, a day’s work at most. It made her realize she knew less about her crime-fighting team then she believed she had.

 

For example, Caitlin’s early days in medical training gave her the ability to run off little to no sleep, thriving solely on her adrenaline and quick naps throughout the day. One may have doubted her capacity to perform procedures at that point, but there was no doubt in her skills as she continued to execute spinal taps with steady hands and a concentrated mind. Joe had found himself trusting more in her as the hours passed, his wishes to have Barry in an actual hospital slowly dissipating into comfort for the ones who were watching over him.

 

Iris had also discovered that a part of Wally was religious. Whether he practiced the faith or not was left for debate, and it surely linked back to his roots with their mother Francine, who appeared to be a heavy church-goer herself. He had kept to himself, offering little to say when he was present with the group, but when Iris found him alone and secluded he would be muttering prayers to a higher being that he prayed existed, and prayed would help his family. For all she knew he was speaking to the speed force as a whole, but she never questioned him or disturbed him, rather let him cope with things on his own terms.

 

She sat outside the med-bay and at the computers of the cortex, having been asked by Caitlin to temporarily leave the room while she nursed Barry in private.

 

“He’s kicking himself in the ass for this one.” Joe had told her, compassionately rubbing her shoulders.

 

“I don’t understand why, dad.” Iris sighed. “He saved Barry’s life – twice. Why does he think that he’s at fault for this?”

 

“He just does, baby girl. And I don’t think he’ll feel any different until things are made right.”

 

Iris frowned. Her frazzled nerves had jumped all together, and in different directions, keeping her distracted despite her father’s efforts to relax her. She watched as across from them in the mad-lab, Wally and Harry conversed over the studies at hand, though the latter of the two would usually get frustrated and demand isolation from the others. All day he worked either in the lab within the cortex or downstairs in the speed room, where he insisted ‘it was quieter.’. Though his efforts were constructive and certainly valued, the time went by faster than he could produce results.

 

And by the time the day was over, Harry had no cure, and Barry was getting worse.

 

It felt like the millionth time she watched the stars settle over the skylights in the cortex, staring upwards like a hopeful child looking to make a wish. There was something to be said about the atmosphere in S.T.A.R Labs, the city above her flickering and dancing with promises of a new day to come. When the sun would rise again, it would make a full two days since Barry’s rescue, and she wasn’t sure how she could start the third with no hope, no optimism, and no faith.

 

She had finally dozed off to the mellow beeping of the monitors and hissing of the respirator, the Sandman taking her without a struggle and her eyes embracing the darkness with solace. She barely remembered her father escorting her out of the room, leading her away with no words, his arm emphatically wrapped around her.

 

The treadmill room had become a makeshift campsite, one door away from the cortex so they could still be present for any emergencies and changes that might take place. If anyone needed a moment to recoup or simply gather their thoughts, they found their way inside here. The room was soundproof, which made it all the better to rest in. Once the door closed, the world around them disappeared.

 

The cosmic treadmill was covered with pillows and blankets, and Iris snuggled down on the rubber belt with aching muscles and an exhausted soul. She didn’t even hear her father utter the words ‘sleep tight, baby girl’ as he leaned up against the wall, pillow against his back and blanket up to his chin.

 

Her mind made up dreams of the rushing wind around her, a strong, crimson-covered arm guiding her through the city at lightning speed pace, a warmth surrounding her skin like a winter coat on a chilly evening. His gentle and kind laugh resounding with hers, the feel of his vibrating breath like a cat’s purr to her ears, she felt the embrace of his love surrounding her like a hurricane.

 

“Hey – hey!”

 

The voice awoke her with a startle, loud and flustered. Her eyes shot open, blurry at first sight and she struggled to find focus.

 

“Yo, wake up!” Cisco shouted, one arm keeping the door open, the other gesturing for them to follow him. The newly emitted noise came pouring into the room, the once silent air filling with turmoil.

 

“Cisco – what’s going on?” Joe mumbled, his voice covered with sleep. Yet his body moved before his mind could come to terms with his environment, on his knees and lifting off the ground with alarm. It was ingrained in his blood, too many stakeouts as a cop having trained him to react from the moment of being awake, ready to pounce on mere instinct.

 

“Barry’s awake and he’s freaking the frak out!”

 

“I’m up.” Joe strongly stated, stumbling off his knees before he ran out of the room with Cisco, his legs taking what felt like two steps at a time.

 

Iris untangled the blankets around her and jolted up from the treadmill, following suit. With the door now open, she could hear the commotion that was taking place, her heart sinking with panic.

 

Across the cortex and in the medical bay, Caitlin and Harry hovered over the bed that Barry laid on, exchanging instruments and wiring as they struggled to keep him still.

 

Iris’s eyes went wide at the sight, stumbling into the room with profound fear. Though most the noises came from the machinery, Barry’s muffled groans and obstructed shouts could still be heard through the respirator, never being able to escape through his lips. It was like listening to a dying animal, his pain smothered and choked in his chest.

 

“Cisco, I told you _not_ to bring them in here!” Caitlin had to shout over the blaring monitors, each squealing with distress.

 

“Yeah, and what else did you say? That Barry was going to have a stroke if he didn’t calm down?” Cisco pointed to Joe and Iris. “Somebody needs to get through to him, and we aren’t doing that, so maybe they can!”

 

“Heart rate just hit 200. He’s tachycardic and-” Harry stumbled back as a hand came swinging his way, knocking into the IV stand and tangling into the wires it connected to. “And he’s getting violent. Get the restraints!”

 

“Drug him, Caitlin!” Joe said, the sight of Barry sending chills down his spine, his green eyes wide open and clouded with pain. “You said you were sedating him – what happened!?”

 

“I _am_ sedating him!” Caitlin snapped, syringe already in hand and injecting liquid into the IV port.

 

“Well, Snow, give him more!” Harry rasped.

 

Caitlin shot her eyes to him, sharp with anger. “I can’t. This makes it 400 milligrams of Dilaudid. I will _kill_ him if I administer anymore.” 

 

Harry, who had his arm locked down on Barry’s shoulder to keep him still, quickly spun on his heels and exited the room without a word.

 

Cisco was the first to react, throwing his arms in the air with annoyance.

 

“Dude!” he yelled. “What the fuck!?”

 

Caitlin reacted quickly to the choking from below her, and she quickly took Harry’s place on locking Barry down to the gurney.

 

“He’s fighting intubation. I need to extubate. Joe-”

 

She didn’t need to ask twice, as Joe had already pushed through the room to help assist Caitlin. With gentle but firm ease, they careful rolled Barry onto his back, his eyes squeezed shut at the aggravation and pressure it put on his wounds, his jaw clenched tight with each grunt he uttered.

 

With quick and skilled hands, Caitlin unhooked the respirator and withdrew the tubing from Barry’s throat, her movements so smooth they seemed like smearing butter on bread. Her actions were immediately followed by fetid bile spilling up out of his throat and into the air.

 

Her frustration was apparent, and she tossed the tubing aside.

 

“He’s asphyxiating – get him back on his side.”

 

Joe grabbed his shoulders and went to roll him forward when Caitlin began to shout.

 

“Wrong side, wrong side! Bring him towards me, don’t lay him where the pump was.”

 

“Arghh-gAH.” Barry’s voice came out strained and hoarse, the first they had heard from him in days. He clung to the mattress below him, his nails practically digging into the fabric as he fought the arms that turned him over, their grip struggling to keep him still.

 

“Cisco, I need an oxygen mask.”

 

“I’m on it.” A clatter of trays and curses later, he stumbled back over to her. “Here, I got it.”

 

Before Caitlin could fully strap the mask to Barry’s face, another spew of bile forced out from his stomach, covering the plastic she held in her hands and is body rattled with each heave. Tears dripped through his dark eyelashes with each cough, his cries raspy with a harsh intensity. 

 

“Scratch that, get me a nasal cannula.”

 

Being the closest, Iris grabbed the equipment and passed it off to Caitlin. As she strapped it around his ears and into his nostrils, she fought against his erratic movements that threatened to toss her across the room.

 

“Barry – Barry! Can you hear me?” she raised her voice, determined to get through to him. “You need to _calm down_ Barry, you’re at S.T.A.R labs. You’re safe.”

Caitlin wasn’t sure if he just couldn’t hear them, or if he was too delusional with fever to recognize her voice, because he continued to fight against her and Joe’s grip, insisting to get off the bed despite the pain his movements caused him. She was sure he’d rip open his sutures if his panic carried on any longer.

 

“Barry, listen to us! You’re only hurting yourself more.” Joe shouted over the machines, the loud noises aching in his ears. “Calm down, Bar!”

 

“What’s going on?” Iris asked. “Why is he acting this way?”

 

“He has a fever of 106.8 and it’s only been getting higher. He’s in septic shock and probably isn’t coherent enough to understand what’s going on.” Caitlin answered, her shoulders shaking with each move from Barry.

 

Joe grunted, pinning Barry’s shoulder down on the gurney. “I don’t understand. You’ve been sedating him.”

 

“I know.” Caitlin harshly responded.

 

Taking action, Iris pushed herself through the room and past the multitude of machinery, stepping over the empty plastic bags and wiring on the ground to make her way to Barry. She fought between Caitlin and her father, leaning down as she cupped Barry’s face with her hands.

 

“Barry, hey…” she choked back the lump in her throat. “It’s me, Barry. It’s Iris.”

 

His eyes were murky, the normally bright green soaked beneath the large, black pupils that stared straight ahead and through her. Though he coughed, spluttered and heaved against her – dry and empty this time, he almost didn’t seem to be present at all. Arching his back in a desperate attempt to get away, he fought against Joe and Caitlin with surprising strength.

 

“Hey, hey…” her voice was soft like cotton, and she rubbed her thumb gently against his cheekbone. “You’re safe, Barry. You’re home. It’s okay…we brought you home.”

 

The tears burned her eyes and the lump in her throat made it hard to swallow, but Iris pushed through nonetheless. Nothing was okay about the situation, and she knew her words were false and empty, but she spoke the lies in hopes of calming him down. Her love emitted through her with a vibrancy that couldn’t be spoken, resting her forehead against his despite the burning heat that emitted from his skin.

 

Ignoring the chaos of sound around her, she kept her touch gentle and calm, rubbing her thumb in slow, soft circles. Each breath Barry fought vibrated through them both, his sighs ragged against her nape, body radiating way too much heat as sweat leaked through his skin and saturated her oversized Sun City University hoodie.

 

Iris could feel as his pulse calmed down, the equipment near her only confirming the fact. His breaths came a little less fast and a little less hard, slowly but surely matching the pace of her caress to his cheek. She closed her eyes, letting the wetness that brimmed inside fall down onto his face.

 

Just when there was a moment of silence, and just when they thought the madness had come to an end, an abrupt and loud yelp shook the room.

 

Barry’s mouth opened wide with a screech of pain that rang in her ears, echoing with vengeance. It was a howl, a harsh half-stifled yell that was only followed by another, not even his hoarse vocal chords stopping the screams.

 

“Barry?” Iris anxiously shot her head up. “Caitlin?”

 

Her toned begged for help, an unspoken cry of ‘fix him, please.’

 

“I-I…” Caitlin stammered, checking the monitors behind her. “I don’t know what else to do. I’ve already given him a lethal injection of painkillers.”

 

Cisco grabbed at his hair with both hands, pulling at the locks with stress. “He’s burning right through them.”

 

His words were met with another scream, loud and bloodcurdling and so shocking that Iris stepped back, her hands in the air as if she had done something wrong, something that hurt him. She knew it wasn’t her touch that caused his pain, but fear told her she might cause him more.

 

Attempting to curl inwards on himself, Barry squeezed his eyes shut and gripped the railings to the gurney, the pressure against his injured body stealing his breath away. His cries never truly finished, one following another in a panicked disarray of pain.

 

Joe had enough.

 

“Caitlin!”

 

“I don’t-I can’t be the cause of his liver shutting down!”

 

“You have to try something!” Iris shouted, panic flowing back into the room, the monitors that attached to Barry once more blaring their alarms.

 

Caitlin never had a chance to respond, in fact neither did the other three in the room. Their argument was cut short as Harry came barging up the ramp and pushed Iris aside, causing her to stumble back into the nearest wall.

 

“Hey – whoa, dude!” Cisco leaped forward.

 

Joe shook his head. “Oh, hell no!”

 

“Harry, don’t-”

 

Their words collided in a mess of nonsense that he ignored. With one swift movement, Harry brought down the object in his hand and pressed it sharply against Barry’s neck. He pushed the plunger of the large syringe until his thumb met with hot, damp skin.

 

Within seconds, Barry’s cries dwindled into small groans, dissipating and dying in his throat before finally, his body went slack and relaxed under Joe’s tight grip, his eyes rolling back in their sockets before his lids closed with unconsciousness.

 

Caitlin gawked.

 

“Did you just tranq him?”

 

Her question didn’t need an answer, rather Harry yanked the tranquilizer away and tossed it onto the nearest instrument stand.

 

“I’m sorry!” he sarcastically shouted. “I know everyone in this room isn’t a _genius,_ but in all the realms of possibilities did no one expect that to happen!?”

 

Caitlin spitefully shook her head, storming across the room to rummage through the medicine cabinets with haste.

 

“That’s ten milligrams of carfentanil.” she hissed, venom lacing her tone.

 

Joe’s eyes went wide. “That’s an elephant tranquilizer!”

 

“It worked, didn’t it?” Harry leered.

 

“I don’t remember anyone giving you permission to _tranq_ my son!” Joe snapped.

 

“In about two minutes, you wouldn’t have had a son anymore!” Harry rasped. “The amount of pain he was experiencing put him in circulatory shock. His heart would have given out, he would have died – I was trying to keep him alive!”

 

Joe pointed a finger his way. “Just because you’re playing doctor with Caitlin-”

 

“ _Playing!?_ ” Harry scoffed. “Obviously we need to get you a copy of _my_ autobiography, because-”

 

“Move, and shut up!” Caitlin yelled, pushing Harry aside. “I need to reintubate before he stops breathing from respiratory depression.”

 

Harry reached his hand out. “Let me assist.”

 

“Stay the hell away from him.” Joe snapped.

 

“I said _shut up!_ ” Caitlin gripped the laryngoscope with force, her hands trembling with anger. “I want everyone out of here, now.”

 

“Cait…” Cisco tried to say.

 

“Everyone. Out!”

 

There was a coldness that flooded the room, her anger sending off vibes that spoke louder than her words. Cisco didn’t put up a fight, being the first of the four to exit down the ramp of the med-bay. Iris followed him shortly after, arms wrapped tightly around her with stricken concern.

 

It was a brief moment that Caitlin and Harry locked eyes before he ultimately stormed out, throwing his arms in the air with exasperation. He was out of the cortex before anyone could say another word, taking the elevator downstairs and away from the group.

 

Once alone, Joe stood his ground, his arms crossing his chest as he shook his head.

 

“I’m not leaving.” he firmly stated.

 

Caitlin wasn’t playing games with him.

 

“Joe-”

 

“I’m not leaving, he’s _my_ son.”

 

Her eyes were narrowed, rigid, cold, and hard -  a lethal stare that felt painful and piercing to look at.

 

“My medical bay. My patient.” her voice was low and threatening. “Leave.”

 

There was a pause, one that held the tension in the air if only for a brief moment. Joe stared Caitlin down with possible hopes of intimation, every fiber in his being screaming ‘don’t mess with the cop’, yet Caitlin didn’t back down. Surprisingly enough, her stance held higher ground, one that said the verdict was already in place.

 

He ultimately backed off with a slew of curse words, punching the door frame on his way out.

 

* * *

 

When Caitlin was hired by Dr. Wells, it was because of her impressive background in biomedical technologies. She had graduated high school at a young age and immediately became interested in neurological surgery, her training there leading her into the science of the medicine rather than the practice of it. She had barely witnessed a handful of neurosurgeries before switching fields, let alone hold the scalpel in her hands.

 

He would always tell her that despite her age, she had ‘incredible potential’, and he even felt ‘privileged’ to have hired her at S.T.A.R labs. She insisted her knowledge came primarily from her parents, both doctors themselves, leading her to memorize the Hippocratic oath by the time she was eight years old.

 

The science of medicine may have caught her attention the most, but the practice of it still held a special place in her heart. She valued life so much, she wouldn't even let anyone step on a bug if she could help it. Its why she always found herself taking care of the others, making sure that Barry would always make a full and healthy recovery, even with his regenerative abilities.

 

Now, Caitlin sat in the med-bay, only occupied by the sedated Barry across from her, and stared blankly at the papers and open book that laid out on the desk. She began to doubt the truth behind any of what she was told, and what she believed in. It wasn’t even Harrison Wells that brought her onboard, rather Eboard Thawne, who used her as a pawn in his awful game. Maybe she didn’t have the skills that she thought she did.

 

Looking onwards at Barry, she drearily wondered how she could call herself a doctor without being able to help him.

 

“Knock knock.”

 

She caught sight of Joe standing in the doorway, hands in the air before she could talk.

 

“Before you say anything, I won’t stay. I’m not going to get in your way.” he walked up the ramp, hands finding comfort in his jean pockets. “I just wanted to apologize.”

 

“Joe…” Caitlin said softly.

 

“No, no, I was wrong, hear me out…I overreacted. I’m not going to give excuses to my behavior – it was wrong. You’re the reason Barry is still alive right now, and you don’t deserve to be treated that way.” Joe sighed, leaning against the nearest wall. “So…Caitlin, I’m sorry.”

 

Something about hearing him speak broke her heart, his voice strained and exhausted, his presence carrying an aura of stress. Caitlin’s shoulders dropped, her posture and demeanor going with it.

 

“I was the one in the wrong, Mr. West. _I’m_ sorry.”

 

Joe’s eyebrow shot up. “Mr. West? That’s not used often anymore.”

 

“If anyone overreacted, it was me.” Caitlin continued. “You’re just trying to protect Barry – I get it. I let my frustration over this serum get to me and I got angry with everyone else when I’m really, I’m just angry with it.”

 

“That’s…nice of you, Caitlin, but no.” Joe shook his head, pulling up a chair across from her and near Barry’s bed. “I’m a father. I know there’s a time and place to be stern, and you needed to be stern back there. I…guess I kind of took after the mantle of my children and didn’t listen.”

 

Caitlin briefly smiled, still looking down at the desk below her. She paid no attention to the words below her; no matter how many times she re-read her textbooks, her questions were still left unanswered.

 

“As a father, I also know when someone is pushed past their limits. I can tell when someone is burned out.” Joe leaned back in his chair. “We call it ‘the Barry syndrome’ around here.”

 

Caitlin didn’t respond.

 

“You need to rest.” he said seriously.

 

“I’m fine.” she insisted.

 

“If you are, you’re the only one.”

 

Caitlin sighed, rubbing her eyes. “Is it possible to be completely confident in yourself and utterly unsure at the same time?”

 

“Absolutely,” Joe answered. “I’ve been on the force for over twenty years and feel that way every time I’m handed a case or go out in the field. But it’s that doubt that keeps you grounded; keeps you from getting too cocky.”

 

“I’m worried I’m not doing all I can.” Caitlin’s voice was quiet, full of uncertainty.

 

“You’re the only reason he’s alive right now. You treating him and helping him…no one else could have done what you have Caitlin, or what you’re doing.” Joe said.

 

“That’s not true,” she said, shaking her head. “We could have taken him to the hospital, he could have had a full team of doctor’s look over him., someone who would have noticed that his painkillers weren’t effective anymore.”

 

“We all know that would have come at the cost of his secret. Who knows what sort of problems that would have created, on top of trying to cure this…poison.” his hand waved in the air, still unsure of what to call the serum. “You’re saving him in more ways than one.”

 

Caitlin didn’t say anything, at least not at first. When hesitancy, she closed her books and set them aside.

 

“There’s a reason I never finished my residency at St. Andrew’s. My mother insisted I was only switching fields, but she couldn’t admit that I dropped out.” Caitlin explained, rolling her chair over to the bedside. “It wasn’t that it was too hard, or that I didn’t enjoy it - I actually loved it. It’s just that I found the science behind medicine so much more fascinating.”

 

She hauled herself off the chair, checking the monitors and IV bags like second nature.

 

“But I could never get away from the negative feedback I received from my patient demeanor. I was too cold. It's why it was easier to be behind a microscope or in a laboratory. I could never let myself feel the empathy or sympathy for patients.”

 

Joe wasn’t sure why Caitlin was telling him these things, but he listened nonetheless, his ears open to her words. He watched as she entertained herself with tubing and numbers, knowing her words brought a sense of catharsis she desperately needed.

 

“The first thing I did when Barry woke up from his coma was shoved a urine collection container in his face.” she smiled, looking over at Joe. “Literally - I shoved it in his face.”

 

“I believe it.” Joe chuckled.

 

“Working with Barry…working as a part of this team, he's been able to bring a compassion to me that I never thought I could have. Even when I was with Ronnie, we both sort of accepted he was fire and I was ice; for every harsh thing I said, he was behind me making up for it. Something about having Barry rely on me past two years, knowing that something awful could happen to him out there and he needed someone to patch him up…”

 

She trailed off, looking down below her at the bed where Barry laid, the soft hiss of the respirator filling the silence.

 

“It’s what he and Cisco always say. That I ‘patch them up’…” she bit her lower lip. “It’s brought a warmth to me…I'm worried that's hindered my ability to treat him.”

 

“Caitlin, there is no one better qualified to be doing this job right now.”

 

She shook her head. “When Zoom broke his back, it took me a full twelve hours to realize it. And what sickened me the most is I didn’t realize it until he _told_ me. I shouldn’t have had to wait for him to tell me he couldn’t feel his legs, I should have known before that. I was so wrapped up in his hypometabolism and regenerative abilities that I never once thought Zoom did lasting damage to him. I screwed up then, and I screwed up now.”

 

“You didn’t screw up, Caitlin.” Joe was stern. “I was with you that night, I watched you save him. In fact, I’ve watched you more than once ‘patch him up’ in a way any other doctor never would.”

 

She continued on, speaking as if she didn’t hear what he had to say.

 

“I should have realized the serum would eventually hit his metabolism. Harry was right, someone should have seen that possibility and taken preventive measures and it should have been me.”

 

“Caitlin, you can’t do everything.” he earnestly said. “You have to cut yourself some slack. This is out of the ordinary for all of us. What’s important is you caught the problem before it could get any worse.”

 

“But maybe-”

 

Joe shook his head. “You’re doing the best you can. That’s all Barry would ever ask from you.”

 

Her eyes wandered down to the gurney below her, where the raised metal railings hit her hip and wires connecting to many different devices blurred together into a nonsensical mess. Wearily, she wondered how something said from another person could sound so much like Barry himself.

 

Looking over at Joe, she realized with sudden clarity why. It _was_ the man who raised him, after all.

 

“Thanks.” she said, her smile weak but soft.

 

“No need.” Joe leaned back in his chair, his eyes diverting to the gurney, staring apprehensively at Barry. “So, what’s next?”

 

“He’s on a steady drip of the carfentanil. Nothing massive to overdose him – just enough to keep him sedated. Harry took fresh panels to see why hhypermetabolismism kicked in, but isn’t healing him. We just have to wait to see what he says.”

 

Joe stretched his arms over his head. “Hurry up and wait…I’m getting real use to that around here.”

 

Caitlin smirked. “Yeah, well-”

 

The heavy stomping of footsteps caught her off guard, both of them looking in the doorway where Harry came storming in.

 

“Snow, West – follow me.”

 

Harry turned on his feet before the two could reply, quickly making his way to the lab across the cortex. With a quick exchange, they both stood up and followed him.

 

“What’s going on?” Wally asked, emerging with Iris from the elevator, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

 

Cisco followed behind him. “Harry has news…I don’t like it when Harry has news.”

 

The monitors that surrounded the cortex suddenly turned on, the same image being displayed, some screens zooming in on certain aspects, the others showing the picture as a whole. Harry pointed to the middle monitor in the room.

 

“See that?”

 

“What are we looking at, Harry?” Cisco asked, his toned exasperated and frustrated.

 

“That’s Barry’s blood, taken an hour ago.” Harry answered. “See those round, red cells?”

 

“Not really…it’s mostly purple.” Iris answered, squinting her eyes as she looked ahead.

 

“That’s leukocytes – white blood cells. Sepsis causes a dramatic increase so they can fight off the infection.” Caitlin explained.

 

“I see a little bit of green between the red…is that what you’re talking about?” Wally asked.

 

Joe put his hand in the air. “I’m not playing guess the colors of the rainbow. What’s going on?”

 

“Wally was onto something.” Harry pointed his pen at his direction, then back to the screens and monitors. “That green, is the toxin. We’ve never seen it in this form because when it separated from Wally’s blood, it happened quickly – his hypermetabolism kicked in to rid the poison from the cells as fast as it would with anything else.”

 

“It’s separating?” Iris held her breath. “Barry’s going to start healing?”

 

Harry shook his head. “No.”

 

“Dude.” Cisco gawked. “Little bit of tact, just this one time?”

 

“It’s _separating,_ but it’s not dissolving. My theory is, he was subjected to such an extremely highly concentrated dose of serum that, now that he’s no longer being exposed to it on a regular basis, his body’s been given the chance to rid it as waste. Only there’s so much of it, it’s begun to separate like water and oil, and that’s preventing _his_ hypermetabolism from taking effect.” Harry explained.

 

Joe pursed his lips. “And that’s bad.”

 

“It’s _bad_ because he’s a speedster.”

 

Wally frowned. “I’m a speedster. You exposed my blood to it and it separated just fine.”

 

“But it didn’t.” Cisco spoke up. “You guys ran a test with multiple doses of the serum and said it wasn’t separating at all – that it was just…lying on top of the blood like a blanket.”

 

Harry nodded. “Exactly. That’s why we’ve been able to treat Barry so far, why he’s been susceptible to narcotics. The serum in the intrathecal…” he looked to Caitlin, waving his hand around for clarification.

 

“Intrathecal spinal pump.” she finished.

 

“That.” Harry said. “The serum in that pump was not only a highly concentrated formula, but injected straight the to cerebrospinal fluid surrounding his spinal cord. Because it wasn’t a subcutaneous injection like we hypothesized, his abilities are further hindered.”

 

“I’m…sorry, I’m lost.” Joe shook his head, eyes squeezed shut with confusion. “You’re saying Barry doesn’t have his powers to heal him, but he has his powers to be immune to painkillers? This makes no sense.”

 

Harry tapped his finger on the desk below him, taking a few seconds to think before rushing across the room and dragging the dry-erase board with him.

 

“Think of a speedster as three parts.” he popped the cap off the marker with his mouth while his other hand erased the contents on the board, their previous diagrams of different timelines and speed equations from the night Wally time traveled disappearing from sight. 

 

“You have speed metabolism – hyper metabolism, which results in regenerative healing, which results in superspeed.” Harry pointed to the three circles on the board. “You can’t have one without the other. You lose one, you lose them all. You can’t run fast without healing fast, and you can’t heal fast without a metabolism that’s composed of such a thing.”

 

“Okay…” Joe nodded, arms crossed. “I’m following so far.”

 

“When Barry was exposed to the toxin, it didn’t _rid_ him of his abilities, it _suppressed_ them – hid them, covered the cells that create the abilities with, let’s say, a thick, wool blanket.” Harry drew over each drawing, the circles filling with black marker. “His body can’t use what it can’t, figuratively, see.”

 

“That’s why Zayne was able to do the things he did.” Iris choked. “The pump implantation, the experiments…Barry was practically normal when he was taken.”

 

“So now that the serum has begun to separate – like Wally’s blood, his hypermetabolism is trying to break through to bring his abilities forefront. His body wants to heal, to rid the poison, but it needs the metabolism to do that.” Harry erased the dark circle the covered the first of three diagrams, rewriting the words on top of it. “Problem is, the serum _isn’t dissolving_ , it’s separating like water and oil.”

 

He clicked the cap back on the pen, turning to the group with only the response of silence.

 

“Still…not simple enough for you?” Harry sighed, rolling his eyes. “Okay, let’s try this…good news! His body is starting the process of regenerative healing. But bad news…his hypermetabolism needs to exist before he can even _begin_ to see his speed healing.”

 

“Are you saying that painkillers aren’t affecting him anymore?” Joe questioned.

 

“I’m saying that…his body _does_ want him to heal. He will and can get better. But it needs the speed metabolism before it can do that. He’s getting that back…at the cost of burning through any medicine we give him.”

 

“Oh, hell no.” Joe croaked.

 

“No…no, this can’t happen.” Cisco shook his head, his jaw clenched tightly. “There has to be something we can do. You’re saying this is happening because the serum isn’t properly dissolving? Then we find a way to correct that.” 

 

“And we’ll just keep tranqing him until then.” Wally spoke up.

 

Caitlin shook her head. “We can’t do that.”

 

“Like hell, we can’t!” Joe shouted.

 

“No, Joe, we can’t.” Caitlin turned to look at him. “A tranquilizer is ten milligrams of carfentanil – enough to kill an elephant, but only keep a speedster out for a couple hours. His entire system is at a standstill during that time. We’re going to need his cells to dissolve the serum and it can’t do that if they’re paralyzed by an analgesic. We’d be prolonging the inevitable.”

 

“Caitlin, and you know I don’t say this often - we’re going to work together with Harry and find a way to have the serum dissolve _without_ causing this.” Cisco stated, already making his way up the stairs to the med lab.

 

Caitlin bit her lower lip. “We have another problem.”

 

“I don’t think anything can be worse than this, Caitlin.” Iris sadly said.

 

“It…might be.” Caitlin glanced back at the med bay where Barry laid. “If his metabolism is burning through any medicine we give him, that means the antibiotics aren’t going to work either. He’s septic…the infection will kill him before the pain does.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Again, thank you guys SO much for your feedback! I really write this for you and everyone who reviews. You all make me so happy :)


	19. Ally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Guys, this chapter is 100% YOU! Words can't express my thankfulness in your reviews and comments. I've been looking forward to writing this chapter since first churning the idea in my head, and I have to be honest - I never had much faith that I'd reach this point. We're closer to the end then we are the beginning that that's 100% without any doubt thanks to YOU!. Enjoy!

****Ally** **

****

“Let me GO!”

 

The room was loud and evoked with panic, full of shouts and struggles that couldn’t be contained.

 

Joe grunted as he held Barry’s wrist down to the gurney’s metal railings, his skin slick with the boy’s sweat, dripping off him like an endless river.

 

“Barry - Bar!” Joe shouted. “Calm __down__ Bar, it’s just us!”

 

Caitlin pulled tight on the cuff that she had tied around Barry’s wrist, ensuring the soft foam still covered his skin while keeping him locked down to the bed.

 

“Here, I’ve got his left side restrained.” she tossed the other strap his way. “Start your side while I-”

 

“You’re not going to find him. You can keep me here all you want, you’re not going to find him!” Barry seethed in her direction, his glazed and widened eyes staring her down but his focus far away in another place.

 

Caitlin barely blinked at the words, already at the end of the gurney to tie down his legs, his bare heels digging into the mattress with efforts to get up - leave, run away from the nightmare in his head.

 

Iris had been watching the chaos unfold from the cortex, forbidden from entering the medical facility since the moment Barry began to wake up, and with his consciousness came his panic. Her heart aching at the scene that transpired, she had enough - storming into the room with a sense of determination.

 

“Dad, let me-”

 

“Stay away, Iris!” Joe shouted, his head whipping in her direction. The distraction sent him off balance when Barry leaned sideways and smacked him across the chest, his limbs trashing and flailing with no real purpose.

 

“Get AWAY FROM ME!” Barry shrieked and yelled, his efforts leaving him breathless, his inhale a rasp of agony - his body heaving upwards as he struggled for air.

 

“I can help, dad!” she insisted, her words cracking with emotion.

 

“Iris,” Joe sternly said, “he’s not himself right now. You need to stay away-”

 

Barry spat in Joe’s face, a pitiful attempt at expressing his rage, his dry mouth barely expelling anything onto his shirt.

 

“You’re insane. You always have been, taking my powers won’t change that.” Barry choked, his voice hoarse and broken. “No matter what you do to me, you won’t find him. You-”

 

Joe hadn’t even noticed that Cisco walked into the room, too busy holding Barry still while Cisco was occupied with the tablet in his hands and papers under his arms.

 

“Cisco!” Barry’s arm slipped out from Joe’s grip, and he reached out to his friend as if he were the life-jacket to save him from drowning. “You gotta get out of here, Cisco. He’ll kill you - don’t let him take your abilities! You have to leave!”

 

Cisco barely glanced up, quickly spinning on his heels as fast as he came in.

 

“Nope. Not doing this again,” he muttered, passing by Iris on his way out. “Tell Caitlin to meet me in the speed lab when she has a moment. I’m going to find a place where I don’t trigger someone’s PTSD.”

 

Iris sighed, her brows furrowed as she watched Cisco leave the cortex. It seemed like they couldn’t do anything right, no matter how hard they tried and how good their intentions were. Barry’s cries pierced her ears, tears brimming in her eyes at his pain.

 

“Barry, it’s __us,__ it’s your family. It’s your friends.” Joe grunted, gripping his wrist tight again, strapping it to the gurney’s metal railings. “You’re not there anymore, Bar. Nagle’s gone - he doesn’t have you. You’re home.”

 

“Joe, the sentiment is nice,” Caitlin wrestled to grab his ankle, “but he’s delirious and hallucinating. All we can do is keep him from hurting himself.”

 

“There’s __nothing__ else we can do?” Joe frowned, his hand gently resting on Barry’s shoulder, his skin drenched with sweat and hot to the touch.

 

Caitlin shook her head vigorously. “I can’t administer the tranquilizer until his vitals are critical. As long as he’s stable, we need to let the serum pass through his system.”

 

Joe wanted to curse, the swear words lingering on the tip of his tongue, his anger settling deep in the pit of his stomach. But the exhaustion that rattled his bones stripped any energy from him, and he focused mainly on holding Barry still, his hands pinned on his shoulders and his own body jerking with each movement made.

 

Jogging into the cortex, Harry came barging into the room.

 

“Snow - we need you.”

 

“I’m a little busy right now.” Caitlin muttered, tightening the bands around his ankle.

 

“No no no, no no…” Barry mumbled, shaking his head back and forth, the sweat from his hair dripping down his neck. “You're not supposed to exist. Eddie got rid of you, you're supposed to be dead. Haven’t you done enough to me!?”

 

As if to feed the chaos that unraveled, a high pitch alarm began to ring, penetrating through the air and grabbing their attention.

 

Caitlin sighed, her shoulders heaving. “His fever hit 107.”

 

“What happened to the ice packs?” Harry rasped.

 

“We’re going through them faster then we can re-freeze them.” Caitlin rubbed her forehead, her stress evident. “We need to find a way to bring his temperature down, and fast. We’re risking brain damage at this point.”

 

“You killed my mom…” Barry’s eyes squeezed shut, his body trembling with sobs. “He killed my mom, someone do something - he killed her!”

 

Though it brought him no comfort, and despite the fact Barry wasn’t aware of it, Joe ran his fingers through his damp hair, whispering soothing words to keep him calm.

 

Harry paused, eyes locked on the monitors before he perked up.

 

“The pipeline cells.”

 

Joe’s eyebrow shot up. “Come again?

 

“The cells down in the pipeline,” Harry repeated. “If they’re anything like the particle accelerator I created, they should be controlled by thermostat to avoid overheating.”

 

“Are you suggesting…” Caitlin trailed off.

 

“We take him down to the pipeline and keep him in a low-temperature cell for a couple hours. It’s guaranteed to lower the fever. It may not be the most humane way of doing things, but…”

 

Barry shook the gurney, his arms clambering to free themselves, and he shot his head over to Joe.

 

“Joe, my dad’s innocent.” he cried. “He didn’t do those things, I was there - it was the man in yellow. You have to believe me - my dad’s innocent!” Trembling and shaking with a faltering pitch, Barry's voice sounded more of a very young child – a tight yell, his cry's begging for mercy.

 

His eyebrows knitted and his eyes began to burn with liquid, a pain that hit his chest stealing his breath away. Joe looked up at Wells and nodded his head.

 

“Do it.”

 

Without another second wasted, Caitlin kicked the locks off the wheels to the gurney, pulling plugs and wires from various machines and monitors and gathering the IVs with her. Harry jumped to one side of the moving bed while Caitlin took the other, pushing it out into the cortex and down the hallway, out of both his sight and Iris’s.

 

There wasn’t even a moment of silence to be heard after the elevator doors opened, as Iris came storming up to Joe with fury.

 

“Dad, you can’t expect me to-”

 

He held a finger in the air, his other hand digging around in his pockets for the vibrating and ringing cell phone that took his attention.

 

Once glance at the screen was all he needed to break.

 

“Wally!” he shouted, already storming into the cortex and pass the computer monitors where Wally sat.

 

“Yeah?” Wally’s head shot up at the sound of his name.

 

“Where are you going!?” Iris followed him out into the hallway.

 

“CCPD.” he flatly stated. “Keep an eye on your sister, Wally. Don’t let her near Barry while he’s violent.”

 

Joe was in the elevator before Iris could retort, her hands thrown in the air with frustration.

 

* * *

 

”What if we treat it like a cancer?” Cisco suggested. “We can overload him with oncogene and let the cancer eat up the cells that are affected by the serum. Then his speed healing will kick in and rid the cancer.”

 

Caitlin listened as the two men rambled on with ideas, barely finding it within herself to chime in when the time was appropriate. They had brought the large, dry erase board to the pipeline with them, each holding a marker and each taking turns with the equations on the board.

 

“That…might be the dumbest suggestion yet.”Harry rasped.

 

Cisco rolled his eyes. “Hey, I’m a mechanical engineer, not a biochemist - I’m doing my best!”

 

The glass was chill. Leaning her forehead on it, sitting on the ground with her legs crossed, Caitlin watched Barry squirm and shake inside the cell, his pained cries audible through the speakers. Curled up inwards on himself like an abused animal, he laid sideways on the ground and had no strength for even one attempt at lifting himself up, staying in the same position that they put him in.

 

“Well, your best isn’t helping, Ramon. Why don’t you go somewhere that you’re useful.” Harry stepped forward, quickly erasing his writing on the board.

 

“It…it’s….pl-p-please…s-s-s--so c-c--c-cold…” Though quiet and choked, Barry could still be heard over their arguing.

 

Caitlin struggled to remain composed, the tears threatening to escape her eyes, the need to clear her throat becoming substantial. Even so, she never looked away, intently watching the monitors near him and his reactions for any cause that would justify slamming the button that opened the cell doors.

 

“I’m here to help my friend, in any way I can.” Cisco retorted.

 

Harry scoffed. “Really? Because-”

 

“Please…p-p-lease…let-l-let me out…”

 

“Guys…” Caitlin shook her head, barely glancing at them. “Not now.”

 

Cisco frowned, turning away from Harry and in her direction. It was impossible not to note her demeanor, all her energy being used to keeping Barry stable and safe, not one ounce of her being able to contribute to anything else.

 

“He’s going to be okay, Cait. His fever’s already down to 105.”

 

“I know. It’s making him more coherent…so, please. Let’s just focus on what we need to focus on.” her forehead stayed on the glass door, each shiver that ran down her spine laughable compared to the tremors that wrecked Barry.

 

Cisco couldn’t help but notice Barry’s open eyes, clouded green that stared only at the floor.

 

“We gotcha, Barry.” he hollered over towards him. “We’re going to fix this.”

 

He wasn't surprised when he didn’t receive a reaction, though it would have been favorable. Rather, a loud wheeze caught them off guard, followed by heavy coughs that shook his back.

 

“I just…j-j-ust wa-w-want t-to-to go ho-h--h-home.” his words shook with the cold, a bitter and icy cold that sank deep into his nerves, going far beyond what the cell and ice packs were providing him.

 

Cisco turned back to Harry, his lips pursed.

 

“So…what do __you__ propose?” he inquired.

 

“Well, a couple months ago we took Barry’s speed with the siphoner that Zoom made me create.” Harry reminded them, taping the marker against his chin.

 

“Are you saying we just…rid Barry of the speed force?” Cisco dubiously asked.

 

“The speed force is what’s killing him right now.” Harry stated.

 

“No, it’s not.” Caitlin spoke up, her voice low and apathetic. “The infection is killing him, the speed force is only trying to heal him. Besides, there’s no way we could siphon his speed - he can’t even stand up on his own.”

 

It was a true statement, his body so weak he barely grabbed onto the wall as they lowered him into the cell, fingertips sliding down the square tiles with smooth ease. It was an effort nonetheless, a fight to stay where he was comfortable, though the fever wrecked him with chills regardless of location.

 

“I’m just saying, without the hypermetabolism, he can process antibiotics.” Harry suggested.

 

“What if we did the opposite?”

 

Wally approached the three, having turned a corner of the pipeline to reveal himself.

 

“I don’t follow.” Cisco mumbled.

 

Pausing to think, Caitlin gave out a small ‘hm’ before nodding her head.

 

“That…could work.” she said.

 

“It would kill him.” Harry stated.

 

Snapping, Cisco turned his direction and threw his hands in the air.

  
”How? How? How how how?” he freaked, tossing his pen aside. “Why is it everything you say is how it couldn’t work? How could this __not__ work?”

 

“In theory, it works,” Harry responded. “Trust me, I’ve thought of that and I’ve done the calculations. Transferring Wally's speed force into him could possibly fight off the injection. However, his body would receive a surge of superhuman cells within a millisecond, and standing good health he could more than likely survive that - as he did when the lightning first hit him. But he’s not in good health right now.”

 

“He’d go into shock and die.” Caitlin caught on, her frown returning.

 

“There has to be something I can do - something you can take from me.” Wally insisted, finger pointing at his own chest. He was desperate to help, sick of standing around and doing nothing.

 

He had spent so long in a rush of panic and exerting himself to save Barry that, now that all he could do was sit and watch, it drove him mad. He felt like he either didn’t do things right or needed to do more and sitting on his ass wasn’t helping.

 

There was a pause, a moment for them to think before Harry nodded his head.

 

“There might be.”

 

“C-c-c-col-cold…” Barry mumbled, his gasps coming in loud and sharp.

 

“I’ve been looking at this the wrong way,” he muttered.

 

Cisco huffed. “Wow…Harry admitting fault. Just when I thought the surprises were over with.”

 

Harry shook his head, pacing the room.

 

“Right now, the cells that are bound to the serum molecules are the cells preventing the entire speed force from coexisting in his body. This is why only his hypermetabolism is rising up. If the serum could dissolve like any other nonpolar item, he’d be seeing all three components of his abilities rise at once.”

 

“So __how__ do we dissolve the serum?” Cisco asked, his tone that of frustration, a question he had been asking for a handful of hours now.

 

“I told you, we don’t. We can’t. It’s already taken effect as a nonpolar solvent. In an ideal world, we’d let it separate on its own. What we need to do…is play the same game. His abilities were never taken from him, they were suppressed. We suppress the cells bound with the serum molecules. It allows the serum to continue and separate. Meanwhile, his body doesn’t know better, and doesn’t recognize his hypermetabolism anymore.”

 

“Allowing him to be susceptible to medicine,” Caitlin said.

 

Harry nodded, turning her way. “And if we do this right, by the time __our__ serum wears off, the poison will have been flushed out of his system and his abilities will return, just like Wally’s and Cisco’s.”

 

“Great idea. Fantastic thinking, way to go class.” Cisco clapped his hands sarcastically. “So __how__ are we creating this serum of ours?”

 

Harry popped the cap on his pen, pointing over at Wally.

 

“With him. The right level of his supercharged cells will be enough to bind to Barry’s.”

 

It was all he needed to hear. Bouncing on his feet, Wally walked towards him with anticipation.

 

“What do you need from me?”

 

“Everything. Follow me, we have work to do.” Harry tossed his pen aside, rushing out of the room.

 

Wally would have sped them out if he could, only keeping himself grounded by pure determination. Still, they both left the pipeline in a hurry, leaving Cisco and Caitlin to themselves.

 

Cisco sighed, strolling over to the cell where Caitlin sat. He lowered himself to the ground with her, spreading his legs out while she had hers crossed, and she never once moved her forehead from the glass.

 

Sitting near where Barry’s head laid, only the glass doors separating them, Cisco felt a pang of empathy for his friend. He groaned and shivered, his hands clinging to his side with an agony that could never be understood, his body aching in every place that he could mention.

 

“I keep thinking of the last time we locked him down here. After Henry’s death…he was so upset.” Caitlin spoke up, her voice quiet.

 

Cisco was so wrapped up in brainstorming with Harry that he had never thought of the fact, their actions very much so comparable to that event. The day came flooding back to him, a reminder that he still felt 60/40 on the entire ordeal. They insisted it needed to be done, and a part of him still agreed to that. And while they were only trying to help Barry now, it didn’t take away from the regret that came with it.

 

“Yeah…I have to be honest, I don’t understand why life keeps taking a giant dump on him.” Cisco winced in indignation.

 

Caitlin didn’t respond, rather she kept her eyes locked on Barry, watching intently as his rattled breath smoked up the glass case, his body trembling with cold and fever. She couldn’t understand it herself, though she was all too familiar with life’s traits of being unfair. Still, it hurt her to watch him squirm in pain, his cries dying in his throat. Maybe it was the fact that he had done so much good for other people and yet he received the worse end of each deal. Or maybe it was just seeing her friend suffer that squeezed her heart.

 

Either way, she struggled to find confidence in the situation.

 

* * *

 

The CCPD was quiet. Joe couldn’t tell you what day of the week it was, having been so lost in his own world that the days and nights went in a blur. He passed by several officers and detectives who no doubt questioned his appearance, his normal suit and tie replaced with blue jeans and a sweatshirt.

 

It felt like he had been on autopilot since the moment he left S.T.A.R labs, even once he entered the precinct did he move without thought. It wasn’t until he approached the very end of the bullpen, the golden letters on the door snapping him back into reality.

 

He took three breaths in, each with the prayer for the strength he was so obviously lacking. After that, he knocked three times.

 

“Captain.” Joe opened the door, peeking his head inside. “What’s the emergency?”

 

Deep in thought, David Singh shot his head up, his attention having been intently focused on the desk below him. Copying Joe’s same move, he took a moment to breathe in, his words leaving him for a moment.

 

“Joe, thank you for coming…” he waved him inside, “I know it’s short notice, and that you took some vacation days…but I needed to talk to you.”

 

Frowning, Joe cautiously entered the office.

 

“Everything okay?” he asked.

 

Singh’s mouth opened and closed more than once, the words teetering on his tongue only to vanish in his throat. Finally, he gestured to the chair in front of him.

 

“Take a seat.”

 

Joe winced, pointing a finger behind him.

 

“Sir, I have some things I’m in the middle of right now, and I have to…”

 

“Joe.” his voice was stern, his usual bold tone of ‘listen to your Captain’ overtaking the room. But still, it held something beneath the layers that Joe couldn’t pin, a sense of dread and concern that very rarely did he ever hear from the man.

 

 Singh gestured again. “Take a seat.”

 

Joe prided himself in his work ethic, having only once feared for the safety of his job in the decades of working as a cop and detective. He could tell when there was trouble coming, or someone had something bad to say - just the downside of studying peoples behavior and habits for a living.

 

Slowly sinking into the chair across from his boss, his gut told him this wasn’t one of those times. And maybe it was the exhaustion of the past couple days, but he couldn’t sense what storm was arising.

 

Captain Singh cleared his throat, adjusting himself in his own chair.

 

“As you may have heard by now, the ‘meta catcher’ was caught three days ago - brought right here by the Kid Flash himself.” Singh began to say.

 

Joe nodded.“Yeah, I uh…caught wind of that.”

 

The Captain held off on his response, only creating a thicker blanket of air that began to make it hard to breathe. Joe fidgeted in his chair, anxious to discover the cause of his meeting and anxious to return to S.T.A.R Labs, especially considering how he left.

 

“I’m sorry sir, I know I was on that case and I kind of went MIA recently-” he trailed off, only stopping when interrupted.

 

“Joe, just…” David frowned, “just let me talk.”

 

It was that moment Joe understood what he kind of vibe his boss was emitting. Still, though, it confused him, a sense of concern and worry he had only seen once from him. Suddenly, his stomach tightened with butterflies.

 

David sat back. “To brief you on our findings, his name was Zayne Nagle. Former marines surgeon and short-lived police officer at SCPD. We took him to Iron Heights, where he was staying…up until this morning.”

 

Joe’s heart stopped, his pulse hammering under his skin.

 

“He escaped?” The fear caused his voice to waver in pitch, the disbelief coursing through his veins.

 

“He died.” David corrected him. “Found dead in his cell. They haven’t performed the autopsy yet, but they’re certain it was organ failure.”

 

He had to hold back his sigh of relief, taking a minute to feel his heart beat normally in his chest again, rubbing at his weary eyes with stress.

 

“That's…unfortunate.” he lied. Though thrilled the man wasn’t a threat to the public again, he knew the case would be closed with unanswered questions. “Were you able to gather any info on him before he passed?”

 

“The definition of ‘a shit ton’ is the amount that we gathered. I have never, in my entire career, seen a criminal so cooperative in interrogation.”

 

Joe could have laughed, though the humor never arose. The man knew he had nothing to live for and no hope of living, so of course, he would be cooperative.

 

“For starters, he was dying. He was a meta who could possess other meta’s abilities, and it was killing him. He told us every person he took was so he could find a way to cure himself. He told us how he did it, what he did, gave us details down to the nitty-gritty.” David explained.

 

Joe shot his head up, his fingers frozen on his temples. As a detective, it was in his nature to put pieces of a puzzle together, and he’d be a poor detective if he didn’t start seeing the pieces come together as he sat in front of his boss.

 

“Are we sure it checks out? What if he’s lying?” Joe prayed, hoped that their findings would lead to lies.

 

“Trust me, we had the same thought. He gave us the address of where he kept his victims.” David shrugged, shaking his head. “It…all checked out.”

 

Joe didn’t have a response, though he didn’t have much to stay in the first place upon walking in the room. He decided the best course of action was to keep his mouth shut, letting the other man do the talking for him.

 

“Now, I’m not condoning his behavior in the slightest way when I say this - the freak knew how to keep a room sterile. He mentioned it often in his interrogation, that even the smallest speck of blood wouldn’t be found near him.” David frowned. “ There was little to no evidence for us to take. CSI Anderson had clean swaps all the way around. We spent two days at that sight trying to find something.”

 

Had it really been that long since Wally turned him in? Or was it really that short ago? Joe shook his head free of the thoughts, knowing the days didn’t matter, that they were counting down in a clock that would soon stop for them.

 

If they had found nothing, then why bring it up? Did the Captain want Barry on the case? Though he had called them both out of work shortly after his kidnapping, explaining how he was present but Barry wasn’t wouldn’t fly by David. And when he wanted Barry on a case, he made sure he got his way. Joe wasn’t sure how he could lie out of this one.

 

He realized that David was still talking, his mind lost in a chaos of thoughts.

 

“The psychiatrist who performed his examination had mentioned his sanity was beginning to break and he was showing clear signs of psychosis. It led me to think that there had to be something, somewhere. He couldn’t have kept up this type of sterilization for so long while losing his mental capacity.”

 

Joe couldn’t tell you what the room looked like when they left, his rage so blinding he barely remembered leaving as it was. It was hard to believe the CSI’s swaps had come clean, reminding him of the blood that he watched spray out from Nagle, the butt of his gun doing the damage.

 

He vaguely began to wonder if his presence would tie into the crime scene.

 

“Now, what I’m about to tell you is off the record. It’s between you and me, right here in this room.”

 

Joe rubbed at his hands, his palms caressing over his knuckles and his fingers intertwine with each other in an obvious bout of nerves. He took a deep breath and willed his heartbeat to slow with his movements.

 

“Sir?” he said, his voice feeling like a squeak, an octave too high for him.

 

David had already stood up from his chair, leaning over and underneath his bookcase to grab a shoe box from beneath multiple file cases. He returned to his desk, sitting in down in between the two of them.

 

“I stole evidence from the crime scene, before anyone could lay eyes on it.” Singh spoke with shame, his eyes never once meeting the detectives.

 

Joe gawked, glancing between the shoe box and his boss. He could only look on dumbfounded, his lips slightly pursed as his mind struggled to respond.

 

“That’s…a felony, sir.”

 

David could have laughed.

 

“Then you won’t like what I have to say next.” he stated.

 

There was a beat, a pause long enough for Joe to fight for an inhale of breath, his lungs burning with anxiety.

 

“I had that evidence tested for DNA.”

 

Joe expected the shouts and yells to come next. He expected to hear Miranda rights being spewed at him, his hands cuffed behind his back as he was led out of the room. For some reason, Joe expected the very worse to come of the situation, because nothing had gone remotely right for him in the past week.

 

What he didn’t expect was to see the Captain push the box towards him, a gesture that offered him to take possession.

 

“The contents in this box are what I found at the scene. It also contains the analysis of the findings Anderson reported to me. No one else knows of it, and it’s not recorded in the case. What’s done with it, is completely up to you.”

 

Joe’s brows snapped together, a line creasing on his forehead as the curiosity consumed him. Though he didn’t lean all the way forward, his arm stretched out to the box, barely tipping the lid open to view the contents, a small peak inside revealing the secret being held.

 

One inch, two at most was all he titled the lid open, and a second was all it took to realize what he saw. With a heavy sigh, Joe let the lid fall shut and ran a shaking hand over his face.

 

“Joe, I need to know.”

 

He locked eyes with David.

 

“Is Allen okay?”

 

Joe began to wonder if they had done something to the universe that created a black hole of never-ending bad luck. He looked at the Captain and the shoe box, the crimson red fabric and bold white and yellow emblem burning an image into his mind.

 

He found the suit.

 

Captain Singh not only found the Flash’s suit, but stole it from a crime scene and tested it for DNA. There was no doubt now that their secrets were in the open, something he had tried so hard to keep hidden being exposed in a matter of days.

 

Joe pushed back the rising lump in his throat, the nausea that settled in his stomach churning and boiling. He shook his head.

 

“No, sir.”

 

David sighed, his eyes closing momentarily at the news, though he knew there was a part of him that expected it.

 

“Why?” Joe croaked. “Why did you investigate this?”

 

His anger began to surface, his impatience and bitterness out of his control. The lack of sleep, the stress over Barry's health, everything had become to reach a boiling point.

 

“Something about it was fishy. Allen gets sick, Flash goes missing when other meta’s are being murdered, Kid Flash turns the guy in…I didn’t want to correlate the two…but I had to know for sure.” Singh explained.

 

Joe didn’t know what to say. He had a mouthful of words he wanted to scream, shout, yell at his boss and the CCPD and everyone else who had caused him so much headache, but he stayed silent. It was the part of him that was shocked, taking away his words at the wasted and failed effort to protect Barry’s secret.

 

David cleared his throat.

 

“You know, this place was practically his second home once ya took him in. I’d see him running these halls as much as, if not more often then, Iris herself. The kid became family here.”

 

Joe absentmindedly nodded his head, his eyes still wide in shock, staring off ahead with no real focus.

 

“He’s always telling me about what a hard time you give him.” Joe mumbled.

 

David scoffed, one arm thrown in the air with frustration.

 

“Rightfully so! He’s always late, procrastinates, doesn’t watch where he’s walking…”

 

His voice trailed off, the initial anger dissipating as he remembered the circumstances at hand.

 

“He’s family.” David finished, his voice soft.

 

David knew and saw first hand what Nagle was doing to other, innocent people. He began to worry once the Flash hadn’t shown his face for days, his gut telling him he might have been taken alongside the others. Never in his wildest dreams did he expect his own CSI to be behind the mask.

 

Joe finally snapped out of it, looking over at Singh with concern.

 

“Sir, we could lose our jobs over this. What if Anderson-”

 

“Anderson has no idea, and as a precaution, he’s been transferred out of state. I’m being honest with you Joe, I’m the only one that knows.” Singh told him, leaning forward over his desk.

 

“And I promise you, it’ll remain a secret. If, or when, Barry decides to come forward and tell me, it’ll be on his terms. I needed you to know though, and I need this to stay between us.”

 

Joe could feel the burden lift from his shoulders, a weight gone that made it easier to breathe.

 

“Thank you, David. You’ve always been good to me…to my family.” Joe told him.

 

“Of course.” David grinned, ever so softly. “So, with that said, you’re on indefinite paid leave until further notice. Both you and Barry. Whatever and however long that is - it’s cleared and effective today. We’ll be waiting for you when you come back.” David stretched his arm out, his hand reaching for Joe’s.

 

Joe stood up and leaned over, shaking his hand.

 

“Thank you, sir.”

 

Looking down at the shoe box, he remembered that he still had things to take care of back at S.T.A.R Labs, and he couldn’t waste any further time here. Gathering the item under his arm, he nodded to Singh and turned on his feet, ready to leave.

 

“Just one more thing, Joe.” David spoke up. “I __am__ putting my job on the line here. I’d like one question answered in return.”

 

Joe turned up, his eyebrows up in the air to say ‘yes?’.

 

“Will Barry be okay?”

 

Joe sighed, looking down to the ground for a brief moment before he nodded his head.

 

“I hope so.”

 

David understood recognition dawning on his face, a sense of sadness engulfing his features.

 

“Godspeed.” he muttered, sitting back down in his chair as Joe shut the door behind him.

 

The precinct was quiet, even more so with his office door closed. David knew he wouldn’t be very productive for the remainder of the workday, lost in his own thoughts and concerns. He leaned back in his chair with a sigh.

 

* * *

 

Joe felt a sense of calm as he returned to S.T.A.R labs, pulling up to the building and shutting his car off. The chaos had been so overwhelming and tasking to deal with that, as he rode up the elevator to level 600, he felt a sense of hope that things were taking a turn for the better.

 

As the elevator doors opened, he was proven wrong, the shouting and yelling filling his ears before the doors fully opened.

 

Jogging down the hallway, he was caught off guard by Wally, who came storming down the opposite end.

 

“Wally - hey, Wally!” Joe watched as he sprinted past him, never once looking back. “What’s going on!?”

 

Wally never answered him, already in the elevator with the doors closing on them both. Barely taking a moment to question it, Joe stormed into the cortex, almost running over to the med bay with panic, Barry’s hysteria returned to the way it was left.

 

“He did it! You have to do something - he’ll mess with time again, he’ll do it again - we have to stop him!” Barry’s words jumbled together in a fit of panic, slurring together with fever.

 

Pinned down by Iris and Caitlin, both on each side of the bed, he thrashed and fought against them. Joe slowed in his own entrance, taking in his surroundings.

 

“Joe - Joe!” Barry’s eyes went wide, gleaming with delusion. “Wally did this. Wally needs to be stopped - tell him you can’t mess with time. I need to tell him you can’t mess with time - Ackrgh!”

 

 _ _‘Shit’__ Joe though, jarred to an abrupt halt. __‘That would explain Wally…kid’s torturing himself enough, this had to be the tipping point.’__

 

Barry hunched forward, his arm ripping from Caitlin’s grip to squeeze at his side, the skin covered in gauze to protect the wound.

 

“I thought you were bringing his fever down!?” Joe exclaimed, quickly running to Iris’s side.

 

“We did. We got it as low as 104.9 before we removed him from the cell. But it returned just as quickly.” Caitlin explained.

 

“Zoom…” Barry breathed, “we need to get Zoom…I need to feel my legs, I need my legs - I need to stop him!”

 

Caitlin sighed. “Barry, lay back. Calm down, you need to stay calm -”

 

He hissed sharply before a gasp pulled him down, aa scream of agony ripping through the room.

 

“AhhaRCK!” he wailed, grabbing both of his sides, both equally covered in gauze. “Oh godddddDDD!”

 

Every muscle locked – impossible to move without hot, throbbing pain engulfing his nerves. His breath came in quick, hyperventilating despite the encouragements from Iris to stop. Caitlin watched the monitors with her breath held tightly in her chest, her arms making movement before she spoke.

 

“His heart rate’s critical and rising, BP is dropping - we’re tranqing him.”

 

She had the large needle in her hands quickly, the tip resting against Barry’s neck before she ultimately made the plunge, injecting the liquid slowly but surely until his body went slack against the mattress.

 

Joe gripped his shoulders, ensuring he’d fall back gently, resting him down with ease before he looked up at Caitlin with worry.

 

“Any progress on that cure?” he asked, his eyes narrowed.

 

She pursed her lips. “I hope so.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge shoutout to sodoesrachael - thanks for your lovely feedback!!!


	20. Lull

**Lull**

Critical, but stable.

 

It was a term that Joe was getting used to. Caitlin didn’t hold back on the grisly details, becoming so accustomed to the constant updates that they didn’t need to request it from her anymore; she simply told them.

 

Provided he wasn’t sedated by the carfentanil, Barry’s respiratory levels were stable enough to only demand oxygen via mask or nasal cannula. This, of course, was contingent on his levels of pain and whatever hallucinations came with his fever. The delirium brought bouts of confusion and panic, he’d shout words that made little to no sense and see things or people that didn’t exist. Of course, only being able to sedate him during high levels of stress, Joe basked in the moments that they were able to put Barry out of his misery. It was a handful of hours that provided a sense of calm, a time everyone could take and recuperate, a peace they reveled in knowing that for those handful of hours Barry was blissfully unaware of the chaos that rampaged through his body.

 

His fever held. At a staggering 105.8, they hadn’t seen it move for most of the day. Though still incredibly dangerous, Caitlin expressed content in the numbers going stagnant, her fear for further organ damage and possibly brain damage eating away at her less and less, letting her focus more on the other tasks needed. All she could do was keep him alive, the infection fighting her the entire way.

 

Joe sat back in the uncomfortable wired chair, one of the many from the cortex that they had wheeled into the med bay. If his eyes didn’t close against his will, sleep coming in quick unexpected naps, he mostly spent his time staring ahead where Barry laid. It was an irrational fear, that he knew. But it kept him grounded to keep visuals on the boy, settling the churning of his gut if only a little bit.

 

He was tired. Forehead resting against two fingers, elbow firmly on the chair’s armrest, he stared ahead, eyes not quite focused and not quite attentive, so much so that he barely noticed the paper coffee cup enter his sights.

 

“Peace offering?”

 

Looking up bleary-eyed, Joe realized that Harry was standing next to him. With little haste to take the cup, he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, humming in response.

 

“I don’t know about that,” he said, “but I’ll take the coffee.”

 

Harry tisked, a smack of his lips echoing his disappointment.

 

“Yeah. I figured.” he rasped, taking a sip from his own cup whilst settling down in a chair across from Joe.

 

His presence held an obvious animosity, and Harry knew it. Though his attention was mainly focused on Barry, every few seconds Joe’s eyes peered up to where he sat, his eyes daggers that shot fury in his direction.

 

“Not to sound impatient, or ungrateful or anything…” Joe cleared his throat, “but shouldn’t you be working on that cure?”

 

Harry took a swig of coffee. “Science is a magnificent thing...sometimes it takes hours upon days to do something, sometimes it's a matter of hurry up and wait.”

 

Joe’s look could be one that killed, his eyes narrowing and his brows creased.

 

“I don’t think you understand how fed up I am hearing that.” his voice was low, practically a growl.

 

“Don’t worry, we’re making progress.” Harry leaned back, crossing one leg over the other, staring ahead at nothing particular.

 

He noted Joe’s huff, a noise that was a response in itself, the disbelief written on his face. It took a beat from him, the realization spreading through him like wildfire.

 

“Something tells me that you don’t trust me.” he didn’t accuse or assume, but rather stated the words as fact.

 

Joe’s eyes darted up, his lips tight with anger. “Did you trust us, when Jessie was taken?”

 

Harry bit his tongue, fighting off the usual retort that fought to be said, the impatience and pomposity swelling in his mouth.  Instead, he settled for a simple shake of his head, willing himself to be the better man.

 

“We gathered everything we needed from Wally’s cells,” he said casually. “We’re just waiting on the test reports before we can proceed.”

 

Joe shrugged. “Okay…then why are you here? Shouldn’t you take a moment to rest – sleep?”

 

“Yeah, well, that would be the logical thing to do,” Harry muttered, adjusting in his chair with an aura of awkwardness. “Listen, if I’m bothering you…”

 

Joe didn’t respond. Whether it was from lack of energy or simply not caring, he kept his eyes locked on one sight, the one right in front of him. His priorities were clear, his thoughts and emotions only fixated on Barry, his ignorance of Harry obvious.

 

Harry fidgeted, tapping his foot on the ground until the noise became so bothersome that Joe looked up, his eyebrows knitted with annoyance.

 

“Alright, hear me out.” Harry spoke up, leaning forward. “I know I may seem arrogant…and I know I come off a little harsh-”

 

Joe scoffed. “A little?”

 

“Let me talk, damnit.” Harry snapped.

 

“Who’s to say I want to hear it?”

 

This was one of those times Harry needed to count to ten, the frustration coursing through him like water from a broken dam, his usual anger and intolerance threatening to overtake the conversation.

 

It had been a long week for them all, a lump of days they had lost track of. No one could blame Joe for his insolence, in fact any one of them could likely get away with murder at this point. It’s what lack of sleep, food and overwhelming anxiety did to a person. Still, it made things all the harder for Harry, his words fumbling around in his head like puzzle pieces swept up in the ocean.

 

“We have something in common, West.”

 

Joe raised an eyebrow, as if his doubt questioned everything that was said.

 

“We’re both fathers.” Harry explained.

 

His muscles relaxed, the built-up aggravation leaving him, a common ground that cut through the tension in the room. Joe suddenly considered the fact, only by Harry’s reminder. It was insane not to, having mentioned Jessie so many times, her existence and the events recently a constant topic that was brought up, mostly in the heat of the moment. Yet somehow correlating his daughter and his fatherhood hadn’t clicked.

 

“When Jessie was taken by Zoom, I knew I would do _anything_ to get her back, safely, where she belonged,” Harry said.

 

“You did.” Joe reminded him. “Let’s not forget how you pushed Barry in harm’s way with Zoom, how you killed a man to slow down his speed…someone really needs to remind me why you’re still here.”

 

Harry decided to ignore him.

 

“I know that you want to protect Barry the same way. That’s something I can even emphasize with. You have to understand though, my frustration hasn’t been with you, Barry, even Wally…” he sighed, setting his coffee cup aside on the table next to him.

 

“So many horrible things keep happening, and they’re all preventable. When Jessie was taken by Zoom, it was preventable. She was in my office that day, we had a fight, if she hadn’t left Zoom wouldn’t have captured her.” Harry frowned, his eyes going dark. “Jessie’s mother, my wife Tess, she wouldn’t have died if some irresponsible teenager hadn’t decided drinking and driving was a good idea.”

 

There was a strike of emotion that Joe wasn’t expecting to see, yet alone feel. The words he heard, raw and honest, left an impression him.

 

“I’m sorry.” he earnestly said.

 

“Everything then, and everything now…it was preventable. They’re kids, they don’t understand that a causal nexus can be so incredibly destructive and detrimental - of course I was frustrated with Wally and his actions. I love my daughter, as much as you love Barry…but their mistakes could cost everyone.” Harry spoke with passion, not only his knowledge of science saturating his words but as well as the repercussions he had seen happen so many times before.

 

Joe only nodded. “You’re right. And despite what anyone tells me, I consider, and love, Barry as much of a son as Wally. But in loving them, we need to let them make their own mistakes.”

 

“Mistakes shouldn’t be at the cost of innocent people.” Harry rasped. “Barry paid the price of Wally messing with the timeline, but it could have been anyone else, someone who had nothing to do with this.”

 

“I’m not denying that, Wells.” Joe stated. “I may not be the genius you are, but I can understand what consequences come with time travel.  And I don’t condone it. But that’s why we have the Flash’s – Barry, Wally, even Jessie. Mistakes happen, and I’ve never seen one of them _not_ step up to the plate to fix those mistakes.”

 

Though he wanted to argue, the point was dry and cut, and one Harry didn’t have the courage to dispute. Joe’s words held truth, spoken by a man who had witnessed a hero be born from the very beginning. Wearily, he wondered what influence that had on Barry, a support system that stood by him even in the worst of situations.

 

“I came to this earth for the Flash.” Harry remarked. “My world didn’t have a Flash – not one like Barry. Jay Garrick – Hunter Zolomon, he was a joke. He helped half the amount of people that Barry did, got his ass kicked twice as much.”

 

“Don’t forget the whole Zoom part.” Joe quipped.

 

Harry continued. “I needed someone to trust – trust that they could save my daughter. At first, I thought my instant belief in him was desperation. But it wasn’t…and I did. Barry’s someone you can trust in, believe in, and more than that he manages to give hope to so many people. He never feels the need to change the world, simply better it, and in doing so the people in it. I never realized what an affect he had on me.”

 

“Barry tends to do that.” Joe smiled, a tender pull at his lips as he stared down below at the gurney.

 

“Jessie wouldn’t be here today without Barry. I’m not sure if I’d still be here – living, if Jessie wasn’t. He’s gone above and beyond for her, training her as one to be as strong as he is – and not physically Joe, but emotionally, mentally. It’s a gratitude that goes beyond words. I’ve never been prouder of the woman she’s becoming.”

 

Harry straightened in his chair, leaning forward and locking eyes with him.

 

“You have to trust me when I say I will do everything in my power to save Barry. And not just because of what he’s done for me, or Jessie, but this entire city that owes him, a debt he never goes after. It’s an attribute I admire.” Harry shook his head. “Hell, I’m ashamed I’m not more like him.”

 

Joe chuckled, a small snicker that slowly developed in laughs, one escaping his mouth followed by another.

 

“Is this something you find funny?” Harry snapped. “I’ve tried having a decent moment with you and-”

 

“No, no, I’m…I’m not laughing at you. I’m sorry.” Joe sighed, rubbing at his eyes. “It’s just... I imagine you're the Dr. Harrison Wells that Barry spent so much of his life looking up to.”

 

Harry relaxed, mindlessly finding himself reaching for his coffee cup.

 

“Well, it’s a shame this world never got to see him.” Harry paused. “And, you know…we have the same face and he was a murderer. That’s also dandy.”

 

Their conversation was cut short as Iris came walking into the med-lab, her normal high heels replaced for sneakers, her arms carrying a cardboard drink carrier with her.

 

“Dad, hey.” Iris greeted them. “How ya doing?”

 

“I’m hanging in there, baby girl.” Joe reached up for her hug, her arm wrapping around him while she settled the drink carrier on the nearest table.

 

“Harry, I didn’t know you were out of the lab.” she offered him one of the cups that she had brought with her. “Coffee?”

 

He shook his head, gesturing with his own. “I’m good. Thanks.”

 

The room went silent, only Harry occasionally clearing his throat with discomfort and Joe fidgeting his hands or cracking his knuckles. Iris looked between the two of them, her tired, puffy eyes echoing confusion.

 

“Did I miss something?”

 

Joe shook his head. “Nope.”

 

Harry pointed behind him to the med-lab. “I need to go check on these results.”

 

“You do that.” Joe nodded.

 

Harry got up and left faster than Iris had arrived, leaving the father and daughter to themselves. Iris hadn’t hesitated on taking his seat, scooching closer to the bed so she could grab Barry’s hand in hers.

 

Once her skin touched his, a low moan came in response, his lids flickering slightly, barely showing a hint of his green eyes before he relaxed. She caressed his palm gently, at this point it was a movement done solely by reflex.

 

“How was the drive?” Joe spoke up.

 

“Quiet. Wally barely talked.” Iris answered. “His friends seem nice though.”

 

“I wouldn’t know. Wally’s the one that insisted he stay with them. I just hope they aren’t the drag-racing friends…” Joe mused, pulling a paper cup from the carrier and consuming the coffee with greed.

 

“Are you sure we did the right thing?” Iris asked. “Sending him to Keystone?”

 

Joe nodded. “Yeah. We did. It’s only for a couple days…maybe more. I don’t know. The kid needs a break from this. From all of it – Kid Flash, time travel, this nexus nonsense…Barry.”

 

Joe hadn’t figured out what hurt him more, seeing Barry in immense physical pain or Wally suffer from the mental guilt he tormented himself with. It was an argument, and a loud one at that, one that spawned over the course of hours and until their throats went dry. But Joe stood his ground.

 

Wally had just become a speedster, more fingers on his hands than the months he had been Kid Flash. He wasn’t equipped to deal with this mess yet, and certainly not without Barry’s help. With Jessie away on Earth 2, there wasn’t someone that could talk him through the problems no one else could relate to, and the more time he spent in the midst of the fire, the more burns he received.

 

Joe was confident in his decision. His hope was that they could get Barry back on his feet, and then it’d be easier for Wally to return. Until then, the kid needed time to himself.

 

“And what about you?” Iris’s voice resonated with concern.

 

Joe sighed, reaching over and resting his hand on Barry’s arm.

 

“I’m here for the long run.” he answered.

 

There wasn’t much time for them to reflect, Joe wasn’t even a third of a way into his coffee before Caitlin entered the room, her white lab coat disheveled and her hair pulled back in a loose ponytail.

 

“Hey…” Caitlin greeted, softly. “Iris, I’m glad you made it back safe.”

 

Iris nodded her head, a smile her only response to the statement. Even as Caitlin checked his monitors, bags, fluids and everything in between, she kept her fingers caressing his palm, the touch of his skin a reminder that there was still hope.

 

“How’s he doing?” Iris squeaked.

 

Caitlin had locked her eyes on the numbers ahead of her, barely hearing Iris as she spoke. It came as an echo, so deep in her thoughts that she only realized there was a question to answer long after it was asked.

 

There were many things she could say. Looking at his vitals, she could only frown. It would take a long time to explain that his glomerular filtration rate had scientifically dropped, and his blood serum creatinine levels were higher than she had ever seen on any person before. With devastation, a blow to her gut that stole her breath away, she realized his kidneys had shut down.

 

“He’ll be better once we manipulate the cure.”

 

Iris never had a chance to speak, of which Caitlin decided was a good thing. Being a reporter, she had a knack for catching hidden truths and unspoken words, and she looked up at Caitlin with an expression that read doubt and reservation.

 

Stretching his arms over his head, Joe yawned louder than a lion.  Had it not been for his interruption, she surely would have been questioned.

 

“You guys have been here five straight days.” Caitlin remarked. “Why don’t you go home for a little while?”

 

Joe shook his head. “I’m not going home until Barry does.”

 

Iris looked over her shoulder, giving her a small reminiscent, yet sad smile.

 

“He was the same way when Barry was in a coma.” she said.

 

“I understand.” Caitlin replied. “But…you’re no good to Barry like this. Now’s the easy part for you. He’s going to need you at full strength soon.”

 

Iris all but expected Joe to scoff and laugh in her face. Even after the lightning strike, during the three weeks Barry was in Central City Memorial, the staff had gotten used to providing him pillows and blankets for his nightly stays. He hadn’t left his side then, and Iris wasn’t expecting him to now.

 

So, when he sighed, cracked his back and rose from his chair, her jaw dropped to the floor.

 

“Dad…” she whispered, her grip on Barry’s hand suddenly tightening, the fear of leaving him making her sick.

 

Joe grabbed his jacket, swinging it over his shoulder.

 

“Any changes-”

 

“You’re on my speed dial.” Caitlin assured him.

 

Joe and Iris had a special relationship, one that usually didn’t require words. With one look, Joe told Iris everything that needed to be said – _‘you’re burnt out. Let’s go.’_ And like a child stubborn on leaving the playground, she sat still until that look became _‘I’m not asking, I’m telling.’_

“We’ll be back, Bar.” he spoke as if Barry could hear them, a similar notion to when he was in a coma. It hurt Iris to leave him then, but not nearly as much as now.

It took her all the strength she had to rise from the chair, her limbs suddenly jelly and her arms trembling. She leaned over the bed, careful not to bump into any wires or equipment attached to him, and she laid a kiss gently on his forehead.

 

She wanted to say that she loved him, the words right on the tip of her tongue, but as her lips pulled away from his skin, a low and wretched groan rose from his throat. She frowned, her brows creased with disconcert.

 

“He’s going to wake up soon.” Iris fought.

 

Joe reached his arm out, his hand waving her to take his grasp.

 

“All the more reason for us to leave.” he insisted. “Caitlin, Cisco, and Harry have a handle on him. Let’s go.”

 

Iris’s exhaustion put her one step closer to a temper tantrum, her irritably at her father’s decision creeping up to the surface. He had made it clear that she wasn’t to be around Barry while he was delirious, though not necessarily violent he had a tendency to struggle and fight invisible foes. She had yet to expect him to leave the building all together though, especially after she just returned from a two-hour car trip.

 

Ultimately though, he still knew what was best.

 

“We’ll be back, Barry.” she rubbed his hand one more time, almost hoping to feel the spark of electricity surge through her fingertips as it normally would. “I love you.”

 

The looks of reassurance did nothing for her. It felt more like pity to see Caitlin and even Harry, remerging into the room, express confidence that they didn’t have. She left the cortex with Joe, shoulders slumped the entire way.

 

Caitlin turned around to where Harry stood, leaning against the doorframe as he had many times before.

 

“Yes?”

 

Harry shrugged. “I’m just wondering if you’ll be ready to give this a shot.”

 

She rolled her eyes, adjusting a few wires on the IV bag.

 

“I had to make sure they wouldn’t be here for it,” Caitlin explained. “I know Barry…if this goes as we think it will, he wouldn’t want them around for it.”

 

Harry approached her, casually walking up the ramp to the room.

 

“So, are we ready or not?” he impatiently asked.

 

Her response was hesitation, her expression blank with detachment despite the thoughts that ran through her head.

 

“We don’t have a choice.” Caitlin whispered. “He’s in almost complete renal failure. If we don’t try something…”

 

She trailed off, catching sight of Barry laying below her, face pale and shining with sweat, brows creasing with the pain he felt even in sedation. A part of her wished he was still the stranger back in a coma, someone she didn’t know and had little attachment to. It was easier then.

  
Everything was easier then.

 

“What was that about, by the way?” she perked up, looking over at Harry. “Between you and Joe…”

 

Harry shrugged, his fingers fiddling with the vial he had in his grip.

 

“Figured I’d at least make good with the man before I possibly kill his son.”

 

Caitlin huffed. “How noble of you.”

 

“It’s going to be a long night, Snow.” Harry’s voice rasped. “Let’s not make it any harder then it has to be.”

 

She sighed, reaching her arm across the bed, her palm facing outwards. Harry passed on the glass vial, the red-violet mixture swimming inside.

 

* * *

 

 

The ride home, though only fifteen minutes, seemed to last twice as long. Joe was too exhausted to speak, his focus only on the road ahead, and Iris made it clear she didn’t want to talk, her eyes watching the world pass by outside the passenger window.

 

Though he briefly considered stopping to grab food, at the third intersection they hit he barely noticed the light turn green, resulting in a horn blaring behind him. He decided to stay on the same track, heading straight to the West house, not even the radio on to fill the silence.

 

Once they both entered inside, they went their separate ways. Joe darted straight into the kitchen and Iris headed upstairs, her feet heavy on the staircase. She knew before even entering the bathroom that her father was pouring himself a drink, the sound of glass hitting glass all too familiar.  She couldn’t dredge up the effort to care.

 

The shower turned on, the hot water filling the bathroom with a moist steam that engulfed her lungs and eased her muscles. The response was immediate, the water jetting down her back and beating into her scalp, almost relaxing enough to wash away her stress and anxiety.

 

Iris turned around and closed her eyes, letting her head be drenched from the falling water, flattening her hair to her skin and running down into her toes. She’d stay there as long as she could, until the hot water went warm and eventually bitter cold, sending goosebumps through her skin. She was almost tempted to immediately collapse into bed after drying off and switching into loose pajama’s, though on her way into the hallway she felt the unspeakable need to close the door to Barry’s bedroom.

 

Without much thought, she made her way downstairs, catching sight of Joe sitting on the couch in the living room, a mountain glass resting in his hand.

 

Eyes bloodshot and threatening to close themselves, he raised his glass.

 

“Drink?” Joe offered.

 

Iris chuckled, slowly sitting on the sofa next to him.

 

“I don’t think you’ve ever offered me an acholic beverage before.”

 

“What can I say, I still see you as my baby girl.” Joe said.

 

He leaned forward to the coffee table where, sitting side by side was a bottle of Coca-Cola, rum and another glass filled with ice, as if anticipating her presence. He mixed the cocktail and handed it her way, taking a swig of his own in the process.

 

Iris didn’t even sniff the drink before taking a sip, frowning as it touched her lips.

 

“Oh, wow, that is…” Iris shook her head, “that is weak.”

 

Joe shot his head over, his eyes narrowed.

 

“You’re still my baby girl.”

 

Iris smiled, her chuckle dying in her throat but her amusement felt nonetheless. She reached over and grabbed the bottle of rum, pouring more than Joe would have liked to see into the glass.

 

They leaned back on the couch together, staring forward at the chimney place that neither one of them attempted to light. The house was quiet, the creaks that ran through the old house suddenly more audible than ever before. Both knew, no words required, that they weren’t ready to sleep yet, no matter how desirable their beds sounded. Even at home, a familiar and comforting place, their worries continued to hang over their heads.

 

Iris clucked her tongue, adjusting on the couch so that she faced him.

 

“Okay, I gotta get something off my chest.” she stated, her thumb playing with the condensation of the glass.

 

Joe hummed in response, his eyes peering over to look at her.

 

“You know how Barry and I snuck out of the house for Becky Cooper’s seventeenth birthday party?” Iris asked.

 

He nodded his head.

 

“I know that Barry told you he put me up to it, but…it was actually all my idea. I sort of coaxed him into doing it.”

 

Joe was suddenly alert, turning to look at her with his mouth slacked open.

 

“You serious?” Joe could have slapped his forehead when he saw her nod. “That was the only rebellious thing Barry ever did! I grounded him for six weeks because of that!”

 

“Sorry.” she grimaced, barely croaking out the words.

 

“Nine years too late, Iris.” he grumbled.

 

Iris had a mouthful to her defense, and even wanted to explain how despite her desire to attend the party, it was a bust that ended with Barry’s breakup from Becky. The words never came out though, and she relaxed against the couch.

 

She remembered how it was why he wanted to take responsibility, since – in his words – _‘he had nothing to do now anyway.’_ She fondly remembered how even back then he went above and beyond for her, receiving the short end of the stick in the process. She took a swig of her drink, suddenly feeling the need for more alcohol.

 

“Well, if we’re sharing stories…” Joe downed a mouthful of his cocktail. “Remember when I told you guys that we couldn’t eat out for a month because I was saving money for yours and Barry’s college tuition?”

 

Iris nodded.

 

“I took some of that money…and I went on a blue’s cruise…”

 

“Dad.” Iris gawked. “Nuh-uh!”

 

“Yep.” Joe looked over, suddenly ashamed at his daughter’s expression. “Junior Walker was playing!”

 

Iris shook her head. “You’re bad...”

 

He chuckled, not denying her or excusing his behavior. Quite frankly, he got lucky with Barry receiving as many scholarships as he did, and Iris taking a couple years off after high school. Luck of the draw, of course, but it could have been worse.

 

“I think I got you beat, though.” Iris spoke up.

 

Joe rose an eyebrow.

 

“When I was sixteen, and Barry and I switched rooms…it wasn’t because the street noise bothered Barry.” Iris pursed her lips. “I was using the window to sneak out past curfew.”

 

Joe pointed a finger her way, wagging it with fatherly authority.

 

“Not cool.”

 

“Hey, in my defense, my curfew was eight pm!”

 

“Yeah, that may have been a little strict…” Joe shook his head, finding humor in the retrospect of his parenting. He exhaled loudly, slumping further into the sofa.

 

“Remember when we always had our movie nights at eight pm, every Saturday night?” Joe recalled.

 

Iris couldn’t forget. It was a tradition, even one they kept up on now, though instead of weekly it was more monthly or bi-monthly, or whenever they could find the time. Come to think of it, she couldn’t remember their last movie night, with the chaos of Zoom and Thawne it had been hard to find the time.

 

Joe looked her way. “You’d always fall asleep in my lap.”

 

“Well…dad…before Barry, you always picked out the most _boring_ movies.” Iris laughed, stretching out the word boring like it was three syllables.

 

“How was I suppose to know my little girl didn’t like princess movies?” Joe’s tone was mixed with accusation and humor.

 

Iris gaped. “Because I’d always pick out things like _Power Rangers_ and _Small Soldiers_ at Blockbuster!”

 

Joe’s face crinkled in laughter, and he was barely able to take another sip of his drink, the memories and remembrance bringing back a humor he had forgotten he could feel. He could at least say that if, somehow, in some other universe, he was to have another child, he’d know better the second time around. Or third, if you counted Barry. He was young, naive, and alone, and even he made mistakes on the simplest things.

 

He remembered how excited Iris was the first time they took Barry to the rental store. He picked out the most boyish movie he could think of, and he was about to make it a double movie night with some Barbie film when Iris expressed her content in his choice, even asking to see the movie again at the end of the night.

 

He knew then that things would be okay, that Iris and Barry would be fine, and so would he.

 

“I remember Barry spent an entire week fighting the science behind _‘Honey, I shrunk the kids.’_ This little twelve-year-old disputing the logic with words and numbers I couldn’t even understand.” Joe laughed, the sound accompanied by Iris’s own chuckles.

 

The reminiscing was unexpected but sent a warmth through them that they welcomed. Once their laughter died down though, the silence returned, the house creaked and chirped, almost as if it was expressing sorrow for the missing love that once surrounded the walls.

 

Iris frowned, setting her drink aside.

 

“He really made this place feel like home.” her voice was soft and quiet, but still Joe heard her. And he understood her sentiments.

 

Joe never regretted committing to Barry, hell he had offered to officially and legally adopt him a handful of times since the awful night his mother was murdered. Had it not been for his desire to remain an Allen and his blatant obvious feelings for Iris, Joe had a feeling he would have taken up on the offer. After all, he wasn’t just his guardian, and he didn’t take the boy in to rid him at the legal age of eighteen; he was fully ready to welcome him into his family.

 

And after everything that had happened with Iris’s mother, she needed a family more than anything. They all did. Before him, before the ever-shining light that he emitted, the house was simply that – a house. He truly made it a home.

 

Distracted by his thoughts, Joe barely noticed when Iris snuggled down on the sofa, her legs resting on the far end and her head snuggled into his leg. As she laid in his lap, he caressed her shoulder, gently and slowly until altogether stopping.

 

She was the first to fall asleep, though Joe wasn’t far behind. Once he realized that she was no longer awake, he didn’t dare move her or adjust her. Within minutes he had found himself drifting off as well.

 

The lights in the kitchen stayed on, and his cell phone stayed glued to his hip, but for that moment that they succumbed from exhaustion, it was in the mindset of a better time in history.

 

Joe always trusted his gust. When Iris had appendicitis, he was out at lunch with his co-workers celebrating a huge drug bust. He had an awful feeling in his stomach way before consuming the food, the feeling so strong he began to feel faint. He had called the school and immediately found out something was wrong with his daughter. It was a parental premonition he’d never forget.

 

It was 4:34 in the morning when Joe awoke, his heart-pounding with the same feeling, the same frightful intuition that told him something was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has and is still reviewing!


	21. Lifeline

**Lifeline**

It smelt like sugar cookies.

 

A warm, smooth and sweet aroma floated in the air, dancing throughout the halls and bedrooms and soaking in the linens and furniture. One deep breath and his skin tingled, his insides toasting with nostalgia, the goosebumps rising on his arms. 

 

It smelt like home.

 

Barry surrounded himself with the memoirs of his childhood, boxes stacked upon boxes that held collections of items he had long since forgotten, his mind reminiscing to a time he hadn’t allowed himself to dive into in so long. It felt like he had never left, like there was no existence before this moment.

 

The memories were bright and colorful, and they held him strong and tight. He flipped through the photo albums, removing the items from the boxes, and he remembered the events with a fondness he wasn’t familiar with, never once having associated such a tender kindness to his past.

 

“Oh my, is that….?”

 

He looked up, his grin wider then his cheeks could handle, his white teeth shining in the setting sun behind them.

 

“It is.” Nora smiled, settling down on the sofa next to him. “That was always your favorite book.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

She nodded. “Every night you would have me read this to you.”

 

Barry watched her take the tiny children’s book with soft, smooth hands, noting that her red hair was as vibrant as ever, her skin glowing with happiness. She flipped through the pages and with each she saw, lighthearted laughs followed, and he never diverted his eyes, his only focus on her.

 

She was beautiful, the very pinnacle of love and safety.

 

“Will you read it?” Barry asked, shy and timid and fearful of the answer.

 

Nora looked up, confusion sparkling on her face.

 

“Barry, you’re-”

 

“Please.” he whispered, clearing his throat of the impending emotion. “Please, mom. For old time sakes.”

 

She hesitated, looking at him as if it was a joke, almost waiting for the punch line to follow. With a heavy sigh but a large smile, she scooted closer on the couch, both of them leaning back into the cushions that rested behind them.

 

“The runaway dinosaur.” Nora started, flipping to the first page. “Once there was a little dinosaur called a Maiasaur, who lived with his mother. One day, he told his mother, _'I wish I were special like the other dinosaurs. If I were a T. rex, I could chomp with my ferocious teeth!_ ' ' _But if you were a T. rex,'_ said his mother,”

“ _'How would you hug me with your tiny little arms?_ ’” Barry finished.

 

Nora looked up at him, incredulously shifting the book away.

 

“You’re not even looking at the pages.” 

 

“I don’t need to,” Barry admitted. “You read it to me, every single night.”

 

Nora’s smile was soft, one that couldn’t be replicated by any other person. Just watching her sit and flip through the pages of the old, dusty book put him at ease, stripping him of the fears and worries that the outside world burdened him with.

 

The living room was sunny, the weather outside that of a summer day, the neighborhood kids running with an energy they envied. Of course, it wasn’t summer time at home without the windows open, the cool, fresh air mixing in the room.

 

The wind blew through her hair as she looked back down at the book, the hairs on his neck standing up at the chill.

 

“ _'I wish I were an Apatosaurus,'_ said the little dinosaur _, 'so with my long neck I could see high above the treetops.'_ _'But if you were an Apatosaurus,'_ said his mother,”

 

Nora paused, her eyes narrowing up to him, her chuckle light and carefree.

 

“I’m not interrupting you!” Barry laughed. “Go on, I’ll be quiet.”

 

“ _'How would you hear me in the treetops when I told you I love you? What makes you so special, little Maiasaur?'_ said his mother. _'Is it your ferocious teeth or long neck or pointy beak? What makes you special is out of all of the different dinosaurs in the big, wide world, you have the mother who is just right for you and who will always'-_ ”

 

“Love you.”

 

Nora rolled her eyes, but giggled through her expression of annoyance.

 

“You said-!”

 

“I miss you, mom.”

 

Her smile began to fade, lowering from the tops of her cheeks down to the corners of her lips, her frown surrounding her with sadness.

 

“My beautiful boy,” she gently laid a hand on his thigh. “I haven’t gone anywhere.”

 

He didn’t know how to tell her that he didn’t believe that, that he didn’t believe her. His mouth opened, but the words never came. In a moment that took too long for him to gather his thoughts, the front door opened.

 

“Hello?” The voice entered from the foyer. “Anyone – hey! Barry, what’s this about?”

 

Barry looked over, watching with great interest as his father kicked off his shoes and lowered his briefcase to the ground, so nonchalant that it could be mistaken for something that had been done every day.

 

To them, there was nothing different, just another day in the many to come.

 

“Barry?” Henry’s voice cut through his thoughts. “Whacha doing there, slugger?”

 

Looking down below him, surrounded by handfuls of cardboard boxes and photo albums spread out on the coffee table, Barry realized he couldn’t answer the question.

 

“Just, uh…” he leaned forward, picking up a stack of photos, “Just remembering the good ‘ol days.”

 

“Yeah?” Henry grunted as he fell back on the couch, wrapping his arm around his wife’s shoulder and caressing her back. “Come across anything good?”

 

Barry chuckled. “A lot of report cards.”

 

“We’ve always been proud of you, Barry.” Nora remarked.

 

“Even with my gym grades?” Barry asked dubiously.

 

Henry whined, his hand teetering like an unbalanced seesaw, resulting in a gentle but quick slap on the shoulder from Nora.

 

They laughed, each picking up a stack of photos or an album that organized their memories, skimming through with rumination.

 

“Oh, look at this,” Nora pointed to the printout, “your fifth-grade science project.”

 

“First place, as always.” Henry ruffled his hand through Barry’s hair. “That’s my boy.”

 

He felt safe, the safest he had felt in a matter of time he couldn’t recall. His parents protected him, he couldn’t be in harm with them around, the danger hiding with fear of failure.

 

“Oh, and look Henry – Christmas with the West’s. Iris and Barry were so adorable together.” Nora hummed, laying the photo back down on the coffee table.

 

Barry locked eyes with the image, the gloss from the photo still shinning, bouncing off the image from the sun setting through the bright, white curtains behind them. It was all of them, his parents, Iris and Joe standing together in front of their Christmas tree, stockings hung on the chimney to their left.

 

“We never…” Barry blinked, confused, “we never had Christmas with the West’s.”

 

He looked back down at the image, the gloss still bright but the image no longer the same. The chimney still lit bright, the stockings still hung, but the people were different – older, wiser, and without Henry or Nora.

 

He cleared his throat. “I’ve noticed...there aren’t any photos after I turned eleven. None, at all actually.”

 

His parents didn’t respond, rather they kept looking at the memories below them. Henry’s arm wrapped tightly around Nora, they muttered hushed words and soft chuckles as they looked through the boxes and pictures.

 

Sitting in front of him was _The Runaway Dinosaur_ , small and meant for the hands of a child. He stared at it with bewilderment, feeling as if it was an anchor to a world he had forgotten about.

 

“Barry?”

 

His head snapped up, fast and swift and suddenly the sun wasn’t setting behind them, but it was dark and nighttime, but they both still looked happy and that was all that mattered.

 

Henry sighed. “You don’t belong here.”

 

Barry choked on his words, his throat constricted, his eyebrows darting down with confusion. It was his home, their home, of course he belonged there, with them, together as a family.

 

But the sun had set, and he suddenly felt cold – a chill that ran up his spine, the goosebumps razor sharp on his arms. His anchor pulled him down, that other world searching for him with desperation.

 

He wanted to stay hidden from it. Looking around though, he realized he was wrong. This wasn’t their home, it was a house that belonged to someone else. They weren’t a family, not in the present, not in reality. The memories were just that, moments in time that held happiness, safety and warmth he could never mimic.

 

“I don’t want to leave.” his lip quivered and his voice broke, no longer sounding like his own, a pure entity of the emotion he had pushed so far down for so long.

 

Nora sat up from the sofa, Henry’s arm falling from around her shoulder and his palm falling into hers, a quick squeeze showing the love they couldn’t speak. With her other arm, she reached out to Barry.

 

“Come on,” she motioned, “let’s go.”

 

“Where…”

 

“To sleep.” Nora answered, a small frown emerging. “You’re just so tired, Barry.”

 

He couldn’t argue with her; he didn’t want to argue with her. His hand met hers before he realized it, and his knees lifted himself off the couch with no effort. He was confused, and he didn’t want to leave, the surrounding memories a better place to be than anywhere else in the world, in any other world. But they were already leaving the living room, and he looked back with a painful sorrow.

 

“Dad?”

 

Henry had a small trophy in one hand, and a small photo album laid out on his lap that he skimmed through. He looked up at Barry and smiled.

 

“Go on, son.” Henry encouraged him. “We both know your mother’s always right.”

 

“I don’t want to leave you.” The words were painful to speak. “Not again.”

 

They shouldn’t be happy, but they were. Setting the items aside, the boxes of his childhood still scattered along the floor, Henry arose from the couch and made his way to where they stood, Barry’s hand clutched in Nora’s like a lost child in the mall. He wouldn’t let go, not for all the wealth in the world, not unless it came at a consequence he couldn’t afford.

 

Henry clapped both his hands to Barry’s shoulders, the tight, reassuring grip reminding him that he was protected, that he was safe.

 

He didn’t want to leave that safety.

 

“We’ll never be gone, Barry. Not as long as you exist.”

 

Looking into his father’s eyes, Barry wondered how a soul could be so carefree, unrestricted by any of the problems that once weighed him down. The last time he looked in the very same pair of eyes, they were full of fear and pain, followed by nothingness. This was the Henry Allen he knew, strong and courageous, tough and full of love.

 

Henry winked. “We love ya, slugger.”

 

His mother tugged at his arm, his legs following her movements without thought. The floorboards creaked below their feet while they walked upstairs, Henry getting further and further away until he was gone from his sights.

 

Barry realized that the bedroom looked exactly as he remembered it.

 

Nora had already pulled the covers from the bed, gently patting the mattress in a motion that encouraged him to come near, because after all, she wouldn’t bite. And the bed was too small for him, having grown twice his size since he last slept in it, but somehow, he still fit – he wouldn’t question it.

 

“My sweet, beautiful boy.” Her touch was a warm blanket on a winter night, smothering him with the significance that he desperately needed, needing the comfort and the peace with a dying thirst.

 

She laid a kiss on his forehead, her lips butter against his skin. The toy solar system floated above him, twirling slowly and gently, dancing above his head with grace. He watched it intently - Mars, Pluto, Jupiter all spinning around the moon. And as he focused above him, the colors of blue, red and yellow blurring into one, his eyelids threatened to close, their heaviness weighing him down.

 

“You have done so much.” Nora caressed his cheek. “It’s time for you to rest, Barry.”

 

Gravity won, and he resigned to closing his eyes, the relief instantaneous, the comfort in darkness resting over his eyes. The world was quiet, not even the house creaking with loneliness, the flood boards resting with him. And as his lungs got heavy, each breath now taking more force than the last, his nerves began to tingle, his head floating with the weightlessness of a bouncing balloon.

 

His muscles relaxed as he felt himself float off the bed, a foreign and trancelike sensation that rocked him to the waves of the ocean, swaying back and forth like a breeze.

 

The world faded out, a mute noise of static booming in his ears. His body slowly paled away, a phantom blowing away in the breeze. It was just him and his mind, left alone to ponder on the world they once knew, his soul a disconnect from the vessel that had tortured him.

 

He could hear shouts and yells in the distance, surrounding him like they came from all directions, above and below, left and right all at the same time. The sound was muffled, covered by a blanket of air, another universe reaching out to him, begging him to return. The voices were desperate, tugging at him, pulling at him until he broke, separated and shattered.

 

Barry had no control, having surrendered himself from a body that was no longer his, relishing in only the soul that existed.

 

And then he woke up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the shorty - this was scripted to be the end of the last chapter, but I had exceeded my 20page mark and I don't want to defer readers with too long of chapters. We'll be back in the groove of things next chappy - looking forward to seeing you there!
> 
>  
> 
> (we just concluded part 4 of 5 - whhhaaaaaa!??? You guys are FRIGGIN AMAZING with your feedback. For. Real.)


	22. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eyelids suddenly too heavy to keep open, he let them close with a soft moan.
> 
>  
> 
> “No more time traveling.” Barry slurred.

**Recovery**

_“I think…. waking up…”_

The voices echoed in a muted tone, suppressed behind the imaginary cotton that was stuffed in his ears, his other senses dragging and lagging in his wake.

 

_“…sure…because last time…”_

_“..’sco…”_

He felt suffocated, like an elephant was sitting on his chest, crushing his lungs and starving him of oxygen. Every breath he took didn’t quite feel like it was enough, yet his muscles were too sluggish to make any effort to correct the problem. The noises became clearer, the persistent beeping a nuisance that started a migraine hitting behind his forehead, the air that blew upwards in his nostrils cold and his teeth chattered with the chill.

_“I’m just saying…”_

_“Cisco, hush.”_

_“Seriously. I’d like to see you on the amo_ unt of medication he is and not be a little out of it.”

 

The voices became clearer, sounding less like his head was underwater and more like they were supposed to, present and distinct.

 

“A little?” Cisco huffed. “Cait, have we already forgotten the ‘singing in the rain’ incident?”

 

He wanted to tell them how great of a movie that was; because seriously, it was - but his throat couldn’t function, the normally flexible vocal cords suddenly paralyzed. There was a stiffness to his body, one that coursed through his nerves and made his limbs rigid. The darkness threatened to engulf him, seeping in through the corners and latching onto him with a grip he could never fight, pulling him down with the promise of sweet release. It hurt to try and open his eyes, peering apart the lids was met with resistance, but he pushed through the challenge.

 

It was bright, at first too bright for him to handle. He blinked rapidly, somehow feeling even that movement was sluggish. Once the bright light diminished, he was met with a blur of colors that swam and swirled above him, patiently waiting as his eyes attempted to refocus.

 

“Hey, Barry…you with us?”

 

The cotton was removed from his ears slowly, a small piece at a time. He blinked harshly and repeatedly, begging his eyes to create tears that would moisten the dry desert behind his pupils.

 

The first thing that came into focus was her, sitting by his side, leaned over the chair with his hand in hers. She was disheveled, greasy black hair pulled back and a baggy sweatshirt hiding her frame, but she was there, and she had never looked so beautiful before.

 

“Hey.” Iris greeted, soft and comforting with a love he almost imagined hadn’t been felt in ages.

 

Barry stared at her, not because he was trying to understand what he was looking at, but rather he basked in the flood of safety he felt in her presence. He could almost feel the electricity within him reaching out to her, a lightning rod that called out to him, an angel that lifted him up and brought him home.

 

“Hey-”

 

The cough was abrupt, starting in his throat and ending deep in his chest. His eyes were only half as dry as his mouth, not even saliva enough to moisten the burning tissues.

 

“Hold on,” Caitlin called out, her heels clicking across the tiled floor, “I have some ice chips here somewhere.”

 

The hand squeezing his provided a distraction, keeping him grounded and reminding him that no matter how tired he was, exhaustion couldn’t win – not for the moment, not until he gathered his bearings, not with her next to him whispering smooth words of comfort. It was hard, feeling like a monster was tugging at him with a strength he had long since lost.

 

Though his eyes were tightly shut, he could still hear the commotion surrounding him.

 

“What the…” Caitlin scoffed. “Who put a slushie in the plasma fridge?”

 

“Ohhh, that’s mine!” Cisco’s voice rang with excitement. “I totally forgot about that bad boy.”

 

“Cisco.” she warned.

 

“Threats later, slushie now.”

 

Before Barry could even question the conversation, a thin block of ice was pressed to his lips, the chip sliding down his throat with cold, tingling pleasure. He took each one after that with greed, protesting with a small whine when they stopped coming.

 

“I’ve had to intubate and extubate on you a lot recently. I’m sorry…your throat will be sore for a while.”

 

Caitlin’s voice was soft and gentle, but held the firmness of knowledge and experience that he had gotten familiar with. He barely nodded his head, forcing himself to show a sign of acknowledgment towards her statement, willing himself to be present in the moment.

 

He took a second, his eyes dancing around the room in an attempt to find a foundation that would settle the mountain of questions piling in his head.

 

“How long was I out?” Barry croaked.

 

Caitlin, standing on the opposite side of where Iris sat holding his hand, frowned with a significance he couldn’t ignore.

 

“You…broke a record.”

 

His eyebrow twitched up. “A day?”

 

Iris squeezed his hand and Caitlin laid her own gently on his shoulder, ringing a bell in his head that sent off many different alarms.

 

“A little longer.” Caitlin answered. “We don’t need to discuss everything now, they’ll be time later.”

 

Barry heard her, but something in his mind ignored the statement. The ringing in his ears told him his migraine was getting worse, and that he needed to sleep, but he was so tired of sleeping, and he still had more questions to answer.

 

He rummaged through distant memories, moving his neck as much as he could without further pain.

 

“Cisco?” his voice was panicked, desperate for an answer. “Cisco, is he-”

 

“I’m right here, dude.”

 

Following the voice, Barry caught sight of Cisco sprawled out in a chair straight in front of him and at the very bottom of the gurney, his legs kicked up on the bed that he was lying on, a tablet sitting in his lap and a bright, blue slushie in his hand.

 

“Alive and kicking,” Cisco motioned his drink towards him, “thanks to you.”

 

“You alright?” Barry slurred, relaxing back into the mattress.

 

There was a beat, though the slurp of Cisco’s drink filled the silence.

 

“I don’t know man…I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.”

 

“Cisco!” Caitlin hissed.

 

“It’s been rough. I’ve been adjusting…” Cisco feigned a sobbed, “my heart will just never be the same after this.”

 

“Cisco, with all due respect,” Iris leered, “you have officially used up your sympathy card.”

 

“What…” Barry grunted, his eyes momentarily squeezing shut, “what’s going on? What’d I miss?”

 

“Caitlin’s right, we can talk details later. For real though, I’m good. It’s nothing some Bayer can’t fix.” Cisco said.

 

His brows knitted. “I’m confused.”

 

“We can talk about it later,” Caitlin reassured him, grabbing the end of his IV port. “Right now, you need to rest.”

 

He noticed the movement with surprising accuracy, his chin resting on his shoulder as he watched Caitlin fill the syringe from a tiny, glass jar.

 

“You have me on painkillers.”

 

She looked up at him, the smallest grin visible.

 

“We do.”

 

“Don’t.” he insisted, struggling to sit upright in the bed. “Not yet.”

 

“Barry…”

 

“I-I-need a moment. I…” the pain stole his voice, a thin shine of sweat rising on his forehead as he struggled to breathe through the fire that spread across his muscles.

 

“Barry, we’ll explain everything at another time, but for right now let me give you this. It’ll help with the pain.” Caitlin was a second away from injecting the liquid medicine into his IV, her fingers all but twitching on the plunger. And despite how hard it was to see him struggle, she reminded herself that if she were to act as the role of his doctor, she needed to do so with respect.

 

Barry had skipped right over her implore, his eyes still shut as he spoke.

 

“Is everyone okay?”

 

“Dude, we’re fine.” Cisco huffed. “We’re all good, you just gotta focus on you now.”

 

“Wally…did he-is Wally-”

 

Iris squeezed his hand. “He’s safe. He’s spending some time in Keystone.”

 

He shook his head. “No. Wally…he needs to be here, he’s in trouble…” his feet shifted below him, heels trying to dig into the mattress in an attempt to get up, though his knees never locked hard enough to lift his heavy body.

 

Caitlin had gently laid her hand across his chest and Iris leaned further over the metal guard railings.

 

“Barry, he’s safe. Trust us.” Iris strongly assured him.

 

“Yeah, Nagle’s completely out of the picture, don’t even worry about him anymore.” Cisco didn’t want to overload his friend with details, keeping his words short and sweet.

 

Barry looked at each one of them with a sense of confusion and disbelief.

 

“He’s okay?”

 

Iris nodded. “Wally’s okay, Cisco’s okay - we’re all okay…thanks to you.”

 

He let out a breath of relief, finding himself relaxing into the cushions of the mattress, his feet sidling out beneath him at the realization that he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. As he settled down, the ache that swam in his belly screeched from the movement. He wanted to sit up further on the bed, barely high up to see the others around him, but each movement was met with regret.

 

His arm rose from the bed, shaking and trembling along the way until it collapsed on his chest, gripping the wires that attached to pads that monitored his vital signs, his bare chest slick with sweat.

 

“Barry,” Iris urged, “are you okay?”

 

Barry shook his head, a small twinge of movement that indicated his answer. He looked over at Caitlin, glassy, half-lidded eyes peering up at her.

 

“Did you get it out?”

 

She understood his question, an anchor sinking in her gut at hearing it out loud. Caitlin nodded grimly, forcing herself to push back the memories that she had tried to suppress in the moments of haste, the desperation of saving her friends life bringing forth a fear that couldn’t be felt again.

 

“Yeah,” she said, “we got it out.”

 

There was an unspoken communication between them, her eyes telling him the words she couldn’t speak. _‘I’ll tell you the details later.’_ and _‘I’m so sorry that monster hurt you the way he did.’_ And though he didn’t hear it straight from her mouth, he’d appreciate her candid honesty later, when his thoughts could come in a focused matter.

 

“Thank you.”

 

His voice quivered, words spoken in an exhale of air that escaped from his chest. Her heart sank at the feeble response, but she didn’t let it show on her face. A curt nod is all she could give.

 

His next question broke through a thick blanket of silence that had arose.

 

“How bad is it?”

 

Even Iris tensed, looking up at Caitlin with an uncertainty of how they were to answer the question. She bit her lip with her own sense of doubt, looking over at Cisco who only shrugged, straw in his mouth as he slurped on his drink.

 

“You’re getting better.” Caitlin finally answered. “That’s what matters right now.”

 

“Yeah, this is only the first time you’ve woken up and haven’t been rambling on about musicals or broken coffee mugs…” Cisco mentioned, “they’ll be plenty of time to give you the dish on things later.”

 

Maybe it was the exhaustion that sunk upon him, pulling at his limbs and threatening to take him away, or maybe the answer made just enough sense for him to accept. Either way, Barry nodded his head, his grip on Iris’s hand suddenly getting looser.

 

“Is there anything we can do for you, Barry?” Iris asked.

 

As if on cue, his body shivered, his fingers gripping at the soft, thin sheet below him.

 

“I’m…really cold.” he stammered, suddenly noting the lack of fabric around him, both physically on his body and covering him on the bed.

 

Caitlin frowned. “I’m sorry, Barry. Your fever has gotten much lower but it’s still present, we can’t put too much heat on you.”

 

He decided it was okay, because as he looked over at Iris, his head lolling with lack of strength, he felt all the warmth that he needed to, each caress in her touch smoldering his skin with affection.

 

Eyelids suddenly too heavy to keep open, he let them close with a soft moan.

 

“No more time traveling.” Barry slurred.

 

His grin was small, but still present, a tiny smirk that pulled at his lips. Unfortunately, the other three couldn’t match his humor, a darkness washing over them that he didn’t sense. Of course, being ignorant to the events that had transpired, his mind blocking off memories too harsh for him to deal with, he had no reason not to crack a joke towards the situation.

 

“I think we can all agree on that one.” Cisco hid his face in his tablet, his words mumbled beneath the gulps of his drink.

 

Pushing through the heaviness that crushed her heart, Iris forced a small smile herself, her thumb caressing his palm in short, tight circles.

 

“No more time traveling.” she repeated, leaning over and placing a gentle kiss on his cheek.

 

Caitlin agreed. “No more time traveling.”

 

The noise died out briefly, only the taping on the tablet from Cisco and the various running equipment could be heard, and when Barry spoke up again he wasn’t sure if it had been a couple minutes or a couple hours.

 

“What else has been going on?” he blinked again; a slow, languid action and inhaled deeply to continue speaking. “I feel like I’ve missed so much.”

 

“Check this out.” Cisco leaned forward, the side of his head visible. “Five full stitches. Pretty bad ass, huh?”

 

Barry chuckled, his shoulders jolting with amusement, his eyelids falling shut in his bout of laughter. He could hear Iris respond, causing a chatter among his friends that he didn’t feel the need to participate in, rather he silently enjoyed their company.

 

“I think I have earned my sympathy card, and I do not believe it has an expiration date!”

 

“All sympathy cards have an expiration date, Cisco. Or a usage date. You have gone through your usage allowance.”

 

“I call B.S.”

 

“I agree with Iris. Besides, I could have removed those stitches three days ago.”

 

“Good night, Barry.”

 

He never remembered falling asleep, but he must have, because the next time he opened his eyes, the scenery had changed.

 

The room was the same, simply fewer people occupied it. The noise had dissipated, replaced with machinery that beeped and hissed. He wasn’t sure how long he was out, but he was positive that the dripping IV had something to do with his sudden slumber.

 

Dazedly looking around, he noticed Joe sitting in the far corner of the room, his face hidden by a large newspaper that he held in his hands.

 

He was half tempted to find the nearest object and throw it his way, but Barry settled for speaking, the mere effort of such taking his breath away.

 

“Hey.”

 

Joe barely looked up from the newspaper, his eyes peering over the top and then immediately returning to where they were, his hands even straightening the paper out.

 

Barry smirked. “You going to share the funnies?”

 

Pausing for a moment, Joe lowered the newspaper and locked eyes with Barry, as if he was testing him, waiting to see if his consciousness was real. Though his arms remained by his side, lying immobile on the gurney, he waved his hand with the most energy he could muster up, a weak, tiny ‘hello’ said in his movements.

 

Joe shot up from his chair, the newspaper discarded as he rushed over to the bed.

 

“Hey, hey son…” Joe was at his side in no time, grabbing his hand with gentleness.

 

“You only care about the sports page anyway,” Barry muttered, gripping Joe’s hand and letting the man lean down for a hug.

 

“You scared the crap out of me, Bar.” Joe released his hold, leaning up from the hug. “Hold on, Caitlin mentioned she’s got some ice around here somewhere…”

 

With Joe suddenly out of his sight, Barry relaxed against the mattress, willing himself to be present in the moment. Though he woke up groggy, he was certainly more coherent than before. He listened as Joe grunted, having bent down to the tiny refrigerator near them.

 

“Alright…not going to question why there’s in slushie in here.” One more grunt and he was back in sight, the smell of his body wash filling his senses. “Here, have some of these.”

 

The feeling was magical, though not unfamiliar. His hands were too heavy to lift from the bed, so Barry took each ice chip that came his way, letting it settle in his mouth before swallowing the liquid as a whole. By the time Joe had finished, he had taken a seat next to him.

 

He let Barry wake up, pushing through and past the drowsiness of the medicine, adjusting his stiff body the best he could on the gurney.

 

“How you feeling, son?” Joe asked, resting his hands against the metal guard railings.

 

Barry twitched an eyebrow, pondering on the question with depth.

 

“It feels like everything’s been a dream.”

 

Joe scoffed. “I don’t know about dream…nightmare is more like it.”

 

Barry rubbed his eyes with his hand, still wary about lifting his other arm that connected to so many different machines

 

“Was I awake before?”

 

Everything was fuzzy, and he couldn’t decipher what was a dream and what wasn’t. It felt like a chunk of his life was missing, and he struggled to get it back.

 

“You’ve been awake a couple times, Bar,” Joe stated. “Just not always coherent.”

 

Letting his forearm drape over his eyes, Barry groaned.

 

“Are you okay? You need me to get Caitlin?” Joe was already looking out the door and into the cortex, ready to jump. “She’s got you on a morphine pump, but if something’s wrong…”

 

Something inside Barry clicked, and he shot up from the gurney, frantically rummaging through the blankets that covered him, searching for something that didn’t exist.

 

Joe leaned over, his hand gently pressing on his shoulder to calm him.

 

“It’s gone, Bar. Caitlin did…surgery, she got it out.” his hand waved around at the word, his other searching for the device that hung from the IV stand. “You’re on an IV pump…here.  Don’t be shy, press it when you need it.”

 

His hand reached for the controller on Barry’s bedside, laying it down by his side, unspoken reassurance said in his movement. While Barry didn’t reach for it, he relaxed against the bed with a heavy sigh, the light in the room suddenly too strong and bright.

 

“Joe…” he laid the back of his hand against his eyes, “what the hell happened?”

 

“You’re going to have to give me a starting point for that one.” Joe almost chuckled, reality reminding him that things weren’t all that funny. “What do you remember?”

 

“It’s…bits and pieces. Fragments. They kind of come and go…” Barry spoke slowly, his memory walking through the corn maze of events that were too hazy for him to recall.

 

“We were at the warehouse…Zayne Nagle took me.”

 

Joe didn’t speak up, leaning against the railings of the gurney as he allowed Barry to rummage through his mind, listening to him like a witness trying to recall a crime scene.

 

Suddenly, Barry looked over at Joe. “How long ago was that?”

 

Joe paused, hesitating on the answer.

 

 _‘Not nine months…but just as painful.’_ he bitterly thought.

 

“Two weeks.”

 

Barry’s face fell flat, his eyes looking up at the ceiling to hide the shock that glistened in his eyes, the heart monitor he was attached to skipping a beat in its presentation.

 

He could still feel his spine burning in agony, the pain radiating into his core and his nerves lit with fire, a pain that brought him to more than just tears, but cries and shouts and screams that were undignified and beyond his control. He bit his lower lip, willing himself to push past the memory, but the anchor that sat on his chest suddenly got heavier, and as the memories returned, so did that pain.

 

Joe took note as Barry stared off into space, clearing his throat loudly.

 

“Nagle took Cisco not long after he took you. Cisco escaped and brought us to where he was keeping you, and we got you out of there. Caitlin’s been taking care of you ever since.”

 

“And Nagle?” Barry’s eyes were still focused on the ceiling.

 

“Arrested…and died two days later at Iron Heights.” Joe had been anticipating the question, his answer on the tip of his tongue. “Massive organ failure.”

 

Barry laughed, a real, hearty laugh that rocked his shoulders and echoed in the room. He shook his head with humor or disdain, Joe couldn’t figure out which it was.

 

“He was trying everything he could to save himself. He couldn’t figure out the cause of my metabolism, behind the speed force…so he kept me powerless until he had his answers.”

 

Joe frowned. “That serum almost killed you.”

 

“Compound MB-2.” Barry shook his head with a rattling sigh. “He called it Compound MB-2.”

 

“Whatever the hell it was, it almost killed you.” he repeated, anger lacing his tone.

 

“He knew it was going to kill me, Joe.” Barry said. “My regenerative abilities weren’t coming back in time to heal from the damage it was doing. Once he realized that, he was done with me. He was going to try it all over again with Wally…I couldn’t let that happen.”

 

Joe choked on the emotion that rose in his throat, his hands suddenly shaking the metal railings that he gripped, his knuckles going grey. He couldn’t decide what was worse, the idea of Wally falling into the same situation Barry had, or Barry’s unrelenting self-sacrifice attitude that nearly had him killed, all to protect his family.

 

One year ago, and Wally hadn’t even existed in their life, let alone consider Barry a brother, and vice versa. To hear how Barry would have given up his own life to protect the boy tore his heart into tiny little pieces, aching with the selfishness that cared for both men, the selfishness that screamed for normalcy in their life’s.

 

Looking at Barry, lying fragile and weak in the makeshift medical bay within S.T.A.R labs, Joe knew he had to admit a long time ago that normalcy had ended the night of the first lightning strike. Still, he wished for what couldn’t be.

 

Barry sighed. “It was poisoning me, wasn’t it?”

 

It wasn’t a question, they both knew that. Barry was smart, and he could probably tell you about half the machines he was hooked up to; hell, he could have created the cure himself had he been conscious too. Something inside him needed to hear it for himself though, ground himself in the world he had been absent from.

 

Joe nodded. “You ended up with sepsis. Caitlin treated you the moment we got you back, but…it was two days you were gone. And you were given a massive dose of that shit. Your powers were stubborn, they were trying to come back, but with the amount of poison in your system, it kept interacting with them and we couldn’t get antibiotics to work. Or painkillers.”

 

Barry grimaced, tenderly rubbing his forehead, the migraine behind his eyes throbbing with each memory that came forward.

 

“Yeah.” he groaned. “I’m remembering that.”

 

He had gone through a lot since becoming the Flash, some events more memorable than others, the sound of his spine cracking still waking him up in the middle of the night most weeks. But the pain tended to fade as fast as it came, and more urging matters were present that he needed to take care of – save Iris, save Cisco, save Caitlin, save Joe…there had been no one to save this time, no one to push past the pain to focus on.

 

There were moments he remembered being humiliated, his cries and tears far from masculine, his regret at grabbing Caitlin’s arm and begging her to put him out of his misery, the slew of curse words he screamed at Joe as they just tried to make things better for him.

 

_“Barry, hey hey…Bar, look at me.”_

_“Ga…gr…ACK!” Barry’s scream faded into a grunt, his head slamming back into the pillow behind his head with force. “It…hurts…please…it hurts!”_

_“I know, Bar.” Joe frowned. “I know…but you’re going to hyperventilate, you need to calm down.”_

_“Shhh, it’s okay Barry.” Iris stroked his arm, her touch met with a shudder and jolt of his body. “Tell us what you need, we’re here to help.”_

_“Ple-please…don’t touch me…please…it – damnit, hurts!”_

 

Joe broke through the memory.

 

“It took a couple days, but Wells came up with a cure.”

 

His brows snapped together. “How…?”

 

“Bar, I couldn’t repeat it if it I wanted to. All I know is it worked, and we’ve got you on the road to recovery.” Joe exhausted a sigh, patting Barry’s hand with encouragement.

 

It seemed every answer he received only opened another book of questions to ask, and Barry realized he had missed out on events that couldn’t be easily summarized. Through the fog of painkillers, his hands radiated to his body’s most tender points, skin tugging at skin and his insides churning with a throbbing soreness he hadn’t encountered before.

 

“Ugh…I hurt.” Barry innocently said with a groan. “How long until my powers come back?”

 

“Your body decides that, not us.” Joe answered. “You’re stuck healing like the rest of us for a while. Dialysis was the first thing Caitlin started you on once the cure took effect. We’re hoping you won’t need to finish it.”

 

Barry wouldn’t express it, but he wished the same thing. In a perfect world he’d wake up and return to normal – his normal – back on his feet and ready to flash away. Somehow along the way, he didn’t get so lucky this time around. Better then the alternative, he guessed.

 

“So, Nagle’s dead…and the people he murdered; their families don’t get justice for what he did.” his words were bitter, an anger towards the situation finally unleashed.

 

“It could have been a lot worse. He could have killed a whole lot more people looking for a way to save himself.” Joe reminded him.

 

“And the people he did kill?” Barry snapped. “What about them, Joe?”

 

“Barry, I’m going to ask you not to take this the wrong way…I feel for those families, I do. But right now, I’m just grateful I didn’t lose _my_ son.”

 

"I’m going to be fine, right?” he said, almost remorsefully. “They aren’t. They’re dead.”

 

“So were you, you know.”

 

Barry looked over at Joe, confusion washing over him.

 

“I don’t…” he trailed off, his voice going silent.

 

Joe cleared his throat, adjusting in the chair and mentally preparing himself on what he was about to say. A moment of silence passed before he finally spoke up.

 

“The night that Caitlin and Harry gave you their cure. Turns out that they knew you would have an adverse reaction to it. She’s sneaky, she sent me and Iris home that night in case…”

 

His chin sitting in the cup of his palm, Joe rubbed his goatee as he recalled the events, having taken place only a few days ago.

 

_Joe scrolled through his cell phone frantically, ignoring the world around him, even as Iris begged to know what was going on._

_“Dad, talk to me-”_

_He didn’t wait for a voice to speak up on the other end._

_“Caitlin!” he jumped up from the couch. “What’s going on?”_

_“uhm…not Caitlin.” Cisco’s voice broke through. “She’s a little busy right now…”_

_The voice in the background was distant, but panicked enough to be heard._

_“He’s in v-fib, get the paddles.”_

_“Cisco-”_

_“I’m sorry Joe, I gotta go.”_

_Joe fumed. “Cisco, don’t you dare hang up on-”_

_He had his car keys in his hands before the dial tone had rung._

 

“You went into cardiac arrest four times and were clinically dead for three minutes.” Joe vacuously said, exhausted from the emotion that rampaged through him.

 

Barry blinked, once, then twice, his lashes fluttering with realization.

 

“Oh.”

 

His world seemed to peel away in the moment, drifting apart at the seams that barely held together. His breaths became heavy, matching the weight that sat on his chest, the cold and chilly air that ran through the nasal cannula suddenly not enough to keep him from getting dizzy.

 

He had gone through a lot since becoming the Flash, but never had he come so close to touching death before.

 

Suddenly, thoughts began pouring into his head with a speed he couldn’t match, each with a sickening sensation that made his skin slick with sweat and his heart flutter with palpitations. Death was permanent, after all. His last moments easily could have been in that room, his body a corpse for his family to find, his secret revealed to the city in circumstances of horror, weakness and then there wouldn’t be a Flash anymore to protect everyone he cared about and who would take care of Iris and what would happen to his friends and he’d never see his next birthday or the one after that -

 

“I don’t feel so good.”

 

The words were said before he had realized it, immediate regret sitting on his tongue.

 

Joe began to sit up. “Let me find Caitlin-”

 

He viciously shook his head, nausea creeping up from the migraine that throbbed behind his eyes.

 

“No, no…it’s just…a lot to take in.”

 

It was a good enough excuse for Joe, who slowly sat back down in his chair, though his eyes never wandered from Barry’s form. And Barry could tell the eyes were watching him intently, his every move being monitored, his chest heaving with deep inhales of breath that weren’t enough, nothing enough to push past the plummeting anxiety that sat in his stomach.

 

Barry choked back a sob, immediately covering his mouth with his fist, clutching his eyes shut tightly.

 

“Barry…” Joe went to lean in, but Barry had already pushed him away, his hands wiping away the tears that had leaked out of his eyes.

 

“I’m good, I’m sorry.” he rasped, straightening his posture. “I’m…so, Wally’s in Keystone?”

 

Barry was an impossibly bad liar, especially in his current condition. With his voice wheezing and bottom lip quivering, Joe wondered if it was even worth shooting him his look of disapproval. He settled on a deep sigh instead.

 

 “Barry. Don’t do this.”

 

Barry never looked up, his balled fist still locked to his lips, forcing to keep in any emotion that boiled inside, his eyes shut tight as he fought past the burning tears that threatened to escape, brimming under his lashes with force.

 

“You’ve been through hell and back more times than anyone ever should, son. After everything that’s happened recently, no one’s asking you to be tough this time around. It’s okay to be angry and upset…it’s okay to feel.”

 

No one had taught Barry to pent-up his emotions, in fact, it was a defense he fell into shortly after his mother’s murder. For most of his lifetime, if it wasn’t therapist who tried to teach him better coping mechanisms, it was Joe and Iris, both reminding him it was okay to let himself feel, even if it was only for a moment.

 

He suffered silently. It was just how he did things, willing himself not to burden others with his own problems. So, when Joe leaned forward, laying the palm of his hand gently on Barry’s shoulder, he wasn’t fully ready to encounter what happened next.

 

Like shattering glass, Barry broke immediately. One sob after the next and his back heaved with emotion, his cries hoarse and harsh, the tears slipping past the plastic nasal cannula like a broken dam.

 

Joe didn’t hesitate on gathering him in his arms, the wails that broke through his throat reminding him of the little boy that he brought into his home fourteen years ago, traumatized and shaken, the world stripping him of his bright light just as much then as it tried to do now.

 

They’d stay that way until exhaustion would win the fight, Barry’s cries dwindling into gasps and moans, fading away altogether until the medicine ultimately took over, and he surrendered to much-needed rest.

 

It’d be a little while longer after that until Joe laid him back on the bed, letting the boy rest on his chest, his own tears brimming as he caressed his back. He would break on his own later, in solitude and away from those who needed him to be strong, to remain a support system for them to lean on.

 

For right now, he needed to hold Barry as much as Barry needed to be held, a reminder that their hell was finally ending, that he was home safe, and that they had won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for all the lovely reviews and feedback - you guys are awesome! We're nearing the end - keep it up; I take all suggestions and feedback to heart!


	23. Succor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry sighed, running a hand down his face.
> 
>  
> 
> “Is there anyone else I should be aware of that saw my guts?”
> 
>  
> 
> “No, just us.” Caitlin chuckled. “Cisco says he’s seen more of you then he ever wants to, though.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Yeah. I bet.” Barry muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congratulations! In my story board, the brief summarization of each chapter proves once again to be way longer once actually written. This chapter spun way out of control and is now being split up into 2 parts. Holy moly I just have no control when it comes to hurt/comfort.

**Succor**

“You have the stuff?”

 

“You bet I have the stuff.”

 

The voices were quiet, hushed with efforts of keeping the noise volume at a low level, but it still rose him from his sleep. Barry wearily opened his eyes, little slits that let in light slowly growing wider until he found himself looking straight ahead.

 

“Guys?” he rasped, a coat of sleep covering his tone, and he adjusted himself slightly on the gurney that sat half risen, comfortable enough for him to rest without lying down completely flat.

 

Their heads turned in his direction.

 

“Oh Barry, I am so sorry – we didn’t mean to wake you.” Caitlin apologized.

 

“But since you’re awake,” Cisco spread his arms wide, enthusiastically showing off the table of plastic grocery bags that both he and Caitlin began to unload. “Ta-da!”

 

It took a couple seconds to push past the stupor that plagued his consciousness, his hands sitting idly in his lap, his fingers twisting in the wires that connected to different parts of his body. He rose his right hand and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

 

“You went shopping?” Barry asked, once more having to clear his throat, his hoarse voice unfamiliar to his ears.

 

“Not just shopping…you mentioned you were hungry!” Cisco grabbed an item from within the bag, displaying it with a large, toothy grin. “We hooked ya up, man! And guess what – I didn’t even bump elbows with any insane ability leeching creeps this time!”

 

“As far as you know.” Caitlin muttered.

 

His head snapped her way. “No, not cool.”

 

While Caitlin playfully knocked elbows with Cisco, a friendly banter ensuing between the two, Barry lifted himself up slightly on the bed to peer at the two and the items they had brought in, a twinge of excitement at the possibility of substance that didn’t come from an IV.

 

His smile immediately diminished once he rubbed his eyes into focus.

 

“Jell-O?”

 

“ _Every-color-of-the-rainbow-_ jell-o!” Cisco half rapped, half sung the words while unloading the premade packets of gelatin.

 

Barry sunk back against the mattress, his short-lived exhilaration leaving as fast as it came.

 

“Yay. Jell-O.” he apathetically mumbled.

 

“I’m sorry, Barry.” Caitlin frowned. “We’ll get you back on solid foods soon, I promise. You’re doing a lot better though, and with your BUN levels I think we may even be able to stop dialysis tomorrow.”

 

With the most energy he could muster, Barry gave a small thumbs up, finding himself closing his eyes with a never-ending exhaustion that he couldn’t fight. His head lolled against the pillow and his cheek rested on the cool cotton beneath him.

 

“Alright, take your pick!” Cisco clapped his hands together. “I got blue, orange, green-”

 

Caitlin interrupted. “You know there are flavors to these colors, right? We’re adults…we can say blueberry, lime…”

 

“Hush, woman.”

 

“I’m good.” Barry mumbled.

 

“Uh-uh,” Cisco waved his finger in the air, “you’re eating one of these bad boys today.”

 

“Cisco’s right. You may not have your speed metabolism back yet, but you still need to eat.” Caitlin said.

 

Barry didn’t respond, his brows knitting together with a mixture of annoyance and irritation, the idea of food suddenly making his stomach turn, and he dug his cheek further into the pillow, willing himself to disappear.

 

“You don’t pick and I’m giving you yellow.” Cisco told him.

 

Barry opened one eye, followed by another, and his head turned to look at Cisco with a deadpan expression.

 

“Really, dude?” Barry said. “After everything…that’s what you do to me? Yellow?”

 

Caitlin caught on faster than Cisco had, nudging him in the elbow before returning to the grocery bags that still needed to be cleared away. Cisco frowned in confusion before his face suddenly fell flat, his own mind troubled with the false memories of a hand reaching through his chest, and the Reverse Flash staring back at him.

 

“You’re right, red’s a much better color. How does red sound?”

 

Barry smirked. “I like red.”

 

“See,” Cisco smiled and turned to Caitlin, “I told you cherry was the best flavor in existence.”

 

Caitlin rolled her eyes. “Oh, so _now_ we’re calling them by their flavors.”

 

“You’re just jelly that the snack packs come with more red than they do blue.” Cisco retorted.

 

Caitlin sighed, handing Barry a spoon and the plastic container with the red gelatin inside.

 

“Do you see what I’ve had to deal with all week?” Though her words could have been misinterpreted as aggravation, she smiled and joked through the situation, keeping the air free of any tension.

 

Barry chuckled, forcing himself to mutter a ‘sorry’ as he fought to consume the tiny bit of food handed to him, his hand shaking each time he brought the spoon to his mouth. It had only been a couple of days since he first woke up, and only a handful before that he was given the cure, and his body was making itself known that his limitations were much greater than he was used to.  

 

With a calm taking place after the storm, the dust settling from the chaotic events that they managed to push through, the days went by a lot slower – especially for Barry, and not just because he had adjusted to the world going by at a faster speed.

 

The first handful of days were spent sleeping, his body still fighting off the infection, the antibiotics working overtime to get him back to health. Caitlin had ensured everyone this was the time for them to recoup from their restless nights, the most worry being spent in getting his kidney function back up and running from the septic shock he had suffered from. Their time spent doing around the clock vigils could take a breather as he finally reached stable conditions.

 

Iris had returned to work for a couple days shortly after, Joe having insisted that he’d keep watch with both him and Barry being on indefinite leave from CCPD. She tried to take the time away from S.T.A.R labs as an opportunity to refocus and reenergize herself, but the CCPN was the least of her worries, and by the second day back she had put in a personal leave request.

 

“Coffee?” she offered the tray of paper cups to Cisco.

 

Looking up from the computer monitors, he frowned.

 

“It’s like…. eleven am. Shouldn’t you be at work?” he had asked.

 

Iris sighed. “I’m…not going back for a little while.”

 

“Iris, come on,” Cisco huffed, “you keep this up and we’ll have to start charging you rent.”

 

He sat occupied at the computers, monitoring the city for any alarming events that the police couldn’t handle. It was the most he could do with Barry being out of commission, even Oliver calling to say he’d lend a hand if needed. For the most part, it was boring and tedious work, but he’d take that over meta-human problems any day of the week.

 

“It’s not that. It’s…” she pursed her lips, “my editor wants me to write an article about the Flash being ‘a coward’ during the meta-catcher crisis.”

 

Chewing on a twizzle that hung from his mouth, Cisco scoffed.

 

“This dude is really gung-ho on anti-Flash nonsense.” he remarked.

 

“Tell me about it.” Iris had replied. “And with all Barry’s going through, I don’t think I can put up with that right now.”

 

She found herself gazing deep into the coffee cup that both had hands clutched tightly, the steam rising from the top in little twirls. She hadn’t even noticed Cisco dump one of the coffees into his S.T.A.R lab's mug, nor did she notice as he pushed back his computer chair and folded his hands behind his neck.

 

“I think you can.” he casually mentioned.

 

Iris looked up, frowning with confusion.

 

“What?”

 

“You’re strong, Iris. Everything you’ve been through recently – no one else would handle it with the grace you have. I think the Iris West we know would go back to that office and write an article on why the Flash is a hero, whether the public gets to see it or not.”

 

Something about his words hit close to home, and while Iris didn’t immediately reply to him, she certainly took heavy consideration to his suggestion.

 

Ultimately, she ended up bringing out her laptop and spending the evening in the cortex writing out lengthy, wordy and sometimes nonsensical paragraphs that she’d edit through later, and when her father tried to send her home she’d stand her ground. She wouldn’t verbalize it, but having Barry in front of her was the greatest motivation she could ever ask for.

 

It was roughly four am when Barry cracked his eyes open, head facing her as she typed away ferociously.

 

“Writing a novel?” he mumbled, eyes not quite open, and not quite closed.

 

She looked up at him, smiling softly.

 

“Something like that.”

 

The CCPN would later publish her article as the front news page, though Barry wouldn’t be aware of it until much later. He’d save it as a memento and a reminder of how precious life was, including his own.

 

_FLASH’S SAVE THE DAY_

_By Iris West_

_When you do things right, people won't be sure that you have done anything at all…_

 

The day his fever went down to 99.9 was the first day he was awake more than he had slept. And he was eager to talk with his surrounding friends and family, a desperation to fill the gaps in time that he couldn’t recall.

 

“So, you made a ‘cure’ that suppresses my speedster abilities?” Barry asked, water bottle in hand as he sipped from the straw inside.

 

Caitlin, sitting on the edge of the gurney, shook her head.

 

“Not quite. You see, when we rescued you, all your cells were tainted by the Compound MB-2. Once you stopped receiving continuous doses of it, your body had to chance to start flushing it out. Only you received such a high dosage that the serum became a nonpolar substance and wouldn’t dissolve in your cells; it was breaking apart.”

 

Barry let out a bitter chuckle. “The classic water and oil conundrum.”

 

“Exactly.” Caitlin nodded. “If he hadn’t been subjecting you to the Compound MB-2 so frequently, it would have flushed out like any normal toxin. Once it began to break apart, your body got confused; your speedster ability began pushing forward, not knowing it wouldn’t come forward as a whole. You only had your hypermetabolism…which became a problem with the sepsis and your recovery from surgery.”

 

“So how did you…” Barry trailed off.

 

“Harry created a counter-serum with Wally’s cells and a tiny bit of nanites. It suppressed all your cells bound to the Compound MB-2. Your body is still flushing out the serum, but we tricked your speed ability into thinking the serum wasn’t active. That way, all of it - the poison and your abilities - stays suppressed while you recover.” Caitlin explained.

 

“When it wears off, I’ll have my powers back?” Barry asked.

 

“It wears off once there aren’t any tainted molecules to suppress. Once that happens, it’s safe to assume that yes, your abilities will return, and you’ll heal quicker…if you haven’t already.” Caitlin stopped him before he could speak, already knowing his question. “We don’t know when that’ll happen. It wasn’t just your bloodstream that the serum got into, it infected your spinal cord and even began to reach brain matter by the time we got you back. It…could take a while, Barry.”

 

He paused, letting the information sink in. It was hard to catch up on everything that had occurred while he was out, feeling like it was an entire movie he missed out on that everyone else got to see. It almost didn’t seem real, and if not for the wounds and pain that accompanied the stories, he’d have trouble believing it.

 

For the past two years, he had been so focused on keeping his friends and family safe that he never once truly deliberated his mortality.

 

“Harry really pulled through on this one.” Barry found himself absentmindedly commenting.

 

Caitlin nodded. “He did. I don’t think I’ve seen him that determined since Jesse was taken.”

 

Fiddling with the pulse oxygen monitor clipped to his finger, Barry smiled, followed shortly by a light chuckle.

 

“He reminds me of the Grinch. When there’s trouble, his heart grows three times its normal size….”

 

“And then everything is okay, his heart shrinks and he’s right back to being an ass again.” Caitlin finished.

 

Barry laughed, one that unfortunately followed by a deep cough, his hand gripping his side with a grimace. It took a couple moments and deep breaths for the pain to pass, something that Caitlin, unfortunately, had to watch and grit through.

 

“Barry…I’m so sorry.”

 

Clearing his throat, Barry looked up confused, covering his mouth as he coughed a few more times.

 

“Sorry? For what?”

 

Caitlin didn’t respond, her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, words not forming in her head. She hadn’t properly expressed her emotions since the moment Barry had been rescued, even the short and far-between cries she expressed with Cisco being a drop of water to the broken dam that was waiting to be released.

 

Like with so many other things in her life – her father, Ronnie, Jay – if she let the emotions out now, they’d never stop coming. Looking at Barry, she knew he still needed her strong and collected, professional and ready to treat and help.

 

Unfortunately for her, Barry was still her friend, and he could tell that the thoughts were dashing through her head like a runaway train.

 

“Cait, you have nothing to be sorry for; you didn’t do anything.”

 

“Exactly. I didn’t do anything.” she found herself saying, the words being spoken before her mind decided on them. “I couldn’t help you…I had the audacity to perform _surgery_ on you and then let you suffer in pain.”

 

Barry shook his head harder, setting the water bottle down on the nearest table and grabbing Caitlin’s hand.

 

“You didn’t let anything happen, Caitlin. You didn’t choose any of this - to not have medicine affect me, the infection…that wasn’t your doing. What you _did_ do though, was use your knowledge and expertise to take care of me. I couldn’t ask for more from a friend.”

 

Though her hands were held in his, she hadn’t the courage to look at him, her eyes suddenly finding the floor more interesting. He tugged at her arm to gain her attention.

 

“Listen, things became…really fuzzy after a while, and I don’t remember the stories you guys are telling me about hallucinating, but I know when things got too bad you were there to put me out. And I knew even then you had your reasons for not using those tranquilizers all the time. I understood then, and I understand now. It’s okay.”

 

She hated herself for the tears that burned in her eyes, and she blinked them away with aggravation, only for the few drops to slide down her cheeks. She brushed them away before Barry could say anything.

 

He frowned, squeezing her hand a little harder. “Caitlin, look at me.”

 

Her eyes found his, this time the tears falling without a hand to push them away.

 

“If it weren’t for you, I’d still have that device inside of me. You saved my life, Caitlin. Thank you.”

 

It wasn’t the magic words that would rid her of the nasty emotions and memories, and she knew they both still had a long road ahead of them, but Caitlin felt the tidal wave inside of her calm significantly. 

 

She took a deep shaking breath, a nervous laugh following as she wiped her cheeks dry.

 

“I can’t take all the credit.” Caitlin replied. “There’s more to the Grinch that we didn’t know. He’s pretty good at the on-hands medical treatment, even assisted me with getting the intrathecal pump out.”

 

Barry sighed, running a hand down his face.

 

“Is there anyone else I should be aware of that saw my guts?”

 

“No, just us.” Caitlin chuckled. “Cisco says he’s seen more of you then he ever wants to, though.”

 

“Yeah. I bet.” Barry muttered.

 

The days came and went in more of a fragmented way then a smooth course of events, primarily due to how medicated he had been. Despite the infection clearing away, there were still a load of complications and side effects he had to push through – constant nausea, exhaustion, migraines and then the fresh healing wounds from multiple surgical incisions. Though never having been a fan of painkillers even before the lightning strike, he happily took advantage of the numbing medicine when he could, finding it easier to stay asleep then suffer through being awake. 

 

When he’d wake up, there’d always be someone present that he would talk with, no matter how short the conversation lasted. If it wasn’t Cisco and Iris, it would be Caitlin intently watching his vital signs, or Joe kicked back in a chair listening to the TV they wheeled in the room; he noted that typically the Central City Cougars game would be on.

 

His eyes rolled in their sockets before he finally found focus, adjusting himself on the gurney once he realized that his back was stiff, yet his sides were too tender to lay on, two large incisions there that had been closed on top of a chest tube that had only recently been removed.

 

It had become typical to wake up in pain, the narcotics slowly wearing off before another dose was administered, the tender aches gradually becoming raw, fiery pain that flooded his muscles. He groaned, his head rolling to the side, his eyes finding Joe’s feet kicked up on a spare chair as the blue light from the TV illuminated the room.

 

“You good, Bar?” he asked, fingers gripping the armrest with anticipation of standing up.

 

Barry gulped, nodding his head. “Yeah…”

 

Joe slowly relaxed back down in his seat, and though he knew there wasn’t much he could do, his eyes still darted from the TV to Barry every few moments.

 

“Who’s home team?” Barry asked, his eyes still closed and his voice fading out with hoarseness.

 

“Coast City Sharks.” Joe responded.

 

“Ugh,” Barry grimaced, “we’re screwed.”

 

He’d fall back asleep, knowing that when he woke up there’d be someone by his side, a small feat he took great comfort him. He hadn’t been alone, not since rescued from the hell he had been put through.

 

Even Harry would keep an eye on him, or ‘babysit’ in his own words, when the others couldn’t find a time to be there. As much as he began to miss their company, he was happy to see them start resuming their daily schedules, a sense of normalcy returning with it. Unlike the others though, Harry primarily kept to himself – a conversationalist he was not.

 

Unfortunately, it was the same night Barry insisted Joe, Iris, and Caitlin go home that Caitlin had already begun to lower his dosage of painkillers. Free of a clouded, foggy mind, he slept restlessly, plagued by memories of events that haunted him.

 

The nightmares didn’t make much sense, but they instilled a sense of fear in him regardless. He awoke with a gasp, followed by a loud cough and then an unpleasantly loud grunt.

 

“Hey, hey! Calm down, Barry. You’re good. You’re fine.”

 

Eyes darting to the voice, he found Harry at his bedside, his hand cautiously and uncertainty reaching forward to grip his shoulder. Barry could feel his S.T.A.R labs t-shirt damp with sweat, and his arms trembled with anxiety.

 

“I’ll get you something to help you sleep.” Harry began to walk away before he could register what had happened.

 

“No! No…I’m…no.” Barry shook his head and ran a shaking hand down his face.

 

Harry paused, turning on his feet at hearing the words,

 

“You sure?” he asked.

 

Barry settled on nodding his head, his voice escaping his throat when he tried to speak. He willed himself to control his breathing, the deep inhales stinging in his chest.

 

Just then, Cisco came jogging into the cortex and made a b-line for the med bay.

 

“Hey, everything good?” he called out, his voice slightly panicked.

 

Harry groaned whilst Barry nodded his head.

 

“Yeah.” Barry said. “Just…a bad dream.”

 

Already having sat back down into the nearest chair, Harry picked his book up from the end table and resumed reading. Cisco darted his eyes back and forth from his friend to Harry, weary and doubtful of what had occurred.

 

Cisco narrowed two fingers at his eyes, then pointed them back at Harry.

 

“I’m watching you.”

 

“ _I’m watching you._ ” Harry mocked.

 

“Don’t make me use these bad boys.” Cisco rose his hand in the air, fingers waving freely. “I’ve been practicing…I’ll send you through a breach that leads to the city dump.”

 

“I’d like to see you try!” Harry snapped.

 

“Is that a threat, amigo?”

 

Barry laid back on the mattress, pulling the blanket closer to his chin as a shiver ran down his spine. He listened inattentively to Harry and Cisco bicker, their voices turning into hushed whispers once they had realized he was dozing back to sleep. While on a normal day he’d be annoyed and frustrated by their lack of comradery, there was a sense of comfort that came with hearing them in the foreground, a reminder of the safety he had been enveloped with.   

 

Barry remembered that everything was okay, and as long as he remembered that, he found himself sleeping peacefully.

 

Still, recovering had to be the most difficult challenge for him, and everyone could tell. His wounds healed slowly and painfully, and internally his body struggled to recover from the life-threatening infection that had almost shut down all his organs.  He spent most his days nauseous, happily taking up offers from Caitlin for medicine like Zofran and Phenergan, willing anything to keep his stomach from tossing and turning.

 

“Alright everybody, the food’s here!” Iris called out, her heels tapping against the tiled floor and her hands carrying bags of food.

 

Gathering around the computer monitors, she began to divvy out the individual bags.

 

“I _promise_ once Barry’s better, I’m going to make everyone a nice, home-cooked meal. Until then…” she dug into the bags, “Chinese for Cisco…Big Belly Burger for Harry and my dad, and Caitlin and I have chicken Caesar salads.”     

 

Caitlin eagerly dug into her salad, taking a couple bites before mumbling through her full mouth.

 

“Oh, I forgot,” she wiped her lips with a napkin, “please, _no one_ give Barry any of this food. He thinks he’s getting his appetite back, but he’s not ready. Don’t let him trick you.”

 

That same night Barry hunched over the gurney, spewing the contents of his stomach into the metal kidney dish in his lap.

 

Caitlin pursed her lips. “Who was it?”

 

“I’m a little…” he coughed and heaved, a splatter of his stomach contents hitting the bottom of the kidney dish. “…busy right now.”

 

“I’m giving you a pass. You’re weak and sick and I’m going to pretend your willpower has been stripped away with your abilities. But the others-”

 

“Cait, I’m a grown man.” he rasped. “I’m suffering from my mistake. Let’s leave it at that.”

 

Caitlin dropped the conversation, knowing that pushing for an answer wouldn’t get either one of them anywhere. Still fuming though, the next morning Joe had returned from showering at home to find a handwritten sign plastered on the glass windows of the med-lab reading _‘Don’t feed Barry!’_

He didn’t get an answer when he asked Barry about it.

 

Somehow, over the course of two days, the sign went from _‘Don’t feed Barry!’_ to _‘Don’t feed **the** Barry!’ _

 

Cisco rose an eyebrow. “ _The_ Barry? When did Barry become an inanimate object?”

 

Ultimately the sign just became _‘Don’t feed the Bare’_ with the last two letters of his name crossed out and replaced with an E.

 

Barry found that one funny, especially when Iris returned later in the day with a stuffed bear decked out in a red jumpsuit.

 

“Get it? Beary? Barry? Huh?” she joked, settling the stuffed bear in his lap.

 

Barry laughed, shaking his head. “I think you guys are getting cabin fever. You need to get out of here, go back to work for good, start returning to normal.”

 

Iris watched as he played with the stuffed animal in his hands, adjusting the red jumpsuit with a chuckle. He had been making enormous progress since the beginning of the entire mess, but the scars still wore heavily on him, the dark bags under his eyes more noticeable with the paleness of his skin.

 

She leaned forward, gently grabbing his hand.

 

“Things will be normal once you’re better. Until then, we’re here.” she clutched his hand with both of hers. “I’m here.”

 

He looked up, his smile getting a little softer and the tension from his shoulders dropping. She hadn’t been at her best lately – at least that’s what she insisted to tell him – her hair a little frizzier, her clothes a little more wrinkled and less care was taken into putting on her makeup, but each and every time he saw her he felt the same amount of love as he had before, if not more. It was medicine in and of itself for him.

 

“Thank you, Iris. I…don’t know what I would have done if you never found out I was the Flash. I couldn’t do this without you.” he admitted, his voice soft spoken.  

 

She squeezed his hand, caressing the inside of his palm in a familiar, comforting pattern.

 

“I love you, Barry.” Iris said.

 

Barry grinned, his lips spreading wide until his white, pearly teeth began to shine in the light. It was three words he had been waiting to hear from Iris since he was eleven years old, the butterflies in his stomach flourishing with excitement.

 

And then he frowned, a look of puzzled confusion washing over him.

 

“Have we said that to each other yet? ‘Cause…I know for a fact I’ve kissed you twice for the first time, so I might be a little confused…”

 

At first, Iris rolled her eyes, an exasperated sigh exhaling out of her chest. She leaned over the bed and placed a gentle kiss on his lips, his hand rising to the back of her head and running through her hair as she did.

 

Parting ways, he smiled at her.

 

“I love you, Iris.”

 

* * *

 

Progress was made slowly. It was a pace Barry was vastly uncomfortable with, even without his speed. So, when Joe returned to S.T.A.R labs late one afternoon with a ‘surprise’ for him, his feet were already dangling off the bed with anticipation of being _anywhere_ else but the med bay.

 

“Alright, on the count of three…one…” Caitlin held his arm tightly around her neck, looking over at Cisco to ensure he had the same grip, “…two…three!”

 

With a loud grunt and wobbly feet, Barry stood up from the gurney, aided by Caitlin and Cisco at his side. He was dressed in baggy sweatpants and a typical S.T.A.R labs t-shirt, yet his feet remained barefoot, the tile cold against his toes.

 

“You good, man?” Cisco questioned, still hesitate on leaving his side even though Caitlin had already backed away.

 

Barry nodded with a grimace. “Yeah…just…that side is _really_ hard to put weight on.”

 

“The stitches should be coming out any day now. Take the help if you need it, though.” Caitlin advised him, still cautious about backing too far away from him.

 

Cisco gripped his arm and wrapped his own around Barry’s waist, and though his friend was considerably taller them him, he still helped guide Barry out into the cortex where Joe and Iris sat waiting for them.

 

Rising from his seat, Joe smiled. Though Barry walked as considerably slow as he had while recovering from his broken back, it still brought them great joy to see him out of bed and up and about.

 

“You’re looking better everyday, Bar.” he said.

 

“Getting’ there.” Barry replied. “What’s the big deal, what’s going on?”

 

Joe took a deep breath, one that held a bout of nerves obvious to those around him.

 

“Well, I figured this is something you need to see in person…” he patted him on the shoulder before turning around, walking to the furthest end of the cortex, right to where the glass case held the mannequin that would normally wear the Flash’s suit.

 

Only it had been covered by a large, black sheet. Confused, Barry titled his head in wonderment.

 

Joe tore down the sheet, revealing the mannequin, and the crimson suit it wore.

 

“No way.” Barry gaped, eyes wide. “I thought Nagle-ahhrggh.”

 

Barry groaned, stumbling over to the nearest table for support before Caitlin caught him, her eyes shooting daggers to Cisco the entire time.

 

“My sweet, sweet baby.” Wrapping his arms around the mannequin, Cisco hugged it tightly and swayed back and forth. “I’ll never let you get hurt again.”

 

“Thanks, Cisco!” Barry called out, grunting.

 

Iris’s mouth fell to the floor and Joe’s growl could have been mistaken for a lion, one that caught Cisco’s attention the most. He looked behind him sheepishly, slowly backing away from the mannequin.

 

“…sorry.” he squeaked, followed immediately by a full pat-down of the suit, eagerly examining each inch of the fabric with delight.

 

“Here, sit Barry.” Iris pushed a chair behind him.

 

Barry waved her off. “I think sitting will make it worse. I’ll just stand.”

 

She gently took over for Caitlin, using her own body as a support structure for Barry, who wobbled on his bare heels.

 

“How…where’d you get it from? Nagle kept that place spotless, I thought…” Barry said what everyone had been thinking for days – they thought the suit was destroyed, especially as the meta-catcher case closed no sign of evidence towards the Flash’s involvement as a victim.

 

“That’s where the story gets complicated.” Joe clapped his hands and began twirling them together with his tell-tale sign of anxiety. “Captain Singh found it.”

 

Barry’s eyes went wide, his breath momentarily taken from him as the room went speechless.

 

“I think I’ll sit after all.”

 

Iris already had a chair behind him, and she gently helped him sit down, Joe pulling one up for himself as she, Caitlin and Cisco leaned against the computer monitors.

 

“Technically, he doesn’t know that you know…that he knows.”

 

Barry blinked. “I’m still on painkillers Joe, you gotta make that clearer.”

 

“He made me promise not to tell you…. it’s a promise I need to break. And it hurts me to have to do it, but my family comes first.” Joe took a deep breath. “He came across it when at the crime scene. He says he took it before anyone else had even gotten inside yet.”

 

“So how does he know that I’m…” Barry’s words trailed off into silence.

 

“According to him, he had a gut feeling you were involved. I kept telling him I didn’t want you on the meta-catcher case, and then the Flash went missing at the same time I had to call you out of work for a sudden illness. Wally bringing in Nagle – Kid Flash that is…his red flags started going off, I guess. He had the suit tested for DNA. It matched yours.”

 

That set Barry off, and he gripped the armrests of the chair with shock.

 

“Who tested it!?” Barry exclaimed.

 

“Anderson.”

 

“Anderson!?” Barry let out an exasperated sigh, his palm meeting his forehead. “He barely knows how to use ethidium bromide in the polymerase chain reaction, why would Singh use him? And does _he_ now know too?”

 

“No, no, Anderson wasn’t clued in and didn’t even get to see the results of the testing, let alone know the fabric he was testing was the suit. Singh transferred him to SCPD though, just to wipe his hands clean.” Joe hurriedly explained.

 

“God, Joe…” Barry’s head fell into his hands, “what now?”

 

It was a million-dollar question, one that everyone in the room was eager to hear the answer to.

 

“Nothing.” Joe plainly stated. “David handed me all the evidence and…said mum’s the word.”

 

Barry’s head quickly snapped up, a mixture of astonishment and doubt clearing his expression.

 

“That’s it? He’s not…arresting me for vigilante crimes or outing me to the city…?”

 

Joe shook his head. “He’s very appreciative of the Flash, Barry. And he said a few kind words about you too. When you’re ready to tell him, he said that he’ll be listening.”

 

Iris squeezed his shoulder and Joe patted his knee before standing up.

 

“Wow. I…never thought…” Barry trailed off, momentarily flabbergasted until the corner of his eye caught Cisco undressing the mannequin. “Dude, what are you doing?”

 

“I have repairs to make. Adjustments.” Cisco briskly walked by Barry and Iris on his way out of the cortex, finger pointing in their direction. “I’m going to find a way to get a GPS tracker in here that can never be removed. We ain’t losing you again, Barry!”

 

Barry was on the verge of speaking before Caitlin put her hand in the air.

 

“Just…let him have this.” she said. “He’s been going crazy without work to do. Thoracostomy’s and urine analysis aren’t really his niche.”

 

As it turned out, the time spent on the repairs and additional adjustments to his suit took a lot shorter then he had expected, and Barry could tell that Cisco was itching to do something. Coincidentally enough, so was he, as each day he was more fed up with laying in bed.

 

“ _Why_ do we keep this thing?” Barry aggravatedly asked.

 

“It’s the second time now it’s been useful to have.” Cisco remarked.

 

Barry rolled his eyes, not budging from the bed. He refused to look at the wheelchair straight on, the sight bringing on a sense of shame and anger for a multitude of reasons.

 

If he had things his way, he’d have thrown the damn thing over Niagara Falls by now. Yet Caitlin loved to keep resources in S.T.A.R labs supply closets, especially since their income primarily relied on patents. _‘Why spend money on what we already have?’_ was her reasoning.

 

Right now, he hated her reasoning.

 

“Dude, if you’re as sick of seeing these four walls as you say you are, you aren’t going to put up a fight. You’re getting a lot better, but you still walk like an old man.” Cisco’s joke held a truth that, while not intended to insult, received a nasty look from his friend.

 

Barry grumbled, adjusting himself to get out of bed.

 

“I’d like to see you walk around after having your back and side cut and ripped open.”

 

“Dude, you don’t gotta tell me about it, I _saw_ Caitlin slice you open like a fish.”

 

Barry slowly sat down in the wheelchair, lifting his legs as Cisco popped out the footrests from underneath him.

 

“Alright my good sir,” Cisco said with a thick, British accent. “I will be your chauffeur today. Where to?”

 

Cisco pushed Barry down the halls of S.T.A.R labs, knowing that he could maneuver the chair himself but insisting on doing it anyway. It wasn’t until they had spent a couple hours mindlessly strolling through the building that Barry realized just how cooped up he had been, feeling rejuvenated by simply spending time outside of the cortex.

 

They chattered about topics that weighed little to no importance until finally, Barry comforted the elephant in the room that had been between them for too long.  

 

“So, I was right after all.” Barry quipped. “That breach did lead home.”

 

Cisco shook his head. “Don’t think you’re off the hook.”

 

“Off the hook? For what!” Barry exclaimed, half laughing and half serious in his response.

 

“You _kicked_ me into that breach!” Cisco retorted.

 

“Kick is a strong word,” Barry replied. “I wasn’t capable of kicking, much less breathing…we can settle on ‘push’ though.”

 

Cisco hadn’t found the humor in the situation, a deep sigh taking place over Barry’s chuckle. Looking behind him, Barry could see the somberness fill his eyes.

 

“You have no clue how hard it was…knowing you were still back there.” Cisco admitted, his voice low. “I shouldn’t have left.”

 

“Cisco, I don’t think either one of us would be here today had you not left.” Barry insisted, yet the belief he held to the words didn’t reach Cisco.

 

He continued to push the wheelchair forward, this time in silence, his own mind occupied with thoughts he couldn’t rid himself of. Barry was familiar with the look, an aura of guilt that didn’t belong to the person who held it, a desire to change what was fixed something he had experienced his whole life.

 

Reaching behind him, Barry held out his first to Cisco.

 

“You were kind of a bad ass.” he remarked, smiling.

 

Cisco paused, a short debate processing in his head before he ultimately fist-bumped Barry, his own smile forming.

 

“Hell yeah, I was.”

 

They had made their way downstairs before they knew it, their conversation and company entertaining enough to pass the time. They had only realized they were in the basement once they approached the doorway leading into the room that held the speed cannon.

 

And Harry stood in front of it, Joe not too far off. It was an unsettling sight, especially considering the bags that Harry had swung over his shoulder.

 

“What’s going on?” Barry asked.

 

Cisco pushed him further into the room, and Barry looked over at Joe for an answer, the man standing against the wall with his arms crossed.

 

“I’m going home.” Harry answered.

 

“What?” Barry chuckled at first, before his face went flat. “You serious?”

 

Cisco wasn’t impressed, having already rolled his eyes more than once.

 

“How are you going to do that?” he incredulously asked.

 

Harry pointed his way. “You’re going to open a breach for me.”

 

“What…Harry…why? There’s no need to rush off.” Barry stammered, using the chair’s automated feature to push himself further into the room.

 

“Yeah…totally…no rush.” Cisco sarcastically and apathetically said.

 

“I’m not rushing off. I’m going back to my family.” Harry plainly stated. “I’ve spent nearly half of this year being so focused on Zoom and finding Jesse…that I’ve forgotten to live in the day to day moments.”

 

Harry looked over at Joe, who merely nodded his head in his direction, an unspoken conversation between the two being acknowledged. Months of resentment and aggravation no longer bonded them together, and though out of the loop, even Barry could tell something had changed.  

 

“Seeing your family and friends react as they have to all of this…how much they care about you…it’s reminded me of that time I would do anything to have one more moment with my daughter. It’s reminded me I need to treasure what time I do have with. And there’s no better time than the present.” Harry explained.

 

Surprisingly enough, Cisco didn’t have anything to say in response, staying quiet during the emotional breakthrough. Barry, however, lifted himself up from the wheelchair, grunting as he fought to find his footing on the ground while walking towards Wells.

 

Harry rolled his eyes, uncomfortably sighing. “Allen, don’t-”

 

“You helped save my life,” Barry stated, clapping him on the shoulder. “I can…never thank you enough for what you’ve done for me.”

 

“Yeah. Of course.” Harry cleared his throat, clearly uneasy with the conversation. 

 

Still, Barry smiled. “That makes you family now. So, don’t forget you have family here too.”

 

Harry bounced on his feet, adjusting the bags over his shoulder while he did.

 

“I’m sure Jesse will be very eager to return and visit.” he mentioned.

 

A beat passed before Cisco spoke up.

 

“Didn’t Jesse like, _not_ want to see you after everything with Zoom?”

 

Harry rolled his eyes, looking past Barry and behind him where Cisco stood.

 

“She wanted a break from – open the damn breach, Ramon!” he snapped.

 

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Cisco muttered, jogging forward to the speed cannons and past Barry.

 

He cracked his knuckles and rolled his shoulders before reaching his arm out, intently focusing on the task at hand, his eyes closed and his breaths coming in deep intervals. It was quicker then the had all expected to see the whirling pool of blue open before then – Cisco wasn’t kidding when he said he had been practicing. 

 

With the breach open, and Harry more than eager to leave, he glanced over his shoulder at Joe and extended his arm out his way.

 

Casually, Joe walked forward and took a grip of his hand, shaking it respectfully.

 

“Thank you.” Joe sincerely said.

 

“It’s the least I could do.” Harry replied.

 

* * *

 

Two weeks. Double the amount of time he spent confined to S.T.A.R labs after Zoom broke his back, but merely a dent from when he was in a coma. It was two weeks too long, and Barry was starting to get grumpy.

 

“Caitlin…” Barry whined, tossing the sci-fi magazine aside.

 

Sitting across the med bay and at the desk reading through her own books, Caitlin barely looked up.

 

“Hm?” she responded.

 

Barry sighed. “You know I appreciate everything you’ve done, right?”

 

“Of course.” Caitlin still hadn’t looked up, flipping to another page.

 

“And you’re the only person I’d trust in situations like these.” Barry continued.

 

“I am your personal doctor, after all.” Caitlin quipped.

 

“You’re the only one who’s ever put a catheter up my special place.” Barry joked.

 

This got her attention, and her head snapped up with lightning pace, her cheeks blushing pink.

 

“Barry!” Caitlin hissed. “I…am a professional and I-”

 

Looking at Barry, she could see his expression was somber, eyes holding a desperation that sparkled in the light.

 

“You gotta let me go home, Cait.” Barry told her.

 

Caitlin’s face fell flat, her hands falling away from her book, and she frowned.

 

“Barry, your powers aren’t back yet, you’re still recovering from sepsis and…”

 

“Please, Caitlin.”

 

Barry knew his voice sounded pathetically pleading, almost begging, and he inwardly berated himself for sounding so needy. But the days in S.T.A.R had taken a toll on him, and he wanted nothing more than the comfort of his own bed. His family had been amazingly supportive in his time of need, but nothing could replace the reinvigoration that only home would bring.

 

Luckily for him, Caitlin understood.

 

“You can go home – if you pass one test.” she said.

 

“Let me guess,” Barry replied, “pee in a cup?”

 

Caitlin frowned. “I have a different number in mind.”

 

* * *

 

Barry’s fingers typed quickly on his touch screen, the noises from each key emitting one after the other.

 

_‘Can you pick me up at 6? I never want to see S.T.A.R labs again.’_

He had sat his phone back down in his lap, but it wasn’t even a couple minutes later before it dinged, Joe’s face filling the screen. He swiped open to see the reply message.

 

_‘Drama queen.’_

Another ding.

 

_‘Besides, you own the building.’_

Barry rolled his eyes, typing his response and hitting send.

 

_‘I’ll sell it.’_

 

It must have been a slow day at CCPD, because Joe responded almost immediately.

 

_‘To who?’_

Barry smirked.

 

_‘Oliver Queen.’_

A couple minutes went by before the next text message came in.

 

_‘Smart ass.’_

 

Barry rolled his eyes.

 

_‘6 then?’_

Since the lightning strike, Barry had used S.T.A.R labs as an escape of sorts, his home away from home when he needed to focus, or steer clear of his personal problems. There were days he couldn’t imagine ever going back to his apartment, or Joe’s, or to anyone else. After a long recovery though, he was excited to return home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to sodoesrachael for the Harry/Grinch comment. It was too good not to use!


	24. Home

**Home**

The streetlights had turned on by the time Joe and Barry arrived home from S.T.A.R labs. The neighborhood where the West house resided was quiet and still, and only the rustling of the wind could be heard, breezier than normal for a summers night.

 

Barry welcomed it, the cool air brushing across his face as the passenger side door opened. If not for the seat belt that strapped him in, he’d have tilted over and landed face first onto the driveway that the SUV parked in. Luckily for him, Joe was there at his side, unbuckling him and helping him out of the vehicle, using the strength that he didn’t have in himself to get out.

 

Joe could have sworn the ride home would be the worst part of the evening, each bump the car encountered jolting through Barry ruthlessly, the sleeve of his sweatshirt held tightly to his mouth as he fought to hold back any signs of pain. He felt awful each time Barry grimaced, grunted or yelped, knowing there was little he could do to alleviate his pain, and the fifteen-minute trip ended up seeming like an eternity.

 

Still, he hadn’t considered the effort that would be needed to get the boy inside. He suddenly felt a strong animosity for the ten steps leading to the front door, the normally quick access inside having become an obstacle to overcome.

 

“Five more Bar; you got this.” Joe encouraged him, Barry’s arm slung over his shoulder and his own body being used as support while they slowly walked up the steps.

 

He tightened his grip on Barry’s arm, careful to avoid the ace bandage that wrapped tightly around his wrist and forearm, immobilizing the limb to heal a broken bone. The slick dampness that began to seep into the side of his shirt did not go unnoticed, nor did the beads of sweat that ran down Barry’s creased forehead. Each movement made was a painful task for him, and understandably so.

 

Joe held back a sigh of relief as they approached the front door, swinging it open while remaining at Barry’s side.

 

The first thing that Barry noticed wasn’t Iris jumping off the couch, running to greet them with a smile brighter than the sun, nor was it the crackling of the fireplace that hadn’t been lit in months. He took these things in later, after letting a deep inhale of fresh air fill his lungs, the ache that ran across and inside his chest worth it for the scent that danced around him.

 

It smelt like home.

 

A beautiful, comforting and easing sensation that overwhelmed him, the simple smell of familiarity stripping him of any tension that flooded his mind. It was something that couldn’t be replicated or recreated, no matter how much science you put into the matter. It was home, his home - their home, and he felt a rejuvenation that he hadn’t felt in weeks.

 

He felt safe.

 

“Easy son, easy…” Joe held him steady as he stumbled, his knees buckling underneath the stress of his own body weight. He stammered over his words, barely whispering a word of thanks as the man kept him upright and on their way inside.

 

Iris was at the front door in no time, but her large grin began to diminish as she took in the sight that met her. She hadn’t been this happy to see him home since the day he woke up from his nine-month coma, but unlike then, he was now worse for wear, guided with the aid of her father. The past handful of weeks had clearly taken a toll on him, the normally bright, livid, and bubbling personality stripped from him; it felt like she was watching a kicked puppy crawl across the floor.

 

“Barry…” her voice died out, the greeting that sat on her tongue suddenly no longer appropriate, and her excitement for his return home dissipated. She noticed her father’s struggle to lead him inside, as even slouched he remained taller than him and was only able carried half of his own weight. Still, though, she stood by, hesitant to assist.

 

Joe noticed her displacement and began to shrug the duffle bag off of his shoulder.

 

“Iris - can you take this?”

 

Iris practically jogged forward, picking up the fallen bag on her way as Joe led Barry inside and to the living room, both taking small baby steps along the way.

 

She quickly found her way to the living room where they were heading, rushing ahead to gather all the pillows on the couch and position them neatly on the far end of the sofa. Only when Joe and Barry stood in front of the couch did she help, gently grabbing his right bicep and helping her dad as they both lowered him down with ease.

 

Though their movements were slow and gentle, it didn’t completely relieve him from any pain, his wounds fresh and aching, and broken bones throbbing. Barry’s eyes shut tightly and his lips were drawn tight, his breaths coming in harsh as he fought past the pain that radiated through his body.

 

He focused on his breathing, the sound of each inhale and exhale keeping him grounded, though the noises from around him didn’t go unheard. It was easier to breathe than to listen to them talk, the resolve he needed to focus on their conversation long since gone.

 

“When did he last have anything?” Iris quietly asked, one hand digging through the duffle bag in search for the orange pill bottles that she heard rattling around, while her other kept the grip on Barry’s arm, switching her touch to a tender caress.

 

“A couple Percocet right before we left.” Joe softly replied. “Caitlin wants him to eat something tonight, can you…?”

 

Iris eagerly nodded. “Yeah, of course. I already have dinner cooking, it’ll be ready shortly.”

 

She looked down to where Barry sat, breaths still coming in heavy, eyes still shut tight, and she squatted down to be level with him.

 

“Hey…” Iris gently spoke, squeezing his arm to get his attention. “You need anything?”

 

Barry’s eyes snapped opened, stressed and bloodshot red and dazedly looking around before landing on Iris. Her worry was apparent, and for a moment he felt disgusted with himself for causing her concern.

 

“Yeah, no, no…” Barry shook his head, gulping forcefully. “I’m good.”

 

She smiled sympathetically, though the look she gave her father on the way into the kitchen was much different. Barry let it go, deciding it was easier to stay quiet than put up a fight.

 

He liked to suffer silently, that much was known. But suffering silently meant having the energy to do as much, and he just didn’t have it within him to bother. Every fiber in his being screamed from exhaustion, the electricity that normally crackled around him missing for weeks and leaving him feeling drained; spent, weak and overall miserable.  

 

He propped his elbow up on the armrest of the sofa, his forehead and cheek falling into the support of his three fingers as he closed his eyes, slumping over with the lack of energy to stay upright.

 

It was easier to stay still, to not move and breathe as gracefully as possible, because as he sunk into the cushions of the sofa, he realized that the amount of exertion he had put himself through was more than he could probably handle. Each breath in reminded him that it was worth it, that he was home, that the beeping of machines had been replaced with the sizzling fireplace and the harsh fluorescent lights weren’t beaming into his eyes. As long as he reminded himself of that, it made the pain a little more bearable.

 

“You good, Bar?” Joe’s voice seemed distant, but his hand was firm on his shoulder, grounding him to reality.

 

Barry nodded, though his eyes remained closed. He couldn’t open them if he wanted to, the thin layer of skin that were his eyelids suddenly too heavy to peer open. He could tell Joe had left the room shortly after patting him on the shoulder, the hushed and quiet conversation between him and Iris in the kitchen filling the silence in the house.

 

He blearily realized that his head swam with dizziness, thick vertigo that swung loosely and freely around him. It was easier to continue to drift in the hazy fog his brain was reveling in, too exhausted to move a muscle, too exhausted to listen to the faint conversation near him, only the hushed sound of his own breathing being his focus.

 

Eventually, even that faded away.

 

“Bar…. Barry!”

 

He awoke with a short gasp, blinking harshly against the sleep that laid heavily on his eyes.

 

“You with us, Bar?” Joe asked, worry riddling his voice.

 

“Yeah…” Barry cleared his throat, struggling to sit up straight, eventually deciding it was easier to stay put. “Did I fall asleep?”

 

Joe frowned, fluffing the pillows behind his back. “Just a little cat nap.” he answered, helping Barry sit upright on the sofa.

 

“I promised Caitlin I’d get stomach in your stomach. Come on…”

 

Barry wearily thought of how the man sounded like he had when he was just a child, insistent on staying outside and finishing his science project or watching musicals until the early hours of the morning. It was a parental tone, one he couldn’t mistake for anything else but love and concern.  

 

Yet when the unbearable smell of food suddenly filled his nostrils, Barry was unpleasantly surprised to find himself turning up his nose.

 

“I don’t think I can, Joe…” he gulped, his throat tightening with unwanted constriction.

 

He could feel the warmth of a body settling down next to him, the familiar scent of vanilla telling him it was Iris, and he took a deep breath in as he turned his head to look at her.

 

“It’s Grandma Esther’s mac and cheese,” Iris held a small bowl, “your favorite.”

 

She offered him the dish, only willing to help if he insisted on it, knowing from experience over the past couple weeks that he fought hard to keep his independence. While at first hesitant, he ultimately took it with shaking hands, letting it settle in his lap.

 

The smell was overwhelming. On a normal day, he’d have finished the meal by now, even dig into two or three full casserole size portions. He could barely swallow his first bite, the second and third even more tasking. The delicious and tangy taste that would typically accompany the food wasn’t there – it was bitter, harsh, and his gag reflex began to fight with him.

 

Though Joe had turned on the TV a while ago, some nonsense program playing, no one in the living room paid attention to it. The once hot bowl that sat in his lap had become lukewarm and he had resigned to closing his eyes again, the weight of his lids too heavy to conquer.

 

It was three breaths later that he realized his stomach had lurched and gurgled, a feeling he was all too familiar with as of late.

 

“I’m going to be sick.”

 

Their preparation was impressive, that much Barry had to admit. Unfortunately, not long after Joe had the bucket underneath his chin did the contents of his dinner come rushing back up, the bile harsh on his throat with each expel of vomit that came up. He didn’t have it within him to wipe away the tears that leaked out of his eyes, shakily taking the napkin from Iris with unspoken thanks.

 

“I’m sorry.” Barry croaked.

 

Iris frowned, rubbing his arm. “Don’t be.”

 

“You cooked that…you spent time on it…” Barry dry heaved into the bucket once more, his stomach flipping as he coughed and sputtered. “I’m sorry. Let me try again.”

 

Joe shook his head, setting both the dish of macaroni and the used bucket aside on the coffee table.

 

“You’ve had an eventful day. Why don’t we call it a night…?”

 

Sometime later, trying not to sob as he was gently eased back onto the sofa, he finally felt the convulsions in his stomach settle – leaving shakiness and a pulverized abdomen in the wake of voiding.

 

Barry nodded his head, though it was a pitiful attempt. The movement made his eyes and head hurt, and he shut them tightly as he breathed harshly against the nausea that crept up on him. He wanted to escape, flee the source of his pain, his body that had become a prison cell confining him to his worst nightmares. But he couldn’t.

 

“Couch or bed?” Joe asked.

 

Barry managed a smirk, offering his good hand to Joe.

 

“You know I hate this couch.”

 

Joe chuckled, taking Barry’s arm with gentle ease and helping him off the sofa. They stood still for a moment once he was on his feet, willing the room to stop spinning before they made their way to the staircase.

 

Why Barry picked the bed, all the way upstairs, was beyond Joe. As he helped him up each step, the wooden floorboards creaking below them, he couldn’t help but be reminded of the second night Barry had stayed with him, not long before he had decided to foster the kid for good. It took him over an hour to get the tiny eleven-year-old boy up the stairs, his feet planted firmly on the ground as he insisted that _‘he was going back home tonight’_.

 

He had been fighting Caitlin for days to leave S.T.A.R labs, showing the same determination that he had in that moment. Home was a special place for Barry, that much they all knew, as he spent years trying to rediscover what home truly meant for him. If the bedroom was where he felt more comfortable, Joe would spend all night helping him get there.

 

He hurt. Every part of Barry hurt, his skin tender and raw, his insides screaming and crying, the wounds burning with a hot, fiery intensity that it brimmed tears in his eyes. The painkillers, god bless them and the painkillers he could take, muted the pain and fogged his head, sometimes providing a chunk of time he was blocked off from the burning intensity, but like a do not cross line that blocked off a crime scene, he could still see everything straight ahead. He suffered, the agony always present, trying to push through the fog like a bright flashlight.

 

He groaned against Joe’s shoulder, letting the man’s arm hold him up by the hips, his body practically deadweight from the lack of strength and the fear of standing up too straight, his skin pulled tight and taunt. His groans become grunts, deep in his chest and raw in his throat.

 

“You good, Bar?” Joe asked, his question all but asking if they should continue.

 

Barry’s only response was a nod, his lips saying ‘yeah’ but his vocal cords shut tight.

 

Luckily it didn’t take them all too long. His bedroom wasn’t far from the main hallway, but the task of getting up the stairs proved to be trying. As luck had it, fate stuck its tongue out at Barry, and he buckled as a wave of vertigo hit him. Unable to keep his knees from buckling, Barry crumpled, only to be saved from a humiliating nosedive by a surprising agile Joe, and Iris on his other side.  

 

It took a few moments to register what had happened.

 

“…thanks.” he muttered.

 

He’d be humiliated later. Right now, he just wanted to sleep.

 

Entering the room, he noticed that the crumbled sheets and comforter were neatly spread over the mattress, certainly not the mess he left the morning he had been captured. Iris walked forward and folded them down, once more adjusting the pillows for him.

 

He wanted to thank them a thousand times over, to show his appreciation and humility for all they were doing for him, but his mouth wasn’t opening. By the time he had sat down in the bed, he knew the words weren’t going to come anytime soon.

 

“Alright, now I’m going to be just across the hall, Bar…you need _anything,_ you-”

 

Barry waved him off, adjusting his legs straight on the bed as Iris propped another pillow against his back.

 

“I got it, Joe. Go…take a break from me.”

 

Joe didn’t seem convinced, but unfortunately, Barry didn’t have it within him to do much else. He looked over at Iris, who was preoccupied opening the bottles of medication, Barry’s broken wrist prevented him from doing it himself, and he sighed.

 

“Call me if you need me, baby girl.” Joe leaned forward for a hug, wrapping her tightly around his arms.

 

“I will, dad.” she replied, pulling away from him. “Sleep well.”

 

“You too honey, good night.”

 

Joe left the room, but kept the hallway lights on – a precaution, he told himself.

 

Iris sat on the edge of the bed, finding herself caressing the back of his hand as she had for so many days now, staring off at the wall with no real focus or thoughts. She had expected Barry to be asleep not long after Joe left, which is why she was startled as he patted the empty space next to him.

 

“…’come on…” Barry mumbled, head lolling to the side.

 

“Uh, no.” she said. “If I roll over, or hit you, or-”

 

“Iris…” Barry’s eyes were barely open, just enough so that she could see the sparkle of green glisten from the hallway lights. “Your dad’s not going to kill either of us right now, and…I just…. really need you here.”

 

His voice had faded out, his vocal cords falling to sleep with him as he dozed off, only somewhat awake by the sign of his hand continuing to pat the bed and the empty space next to him, though his actions had become much more sloppy and uncoordinated.

 

His smile was so brief she nearly missed it. It wasn’t even a smile, really. He met her gaze, eyes crinkling just enough to make him look years younger than he was. The only difference now being that those eyes were darkened by pain, the lack of sleep bruising a shadow underneath that she hoped would be lessened soon.

 

Iris ultimately reconciled, though she didn’t have any fight in her to resist. She lifted her legs onto the bed and snuggled up close to him, careful not to put much weight on his body while still being nearby. Laying on his good side, Barry wrapped his arm around her and brought her closer, her head falling on his chest and her hair spread out across him.

 

“I promised you…we’d have a later.” he slurred.

 

Laying down in the bed, Barry hadn’t remembered a time he felt so comfortable, the mattress engulfing him like fluffy, white clouds, his neck relaxing against the feather pillow behind his head. He let his body go slack, deciding that any problems that surrounded him could wait.

 

Her fingers curled into the fabric of his S.T.A.R lab's hoodie, and his into the tangles of her black hair, not clasped tightly, but just enough to reassure him that they were staying together in this moment of weakness. Barry's heart soared each time he had her in his arms. His chest rising and falling with the mellow pace of his breathing, they both fell asleep together, the world leaving them be and at peace, if only for a little while.

 

* * *

 

Iris had dreams of lava. A simmering volcano that gave way to a heat she had never felt before, white wisps rising from the top like fumes of a burning building. The rain became falling fire, the sky filling with a choking smoky powder and the air warmed quicker than she could breathe in.

 

And then she woke up.

 

Her head still rested on his chest, in fact, neither of them had adjusted even the slightest since they fell victim to the powerful slumber that their bodies needed. But her long and lush hair was now plastered to her face, slick with the perspiration that poured down her skin.

 

She couldn’t breathe. The atmosphere was too thick, too _hot,_ and the stench of her stale sweat jolted her awake. She sat up on the bed, wiping the wetness from her eyes and away from her hair, choking quietly on the musty air that she breathed in. Looking down, she could see that her top was soaking wet, stuck to her skin like a wet paper towel, and dazedly confused, she looked over at Barry.

 

“Barry?” she called his name, taping him on the shoulder.

 

He slept peacefully, calmer than she could remember him being. If not for the multiple taps on his shoulder and chest that went completely unnoticed, she’d have let him be. Only, he was dry as a dessert, and the house was never this warm.

 

And he wasn’t waking up.

 

“Barry?” Iris began to panic, her attempts to wake him becoming more frantic. “Barry!”

 

One touch to his face was all she needed to know something was wrong. Her skin practically sizzled upon touch, her hand jerking away with shock.

 

“Dad!” she cried out, “DAD!”

 

The door to his bedroom flew open before she could call out again, making her wonder if he ever fell asleep in the first place. Joe came stumbling out into the hallway, clad only in a t-shirt and pajama pants, his bare feet slapping against the wooden floor with force.

 

“What’s going on?” he asked, his words slightly slurred but somehow still alert.

 

Iris’s head snapped up, sitting on her knees next to Barry, looking as if she had run a marathon. Joe didn’t need to ask what the problem was, as one step into the room and his eyes went wide.

 

“What the…” he gasped, fanning away the air as if it would help. “Is there a fire…!?”

 

Iris shook her head vigorously.  “He won’t wake up, dad.”

 

Joe quickly jogged inside, her words invoking a terror within him, and while standing over Barry he jostled his shoulder to stir him.

 

“Barry…Bar!” his attempts were ineffective, eventually using so much force that Barry’s entire body shook in the bed, the squeaks of the mattress echoing the room. “Barry, wake up damn it!”

 

“I’m opening a window.” Iris announced, crawling off the bed and to the opposite side of the room.

 

“Get your cell phone; call Caitlin.” Joe instructed her, squatting down to the level of bed while keeping a firm grasp on Barry’s shoulder. “Come on, Barry…wake up! _Do not_ scare us like this!”

 

It was a speedy response from Caitlin, even in their panicked states of time dragging on did she get to the West house in no time. One could only assume she had kept herself on-call, anxious and edgy on Barry’s first night away from S.T.A.R labs after everything that had occurred. Obviously, her emotions were justified as she stormed up the stairs with a medical bag in tow.

 

Joe met her at the top of the staircase, leading her to Barry’s room.

 

“What happened?” she asked, her voice calm and professional, though from experience they could tell she had forced down her own fears.

 

“We don’t know,” Joe answered, “he won’t wake up, and-”

 

“Oh my…god!” Caitlin gasped, barely taking a step into the room before the heat hit her, full force.

 

Iris looked up, her eyes panicked. “He’s so hot, Caitlin. I can’t touch him, he…”

 

Caitlin pushed past the discomfort that the temperature brought her, digging into her bag as she fell to her knees near the bed, thermometer already running across Barry’s forehead.

 

“Is it the fever? Is he sick again?” Joe asked, running his hand over the other with clear stress and nerves.

 

The very idea of Barry succumbing to another illness made him feel sick to his own stomach, the exhausting nights of hallucinations, delirium and unmanageable pain a nightmare he never wanted to encounter again.

 

Yet Caitlin remained silent, looking at the thermometer with visible confusion. It ended up right back in the medical bag she had brought with her, a latex glove being snapped on her hand with quick precision.

 

“Caitlin? What is it?” Iris asked.

 

“It’s…” she cleared her throat, grabbing his wrist in her hands as she counted the pulse beneath his skin. “It’s not the fever. He’s not sick.”

 

Joe knitted his eyebrows. “How is that even possible? He’s-”

 

“His temperature is 98.8, Joe. His pulse is 65, he’s showing no signs of distress-”

 

“His temperature is 98 and yet the room is like an _oven_!” Iris exclaimed, using one of his nearby textbooks to fan herself, her hair matted against her face with sweat.

 

Caitlin paused, her brows crunched with deep thought, though she made no attempt herself to wake Barry up.

 

Joe looked her way, puzzled. “Caitlin?”

 

“I think I know what’s going on.” she answered, her lips tightly pursed. She looked up and over at them, her eyes considerate to their own stress. “When he was in a coma – right at the end, something incredibly similar happened. The cortex started radiating this heat signature that Cisco couldn’t pin down, and while I insisted it was coming from Barry, his temperature hadn’t spiked at all to give way of any signs that it could be him. Dr. Wells – Thawne/Wells…he just shrugged it off.”

 

“And it stopped? Once Barry woke up, it went away?” Iris asked.

 

Caitlin nodded. “Yeah, it did. I never put much thought into it, but now that we know much more about his ability’s and the speed force…”

 

“I don’t understand.” Joe spoke up, his head shaking with confusion.

 

Caitlin stood up from the ground, zipping her bag as she did.

 

“Ever since Barry got his powers, he’s always emitted a unique heat signature. Just like his metabolism, his body needs to increase his normal functions to adapt to the energy needed to contain the speed force. If this is what I think it is, then his body is adapting again – a speedster hibernation of sorts, where his body can focus only on what it needs to increase to be back up and running.”

 

Joe blinked, letting her words sink in before he decided to open his mouth. A million different thoughts were running through his head, none of which he could pull out and focus on.

 

Iris, on the other hand, caught on much faster.

 

“Are you saying that he’s in a coma?”

 

Her voice was quiet, the question too powerful to speak any louder. It stirred a response in Joe, his head snapping over to his daughter with wide eyes before looking back to Caitlin for answers.

 

Caitlin bit her lower lip. “The cure was created to suppress only the molecules tainted by the Compound MB-2. Once those molecules were flushed out, the cure would have nowhere to go, and it would also flush out of his system, which means his abilities would start coming forward again. I would safely say that…he’s rid of the poison and the speed force is coming back.”

 

“Caitlin, _is he_ in a coma?” Joe agitatedly asked.

 

“To heal, the body needs to rest.” Caitlin explained. “When we sleep, we heal, Joe. I can’t verify if he’s in a coma without seeing where he stands on the glasgow scale, but…yes, I’d say he’s in a form of unawakenable unconsciousness.”

 

It wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear, as Joe forcefully ran a trembling hand down his face. While she didn’t say the exact words that bubbled fear deep down in his stomach, it was close enough to leave him shaken.

 

Iris, however, perked up. “This is good, though…. this means he’s going to heal?”

 

“You’re right,” Caitlin nodded, “the speed force is doing this to heal him. We just have to…trust whatever time it takes for that to happen.”

 

Two years ago, back in S.T.A.R labs, Caitlin would ask Dr. Wells often about how long he expected Barry to stay in the coma that the lightning strike inflicted on him. Back then, she didn’t understand why the man wanted to keep around a patient she assumed he had no attachment to. He would tell her, time and time again, that it took nine months for a baby to form in a mother’s womb before being ready for birth. Nine months for life to exist, fresh and ready to take the world by a storm.

 

It would only be in retrospect that she understood him. Looking down at Barry, peacefully asleep in his own bed, she silently prayed that it wouldn’t be nearly close to that this time around.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Omg I'm starting to get teary-eyed at the thought of this story coming to an end...you guys have been fantastic, I hope to keep hearing from you :)


	25. Closure

****Closure** **

 

Iris didn’t go back to sleep. Caitlin had left once determining Barry’s condition stable and of no concern, and her father resigned to his room shortly after. It was only at his insistence did she make her way back to her own bed, willing to suffer through the blistering heat that burned at her skin if not for his persistence at having her leave.

 

 _ _‘There’s nothing we can do for him, baby girl.’__ he had said.

 

It was their living nightmare starting all over again.A couple weeks ago and they had all told her the same thing - wait and see, there’s nothing we can do right now, have patience…lying in bed, staring mindlessly at the top of her ceiling, she bitterly thought of how unfair the entire situation was. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t seem to catch a break.

 

It was only when the smell of coffee began rising to the top level of the house did Iris decide sleep was a game long lost, and rose from the bed with defeat. She swung on her robe and stumbled into her slippers, wearily making her way downstairs with little haste.

 

The sight of Joe greeted her, a coffee mug in his hands with dark bags sitting under his eyes, wearing heavier on him with his old age.

 

“Morning.” Iris mumbled.

 

Joe barely looked up, lifting his mug slightly in the air.

 

“Morning.” he greeted. “Coffee?”

 

The smell was warm, an aroma of tart caffeine that called out to her.

 

“Please.” she collapsed into the nearest chair at the kitchen table, all but dropping her head onto the wooden surface with an unspoken, but acknowledged sorrow.

 

Joe put his own mug down to pour her a cup, the steam rising in twirls from the top, and he slowly set it down next to her. She indulged in the beverage greedily, the liquid burning down her throat but at the same time awakening her with its bitterness.

 

“I take it you didn’t sleep either?” he didn’t ask as much as he did assume, her own appearance giving him the answers he needed.

 

Iris shook her head. “No…too much on my mind.”

 

Joe nodded, completely understanding the sentiment. Though the house had remained eerily quiet throughout the night, both their minds were stuck on a never ending loop full of negative thoughts and concerns that they couldn’t escape.

 

He thought returning home with Barry would be the start of healing, both mentally and physically. Somehow, even though they knew the speed force was protecting him, it didn’t ease their fears for how it was occurring.

 

He took a sip of his coffee, watching from the corner of his eye as Iris did the same.

 

“Caitlin said she’d be by later this afternoon…she’s bringing over some equipment to monitor Barry.”

 

Iris looked over with exhausted confusion.

 

“We’re not taking him back to S.T.A.R labs?”

 

Joe shook his head. “She wants him here. Said he’s better off here; that we should only move him if things become…long term.”

 

The words echoed in the kitchen, sending an emotion of fear plummeting through Iris’s empty stomach. She went to take another sip of coffee but failed at drinking it, the burning sensation of tears forming in her eyes becoming a distraction.

 

“Dad, I don’t think I can do this again.”

 

Joe looked up, and though his eyes were bloodshot from fatigue, they held a glisten of concern for his daughter.

 

Iris sighed, rubbing at her temples. “It was __nine months__ last time. What if it’s just as long this time? What if it’s longer? I can’t…I can’t do that again.”

 

He sighed, a pang of sympathy in his exhale, and with tender kindness he reached over and grabbed her hand, caressing it softly.

 

“You’re strong, Iris. You can do anything you set your mind to.”

 

She looked up at him, barely letting a beat pass.

 

“I need him, dad.”

 

“I know, baby girl.” Joe sighed, dropping his gaze back to his coffee mug. “I do too.”

 

Joe wouldn’t admit it, yet he had all but lost hope when Barry first fell into a coma. Though a spark of energy was renewed at Dr. Wells taking him in, the months still passed, the seasons went on, and they celebrated holidays, birthdays, and many events without him. Nine months was a long time - closer to a full year if rounded off. There came a point where he began to consider the idea of Barry being lost to them. There came a point where he found himself accepting the concept.

 

So much had happened since then, so much had changed - and for the better. Losing Barry again would be devastating, for the same reasons as before plus an enormous amount of new ones. He stayed awake last night haunted by the thought, chilled to the bone despite the heat that radiated in the house.

 

“When’s Wally coming home?”

 

Iris’s question broke him from his train of thought. He leaned back in his chair, an ironic chuckle stuck in his chest.

 

”Funny you ask,” Joe mentioned. “He texted me last night asking for a ride home today. I was going to pick him up before Caitlin came by.”

 

Iris scrunched her eyebrows. “He wants to be picked up? Why not run back?”

 

“Same reason he wanted to be driven there.” Joe responded. “He…just doesn’t want to run right now.”

 

Iris hummed in response. She couldn’t get any answers out of him last time, when she initially drove him to Keystone. He was all but silent, barely uttering a goodbye as he took his bags and went on his way. She knew he had a problem with being sent away, and his eagerness to help Barry’s situation was obvious, but his lack of desire to exercise his powers were a concern. It stirred a curiosity in her that couldn’t be muted.

 

“You think he’s-”

 

Iris never got to finish her second. Before she could understand what had happened, before she could even blink, she found herself on the cool kitchen floor, her coffee mug shattered next to her fallen frame and the hot liquid spilt on the ground.

 

“Iris!” Joe exclaimed, the sound of his chair scratching the ground in panic.

 

Iris blinked rapidly, dazed and in shock as stumbled on her knees, Joe’s hand gripping her arm to help steady herself.

 

“Iris, are you okay?” his voice boomed in a frenzy of disorientation.

 

She nodded, though shakily. “Yeah…yeah, I’m fine. What was-”

 

Her words caught in her throat, her eyes wide at the sight of the front door - or what used to be their front door, now shattered on the ground with only a splintered wooden frame in its place.

 

“Dad…look.”

 

His head snapped around, his grip still on her arm and tightening with anxiety at the sawdust that floated in the air, the fresh morning breeze blowing back the living room curtains.

 

His detective skills kicked in instantly, looking over at Iris with realization.

 

“Barry.” Joe began running to the front door, Iris’s feet sliding across the kitchen floor as she ran upstairs, both calling the same name with profound fear.

 

“Barry!” she shouted, her feet stomping upstairs.

 

Joe was outside in no time. “Bar!”

 

Looking left and right, there was no sign of Barry, only the flicker of electricity that he could feel simmering in the air, the birds chirping with gleeful obliviousness and the neighborhood quiet and still.

 

“He’s not upstairs!” Iris shouted from inside.

 

Joe spun around on his heels. “Quick, call Caitlin, we need to find out-”

 

Before he could utter another word, the familiar ring of his cell phone interrupted him. Sitting on the edge of the kitchen table, he grabbed it with force, barely acknowledging the caller ID before answering.

 

“Cisco!” he practically shouted. “I need you to-”

 

__“Yo, you guys need to get to S.T.A.R labs like, NOW.”_ _

 

Joe was already putting on his shoes, and Iris wasn’t far behind.

 

* * *

 

Using his sirens all the way there, Joe cut his travel time in half, even with morning traffic.

 

He stormed to the cortex with a pace only fueled by adrenaline, not realizing until he entered the room that he had no words for the situation and nothing to say to both Caitlin and Cisco, both at the computers with a similar aurora of panic.

 

Iris was the first to speak.

 

“Guys, we lost Barry.”

 

Joe looked her way, slightly surprised at her choice of words but unable to argue with them, the accuracy of her statement true enough that it hurt.

 

Standing near the computer monitors and typing ferociously on the keyboards, Cisco didn’t even look up as they entered the room. He merely nodded his head, switching from one console to the next.

 

“Yeah, no you didn’t.” he replied.

 

“5th and main - no, 32nd and Infantino.” Caitlin called out.

 

Joe frowned, gawking at the two as they worked around each other.

 

“What’s going on?” his words weren’t a question, but rather a demand.

 

“Oh my god…” Iris quietly gasped, walking forward in the cortex. “Barry’s in his suit!”

 

Only when she pointed it out did Joe notice that she was indeed correct, the suit that once hung on the mannequin now missing.

 

“Yeah, so right before I called you - literally, right before I called you, Caitlin and I were here just minding our own business, getting things ready for later today when BAM!” Cisco shouted, his arm extending straightforward with great exaggeration, pointing towards the now naked mannequin.

 

“What Cisco is trying to say,” Caitlin swung her chair to the opposite end of the consoles, multitasking as she typed on the keyboards, “is that Barry came running in, took his suit, and is now all over Central City. We’re trying to monitor him, but he’s moving too fast.”

 

Iris gaped, a grin spreading across her mouth before she could stop it.

 

“He’s running?” she asked.

 

Caitlin nodded, though her expression held more concern. “He won’t stop.”

 

“He’s ran back here three times so far.” Cisco told them. “Watch this.”

 

He pulled the long stem microphone at the console closer to his mouth.

 

“Hey Barry, swing by the cortex, will ya?”

 

Iris didn’t have a chance to register what Cisco had said - a rush of wind came blowing through the cortex and her eyes were blinded by a sharp yellow lightning that whipped around the walls with surprising beauty, streaks of electricity dancing around them before whisking away.

 

She paused, forcing herself to comprehend what had happened.

 

“See?” Cisco gloated. “Dude won’t stay still. He’s a living Sonic the Hedgehog.”

 

“Well, he’s got his coms.” Joe chimed in. “He heard you…has he said anything back?”

 

As if on cue, Caitlin leaned over and adjusted the volume level on the speakers, turning the once muted sound up higher for the others to hear. What came through was a mess of noise, high pitch and jumbled together, irritating enough that it made their ears hurt.

 

“Unless you can understand __that__ ,” Cisco quipped, “we ain’t getting any feedback from him.”

 

“He’s in overdrive.” Iris’s voice was hushed, almost as if she had spoken them to herself before the answer dawned on her, and she looked towards the group with wide eyes. “Cisco, he’s in overdrive!”

 

Cisco clicked his fingers - once, twice and then three times with an excitement of realization.

 

“Ohhh snap, crackle, pop - you’re right!”

 

“Huh? What?” Joe shook his head, frustration boiling faster by the second. “ _ _What__ is going on!?”

 

“When Zayne Nagle took Cisco and Wally’s abilities, they had a refractory period before they could vibe or run again.” Caitlin explained. “When their powers returned, it was as if their bodies struggled to make up for the loss time in exercising their meta abilities. It was as if they were kicked into overdrive, needing to use their powers excessively until they were burnt out. Wally spent the night running the city and Cisco kept vibing the original timeline, where Barry died.”

 

Cisco grabbed a tan rubber band from the closet drawer near him, pointing to his demonstration with eagerness.

 

“It was as if we were held back for so long, that once everything returned to normal…” he stretched the rubber band further and further back, holding it taut before letting it snap and fly across the room.

 

Before Cisco could finish, Joe held a hand in the air.

 

“Okay, analogy understood.” he ran a hand down his face. “So what now? We let Barry run until he tires out?”

 

Caitlin viciously shook her head.

 

“No, it’s __way__ too dangerous. Do you remember Eliza Harmon?”

 

Iris groaned. “Okay, yeah, definitely too dangerous.”

 

“Running at this speed and for such a consistent and long period of time…assuming his heart doesn’t give out first, this could easily lead to the same scenario with the same outcome.” Caitlin explained.

 

Joe curtly nodded his head. “Got it - running, bad. So how do we stop him?”

 

A beat passed by before Caitlin heavily shrugged, Cisco mimicking her actions not long after. If looks could kill, Joe’s expression easily would have them both in a coffin, furious anger written all over his face.

 

Iris suddenly perked up. “The pipeline cells.”

 

They looked her way, puzzled.

 

“He won’t be able to break out of the pipeline. It’ll keep him contained and safe.” Iris suggested to them.

 

Cisco pointed a finger her way, enthusiastically nodding along to her idea.

 

“And then…” he turned to Caitlin, “nanites?”

 

Caitlin nodded in agreement. “Nanites.”

 

“Wait, nanites?” Iris questioned.

 

“A small - very, very small dose of nanites combined with proteins and nitrogen should be enough to freeze the cells in overdrive without suppressing his abilities, essentially creating a restart function of sorts on his body.”

 

Joe put a hand in the air. “Whatever you need to do - let’s just do it.”

 

Cisco swung his chair back around to the consoles and pulled the long stem microphone to his mouth.

 

“Hey Barry - you catch any of that? Run ‘yo ass back here and to the pipeline, we’ll meet-”

 

The computers began to beep, alerting them of the nearest cell downstairs being locked with Barry’s pin. Looking at the security monitors, they could see nonother than Barry himself stood in the boxed prison, dressed in his red Flash suit, slumped over with his hands on his knees, panting heavily.

 

“Well…” Cisco motioned to the screens, “that was easy.”

 

Joe was already jogging out of the cortex, the other three following behind as quickly as possible.

 

By the time they got downstairs to the pipeline, Barry was still out of breath, now standing upright and with his hand on his lower back, each inhale lifting his entire chest forward with exertion.

 

Iris came running forward to the cell. “Barry! Oh my god, are you okay? What happened?”

 

He turned around, and though out of breath he still smiled at her presence, waving pathetically at the rest of them that followed behind.

 

“I’m fine. I’m…I’m great.” he panted. “I just...I couldn’t stop running. I woke up and…I couldn’t stop.”

 

“It was Nagle, dude. The same thing happened to me and Wally, only on a __much__ smaller basis.” Cisco’s fingers began typing on the access code to the cell. “I think because he stripped you of your abilities so many times, your body went into an insane hyper overdrive of using your powers. Caitlin’s going to be here any second; she has something that will help.”

 

Barry could only nod, his breaths still coming in harsh and fast. He hadn’t felt so winded since he was a junior in high school and had to run the fifteen-mile course for gym class. In hindsight the struggle had become humorous, but over the course of less than an hour he lost track of the millage he had run - and the speed it was at. His heart pounded heavily in his chest, aching with the action.

 

And yet as Iris came walking closer to the cell, the palm of her hand gently pressed against the glass case, his lungs no longer felt on fire, and his heart no longer pounded with force. Time seemed to slow, if only for a moment.

 

“You look great, Barry.” Iris commented, a gleam of joy shining on her face.

 

Barry smiled back, nodding his head.

 

“I __feel__ great.” he said, chuckling. “I feel…really good.”

 

The sound of Caitlin’s heels could be heard across the room, her legs running quickly, her hands full and occupied.

 

“Alright, I got it!” she called out, jogging over to Cisco. “Get this to him.”

 

He nodded his head, passing the liquid filled syringe through the pneumatic tube that would exit on Barry’s side of the cell.

 

“Barry, it’s an intramuscular injection,” she informed him. “If you can get this administered, I think we’ll be able to get you out of the cell.”

 

He nodded his head, taking the syringe from the section of open wall that contained the pneumatic tube and uncapping it with his teeth. There was no hesitation in using the device, forcefully injecting himself in his upper arm, only slightly wincing as the needle penetrated his muscles.

 

Within seconds he felt a difference - first, a cold, almost menthol-like sensation flooded through his veins, followed immediately by a calmness of his body, the jitters that once shook his core settling down with ease.

 

He let a minute go by before speaking.

 

“I think it worked.” he announced, looking towards the group with optimism.

 

Joe looked at his wristwatch. “So soon?”

 

“He has his hypermetabolism back now, it would make sense that his body processed it so quickly.” Caitlin noted.

 

Cisco didn’t waste another second, keying in his password to the access code on the wall.

 

“It’s worth a shot.”

 

The entire room held their breath, Barry included, as the doors slowly crept open, the airlock releasing its gas through the pipes in the wall.

 

It was only a moment that went by afterward, but it was all the time needed. Barry remained still, watching his legs and arms closely for any unintended movement that may occur.

 

Joe slowly walked forward, his head tilted in curiosity.

 

“Bar…?” he asked.

 

His smile came first, large and bright and so wide his white teeth began to shine in its presence. He began to chuckle, a lighthearted laugh that shook him gently.

 

“I’m…” Barry said, “I’m good.”

 

“Oh thank god, Barry…” Iris immediately sprinted forward, arms open and ready to grab him in a hold she never wanted to let go of.

 

As Barry walked towards her, grinning with a newfound exhilaration, he never made it into her embrace. Rather he zipped forward, colliding with Cisco and knocking them both to the ground.

 

“Omphf!” Cisco grunted, rolling underneath Barry.

 

“Sorry…sorry!” Barry winced, gathering them both off the ground. “I didn’t mean to-”

 

He never finished his sentence, rather he found himself running forward again, only for a brief moment, this time knocking into Caitlin.

 

“Oh! Oh jeeze…” Caitlin exclaimed, barely stepping to the side after Barry pushed them both against the wall.

 

“Maybe…that thing you created needs some work, Caitlin.” Joe suggested, brows furrowed in concern.

 

“No! No…” Barry stammered, his vocal cords vibrating slightly. “It’s fine. I’m good - really. I’m great. Just…jittery.”

 

It was an understatement, his arms shaking so hard they created a friction of vibration. But no one could deny the euphoria that bounced off Barry, a happiness that radiated the room graciously and effortlessly, an aurora that felt natural to them all.

 

“It should become more potent as the nanites penetrate further into his muscle mass. Once it does, it may take a couple hours for his cells to fully reset.” Caitlin hypothesized.

 

“A couple hours, I can do.” Barry quipped, patting himself down - legs, torso, chest and arms, all with a smile that couldn’t be contained. “Guys…I’m back-”

 

A blur of yellow flashed by them before the spark immediately faded away, followed by a loud thud outside of the hallway.

 

“Ow.” Barry moaned, his voice distant. “That..kind of hurt.”

 

* * *

****

The stars were beautiful tonight.

 

Sitting on the rooftop of the infamous laboratory in Central City, Wally’s legs dangled over the edge of the building, hundreds of feet above the ground where the city life continued. The lights of the city dazzled and flickered, the sounds of its people quiet and muzzled from where he sat. Yet even with the rows of towering skyscrapers, blinking lights of distant radio towers and large and small buildings jumbling together in a merge of shapes glittering with radiance, mother nature sparkled brighter than anything else around him.

 

There wasn’t a cloud in the star-speckled sky.

 

The city spread below him and he watched intently as tiny vehicles rushed along tangled lines of the streets, creating twisting threads of light, and citizens scurried down like ants; always busy, always chasing the next opportunity to scrape a living from the dust. Life continued, life moved on and forward and to the next day.

 

So why couldn’t he?

 

 _ _"You are not God." Joe stated. "And if Barry were here, he'd tell you in a__ _ _heartbeat__   _ _not to do that. Time travel comes with consequences, something Barry was all too familiar with."__

__

It was the last thing his dad had said to him before everything changed, before __that__ Joe West ceased to exist, the pain and suffering of a lost child disappearing with him. Or at least that’s what he chose to think, the science behind time travel still a puzzling mystery that he didn’t understand. He couldn’t bear the idea of that timeline still existing somewhere, somehow in the vast universes that surrounded them, a dazzling star holding millions of lives, and the happiness and sorrow that accompanied them.

 

He had time to think. Too much time to think. Hours that washed away days spent wondering if that Joe West still mourned for his lost son, if that Iris still cried never-ending tears, if that Cisco still buried the pain of that night – the thoughts never stopped. Had he erased that timeline, or simply exited it? Had he traveled to a new timeline, leaving that one to continue as it was? Were they okay back there, would they cope and move on, or would they forever be damaged by that terrifying night, the loss of their friend - brother - son, and true love.

 

His father had sent him away to better collect himself, insisting that his environment was breaking him down and that they’d need him strong – strong to protect the city if the time came. But the time away just made things worse, because it gave him the silence that brought so many thoughts and questions that didn’t have answers.

 

He wanted to run, flee from it all, let the rushing air roar in his ears and wipe away his problems, let the adrenaline that came with his speed replace any negative feeling that enveloped him - but running scared him.

 

He hadn’t run since that night.

 

Something that was so innocent turned into a catastrophic consequence that was never intended, never planned and he couldn’t stop any of it, no matter how hard he had tried.

 

__"I can save him, dad." Wally insisted._ _

 

__"At what cost, Wally?" Joe asked._ _

 

Of all the things that plagued his mind and all the thoughts that ran wild, it was that question that stood out the most. He could still hear his father’s voice in his ears as clear as he had back then. That moment was never erased - it never went away. And in a sense, it haunted him.

 

The door that accessed the rooftop was loud, pure metal creaking open and slamming shut with no apologies. No one knew he was up here, having only told his dad that he’d be back shortly once returning from Keystone. So when he looked behind him and saw a familiar figure walking towards the edge, his stomach dropped.

 

“Hey.” Barry greeted, hands stuffed deep in his jacket pockets.

 

Wally turned his head back around, returning his eyes to the large cityscape before them.

 

“’Sup.” he dryly replied.

 

The soft breeze blew through his hair and pulled his jacket back from his chest, but Barry remained fixed, casually pointing to the ledge below him.

 

“Mind if I sit?”

 

Wally shrugged. “Sure.”

 

His voice lacked any emotion, enthusiasm or apathy, and he didn’t try to hide it.

 

Barry bent to one knee before sitting down on the ledge, both legs dangling over the edge like Wally’s, the two-sitting side by side.

 

“You left before dinner was ready.” Barry spoke up. “Iris cooked everyone meatloaf…. Joe made lasagna…”

 

“I wasn’t hungry.” Wally curtly replied.

 

“Well, we saved you a couple plates anyway. Actually, I saved you five casserole dishes…well, four, I ate another one.” Barry paused, looking off to the side in thought. “Three? Sorry…I’ve been hungry.”

 

He laughed nervously, his hand rubbing at the nape of his neck with an awkwardness not normally felt around the younger adult. And though Wally could tell he felt displaced, he couldn’t find it within himself to make an effort in resolving the issue.

 

“Yeah man, I imagine…” his tone was empty, “thanks though. Appreciate it.”

 

Barry nodded his head, deciding if only for a second it was best to keep quiet, let the sounds of the city occupy the space between them. When the time felt right, he cleared his throat to speak.

 

“So how was Keystone?”

 

 _ _‘Fine’__ , __‘okay’, ‘crappy’ -__ these were all responses that Barry expected, having a rebuttal for each one that came his way. What he wasn’t expecting was a non-answer of sorts, words that dodged the actual question.

 

“I should have never left.” he was frank, showing no signs of hiding his thoughts.

 

Barry paused, letting a beat pass by before smacking his lips.

 

“Wally, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way,” he adjusted himself on the ledge, “but I’m glad you did.”

 

The skyscrapers suddenly weren’t as interesting as what Barry had said, and Wally’s head shot over in his direction, eyebrows furrowed, the spark in his eyes all but saying __‘you’re wrong.’__

 

“Everyone’s been filling in the gaps for me…and I’ve heard a few times now about how you blame yourself for all of this.”

 

“Shouldn’t I?” Wally abruptly asked.

 

Barry didn’t respond, the question plummeting his stomach, the pain that laced Wally’s voice ringing in his ears. It was full of guilt - a frantic guilt, one that came with a burden no one should have to carry. He knew that better than anyone.

 

Wally scoffed. “I did this. I tried to stop something bad from happening and I only let something __just__ as bad happen. I’m the reason all this happened to you, Barry. Why does no one understand that __I__ need to burden that blame?”

 

“Because mistakes happen.” Barry said.

 

Wally shook his head. “Mistakes shouldn’t happen by people like us. What we can do – it can ruin people’s lives.”

 

Barry frowned., deeply concerned. “You didn’t ruin my life, Wally.”

 

“But didn’t I?” he retorted. “What that _ _…freak__ did to you – if anything like that ever happened to me, I don’t know how I’d…I couldn’t...”

 

The words were unspoken, but they were acknowledged nonetheless. Barry understood; after all, how could he not? It wasn’t every day your typical citizen was kidnapped with medical experimentation as the cherry on top. He had the conversations with Caitlin, her concerns for his mental state just as high, if not more so, than she had been for his physical well being. Even Joe was on the edge with him, his behavior reminding him all too clearly of his younger years, being pushed to therapy and to speak about the things he just wanted to forget.

 

And like back then, moving forward was difficult when everyone else wanted him stuck in the past. It wasn’t something he could articulate very well to them, but he had faith that they’d pull through - that he’d get by.

 

“Wally, can I tell you something?” Barry suddenly spoke up, settling his hands down in his lap.

 

Wally looked over, slowly nodding his head with a sense of uncertainty.

 

“When I was eleven, my mother was murdered. You know that, I don’t need to rehash the story…you were there the night my dad was killed-”

 

Wally interrupted him. “So what, bad things have happened to you, so it’s okay? You’re just a doormat for life to-"

 

“Wally, please.” Barry insisted, his hand in the air.

 

Wally held his tongue, though the tension he carried was still present.

 

Barry continued.

 

“I am not the only one in this world who has had bad things happen to them. There are people far worse off than I am. And there are people better off than both of us. It’s been fifteen years and I still struggle with my mother’s death…if I’m honest, I don’t think I’ve truly begun to recover from my dads. It’s hard.”

 

It was the understatement of the year, no word strong enough to describe the pain and sorrow that came with the loss of both his parents. He paused, staring mindlessly out into the city, willing his mind to stay on the right track.

 

“But you know what gets me through every day?” Barry asked. “My family…my friends. The amazing people we have in our lives that step up to the plate when I’m feeling down, when I need to mourn; they’re there to stop me before I do something stupid, and they’re there when I can’t take care of myself. I lean on them when I need to…and it makes it a little easier to get by.”

 

Though Barry stared off ahead at the cityscape in front of them, Wally’s attention was locked on him, puzzled and bemused while highly amazed at the words he spoke. He wouldn’t deny his fear of returning to a broken man, a shell of who Barry was; if he even survived for a recovery to happen.

 

He was envious of his strength, brawn that held him upright when his spirit and willpower was all but tossed aside.

 

“It’d be so easy for me to fall into the trap of pitying myself. Being sad is a lot easier than being happy, especially when the bad things keep happening. But good happens too, even though it’s not always as significant. It’s what I focus on.” Barry turned to look at him. “It’s what you need to focus on.”

 

A year and a half ago, The Flash had saved his life. He’d have died before even being of legal age to drink, twenty years old and eager to pursue his passions and education in college. It all could have been over in a blink if The Flash hadn’t pulled him from that car, an accident that would have surely killed him. His gratitude was overwhelming, an appreciation felt that could never fully be expressed. He looked up to the Flash as a hero, someone better than them all.

 

Barry looked at him, his eyes sparkling with human emotion that reflected back into his own soul. In that moment, Wally realized he had come to respect him as more than the man behind the mask, the man with fast legs and as a fast thinker - he had more strength than his meta powers would ever give him.

 

Give him Barry’s powers on top of his own and he’d still be weak, fragile and easily breakable. He was nothing in comparison.

 

“I don’t know how to move on from this.” Wally admitted, his voice low and trembling.

 

Barry nodded, understanding all too well the familiarity of an overwhelming circumstance swallowing him whole.

 

“Time.” he answered. “We let time take care of things…we don’t rush through it, we don’t try and change it…we just let it happen.”

 

“And you?” Wally asked.

 

“I deal.” Barry answered. “I remember that if you hadn’t done what you did, I’d be dead. That if it wasn’t me taken by Nagle, it could be someone else…someone with fewer resources to survive.”

 

Wally didn’t look too convinced, his expression deadpan and dry.

 

Barry sighed.

 

“Life isn’t easy, Wally. I’ll have some nightmares, sure…”

 

He tried to joke, to make his words light in a dark situation, but his voice caught in his throat, the memories fresh and harsh of a time where he was vulnerable, captivate and without the powers to run away. It was a speedsters hell, tied and bound with no way to exercise their ability. But on top of that, he struggled to cope with his everyday routine - needing to remind himself that touch wasn’t a bad thing, that his friends and family were to be trusted and that his body was back in his own control.

 

Barry cleared his throat. “I’ll push through. And I’m thankful to have all of you guys here to help me with that. Time heals all wounds, after all.”

 

Things wouldn’t be okay tomorrow. They may not even be okay a year from now, but Barry had faith that things would turn around, that he’d recover in all the ways he needed to in whatever amount of time was needed.

 

Wally bit his lower lip, internally debating on speaking his thoughts before ultimately throwing care out the window, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he truly knew what he was speaking.

 

“I haven’t wanted to run since all this started. Not since the night at the factory…” Wally told him,“so don’t freak out when I say this, but I keep thinking…what if. What if I went back one more time, tried it all over again with more knowledge, prevent any of this from happening…” 

 

“Then…you’ll have prevented it from happening.” Barry casually said. “But something else will happen in its place…and we don’t know if it’ll be worse. That’s not a risk we should ever take.”

 

The irony was humorous in hindsight. Though he never intended to time travel on purpose, Wally’s desire to do so was, at that time, to change the worst thing from happening. He never once considered in that moment the things that would follow suit, the idea of something equal or worse taking its place.

 

“Our powers don’t make us God’s.” Barry told him.

 

Wally looked his way, the words spoken echoing with the voice of his father, both ingrained in his head, both repeating in his ears as a lesson he’d carry with him forever. One day the lesson wouldn’t feel as bitter, but for now, it weighed heavily on his heart.

 

Barry clamped him on the shoulder.

 

“You’ll run again, Wally.” he told him. “And you’ll be stronger from this. You just need to find peace with what’s happened.”

 

It didn’t seem possible. Even existing as the __impossible,__ a man with strange abilities others couldn’t even dream of, he couldn’t grasp the concept. It wasn’t tangible, it wasn’t present, he couldn’t touch it or run to it - it was the unknown, and all these things scared him to his core.

 

“How?” Wally quietly asked.

 

Barry could only shrug. “Somehow.”

 

It was the last thing said between them for a while. The conversation died off with the wind, the air becoming thicker and the city sounds becoming louder, even as the night went on. It was easier to stay silent, to enjoy each others company for what it was, two broken souls struggling to mend from different pain and heartache that plagued them.

 

Tomorrow they’d fight crime together, side by side, one wearing red and the other yellow, both running at incredible speeds unknown to mankind. They’d return to protecting their city from the evils that threatened it and the innocent people that resided in it. But tonight, they let themselves be, repairing themselves one moment at a time.

 


	26. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well folks, we’ve come to an end on this crazy trip called fanfiction. I am just in pure AWE of the support, feedback and love this story has gotten. An author’s desire is for their work to be admired by others, and if only one person tagged along until the end, I would have been happy. But all of you? You blew me away, and you kept my motivation and creativity chugging along until the end. To all of you - each and every one, to the ones that reviewed, to the ones that followed, to the ones that lurked in the dark but read nonetheless - THANK YOU. I haven’t written and finished a piece of work in a long, long time, and I surely never imagined I’d write and complete 27 chapters, but here we are.
> 
> Without further ado - the two epilogue chapters of Causal Nexus. Thank you, and I hope to see you around.

****Epilogue** **

****

Joe hated paperwork.

 

It was the bane of his existence, the very thing that had him debating giving up police work altogether. As much joy, honor, and excitement the job had brought him over the past handful of decades, nothing in the world could ease his discontentment for the paperwork that followed.

 

He had taken off a little over a month from the CCPD, his time spent with Barry while the kid recovered and they waited patiently for his speedster abilities to return. Still, while he wouldn’t have considered doing anything else during that time, the paperwork that began to stack up on his desk never disappeared while he was away. It was a little past noon and he had barely touched a quarter of what sat in front of him.

 

Just as he began to wonder if the Captain would notice a few missing files here and there, a voice from across the room caught his attention.

****

“Joe!”

 

His head shot up and over to where David Singh could be seen, storming over to his desk with a sense of urgency he usually contained.

****

“Captain?” Joe asked, his pen fiddling between his two fingers.

 

David laid a stack of folders across his desk and on the pile of files he was once sorting.

 

“I need your task force on a new case.” David announced. “This one is getting out of our control.”

 

Joe leaned back in his chair, eyebrows perked up. There hadn’t been any meta cases for weeks now, and with curiosity he took the folder, skimming through the pages diligently.

 

“What’s going on?” he asked.

 

David sighed. “Her name is Rose Canton. She goes by the name ‘ _ _Thorn’__  - been causing havoc in the suburbs with her ability to control organic matter, namely plants.”

 

“Why do the crazy ones always name themselves,” Joe mumbled.

 

“You’re telling me.” he said. “Central City Park Plaza is currently overrun with overgrown bushes and trees, it’s begun to look like a damn jungle out there.”

 

Joe tilted his head, closing the folder shut. “And you want me to…”

 

Singh pursed his lips, his expression incredulous and annoyed. He leaned closer to Joe, his finger pointing upstairs and above them.

 

“Get The Flash on this before she-”

 

His words were taken straight out of his mouth, a rush of wind knocking into his chest and stealing any thought from him. Before David could even blink, before he could even recognize the red blur that rushed by them, the CCPD broke into an uproar.

 

“Contain her!”

 

“Get a cell ready!”

 

“Oh, seriously?” Joe grumbled, scooting back in his wheeled chair, allowing the officers to detain the tall, red-headed woman that now suddenly stood before them, her own expression confused and shocked.

 

“I take it that’s Rose Canton?” Joe casually asked, pointing to the skimpily dressed woman with large, bulky handcuffs locked around her wrists - handcuffs that Joe was all too familiar with, and the power dampening the abilities they held.

 

David frowned, barely taking a couple steps forward before ripping off a yellow sticky note from the cuffs, reading it over with an exasperated sigh.

 

“Alright, now he’s just showing off.” David huffed, slamming the note down on Joe’s desk.

 

__‘Watch out, she’s a real THORN in your side!’_ _

__

Joe bit back a chuckle, rolling his eyes and tossing the note into his trash can.

 

“Talk to him about it.”

 

* * *

 

Barry slid into the cortex, the wind that rushed around him blowing stacks of paper off the computer consoles and into the air. He barely came to a stop in front of the bare mannequin on the far end of the room, regaining his footing and spinning around with both arms up in the air.

 

“Whoo-hoo!” he cheered, fist pumping in front of him, spinning once before taking a bow.

 

Iris laughed, clapping along with Cisco, Caitlin, and Wally, all rising from their spots at the computer consoles.

 

“That’s my boy!” Cisco shouted, jogging over to him. “Way to go, my main man Flash!”

 

Slapping him on the shoulder, Cisco leaned in for a fist bump, ultimately coming into a small embrace with his friend, their lighthearted laughter soaking the room.

 

“Not bad, eh?” Barry grinned.

 

“First outing as The Flash since the meta-catcher crisis?” Caitlin smirked back. “No, I think I’d say you did pretty well, Barry.”

 

He took another bow, waving his arm her way.

 

“Thank you, thank you.” Barry chuckled, stripping off his gloves., turning to Iris as she walked towards him.

 

“I get the exclusive story, right?” Iris asked. “ _ _Flash triumphantly returns; captures plant crazy fiend.__ ”

 

“Why of course, Ms. West.” Barry smiled, grabbing her by the hands. “But in exchange, I get your company for dinner tonight.”

 

Iris couldn’t help but grin in his happiness, the euphoria that surrounded them practically lifting her off her feet. She squeezed his hands back, nodding her head.

 

“I think I can manage that.”

 

He leaned in for a kiss, a small peck on her lips that sent a jolt of electricity through her spine. Though tempted to grab her around the backside and never let go, it was Wally who caught their attention, speeding back into the room with five champagne glasses in hand.

 

“Alright everyone, gather around!” he called out, carefully setting the glasses down near the computers.

 

Barry looked over at Iris, confused and shy, and she pulled his arm eagerly to the other side of the room.

 

“What’s this?” he asked, chuckling nervously.

 

“A toast.” Wally simply answered, pouring the champagne.

 

“A toast?” Barry looked around. “To what?”

 

Cisco took his champagne glass and rose it in the air.

 

“To you!” Cisco said.

 

Barry’s face fell flat, his cheeks blushing pink.

 

“Please, guys…” Barry stammered. “That’s…not even…”

 

“Seriously, dude.” Wally insisted. “This…this is big. After everything that’s happened, with…crazy Nagle and getting you back on your feet…you getting back out there as The Flash is something to commemorate.”

 

Barry shook his head, hesitatingly taking the champagne glass from Iris, feeling himself shrinking inside at the attention directed towards him.

 

“No, guys, it’s…I appreciate that, really…I do. But I wouldn’t be here today if not for all of you.” Barry stared at the drink below him, the bubbles rising to the surface faster than his heart was beating.

 

Iris squeezed his hand, and he looked over at her with a soft smile, squeezing it back.

 

“Everything that happened with Nagle….I wasn’t at my best, in more ways than one. I couldn’t have gotten through that without your support. Having all of you here…with you being there for me, helping me…I wouldn’t have pulled through without all of you.” Barry told them.

 

“Don’t underestimate your own strength, Barry.” Caitlin said. “This was as much you as it was us.”

 

Iris rose her glass in the air.

 

“To the Flash.”

 

“To Barry.” Wally’s glass hung in the air. “Someone who has had…incredible strength in the worst of times. You’ve gone through hell and back and always seem to come out of it a better man. That’s something I admire, Barry.”

 

If it was possible, his cheeks were as red as the suit he was wearing, but Barry rose his glass nonetheless, listening as it clinked with the others that made contact.

 

“To Barry!”

 

The champagne tingled as it rushed down his throat, and while Barry never ended up finishing his glass, he listened and laughed as his friends carried on their conversations.


	27. Epilogue, Round 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An AU and continuation of chapter 5 - if Wally never traveled back.

****Epilogue, Round 2** **

The funeral was beautiful.

 

They were shocked by the number of people who attended, the entire CCPD showing to pay their respects, Oliver Queen and his group taking front seats, old high school and college friends from both in and out of state, and a handful of others they never got around to speaking with. The church doors remained open throughout the service, a line of guests standing all the way out to the parking lot who wished to attend no matter how far away they had to be.

 

Originally, they had only planned for a few of them to speak. Cisco and Irish both had speeches written, and Joe had the eulogy. However, their plans were eventually discarded as more and more people rose to speak about Barry, and the many ways he had touched their life’s. The service ended a couple hours later than scheduled.

 

Joe left the burial scene earlier than everyone else, insisting that there were still things he needed to prep back at his house for the wake. Iris let him be, but she knew it was a front. Seeing Barry’s tombstone next to Henry’s and Nora’s broke him almost as much as it had her.

 

_Beloved Wife and Mother_

_Nora Allen_

_1959-2000_

_Husband and Father_

_Henry Allen_

_1955-2016_

_There is no better world than the one with you._

__

Iris found herself staring at the grave for what felt like an eternity, the basking sunlight shining off the new and polished stone, the dirt around it fresh and soft.

_Beloved Son, Friend, and Protector_

_Barry Allen_

_1989-2016_

_Life doesn’t give us purpose. We give life purpose._

__

She felt hollow. She hadn’t cried since they started the funeral arrangements, the emptiness and numbness overwhelming her, the tears no longer drowning her in sorrow but rather the need to hide her emotions and survive becoming a priority. She shook hands and listened as they expressed their sympathy and remorse, functioning only on autopilot as the day went by.

 

They didn’t know. Not the truth, not what really happened. They didn’t know the hero Barry was, what he sacrificed for them, what he did to protect them. Even in death, they had to hide his secret, and she didn’t know what disgusted her more - the fact that of everything they had gone through, from Thawne to Zoom, it was _ _this__ that had taken him from her - or the lies she had to keep up with regarding it. They tried to be nice to her, to express their grief with her, but they didn’t know.

 

She didn’t have the strength in her to socialize during the wake, and for the most part, their guests left her be. She was grateful for that. Sitting on the sofa in front of the lit fireplace, Iris wrapped herself up in a thick, warm, knitted blanket and clung to it tightly, the heat from the crackling fire not nearly strong enough to ease the chill in her bones. She hadn’t felt warm since he left, his radiating light taking the heath with him.

 

With an exhausting sigh, Joe closed the front door.

 

“Well…that’s the last of them.” he announced, locking the deadbolt.

 

Cisco groaned, rubbing his temples and shuffling over to the kitchen where Caitlin sat, sipping a mug of coffee.

 

“That was way more exhausting than I thought it would be.” he groaned. “What time is it?”

 

With aching knees and a sore back, Joe collapsed on the sofa next to Iris, propping himself up against the armrest and loosening his black tie. With his other hand, he looked briefly at the watch that was strapped to his wrist.

 

“Seven forty-five.” he blearily answered, his voice cracking in his throat.

 

Iris couldn’t help but notice, and she slipped her arm out of the blanket that wrapped snugly around her, rubbing her father’s shoulder gently. He never broke his stare though, eyes locked on his own wrist and the watch that was strapped across it, his eyes haunted by the memories that were attached to it.

 

Last Christmas, he had given the watch to Barry, the same watch his father gave him and his grandfather before that. A few days ago, Caitlin returned it to him, smeared with blood, taken from the corpse that laid before them. Iris could only imagine it was something that kept him awake at night. After all, it was one of the many things that kept her from sleep.

 

“Jeeze-pezzy,” Cisco breathed, “I hate to be negative Nancy, but I’m really glad that’s over with.”

 

“Yeah,” Iris muttered, “the lies were getting to be a bit much.”

 

“We did what we had to do.” Joe insisted, scrubbing at his bloodshot eyes. “It’s over now.”

 

The sounds of the front door unlocking and opening caught their attention, and Joe looked behind the sofa to where Wally came walking inside, repeating the same action of closing and locking the door behind him.

 

“Harry and Jesse make it out okay?” Joe called out.

 

Wally nodded, stuffing his hands deep into his suit pockets. “Yeah, they just left. They’re going to spend the night back at S.T.A.R labs.”

 

“It was nice of Jesse to come.” Caitlin said, doing her best to smile softly, her emotions obviously worn thin like everyone else.

 

Wally nodded in response, leaning against the armrest of the sofa, not quite ready to take a seat but rather stare mindlessly at the blazing fireplace before him.

 

He noticed how dark the room felt, everyone dressed in black - proper funeral attire, of course. It was fitting; it matched their moods. Still, the air was tense and their souls were tired, and there was no doubting the sorrow that engulfed them all. It had been a long couple days, but at the same time, they were preoccupied - busy, planning, making sure arrangements were made and followed through with.

 

Now it was over, and they were left to pick up the pieces.

 

“I need a drink.” Joe announced, rising from the couch.

 

“Make that two.” Cisco called out.

 

“Three.” Caitlin piped in.

 

“Drinks for everyone - got it.” Joe stumbled into the kitchen, stripping his tie and discarding it on the table.

 

Cisco fetched the glasses and he poured the alcohol, whiskey that melted over multiple ice cubes. It surprised Wally when his father handed him a mountain glass full of liquor, but he took it without complaints, the strong and bitter smell hitting his nostril with force.

 

Joe grunted as he sat back down next to Iris, handing her the glass of whiskey.

 

“How you holding up, baby girl?”

 

The question held more weight than she expected it to. Iris shook her head, struggling to find her voice, her throat constricted and convulsing with the threat of cries she didn’t have the energy to release.

 

“It doesn’t feel real.” she answered. “It just…none of it feels real.”

 

“I know.” Joe wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close. “We’ll get through this, though.”

 

The sound of ice cubes clinking against glass echoed the living room, sips of liquor against their lips and sighs that followed. It was quiet, but it wasn’t unwanted, the numerous conversation they were forced to have throughout the day a nuisance to their ears. The ringing silence was almost welcomed.

 

“So what now?”

 

Cisco’s question caught them off guard, the West family rising their heads to look over into the kitchen as he sat up from his chair, Caitlin following close behind.

 

“I mean…what do we…where do we go…” Cisco trailed off, finding it easier to bury his voice into his glass of liquor.

 

“He’s still out there. Zayne Nagle…the meta-catcher.” Wally leered.

 

Joe shook his head, his glass rising in the air and pointing in his son’s direction.

 

“Nagle is for the CCPD to handle. The city needs the Flash right now - we can’t afford to lose you the same way we lost Barry.”

 

Wally shook his head, his temper obvious in his movements, his hand clutching his glass with shaking force.

 

“It’s not right.” he spoke up. “This shouldn’t be happening. We shouldn’t be going on without him- he should still be here!”

 

“Wally -” Joe sighed.

 

“I can change it.” Wally protested. “He’s changed time before, so why can’t I?”

 

Caitlin stepped forward, furrowing her brows, her eyes sullen and shimmering with sadness.

 

“Because you don’t know the consequences that will happen, Wally.” she hated speaking the words, an argument that had repeated itself on a loop, having to remind him of the necessary evil that came with controlling his powers.

 

Still, he was stubborn.

 

“It __has__ to be better than this!” Wally’s voice rose and shook in the air, tight with anger and heavy with sorrow.

 

Cisco stepped into the living room, his dress shoes making an impact on the wooden floor, and he somberly laid his hand on Wally’s shoulder.

 

“We don’t know that, dude.”

 

“Barry wouldn’t want it.” Joe reminded him. “He knew the consequences of time travel. He wouldn’t want you living with that kind of guilt.”

 

It was an exhausting argument. It was one he’d never win. Wally’s shoulders slumped, weighing as heavy on his body as his heart did in his chest. He shook his head, bitterly and angrily.

 

“It’s not right. It shouldn’t have happened.” his voice was low and quiet, but the room heard him. They agreed with him.

 

“It did.” Joe lamented “We have to live with that.”

 

Iris’s words rung true - nothing felt real, nothing felt as it should. The days were going by in a blur, like they were living a life that wasn’t meant to be. To remember he was gone felt like reality wasn’t the same anymore, a bad dream they would eventually wake up from. A part of Iris had hoped burying him would make things feel more real, more solid. Somehow even that course of action failed her.

  
Cisco smacked his lips together, an audible pop that echoed the room.

 

“So…what do we do now?” he asked.

 

Heads hung low, words kept to themselves, no one quite knew how to respond. It wasn’t until a few moments later that Joe finally spoke.

 

“We keep living.” Joe answered.

 

It was an odd thing to say, and even felt impossible, but at the same time, Iris realized it made sense. She wasn’t sure if it’d happen tomorrow, a year, or decades from now, but they’d move forward - push forward - keep living with him in their memory.

 

“We keep moving…we keep running, like he’d want us to.” Iris declared.

 

Cisco rose his glass in the air, nodding his head.

 

“We keep running.”

 

Iris frowned, raising her glass to toast.

 

“To the Flash.”

 

Wally rose his.

 

“To Barry.”

 

The crystal glasses struck among each other with the echo of a musical note, and they followed through on their cheers with sips of their drink. The fireplace kept their attention, the sound of burning wood crackling and red embers dancing in the air.


End file.
